Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

Lea Michele Says Glee Cast Is So Comfy Together, They Just Let The Farts Fly

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We already know the cast of Glee is super comfortable getting half-naked with each other. But according to Glee’s Lea Michele, farting in front of each other has now become the norm too. That show gets more and more like our actual high school experience every day! Well, except for the excellent singing and good-looking people. Mainly just the farting, we guess.

Explains Michele, due to that exquisite level of comfort, any chemistry you seen during kisses between Cory Monteith and her character Rachel are purely of the gastronomical variety. Says Michele, “We’re such good friends that we’ve passed that level of weirdness. Cory farts in front of me.” So, passing one level of weirdness and going straight to another, smellier level. At least you don’t run the risk of another on-screen romance going wrong like Mark Salling and Naya Rivera, though you might have to slip on a gas mask from time to time.

Explains Lea, “I see the people in the tabloids, the ones that get bad press, who have kind of gone off the edge, and I try to study them so that I don’t do that.” Talking about a co-worker’s gas problems though? A-okay with us! Despite all the noxious fumes and irate parents surrounding the Gleeks, Lea knows it’s all worth it, saying “There is some bad stuff that comes with this kind of popularity. But no matter what’s going on in my life, the next thing I know, we’re jumping on mattresses, having slushies thrown at us—or just having fun with each other. It really does make everything OK.” Aw! Even if we have to pinch our noses around you, we think you Glee kids are just too cute! [Photos: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Christian Bale Is “Bored S**tless” With Some “Tool.” Turns Out, He Means Himself.

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Oh how we love a good Christian Bale rant! While we’re all pretty used to Bale yelling at everyone around him, it’s a refreshing change of pace when the person he’s tearing apart…is himself. When describing his acting career in December’s issue of Esquire, Bale admits, “Well, it’s also just I’m bored s***less with myself.” Considering he’s starred in some of the biggest blockbusters in the past couple years, he’s probably one of the only people who would say that. Then again, if he wants to mix it up and star in Brokeback Mountain 2, we ain’t complaining.

Explains Christian, “Well, it’s embarrassing to be a star. Most people look at you like, ‘That’s not a f***ing job, is it?’ And then on top of that, you learn very quickly that you’re just a tool — other people are manipulating everything you do, you’re at the mercy of editors, and there’s nothing you can do. But I learned that there’s a certain character that can be built from embarrassing yourself endlessly. If you can sit happy with embarrassment, there’s not much else that can really get to ya.” Hey, we’re tools who embarrass ourselves constantly too! The main difference is, we’re not getting paid millions upon millions of dollars to do it.

But it’s not all bad news; apparently Christian at least loves the inevitable backlash fame brings. Says Bale, “I do love people ripping the s**t out of me. I don’t know what that’s about, but I love it. The more crap you give me, the happier I get.” Oh, okay, great! Hmm, let’s see: your facial hair is silly, the voice you use for Batman is some middle-school-drama-club business, and we have yet to find you as hot as we did when you starred as Laurie in Little Women. Phew! That felt amazing. We hope you liked it to, Laur….we mean, Christian. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Mel Gibson Had To Slap His Girlfriend To Save His Baby, Says Mel Gibson

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We think we finally figured out why Mel Gibson has been acting so insane for the last…as long as we can remember: he was just trying to save babies! According to a recently released declaration he filed July 23, Gibson slapped Oksana Grigorieva in an attempt to save their baby Lucia after Oksana became “hysterical” and he feared she would accidentally hurt the child. Well, in that case, slap away Mr. Gibson! The slapping floor is yours!

Explained Mel. “I slapped Oksana one time with an open hand in an attempt to bring her back to reality. I did not slap her hard, I was just trying to shock her so that she would stop screaming, continuing shaking Lucia back and forth.” Ugh, we really hope none of this is true. It’s bad enough picturing a baby in danger, but when Mel Gibson is the sane person in a situation? You know things have taken a turn for the epically terrible.

Said Gibson in the report, “While I do not believe I handled the situation as well as I should have, I was worried about the rough way Oksana was shaking and tossing Lucia around.” AS WELL AS I SHOULD HAVE. Now that’s the understatement of the year. And we’re assuming Oksana was running around shaking that baby all over for no reason. Certainly not in response to anything her belligerent mad man of a boyfriend was doing. No siree bob….

