Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

Could Lindsay Seriously Be Headed Back To Prison Already?

It might be out of the frying pan and into the minimum security women’s prison for Lindsay Lohan, due to probation violations connected to the slap-fight she instigated with a rehab technician last month. Less than a day after Lindsay was released from rehab, investigators allegedly want Lilo charged with battery for her late-night shoving match with Betty Ford Center employee Dawn Holland on December 12. The altercation constituted a violation of Lohan’s probation for her 2007 DUI conviction, which in part requires that she “obey all laws.” All of them? Every single one? Well that was setting the bar pretty high for Lohan, now wasn’t it?

Sheriff Joe Borja released a statement Monday indicating that authorities probing the incident would be sending their report to the Los Angeles County Probation Department this week…and it does not look good for Lindsay. “The investigation determined Ms. Lohan violated several aspects of her probation, including the battery [charge],” the Palm Desert Police Department said. Depending on the whims of  L.A. judge/Lohan’s archnemisis Elden Fox, the violation could land Lohan up to six months in jail. So here’s hoping Lindsay really enjoyed herself last night as she peered through the blinds at Sam Ronson’s house. It might be the last evening she spends out of a regulation orange jumpsuit for a long time.

by (@hallekiefer)

Lindsay Lohan Has Been Unleashed!

Get your baby buggies off the road and hid your collagen, everyone. Lindsay Lohan’s out of rehab! All day it’s been, will she or won’t she? Lindsay Lohan and the Betty Ford Clinic are turning into the Ross and Rachel of the new millennium. Luckily for the curious, Dina Lohan officially confirmed her daughter’s release, saying “It’s a great day.” Ah yes, those 24 hours before Lindsay has to go right back in are always the best.

On New Year’s Day Lindsay tweeted some sobering stuff, possibly with her release in mind: “Today is the first day of the rest of my life. The future depends on what we do in the present.’ -Mahatma Gandhi… One step at a time…” To be fair, Gandhi probably wouldn’t immediately go on a shopping spree for fresh leggings or start drunk-tweeting Sam Ronson. However, since all us boring people get a fresh start with the new year, we guess Lindsay deserves one too. So good luck, Lohan! To everyone else: we weren’t joking about that collagen thing.

by (@hallekiefer)

Christina Milian Went “To Hell And Back” During Divorce From The-Dream

It’s pretty sad that the only thing keeping us from completely hating The-Dream is his upcoming single for Kim Kardashian, especially because you know that song going to be a volcanically hot mess. However, now that Christina Milian is opening up about her divorce from The-Dream, we don’t see what other choice we have. “I’ve been to hell and back, but I survived,” Milian reveals. The singer opened up about how The-Dream filed for divorce in February 2010, only a few months after the couple’s wedding and right before a pregnant Milian gave birth to their daughter Violet. “I tried to be someone I wasn’t because I wanted my marriage to work. But ultimately, if it’s not working, it’s not working,” Christina admits. Anyone who would leave a woman capable of birthing such a perfect little peanut of a kid clearly does not have his priorities straight anyway.

The couple only went public with their divorce months later when photos of The-Dream canoodling with his personal assistant Melissa Santiago appeared this past July. Did Christina know at the time that The-Dream’s employee was doing more than taking dictation, ifyouknowwhatwe’resaying? “I didn’t know anything. But looking back, my gut was telling me something was off. But I thought I could fix it,” Milian says. What a creep! Now we’re going to have to stare at that picture of Kim K. with cornrows just so we don’t fly into an unholy rage and embarrass ourselves.

by (@hallekiefer)

From Snooki’s Keyboard To Your Brain: Excerpts From A Shore Thing

snooki_a_shore_thing

Too bad the holidays are over, or else Snooki’s new book A Shore Thing would find its way into my family and friends’ stockings, even if I had to crawl through their cat door in the middle of the night to put it there. Snooki announced last year that she was writing her first novel, and by “writing” we mean, “filing her nails while some assistant typed it out in 45 minutes flat.” According to publisher Simon & Schuster, Shore features cousins Gia and Bella enjoying “hot guidos, pool clubs, fried Oreos, and lots of tequila,” as well as a barely fictionalized trip to the Seaside Heights drunk tank. Here for your reading pleasure are some choice quotes plucked by the New York Post from Snicker’s authorial debut, due out tomorrow:

  • “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
  • “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
  • “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
  • “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”
  • “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”

A loud one. And stinky. We couldn’t have summed it up better ourselves, Snickers!

