Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

Vince Vaughn Is Officially Somebody’s Dad!

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There will be a new little bundle under the tree for Vince Vaughn and wife Kyla Weber, who welcomed baby Locklyn Kyla Vaughn into the world this past Saturday. Vince always seemed the ultimate cranky, grumbling Dad to us. We can picture him now: yelling at his kids to get off the garage, falling asleep on the sofa with his hand in his shorts, embarrassing everyone at soccer games. It was the role he was born to play! Meanwhile  the Weber-Vaughns might want to bump up their security, just in case Vaughn’s ex Jennifer Aniston decides to paint her face green and shimmy down the chimney. Oh no, we’re giving her too many ideas!

Vaughn has been gushing about popping out a few lil’ Vinces since before he and Weber even walked down the isle. As Vince told People in 2009, “It’s the first time that I really want to have kids. I’ve been very fortunate in my career, and my life has been about that for so long that you get bored of it. You’re ready for your life to be about other people and other things.”  Locklyn Vaughn is one lucky little loaf! Here’s hoping she inherits Vince’s sense of humor and Kyla’s non-frog-like eyes. In the meantime, Vince can just carry her around in one of his thousand under-eye bags, like a built-in Baby Bjorn! [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Shania Twain Is Engaged To Her Husband’s Mistress’s Ex

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In a story straight out of Days Of Our Lives, Shania Twain is engaged to Frederic Thiebaud, who just so happens to be the ex-husband of Shania’s first husband Mutt Lange’s mistress. And if you can understand that confusing sentence, you win a free membership to MENSA! In a tale so convoluted it almost makes Shania her own grandpa, the pair first started canoodling in 2008 following Twain’s divorce from Lange, who left the singer for her then best friend Marie-Anne Thiebaud, though both Lange and lady Thiebaud now deny they had an affair. Normally we’d say you should never date your friend’s ex, but if it’s purely for revenge, then get that hunk of Swiss chocolate, honey!

While Thiebaud and Twain kept their tawdry soap-opera love on the down low for a while, in 2009 Shania admitted that Frederic was “a dear friend and true gentleman…We leaned on one another through the ups and downs, taking turns holding each other up. We’ve become stronger and closer through it all.” Looking good is the best revenge after getting dumped, we always say, and if marrying a hot European Nestle executive doesn’t make you look good, we don’t know what does. Seriously, think of all the hot chocolate he must get!

[Photos: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Jersey Shore‘s Ronnie Charged With Assault

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It was only a matter of time before one of the Jersey Shore cast members got charged with a serious crime; our money was on JWOWW, but honestly it was a coin-toss. A New Jersey grand jury has charged Ronnie Ortiz-Mago with one count of third-degree assault, which, if he’s convicted, could mean up to five years in prison. The indictment claims that Ronnie “purposely or knowingly caused significant bodily injury to Stephen Izzo by striking in the face with a closed fist, causing him to lose consciousness” on Sept. 4, 2009. Considering how often everyone on Jersey Shore loses consciousness, we would have thought this wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Then again, we’re jerks like that.

Unlike most celebrities’ crimes (but like every dumb thing the cast of Jersey Shore has ever done), you may have already seen the alleged assault with your own eyes on TV.  Jersey Shore’s season one, episode eight “One Shot” showed the brawl between Ronnie and Izzo that lead to the charges. We’re no experts, but we assuming the fact it all happened on camera is known around the legal field as “not great news.” [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Jason Segel Wept When He Met Kermit For The First Time

If we can’t marry Jason Segel (because we’re already married to Matt Damon, OF COURSE), we hope he can be our kid’s kindergarden teacher, because it is just so sweet that Jason Segel cried when he met Kermit in the new Muppet movie. Segel revealed to Jay Leno that, while working with Amy Adams on the new film due out next Thanksgiving, “When we did our first table read, they brought the actual puppets…and they brought out Kermit, and they had to stop because I started crying hysterically…It was so beautiful!” It takes a special man to making sobbing in front of a puppet seem anything but deeply disturbing, but somehow Jason pulls it off.

However, it’s not just his personal love of Kermie and the gang that moves Segel. At the end of the day, it’s really about the children. “When they bring kids to set, something really magical happens…The kid is looking directly at the puppet. They can’t, they don’t even notice the puppeteer,” Jason explained. “Every time I see that, I think that’s why I’m doing this movie.” Based on how adorable that is, we can already tell we’re going to reach WALL-E-like levels of weeping when we see the movie next year. We just hope we don’t cry harder than we did at Up, or else that usher is going to ask us to take it outside again.

by (@hallekiefer)

Chloe Sevigny As Disturbed By Her Oral Sex Scene As We Were

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While we love her as insane sister-wife Nicolette on Big Love, we can never forget Chloe Sevigny’s b.j. scene in Vincent Gallo’s Brown Bunny. Apparently, neither can Chloe. “There are a lot of emotions. I’ll probably have to go to therapy at some point. But I love Vincent. The film is tragic and beautiful, and I’m proud of it and my performance. I’m sad that people think one way of the movie, but what can you do? I’ve done many explicit sex scenes, but I’m not that interested in doing any more. I’m more self-aware now and wouldn’t be able to be as free, so why even do it?” Sevigny told Playboy. Wow, one real-life sex act with Vincent Gallo can really change a person, and not just in terms of their bacteria count.

