Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

Prince Surprises The View, Sherri Shepherd Loses Her Damn Mind

Look, no one knows how they would react if Prince just walked into the room. We understand that. We would hope, however, that we would act a little more chill than Sherri Shepherd did when Prince surprised The View with a unannounced appearance today. In town to promote his Welcome 2 America tour, Prince (who looks like he is made out of snake skin) (in a good way) had all the ladies swooning, but it was Shepherd who went crazy crackers upon meeting her idol.

Sherri clutched her chest like she was having palpitations, tried to steal Prince’s gloves and finally snuggled her head to his chest before announcing, “I’ve wanted to make love to you my whole life.” Prince must have just then remembered a very important appointment, because he could not have sprinted off that stage faster if it had been on fire. Before he left however, Prince offered some career advice to, of all people, Justin Bieber. “The key to longevity is to learn every aspect of music you can. I hope he does pick up an instrument and get a good teacher,” the singer explained to Barbara Walters. So is Justin Bieber this generation’s Prince? Let’s bring him on the show and see how Sherri reacts; that’s the only way to know for sure.

by (@hallekiefer)

Carey Mulligan’s Doctor Tells her She Needs Botox For Her Wrinkly 25-Year-Old Mug

We are trying to uncurl our hands out of these rage claws so we can type, but we are just so filled with fury that a medical professional would offer Carey Mulligan Botox. Revealed Carey, “I said, ‘I have some lines here under my eye and they’re annoying, what can you do?’ He looked at my face and said, ‘We’ll just drop some Botox in here and here. I said, ‘What the…? I’m only 25! Are you joking?’” Do you even see a line on that girl’s entire head? Seriously, Carey has skin like a Cabbage Patch doll.

Unfortunately, non-existent lines aren’t the only thing that has the Great Gatsby actress down about her looks; Carey Mulligan’s haircut also makes her cry. “I hate my hair. After An Education, I had a small part in Michael Mann’s film Public Enemies and he wanted me to dye it white blonde, and it wrecked my hair. Literally, ruined it. It was falling apart, fried. So I had to cut it off. I cried,” the actress explained. Well, we all know that Carey Mulligan looks consistently fierce, so be strong, girl! Just embrace any wrinkles you might get and slap a wig on that fried hair. Sure, you’ll look like our Nanna, but at least you’ll have your dignity.

by (@hallekiefer)

What To Get The Man Who Has Everything? The World’s Most Expensive Car, Of Course!

While the rest of us are counting out pennies to pay for bus fare, Beyonce is celebrating her husband’s birthday by buying Jay-Z a Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport, the most expensive car in the world. Hova turned 41 this past Saturday, and what better way to tell someone you love them than to buy them a car worth more than the GDP of Portugal? The amount Bee dropped on the new ride? You are going to want to start breathing into a paper bag now, because it’s $2 million dollars. We almost had to blur that number out, it’s so obscene.

According to the Bugatti webite, the Grand Sport is able to go 0-60 in 2.5 seconds and reaches a top speed of 253 miles per hour, which would come in handy when we want to get to the store to buy Ramen, because that’s all we could ever eat again if we bought this car. The Grand Sport is now just one of many in Jay-Z’s luxury car collection, which purportedly also includes a Maybach 62S, Ferrari F430 Spider and a Pagani Zonda Roadster, which we suspect based on the names are actually Transformers in disguise. Lucky for you, there are seven Great Sports still available! Sure, you’ll have to live in it, and your kids can’t go to college, but isn’t being awesome a little more important than that? [Photos: /Bugatti.com]

View Photo Gallery

by (@hallekiefer)

Johnny Depp Says Angelina Loves Poop Jokes. Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us!

It takes a lot of guts for Johnny Depp to reveal Angelina Jolie’s perverse sense of humor, but to even breathe the fact that Angelina loves poop jokes? That man must have a death wish. When asked to elaborate on his comments regarding Angelina’s tendency toward twisted comedy, Johnny diplomatically stuttered, “It can go in many directions. There’s a degree of sophomoric-type of humor but it always lead up to, unfortunately, some sort of scatological interpretation.” We don’t need your three-dollar words, Depp! Poop jokes transcend language.

Johnny has talked about Angie’s case of filth mouth before, in addition to raving about the friendship he and Angelina formed while filming The Tourist. Johnny had better watch what he says or he’s never going to sip an Appletini and chat about diaper rash with Angie again. On second thought, he shouldn’t take anything apple-flavored from her for the time being. Or probably ever.

by (@hallekiefer)

James Franco Went On A Job With A Gay Gigolo “To Prepare For A Role.” Sure It Was.

We know that James Franco’s gay prostitute story is only going to fuel rumors that our future husband is gay, but lordy, how we don’t care right now. While on Inside the Actor’s Studio this week, Franco explained that he was hanging out with a gigolo named Sonny to prepare for a role and, well, “He took me on one of his jobs.” We didn’t even have to turn that into a double entendre to make it filthy! Our favorite part of the video is when James Lipton screams, “We certainly do!” as he encourages Franco to tell the story. In that one moment, James Lipton represented the America public: one classy, bespectacled voice screaming for all.

Said a bashful James, “So I did…and it went down. Everything went down like you see in the movies.” Not only is James Franco intensely dedicated to his craft, but we both like the same movies! So, just to recap: James Franco watched a gay prostitute have sex with a client, and then talked about it on Inside the Actor’s Studio. We don’t know which part is making our brain explode more. Okay, yeah we do: it’s the gay sex part.

by (@hallekiefer)

Sad Oprah Wants You To Know She Isn’t Even “Kind Of A Lesbian”

Looks like the lesbian rumors surrounding Oprah and BFF Gayle King are starting to make Oprah lose her cool. In an interview with Barbara Walters, an emotional Oprah declared, “The reason why it irritates me is because it means that somebody must think I’m lying. That’s number one. Number two…why would you want to hide it? That is not the way I run my life.” Who knew non-stop questioning of someone’s sexuality would get her panties all in a twist like that? “I’m not a lesbian. I’m not even kind of a lesbian,” Oprah maintains. Ah, but aren’t we all “kind of a lesbian” after a few drinks, Oprah? Or during sophomore year?

