Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

Madonna Does Downward Dog In The Aisle Of Her Flight

Yoga is supposed to enhance tranquility and concentration, unless of course you’re watching Madonna practice yoga in the aisle of your plane. Then those veins in your neck start throbbing and all you can think about is making ninja stars out of your copy of Sky Mall. Apparently the passengers on a recent Virgin Atlantic flight had the distinct displeasure of waiting for hours on the tarmac with Madonna before their flight deboarded…and then it got worse. “It was bad enough having to wait, but then she started doing her yoga in the aisles,” said one passenger. There’s not enough money in the world to pay a flight attendant to try and maneuver the drink cart past Mag in Child’s Pose.

“After about an hour, a bus came along and took her and her party of about 15 off the plane. It seemed a ­little unfair—it’s not like she is the President or anything. The rest of us all had to wait for another two hours,” the eye witness continued. It’s not Madonna’s fault! If she doesn’t do yoga by 8:00pm sharp, a bunch of little Madonnas start popping out of her back. And god help you if feed her gluten-free acai berry granola after midnight. God help you.

by (@hallekiefer)

Dr. Drew Apologizes For Predicting Brangelina “Nuclear Eruption”

It was Diagnosis: Scandal today as Drew Pinsky issued an apology for comments he made about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s relationship being a “really volatile situation.” According the good doctor, Angelina’s former drug problems are likely still an issue in their lives. “So we’ve got one person who’s a heroin addict. Which is a chronic lifelong condition, period.” Combine that with Brad’s “demeaning attitude towards other people’s emotions,” and Dr. Drew foresaw a heap of problems, “which is only going to serve to make a more nuclear eruption. There will be some sort of meltdown that will be phenomenal when it does happen.” Wow, this actually makes Angie and Brad seem about a hundred times more exciting than their boring old happy-parent selves. Go on and ride this tawdry wave as long as you can, Brangelina!

Today, however, Dr. Drew out to make amends, is saying his informal comments where not meant to be taken as any kind of diagnosis, since he made them “Literally as though one was speculating, just going through an exercise of speculation and not some sort of analysis that was supposed to be factual or for public discourse.” We understand Drew. Lord knows we’ve said things ten times worse about Brad and Angie; people just don’t care as much because we don’t have a medical degree, a reality show and a radio program…yet.

by (@hallekiefer)

Kelly Osbourne Rushes To Miley’s Defense Armed With Cupcakes

miley_cyrus_kelly_osbourne

Is there any problem in the world that cupcakes can’t fix? Kelly Osbourne sure doesn’t think so. While in New Orleans shooting So Undercover with Miley Cyrus, Kelly Osbourne went off on any and all haters who have been giving her bong-loving pal Miley a hard time. “Just read in the rags that apparently my mum thinks Miley is a bad influence on me it could not be father from the truth!” Kelly tweeted. “This really makes me mad. Miley is one of the most hard working respectful women I have ever worked with I am learning a lot from her!” Considering Kelly has been to rehab three times, including once in 2009, we certainly hope that Miley isn’t enabling anything worse than the occasional 3:00am sugar binge.

In reality, Kelly says it’s Cyrus who’s been encouraging clean living for the both of them. “Actually it’s the other way around Miley has us all on a health kick. Gym/early nights There really scraping the barrel on that one!” After her rant Osbourne posted pictures of the girls chowing down, joking “This is how im a bad I influence on Miley I force her to eat cupcakes so I don’t feel so bad about eating one!” That picture is adorbs.org! Unless…did Miley bring those? Kelly, you better back away from the baked goods! You’re in Cyrus country now! [Photo: Kelly Osbourne's Twitter]

by (@hallekiefer)

Michelle Williams And Ryan Gosling Still Coy About Dating Rumors

60490957

Despite the fact that they have had many months and approximately one billion press junkets to clear it up, apparently rumors that Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling are dating are exactly what the Blue Valentine stars are aiming for. In an interview airing tonight on ABC News Nightline, host Cynthia McFadden straight-out asked Michelle and Ryan if they are romantically entangled. The answer they gave is half-middle-school, half-mime, and totally unsatisfying.

First Ryan whistled and looked around, pretending as if he hadn’t heard the question. People can see you through the television screen, Gosling! Michelle just grinned silently while Ryan, after calling Williams a “sexy cowboy,” drapes his arm around her and shakes his head while grinning smugly. Whaaa? If we were Gosling’s other alleged girlfriend Blake Lively, we wouldn’t know if we should storm out of Ryan’s life forever or write him a love note. Unless…maybe that’s the idea? We swear, if this is just a ruse to get us to see Blue Valentine, then it is working perfectly! See you opening night! [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Anne Hathaway Moves In With Her Hopefully Non-Criminal Boyfriend

Things are getting cuddly up in the five boroughs tonight, as Golden Globe nominee and all-around likable chick Anne Hathaway moves in with boyfriend Adam Shulman. Having dated for two years, the pair are now shacking up in Shulman’s apartment in Brooklyn, which is also Hathaway’s home town. “[Anne and Adam have] been together for a long time, so she’s confident about moving in with him,” says a source. We don’t want to be a downer, but Anne dated her last boyfriend Raffaello Follieri for a while and he still defrauded people out of millions of dollars. Sorry, we sound like our moms, don’t we?

