Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

Kanye Never Should Have Apologized For Bush Comments, Says Russell Simmons

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Poor Kanye! No matter what he does, he’s ticking somebody off. If he isn’t insulting former President George Bush, Kanye West is making fellow millionaires mad by not insulting former President George Bush. Can’t we cut this guy a break already?

Based on comments he made on his new show, according Russell Simmons, Kanye West’s apology to the President never should have left his brain, especially not when many so Americans agree with his original statements, i.e. that Bush was fairly crappy when it came to helping African-Americans.  Says Russell, “I’m a little bit disappointed that he apologized to George Bush. I felt like, why do that s**t?” Hmm, yeah…we agree with that. But then again, where were the other celebrities when Kanye was being raked over the coals for making Bush Jr. cry into the gigantic silky pillows on his Presidential Suite bed? Seems awfully convenient to bring it up now that it’s all blown over.

Explained Simmons, “Kanye says things that people think but don’t always get to say, so when he says ‘George Bush don’t like black people,’ it was what millions of Americans thought and felt.” Well, if ever there was a time to make some statements about the former President, today’s the day, Russell! We mean, Bush probably already has a half-empty box of Kleenex next to his bed. Really, how bad can you make him feel? [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Shoot For The Moon! Glee’s Cory Monteith Wants To Work In Construction After Glee Ends

Learning choreography and singing a capella arrangements of pop hits might be many people’s idea of a dream job (not us; we have terrible coordination), but for Glee’s Finn Cory Monteith, if his monster hit show ended tomorrow, he’d probably be putting in a hard hat by next week.

Says Monteith, once the New Directions all get their diplomas, “I might do construction. I really enjoyed that. It’s very tangible, and you’re outside all day. It’s good fun!” Call us shallow fame-obsessed ghouls (Because, you know…we are), but we can’t imagine going from fake macking on hotties like Lea Michele and Dianna Agron to heaving 2x4s over our shoulders while wearing a back brace. Not that construction isn’t a great job; it’s just a long, long way from the perfumed poodle life we imagine stars like the Glee kids get to have.

Luckily, despite his lack of commitment to the acting life, Cory is still interested in improving his acting skills, explaining, “If you’re an aspiring actor and you want a good character study, you should be a taxi driver for a while — you see a lot of characters.” If driving a cab means you get to see the real-life versions of Sue Sylvester or Coach Bieste, then we would take that job in an instant. Or if we were Monteith we could just get rich and famous by playing our hunky self on TV! Okay, sorry. We’ll calm down.

by (@hallekiefer)

Anne Hathaway Mentally Casts Herself On Glee…As A Broadway-Singing Lesbian

If the creators of Glee can deliver us a more likable Gwyneth Paltrow and a totally coherent Britney Spears, we can only image what an Anne Hathaway Glee episode would do for the actress’ success. While on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon Thursday to promote her new film with Jake Gyllenhaal, Love & Other Drugs, Hathaway completely gleeked out, sharing her incredibly elaborate plans for a turn on the hit Fox show. Admitted a bashful Anne, “Can I make a confession? In my head I’ve written myself a part on Glee. That [sounds] so arrogant and obnoxious … in my head, I cast myself on Glee and I know what song I would sing.” Aw, only Anne Hathaway would think having a spazz attack over a high school musical show as being “arrogant,” rather than “painfully nerdy.”

Explains Hathaway, “I would want to play Kurt’s long lost aunt, his mother’s sister, who is also gay, who comes back to help him deal with his sexuality, and I would sing “You Are Not Alone” from Stephen Sondheim’s epic show Into The Woods.  A slightly shocked Jimmy Fallon praised Hathaway’s creativity, exclaiming, “Wow, you really have though this out…you thought of the whole episode,” to which Hathaway laughed, “By the way, this is my nerdiest interview ever!” So from what we gather, the writers on Glee can basically stop working now and just let mega-celebrities write, cast and direct all the episodes going forward. Don’t worry, you guys; Anne Hathaway’s got this one.

by (@hallekiefer)

Tony Parker Speaks Out About Divorce, Says He Wasn’t Blindsided

After much speculation that Eva Longoria filed divorce papers as a surprise to intentionally blindside her husband, Tony Parker discusses their divorce for the first time to say: oh, he knew it was coming.