Chloe’s already beginning to scale back on her wild child ways, starting with the last season of Big Love. “Although I have done nudity on the show, the other girls won’t do topless. I don’t want to be the show’s Samantha, like on Sex and the City–the only woman who’ll do nudity. So I refused to do any more and there was a lot of back-and-forth about it,” she revealed. Chloe Sevigny has always rocked the slutty librarian look. So now she’s just…what, a librarian? Ugh, remind us to bring a book. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Julia Stiles Denies Being Dexter’s Other Woman

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Looks like we won’t be getting that steamy serial killer love triangle we asked Santa for this year, since Julia Stiles has denied having an affair with Dexter’s Michael C. Hall. Despite rumors that Stiles and Hall have been flirting all over the show’s blood-spattered set, Julia says any gossip suggesting that she had a hand in Hall’s divorce from co-star Jennifer Carpenter is just ridiculous. “I have absolutely nothing to do with the split between Michael and Jennifer. We are good friends and enjoyed working together,” Stiles claimed. We were wondering how that amount of awkwardness was going to fit on one sound stage. Now they only have to kill off one character at the end of the season!

“This is a personal matter between them, and we should respect their privacy. Although I too prefer to keep my private life private, I felt compelled to dispel the rumors I was somehow the cause for this matter,” she concluded. Looks like Julia will have to put the lotion on her skin herself this Christmas. [Photos: Getty Images/Showtime]

by (@hallekiefer)

Gwyneth’s Mom Knows We’ve All “Fooled Around” With Botox. Right, Ladies?

Isn’t it exciting that we live in an age where everyone’s grandma can have the smooth skin of a porcelain doll? And when we say “exciting,” we mean “terrifying.” Gwyneth Paltrow’s mother Blythe Danner is a big fan of Botox, exclaiming, “Well, I think we’ve all fooled around with [Botox]. I think, you know, we’ve got so much at our fingertips now, why not take advantage of it? There are extraordinary things that can help us now.” She’s using the word “help” in the broadest possible sense, right? From a medical standpoint, paralyzing your face with toxins isn’t very helpful at all.

Not that Danner is okay with all plastic surgery; she really only approves of the kind that keeps her skin looking like a baby’s butt. “I mean I can’t stand the big, puffy lips. That stuff is just crazy! And the cheekbones that come out to here! I feel like, ‘Why do they think they have to do that?’” she scoffed. Isn’t that like the weirdly-smooth-skinned pot calling the collagen-injected kettle black? Besides, we paid a lot of money for these lips!

by (@hallekiefer)

Billy Bob Thornton Is The Nicest Ex Ever

And here we thought Billy Bob Thornton was just a creepy old weirdo who publicly confessed to a fear of silverware. Don’t get us wrong; he is definitely still all those things, but he’s also turned into the nicest ex-husband a gorgeous A-lister could ever hope for. Even more surprisingly, it turns out Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob are still friends. “We talk every now and then. She seems to be doing very well directing her own movie, which I am so proud of her for.” Aw! That is so sweet, we’re almost not scared of running into Billy Bob alone in some dark alley at night. We said almost. We’re not stupid.

Continued Thornton, “I always thought she should do that, writing and directing. She’s real smart, and very creative, and I think it’s a great job for her.” So that’s what happens when you break up with Angelina Jolie. She becomes a radiant goddess with a bazillion dollars and her own private child army, while you turn into a piece of human beef jerky covered in hair. We just hope when we’re huge superstars married to Brad Pitt, our starter husbands will be half as gracious.

by (@hallekiefer)

Kevin Spacey Is Keeping His Sexual Preferences To Himself, Thankyouverymuch

There have been Kevin Spacey gay rumors as long as there’s been Kevin Spacey. And when the Golden Globe nominee for Casino Jack recently met with an interviewer from the Daily Beast, said reporter was not interested in how great it must feel to be nominated. Instead, interviewer Kevin Sessumes asked the American Beauty actor why he refused to come out the closet, despite the fact that everyone and their mama “knows” that he’s gay. “People have different reasons for the way they live their lives. You cannot put everyone’s reasons in the same box. It’s just a line I’ve never crossed and never will,” replied Spacey. “I don’t live a lie. You have to understand that people who choose not to discuss their personal lives are not living a lie. That is a presumption that people jump to.” Yup, just the kind of statement you’d hear from someone with absolutely nothing to hide about his sexuality! So, how great was it to be nominated?

Concluded Spacey, “Look, at the end of the day people have to respect people’s differences. I am different than some people would like me to be.” For example, we would like him to be an actor who never appeared in K-PAX, but we just have to make peace with the fact that he was.  It’s something we struggle with every day.

by (@hallekiefer)

Matt Damon Will Only Spank On-Screen, Thank You Very Much

As awesome as we know Critics’ Choice Movie Award nominee True Grit is going to be, we don’t envy star Hailee Steinfeld. After all, girlfriend had to be spanked by Matt Damon with a wooden reed. That’s not how you want to look in front of our future husband! “It’s a scene in the movie that needs to be there for a whole host of reasons. And so, they just put a big pad on Hailee. And we practiced. And I said, ‘Hailee, does that hurt?’ And she said, ‘I can’t even feel it,” Damon explained. Awkward! We hope our introduction to Matt Damon doesn’t involved him beating us with a tree branch, but we’ll keep our butt cushion on at all times, just in case!

Matt, of course, would never bring his character’s corporal punishment home to his daughters IRL. “I definitely don’t spank ‘em,” Damon told People at the film’s New York premiere. At least we’ve made some strides since cowboy days. Better dental hygiene, the invention of Dunkin Donuts  and the icy alienation of the time-out chair are things we can all be proud of.