Later in the same interview, we hear about Oprah’s boyfriend Stedman Graham, who, despite what you’ve heard, is still hanging around the Winfrey Mansion in a Speedo (we imagine). Op claims that while in 2003 or 2004, she “made a conscious effort…to pull back on my public appearances with Stedman,” he is still “the love, the lover, the man, the partner, the mate” in Op’s life. So that clears that up! Unless our theory is correct…that Stedman is Gayle! Hey, we’ve seen Norbit; we know what high-tech movie make-up can do.

by (@hallekiefer)

Salma Hayek Admits She Was An Illegal Immigrant

60851299

Do you think people would stop yelling about illegal immigration if they realized that some of the people immigrating are supremely gorgeous Oscar nominees? Nah, you’re right. That would probably just make them yell louder. In a new interview with V Magazine Spain, Salma Hayek reveals she was an illegal immigrant when she brought her hotness to the States. “It was for a small period of time, but I still did [live here illegally],” admitted Hayek. Luckily Salma is now a naturalized citizen, or we’re sure somebody would be burning their copy of From Dusk Til Dawn right about now.

Unfortunately, Hayek’s acting career in the U.S. did not come without obstacles, i.e. horrible racism. “I had to endure the worst time of all in terms of racial discrimination in Hollywood when I first started out. It was inconceivable to American directors and producers that a Mexican woman could have a lead role,” Hayek revealed. Snaps to Salma for sticking it out and proving that Latinas can carry their own, as well as being one of our favorite 30 Rock cameos. Which one is more important? It’s hard to say. Oh, wait, no. It’s definitely the first one. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Christina Gets Dirrty In Leaked NSFW Photos

christina-aguilera-leaked

If Xtina wants to revert from classy legitimate actress to raunchy “Dirrty”-era diva, who are we to object? In what looks like the first step down that road, leaked photos of Christina Aguilera hit the internet today to remind us of the singer in a better, racier time: 2002. The candid photos depict Aguilera in all kinds of undress, including two pics taken while she’s dressed in what appears to be a revealing costume from her bonerific Not Myself Tonight video. Why celebrities would agree to take raunchy photos when they know they’ll just end up being leaked us beyond us…especially one with so many horrible leg bruises!

Arguably even less pleasant for the singer are possible photos of Aguilera’s breast implant scars, which the singer inadvertently revealed while waving during the Tokyo junket for her film Burlesque. Christina has never directly addressed gossip about her assets, but the scar suggests breast augmentation performed via the armpit. To which we say—ugh. Between the singer’s pits, nips and various skin issues, we feel like we’ve had our fill of Xtina for the day. Unless more sexy photos come out: then please, alert us immediately. [Photo: Global Grind]

View Photo Gallery

by (@hallekiefer)

Kim Kicks Halle’s Ex To the Curb, Already Dating A New Baller

kim_maingettynba

Another week, another smoking-hot guy slobbering all over Kim Kardashian. To have that woman’s butt for just one day! Mere milliseconds after hearing that Kim and Gabriel Aubry broke up, we find out she’s has already moved on to a new equally devastating dude. Who’s allegedly Kardashian’s new boyfriend? New Jersey Nets player Kris Humphries. Says an inside source to Life & Style, “Kim likes him much more than Gabriel. He’s normal, so much fun and cute. He’s perfect for what Kim wants right now, which is some fun dates and some fun times.” O that’s funny! “Fun times” is what we call “doing it,” too!

Says a source, “Kim feels like Gabriel was just using her for her fame,” adding that the 34-year-old Audry “is older than Kim is looking for… so she’s decided to stop seeing him.” Wow, a cougar at 30. You can’t see it, but we’re crying on single tear of pride. We guess if you’re Kim Kardashian, you can just dump a male model and not worry about finding another man. Or many, many other men. Remind us to lock our boyfriend in the basement tonight. [Photo: Getty/NBA.com]

by (@hallekiefer)

Kirsten Dunst Talks About Entering Rehab For Depression

Now that she’s returning to the big leagues, we are finally finding out more about why Kirsten Dunst’s depression sent her to rehab in 2008. According to Kirsten, her new movie All Good Things co-starring Ryan Gosling was shot right after her release from the Cirque Lodge rehabilitation center. “Katie [her character] had been torn down, and I know what it’s like to lose yourself, to no longer know the difference between right and wrong.” Explained Dunst, “I was ready to play something like that. I had been living life on the surface, emotionally, and I was feeling really vulnerable, so I was prepared to do anything at that point.” That’s a much better response to rehab than, say, immediately running over a baby stroller. So kudos to you, Kirsten!

Despite what we might remember about Dunst’s hard-partying days, the actress insists that her stay in rehab was strictly for her mental health, not to help her sober up. “When you’re a single girl in your twenties, yeah, you go out with your friends. And sometimes you drink too much. I don’t know anybody else, with any type of job, who doesn’t do that,” explained Dunst.  Preach, sister! Rumors  still swirled, however. “My friends and family were put in a position where they had to defend me, and it was an awful time,” said Kirsten. Personally, we love the movie Drop-Dead Gorgeous so much that Kirsten could stumble through All Good Things with a SCRAM bracelet strapped to her head and we’d still pay $12.50 to see it. That being said, it’s nice to see Kirsten back on top.