In an statement issued by his rep this evening, Parker told People, “Eva and I have been discussing our situation privately. I was aware that she would be filing for divorce in Los Angeles.”  No word on Tony’s rumored mistress Erin Barry’s texts messages being the cause of the break-up, though we bet if they are real and Eva found them, Tony would have been informed repeatedly about their upcoming divorce. Like, on his voicemail, his e-mail, the hood of his car….

Continued Parker, despite rumors to the contrary “I did not file for divorce in Texas and did not hire divorce attorneys in either Texas or California. We plan to continue to keep our discussions of this matter private.” Good luck to both Parker and Longoria, but if there are scandalous texts out there somewhere? We think privacy isn’t likely to happen any time soon.

by (@hallekiefer)

Willow Smith Cites Billy Idol, Her Parents As Influences; Makes Our Ovaries Hurt

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The only problem with Willow Smith‘s Whip My Hair is that now if we have kids and they aren’t preternaturally adorable fashionista rock stars, we’re going to be extremely disappointed. Extremely disappointed. In the new Willow Smith interview in W magazine, girl is so adorable our ovaries are practically in tears. Says the tiniest diva, “I like the way Billy Idol sings. Mommy turned me on to him. And I like Lady Gaga’s songs.” So congratulations, Billy Idol and Lady Gaga. Today is the best day of your lives.

Despite what you might think from Willow’s fashion sense, dance moves and other shots she calls like a boss, she is in fact only in elementary school. In case you thought otherwise, Willow explains, “I can’t do whatever I want. Mommy has to say it’s okay.” You know, like if Willow has to cross the street, or stay late after school, or devastate us with another amazing pop hit.  HOW IS THIS GIRL THIS CUTE? She’s actually a Muppet, right?

As for the origins of her insane talent, Willow credit ‘rents Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, saying “Mommy and Daddy inspired me to be a performer. I get my flow from Daddy, my singing ability from Mommy, and the camera stuff from both. That’s just what happens when you hang out with the Smiths!” If by “camera stuff” she means “more swagger than Big Pimpin-era Jay-Z”, then yeah, we’d have to agree.  So we guess Willow’s insane fashion choices is all her own then? That’s something every parent should be proud of. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Heidi Klum’s Super Helpful Advice For Looking Fabulous? “Don’t Be Too Thin!”

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In case you were looking for supermodel Heidi Klum’s beauty secrets to help you somehow become a mother of three with sick abs, we have some bad news for you. As Heidi explains to Self, “The ultimate beauty secret for a woman getting older is, Don’t be too thin! It is always better to have a little meat on your bones.” You do not have to worry about the quantity of our bone meat, Heidi. We’re less concerned with whether our cheekbones look too pronounced, and more worried about whether we can wear a towel wrapped around our waist instead of all our pants that we can’t zip.

Explains 37-year-old Klum, “When you are just muscle, you end up being gaunt in the face, and that makes you look older by 5 or 10 years.” No, Heidi, that’s just what other people look like! You can’t compare your own Germanic water nymph complexion to your average America woman of the same age. We’ve been eating McDonald’s since we could speak; they probably only fed honey and fresh goat’s milk while living on a fresh mountain hillside. It’s like comparing flawless apples to old, gross oranges.

But despite the fact that she left her angel duties before the Victoria Secret’s Fashion Show this year, takes care of her babies and husband Seal, and is still aufing people on Project Runway, Klum’s not worried about the ravages of time catching up with her: “I don’t have anxiety about it, so I’m not running to get Botox. Maybe that will change, but I don’t think so. I feel comfortable in my skin and comfortable with aging, so I think it’s okay that I get wrinkles.” Ugh, she is going to get like one wrinkle, and it’s going to look like an adorable dimple, isn’t she? We can just feel it. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

The Identity Of Tony’s Alleged Other Woman Has Been Tweeted!

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The name of Tony Parker’s alleged mistress has hit the Internet, and as if we couldn’t have guessed it, it only took 140 characters to let the cat out of the bag. According to Sports Illustrated staff writer Bryan Armen Graham, the name of the woman bringing about Parker and Eva Longoria’s divorce is Erin Barry, wife of Parker’s former San Antonio Spurs teammate Brent Barry and someone who should sleep with one eye open forever, if we know Eva like we think we do.