[Photo: Nicole Polizzi's Twitter]

by (@hallekiefer)

Are Ryan Reynolds And Sandra Bullock Getting Their Snuggle On?

16818216

Oh, girrrrrrrrrrrrrrl. It’s only three days into the new year and we already have a favorite rumor of 2011, now that Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock dating rumors are making the rounds. Reportedly, with Reynolds almost single and/or ready to mingle, the actor has been spending some quality face time — including attending a costume party together on New Year’s Eve — with his Proposal co-star Bullock. “They are both newly single and leaning on each other for support,” a source claims. “Who knows what will happen in the future, but any rumors of them being together and splitting up Ryan’s marriage to Scarlett are false.” Please, Sandra seems like the last person on the planet who would be behind the cheating rumors between Reynolds and Johansson. As for Ryan, what better why to get over your ex than in arms of a beautiful woman…who will literally break your legs if she gets cheated on again?

Before we get too excited and start calling our moms about the new couple, Bullock and Reynolds are allegedly enjoying each other’s company, but are not officially together…yet. “Sandra loves Ryan. They became very good friends when they filmed The Proposal, but they are not a couple, at least not yet. They love spending quality time together,” the source also said. As long as Scarlett doesn’t complete the swap by getting with Jesse James, we are totally in favor of this love match. And since Johansson doesn’t seem completely insane, we doubt that’ll be a problem. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Brad And Angie Donate Millions To Namibian Animal Reserve

Hkg3862166

While the rest us watched A Christmas Story at Motel 6 with eight of our family members snoring away next to us, the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt clan celebrated the holidays in an animal reserve in Namibia, feeding orphaned baboons and foxes, and watching a leopard get released back into the wild. Yeah well, they still probably fought over who got to open their presents first, right? Since then, Jolie and Pitt have donated $2 million to the Naankuse Lodge and Wildlife Sanctuary in the name in Namibian-born daughter Shiloh. “We want her to be very involved and grow up with the understanding of her country of birth,” Brangelina’s rep said Sunday. We had forgot that Shiloh was, in fact, born in Africa, though to be fair we’d need to make an Excel spreadsheet to track exactly where all the miniature Jolie-Pitts came into this world.

The huge chunk of change has the sanctuary’s owners Rudie and Marlice van Vuuren feeling “overjoyed.” Said Dara Barrett, head of finance at Naankuse, “Some of the donated funds will be used in the running of a clinic which provides free medical care to the community of bushmen, including the treatment of malnutrition, tuberculosis and HIV.”  Wow, leave it to Angie and Brad to make the iPod Nano we gave our boyfriend look like a pair of itchy pink bunny pajamas. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Marc Anthony Owes Insane Amount Of Money In Unpaid Taxes

It’s mo’ money, mo’ problems for Mr. JLo as allegedly Marc Anthony owes $3.4 Million in back taxes. Reportedly, in March 2010 New York authorities demanded Jennifer Lopez‘s husband pay the $1.8 million he owed on a property in Nassau County, New York. Just four months previously, the federal government put a $1.6 million tax lien on that same estate, which Anthony had just…not paid. Someone needs to remind crazy-rich people that even though they don’t have to raise their own kids or pick up after their own dogs, someone still needs to file their taxes. Did Wesley Snipes teach America nothing?