According to the declaration, Mel also says he did not hit Oksana or knock any of her teeth, false or otherwise, out of her mouth. “There was never any blood on Oksana and none of her teeth were ‘broken,’ although one of the false veneers from a tooth apparently did come off, I did not see that occur at the time.” Well if Mel didn’t see it, it must have not happened! Glad to have that all cleared up. Now pardon us while we curl into a tiny ball in the corner for a few hours and quietly mumble to ourselves. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

LifeStyles Condoms Will Pay For Snooki’s Birthday; Snooki’s Birthday Will Pay For Itself

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We may not be surprised to hear that LifeStyles Condoms will sponsor Snooki’s birthday, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t eternally grateful. With the party taking place in the VIP room at the New York club Pascha, Snooki reportedly turned down a number of liquor companies willing to foot the bill before choosing the love glove company to pay for the shindig.  Snooki must have had her little calculator and Excel spreadsheet out all night, crunching numbers into the wee hours of the morning to figure out which would turn out to be cheaper. That, or the Center For Disease Control had to call in a few favors. Either way, we as Americans support this.

According to a source, “Snooki is an advocate for safe sex, and so was happy to have them as her party sponsor. They’ll probably have a booth at the party giving out condoms to guests. But this party is really for Snooki’s close friends, and she is personally paying for most of it.” Hmmm, having a condom company sponsor your party AND paying for most of it yourself? That only makes sense if Snooki’s just going to back up a semi to the side of the club and have them load the condoms straight in. A move we can totally get behind! Bring one for The Situation and Angelina, too!

About the sponsorship, Snooki’s rep says “Her message is if you are going to have sex, do it safely. It is going to be a great party.” We’re just glad to know that pickles of every size will be safe around Snooki for her birthday, and vice versa. And probably for the next week, depending on how many cases she gets to take home. [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Kendra Wilkinson Rages Against “Mom Pants”

If you had told us we would one day think Kendra from The Girls Next Door sounded like a raging feminist, we wouldn’t have believed you. But now that she is officially co-chair of the Hot Mommy Club, Kendra Wilkinson is angry about “mom pants,” and other stereotypes women feel pressured to fulfill once they pop out a baby. Expectations like, wearing a shirt that covers your areolas.

In a clip from her show, Kendra raves “Being a mom and everything, it’s hard. Everyone thinks I need to have a turtleneck shirt on and mom pants and act like a total a society robot … and that’s not me.” We, on the other hand, are really looking forward to a nice roomy pair of mom pants. Just let that waist pant ride up; who cares if our abdomens look gigantic? It’s all about comfort.

Explains Wilkinson, “I woke up and realized: Who am I living my life for? Like, I wanna live my life for me. That’s what I am going through right now. It’s time to see the world in your own eyes, not someone else’s eyes, you know?” And if Kendra’s eyes want to see her wearing a teeny tiny bikini while on a ski slope on the lastest cover of Playboy, then by god that’s what they’re going to see! And if everyone else’s eyes get to see that too? So much the better.

by (@hallekiefer)

Mel Had To Fork Over A Buttload Of Guns To Police

In the latest news from the terror mind, police reports show this past July Mel Gibson surrendered his guns to police…and yes, that was guns, as in plural, as in multiple guns. Apparently when Oksana Grigorieva took out a domestic violence restraining order against him a few months ago, standard police op required Mel to hand over all weapons, a list we’re imagining included everything from “anything light enough for Mel to pick up and heave at a police cruiser” and “every curse word known to man.”

Unfortunately, what was actually on the “Receipt for Property Taken Into Custody” recorded on July 15 is way more disturbing, as you’re about to find out. The firearms Gibson had to have pried out of his blubbering, maniacal hands were:

  • A blue steel, semi-automatic 9 millimeter Glock handgun
  • A blue steel, semi-automatic  9 millimeter Beretta handgun
  • A blue steel, semi-automatic 12 gauge Benelli shotgun
  • A blue steel, lever action Winchester rifle
  • A magazine for the Glock
  • A magazine for the Beretta
  • A speed loader for the Glock

How we wish we still lived in a world were “Blue Steel” was merely a Zoolander reference. Well, at least Mel didn’t have a tank. Not one that they made him hand over, anyway…

by (@hallekiefer)

Mila Kunis Talks Sex Scene with Natalie Portman, Looking “Like Gollum” In Black Swan

Let’s be real here: the vast majority of people plan on going to see the movie Black Swan for the promised Mila Kunis and Natalia Portman sex scene, right? But would it change anyone’s mind to know that due to the film’s rigorous ballet training, both women ended up looking like Lord of The Rings characters? Says Kunis, after undergoing dance instruction, she “lost 20 lbs” and “looked like Gollum from Lord of the Rings! … Everything was just protruding.” Portman adds that her arms actually became longer due to a practice schedule “I started a year ahead of time, and by the end I was doing eight hours a day.” While that sounds intensely uncomfortable to us, at least film makers have finally made something for those people into long arms and Gollum girls. Which is nice, because when do they ever get anything?