While no one is accusing Anne’s current boo of falsely selling Vatican real-estate (that we know of), this past May Shulman was spotted stealing part of an outside mural, inspiring gossip that Hathaway might want to have her Jerk Detector taken in for a tune-up. That being said, you can’t really compare an idiotic hipster prank to a multi-million dollar fraud conviction (as much as we’d like to!). Since we haven’t heard anything else negative about Adam, so we’ll give him the benefit of a doubt. At least until a furious Pope starts pounding on their door in the middle of the night, that is.

by (@hallekiefer)

Kim Kardashian’s Sad Christmas Puppy Tale

SPL182785_023

Warning: do not read this post if you have a heart. We all know the Kardashians love the holidays, but one season was certainly tainted when Kim Kardashian’s Christmas puppy died. It happened “when I was really little,” explained Kardashian. “Valentina was its name, but then she died two weeks later.” NOOOOOO! We can feel our heart growing three sizes, as it fills with our tears. According to Kim, lil’ Valentina went to the dog park into the sky after suffering from “snail poisoning.” Says Kardashian, “You know when snails leave a little trail? [Valentina] got super excited and ate it and died.” See, this is why rich people shouldn’t have escargot just lying around the house! It’s a tragedy waiting to strike.

While Kim still sniffles over this and other misty Christmas memories, her older sister apparently has had her heart replaced with a lump of coal. “Kourtney would come down [Christmas morning] and wouldn’t care, and she didn’t really care that it was Christmas, while I was like, ‘Oh my God! I got a puppy!’ We were so different!” And Kourtney is the one with the kid? Yikes. Happy holidays, little Mason! Hope you like that half-empty box of Pampers “Santa” left for you under the tree. [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

TheFABLife’s Ten Biggest Hollywood Hacks Of 2010

Katherine Heigl, Brendan Fraser, Nic Cage & Boo Boo

It can happen to the best of us. One minute you’re lounging in your silken dressing robes, sipping cognac while you stare into a fire made out of $100 bills, the next minute you realize, whoops, you forgot to make those lease payments on your private island! For the past 12 years! Oh, did we mention that you’re a famous actor in this scenario?

Rather than pull a Wesley Snipes (too soon?) and settle for homemade toilet wine while serving 3-5, most actors would instead start taking any role they can get to pump their bank accounts back into shape. And we do mean any: a filthy wizard, a GCI Great Dane, even a Katherine Heigl type. So we offer for your approval the Ten Biggest Hollywood Hacks of 2010, ten actors who seemed almost certainly to have been in it for the money, tax issues or otherwise. The economy might be in the gutter, but that doesn’t mean celebrities can’t get paid millions of dollars to star in awful, awful movies. By the way, are you going to finish that toilet wine?

View Photo Gallery

by (@hallekiefer)

Tracy Morgan Receives A Kidney Transplant, Is “Doing Well”

tracy_morgan_wireimage

Our Christmas gift came early this year, because word is 30 Rock’s Tracy Morgan received a kidney transplant around December 10, and he’s already almost back on his feet! “Tracy is doing well and taking some much needed time to recover after the surgery,” his rep confirmed. We’re glad to hear he’s on the mend, but are still planning a candlelight vigil until New Year’s. No way are we giving up our Tracy Jordan.

Amazingly Tracy, who was diagnosed with diabetes in 1996, will only miss two or three 30 Rock episodes set to air in March and will be “looking forward to going back to work after the holidays,” says his rep. Coincidentally Morgan is actually the second cast member to require a kidney transplant this year. Co-star and Tracy Jordan posse member Grizz Chapman also received a kidney in August after suffering from end-stage renal failure. If anyone on that show needs a kidney, you just let us know. Let’s put it this way: we have two kidneys; we don’t have two Tina Feys or Alec Baldwins. [Photo: WireImage]

by (@hallekiefer)

James Franco Hosting Oscars Because Everyone Told Him Not To

There are some people who just can’t help but rebel against The Man, like how James Franco is hosting the Oscars because everyone told him not to. Wait, what? According to the stoned man’s James Dean, “When we finally met and discussed it in person, all my representatives were saying, ‘No! Of course not! So that always sparks something in me. So I said, ‘Yes, of course!’ Because that reaction that they have is based on conventional wisdom of what makes a good career. And that can be boring — really boring.” See, everyone else on the planet rebels by getting an ill-advised Taz tattoo on their butt; only Franco sticks it to the powers that be by hosting the Academy Awards with Anne Hathaway.

Franco, who is also up for Best Actor at the Critics’ Choice Movie Awards, says he doesn’t even care if he’s terrible…which, of course, made us suspicious that he might actually be terrible. “Then I thought about it and I thought, well, why not? Because I’ll look bad? Well, I don’t care,” James said. “I’m happy to take the criticism. Even if it’s ‘The Worst Oscars Ever,’ I don’t care. It’s one night of the year.” Seriously, can anyone tell us why Franco would be so bad? We all saw Hugh Jackman do a robot-dance celebrating Kate Winslet’s The Reader in 2009. No one expect every host to reach that level of genius. We’re not totally unreasonable.

by (@hallekiefer)

Lisa Rinna And Harry Hamlin Try For Another Baby Despite Being Crazy Old

Turn your grandma away from the computer screen or else she is going to get some crazy new-fangled ideas, now that olds Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin are trying to have another baby. Despite the fact that Lisa is 47 and Harry is Rip Van Winkle-old, sources say the couple is gearing up to add Baby #3 to the family, joining tween daughters Delilah Belle and Amelia Gray. “The timing is just perfect now and the girls are at a great age,” an insider says. “How much fun would it be to watch these two as they prepare for another child?” More fun than what? Witnessing your own Pepaw and Memaw try to get with child? At least there are laws against watching that; no laws exist to spare us from Harry Loves Lisa, season 2.

Though Rinna hasn’t made an official statement confirming her baby quest, she has definitely hinted that procreation is on the menu. “In the mean time all I can say is trying is the fun part. Wink.” WINK INDEED! We just winked too, but it was actually our brains trying to shut our eyes forever against the image of their wrinkly love-making.