While neither Anthony nor his lawyer have commented on the reports, the singer had a similar problem with the feds in 2007, eventually paying $2.5 million after failing to properly pay up for four years. At the time Anthony blamed his management, and his financial advisers eventually pleaded guilty to a number of tax-related felonies. As staggering a number as $3.4 million might seem to us, we’re sure JLo can just root around between the cushions of their many white leather couches and find enough in loose change. Or she can hire someone to do it for her, since a diva does not “root”.

by (@hallekiefer)

Chris Brown Acts The Fool, Slings Homophobic Slurs On Twitter

Aw, why is everyone always picking on Chris Brown?  Do you think it has anything to do with his inability to not act like a jackass, as evidenced by Chris Brown’s homophobic Twitter fight with singer Raz-B? To be fair, Raz-B kicked off the Twitter feud by asking why Brown would “disrespect women” like Rihanna. Since Raz-B has publicly accused his former manager of molesting him as a teen, Chris of course took the high road and immediately tweeted classy gems like, “@razb2k merry christmas.i just gave you 20 thousand more followers.. u shouldve did this first instead of telling the world you got raped.” and “@razb2k you have a lower back tattoo that says “different strokes.” Brown even re-tweeted a Photoshopped photo of Raz-B’s face on a Peter Pan body. Embarrassing yourself in public: it takes dedication…and sometimes photo-editing software.

After the fight cooled down, Chris couldn’t decide if he felt bad for his actions or just felt bad for himself, which is sort of his M.O. Brown tweeted, “BTW… i love all my gay fans and this immature act is not targeted at you!!!! love,” only to complain later, “its wack as f–k that everybody can bash me… but soon as i defend myself its world war 3.I TAKE S–T FROM everybody… its cool though..” Poor Chris. If only people didn’t get so worked up about his horrible, homophobic ranting!

UPDATE: Chris Brown issued an apology through TMZ this afternoon, stating “Yesterday was an unfortunate lack in judgment sparked by public Twitter attacks from Raz B, who was bent on getting attention. Words cannot begin to express how sorry and frustrated I am over what transpired publicly on Twitter. I have learned over the past few years to not condone or represent acts of violence against anyone.  Molestation and victims of such acts are not to be taken lightly; and for my comments I apologize — from the bottom of my heart.”

by (@hallekiefer)

The Snooki-Ball Will Go Down In Jersey This New Year’s Eve

62361840

On New Year’s Eve Snooki will be hurtling toward the pavement in a very familiar part of town, only this time it won’t be because she drunkenly toppled out of her heels. TMZ reports that the Snooki New Year’s Eve ball has been spotted in none other than Seaside Heights. The translucent orb with light-up Snooki sign will deposit the guidette gently onto New Jersey soil, meaning that after Snooki goes down, she’ll be able to walk to her house in the morning. Which is probably how she prefers it anyway.

Insiders revealed earlier today that it was Times Square officials that stopped Snooki from crawling into her hamster ball this Friday. “The Snooki ball drop isn’t going to happen in Times Square. At midnight, the crowd and the media will be watching Mayor Bloomberg, Dick Clark and the official ball drop, not a cast member of the Jersey Shore,” a source explained. We guess since we watch the Jersey Shore crew the other 364 days of the year, maybe we can let this one slide. Besides, whenever we look at Snooki times stops, which would make the count down seem of anti-climactic. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Natalie Portman Convinced She Was Going To Die During Black Swan

While she might be happily pregnant and engaged to Benjamin Millepied today, Natalie Portman reveals how she feared she was going to die filming Black Swan due to the intense psychological stress of her role. “There were some nights that I thought I literally was going to die. It was the first time I understood how you could get so wrapped up in a role that it could sort of take you down,” Portman admitted. So basically half-way through shooting, the movie turned into a documentary? In that case, Benjamin might want to keep nail files out of the house, at least for now.

Even while filming, Swan cast and crew weren’t exactly sure how to attract viewers to what is essentially a blood-spattered ballet movie. Luckily, they figured out the true secret to great film making. “Everyone was so worried about who was going to want to see this movie. I remember them being like, ‘How do you get guys to a ballet movie? How do you get girls to a thriller?’ And the answer is a lesbian scene. Everyone wants to see that,” Natalie claims. Forget the ingenious plot and beautiful cinematography. Now we know for sure that men and women, young and old alike, will all pile in the minivan to see two famous ladies get it on. Maybe now they can finally get that Susan B. Anthony biopic made!