But regardless of whether your partner is a slimy beast or Natalie Portman (those are your only options in this scenario), the sex scene in Black Swan isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be…well, at least for the people filming it. “They’re never comfortable, same-sex, opposite-sex, it’s never comfortable,” says Mila of intimate on-screen moments. As for gossip swirling around their faux-tryst, Kunis laughs at the suggestion that she and co-star Portman had to get tipsy to get ‘er done: “There was no tequila! Not sure where that rumor came from, but it’s false. I don’t think we could have done that scene if we were intoxicated.”  Well, when we shot our sex scene with Gollum, we definitely made sure we were wasted. Oh, wait, we mean if! If we had shot a sex scene with Gollum. Please don’t tell our moms. Seriously, please don’t.

by (@hallekiefer)

Like Creepy Mother, Like Daughter: Shiloh Asked Mom Angelina For “A Dead Pet”

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Her mom Angelina might be covered in tattoos and have once worn a vial of human blood around her neck, but in our opinion Shiloh Jolie-Pitt wanting a “dead pet” marks a whole new generation of crazy. The story starts with Shiloh coming across a dead bird. Instead of screaming and crying and/or poking it with a stick like we would have done at her age, she calmly asked her mother if she could keep it. Forever.

Says Angelina, “She came in and said, ‘Can I have a dead pet?’ And I’m … ‘Uh-uh, I don’t think it’s healthy, honey. I think they have to put him in a box,’ and I had to run out to find, like, a taxidermy bird. I just worked it out for her.” See, our parents would have just given us the side-eye and gone back to their issue of Parade magazine, not run out and bought us another dead bird. Either that or they’d open up one of those military school brochures that always seemed to be lying around…

So did 4-year-old Shiloh understand that her mom wasn’t just swapping out one deceased yard critter for another? Says Jolie, “No. But I figured that I couldn’t keep the actual dead bird from the yard, so I swayed her toward one that had been cleaned, at least.” AT LEAST, Angelina. Jolie also went on to describe her daughter as “hilarious.” So…we guess you had to be there. [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Dry Your Eyes, Ladies: Hulk Hogan Has Registered For A Marriage License

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The ladies of South Beach are weeping hot ochre tears tonight now that their king Hulk Hogan registered for a marriage license. The 57-year-old Hogan got engaged this summer to 35-year-old stunner Jennifer McDaniel, who you might recognize from the mirror Brooke Hogan now has to permanently stare into. You know what they say: age ain’t nothing but a number. And beef jerky will keep forever if left in a warm, sunny environment.

Legally the couple has until January 11, 2011 to get hitched, so Jennifer only has a few short months to finishing ripping cleavage slits in the bodice of those hot pink Lycra bridesmaids dresses. They aren’t going to rip themselves! Says Hulk about his impending marriage, “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.” So take that, other family!

Naw, we’re just teasing. We’re glad these two are actually going through with it, considering that Jennifer already had the Hulk’s name tattooed on her arm last fall. No one deserves to have our middle school nickname written permanently on their body unless they’re getting something out of the deal. Oh, wait, she got his real name, Terry, tattooed on her body?  Man, we just hope this is a forever love. For her sake. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Kim And Kourtney Support Scott Disick’s Boner Pill Empire

Sometimes the universe comes together for one beautiful moment and you can catch a glimpse of the true order of things. Like when Kourtney Kardashian’s boyfriend Scott Disick comes out with a line of boner pills.  For us, reading that sentence like watching a plastic bag float in a breeze; suddenly we realize that life makes sense after all.

Last night, Kourt and sister Kim Kardashian attended the launch of what we’re sure is the culmination of Scott’s dream since he was a wee lad: selling his own line of male performance enhancing drugs.  We can’t say we’re surprised by this turn of events. Given that Scott’s one claim to fame is being Kourtney’s baby dady (well, and generally being horrible), he’s pretty much only known for his male performance. Why not ride that wave?

The kick-off party took place at the Chelsea Room under the Hotel Chelsea in New York, which sounds way too classy to be hosting this kind of event. Said a source in attendance, “You could tell Kourtney was there for her guy,” rather than being there for, say, Khloe. Disick’s new brand of happy pills are named Amidren: High-T, a meaningless yet macho title guaranteed to get him a product tie-in with the men of Jersey Shore in 10…9…8… Ah, we can hear the radio ads now: with a name like Disick, it has to be good!