Tweeted Graham, “Have it on good authority from entertainment sources that “former teammate” in Tony Parker-Eva Longoria affair is Brent Barry.” Graham tweeted even more damning evidence later, saying “Longoria said she found text messages from wife of a former teammate on Parker’s phone. Source says former teammate was Barry.” Oh, we would not want to be Tony Parker tonight. Or either of the Barrys. Or, well, anyone within a 500 mile radius of Eva’s scratching zone.

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by (@hallekiefer)

We Blame Mona: Tony Danza Screams At Priest During Funeral

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Look, we know Mona wasn’t the instigator of every crazy scheme on Who’s the Boss? (counterpoint: yes, she was), but we ask you, who else could have made Tony Danza scream at a priest during a funeral? Apparently Danza became angry during the funeral of writer Philip Carlo, held last week at the Peter C. La Bella Funeral Home in Brooklyn. The service was also attended by Mickey Rourke and Danny Aiello among others, officially making this funeral identical to a weird sexy dream we once had but feel embarrassed talking about.

As Carlo’s eulogy went on, Danza apparently didn’t care for what the priest had to say, eventually interrupting the holy man to yell, “Excuse me, but this is not about you. It’s supposed to be about my friend, and if you can’t do that, maybe you should let someone else speak!’” We don’t blame Tony for becoming upset, given that Carlo was one of his closest friends. Besides, who hasn’t been to a funeral where they just wanted to stand up and go psycho on the priest, right? Or a wedding? or a baptism? Oh, just us, then.

Said an eyewitness, “People were stunned, while the priest was visibly shaken. He tried talking about Carlo before quickly wrapping things up. Danza took over and eulogized Carlo with memories from their younger days.” We hope the pastor didn’t feel too bad. And in the end, Phillip Carlo got something we would all want to have, but so few of us ever will: an impassioned speech on our behalf by a riled-up Tony Danza. [Photos: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Beyonce’s Parents Might Not Be Getting Divorced, Because Beyonce’s Life Is Perfect

If you needed further proof that Beyonce’s life is perfect and blessed and covered with a thin golden layer of angel kisses…well, you could probably just look at her. Seriously, look at that woman. Good lord. Anyway, for those of you who thought there must be some tiny flaw in the diva’s life, it looks like you’re going to have to eat your words, as rumors abound that Beyonce’s parents are not getting divorced after all.

If you recall, mama Tina Knowles filed for divorce in fall 2009 after finding out that husband Matthew Knowles may have made a future pop superstar with a woman who wasn’t his wife; the baby later proved to be Beyonce’s dad’s, and Tina slapped him with papers a month later. However, sources say that neither party showed up in court in Harris County, Texas yesterday to begin the divorce trial. Which could be a result of their solid gold alarm clocks both failing to work at the same time, but is more likely evidence that they don’t want to actually go through with it…for now. The judge dismissed the case after no one showed, and (we’re assuming) Beyonce stepped back from her crystal ball in heaven and clapped the fairy dust off her hands. Another day’s hard work done.

by (@hallekiefer)

Natalie Portman Says Black Swan Sex Scene Is “Extreme”, As In “Extremely Awesome”

After getting one side of the story from Mila Kunis, now Natalie Portman is opening up about the Black Swan sex scene they shared…and from what we can tell, it wasn’t some giggling-sorority-sister pillow fight either. Says Portman: “It’s not raunchy — it’s extreme.” BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?! Are we missing out on a whole section of sexy things if we’ve never done anything we’d describe with the same word as our favorite kind of Doritos?

But if the scene males feel awkward, we aren’t the only ones. Explains Portman, “I was figuring out my own sexual identity, likes and dislikes and all that stuff, and it’s weird to be doing stuff on film as you’re figuring it out,” she says. From the sound of it, we bet a lot of other people are going to be figuring out their sexual identity during the movie too. Thousands of people will wander out of the movie dazed, as they finally realize they are flaming Portman-sexuals.

Not that Natalie got buck-wild on camera without a lot of forethought behind it. Portman has turned down roles before because they required nudity, explaining,”It’s annoying, because online bulls**t interferes with what I want to do artistically. I’m not opposed to sexuality or nudity in a film, but I’m very opposed to pornography sites and you’re pretty much giving them material if you do any of that. It’s always a big dilemma for me.” Oh, sure, blame us Natalie! We just know fine art when we see it. Is that so wrong?