Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

Witches? Cats? Evan’s Butt? Let’s Decipher Ryan Murphy’s American Horror Story Season 3 Hints

Ryan Murphy Drops Hints About American Horror Story Season 3
Gargoyles! Psychics! They worship the moon! Oh, sorry, we were just getting worked up, thinking about the upcoming third season of American Horror Story after reading Ryan Murphy‘s new and ever more revealing spoilers. “I really miss Jessica Lange as Constance, that kind of stuff. And I know she missed it too,” the show creator told press at an advanced screening of AHS: Asylum‘s season finale. In addition to confirming that we will still get all the Lange our souls require, Murphy said the next season will be “funnier,” take place in modern times in several different cities and will be “really about female power.” Revealed the Glee creator, “I got Jessica to do it because I did everything she asked … and I also told her she will have hair, makeup, and the best designer gowns ever made. She’s going to play a real glamour cat sort of lady.” Glamour…cat…lady. Oh Ryan. How well you know us. How much you’ve learned.

After burning through aliens, Nazis, angels, serial killers and monsters of several different varieties this season alone, Ryan Murphy is obviously going to need to mix it up next season. The show’s writers return on Monday to hash out the third season, but we are already psyched for what we hear is coming our way…and what terrors we hope could join the mix:

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by (@hallekiefer)

Lena Dunham Drinks About A Quarter Of The Haterade, Says Some 58-Year-Olds Wish Her Dead

Oh, celebrities: they’re just like us! Well, maybe not the whole “random people on the internet want them to perish in a fire” part. Joked Lena Dunham on The Daily Show, “You definitely do get the sense that some 58-year-olds wish you dead.” The Girls show creator stopped by last night to discuss her Golden Globes win, and how she cannot stop herself from reading the mean things people say about her online. “I like to say I don’t read anything. That’s my token line, ‘Oh, I don’t read anything,’ but if I’m being honest I read a quarter of things,” Dunham admits. Considering how much buzz has surrounded Girls for the past year, “a quarter of things” could easily translate into “more of the Internet than anyone can read without going completely insane.”

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by (@hallekiefer)

After The Condom Incident, Why Would Zac Efron Flip Out Over A Few Sex Shop Photos?

Zac Efron filming a movie in a sex shop in NYC

Hmmm. These reports about Zac Efron allegedly “freaking out” and chasing down a photographer who snapped his photo in New York sex shop Fantasy World make us want to slip on our Sherlock Holmes hat and get to the bottom of things. (Did you know those hats are called deerstalkers? No, really!) Let’s look at the evidence:

Why would Zac be so perturbed to have his photo taken in a sex shop if he was allegedly there to film a scene for his upcoming film Are We Officially Dating? with Imogen Poots. Obviously he knows we will see him standing amid the sex toys on the big screen eventually. More importantly, Zac has already been snapped chilling next to some adult props when a fan posed with him and then-girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens in 2008. Even more tellingly, Zac handled that incident with aplomb, laughing that his mother stuffed his Christmas stocking with condoms. Zac Efron told the world about his mother giving him condoms! Does that sound like the kind of guy who would be squeamish about being seen near a few bottles of lube? We think not.

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by (@hallekiefer)

Michael J. Fox Can Already Guess The Title Of The Inevitable Taylor Swift Song About His Son

Michae J. Fox jokes about Taylor Swift dating his son

You know we love Taylor Swift, but oh, how Michael J. Fox‘s comments about her dating his son Sam made us laugh. We laughed almost as hard at his comments as we did when Tina Fey first shooed TSwift away from Sam during the Golden Globes. “No. No … Just back off,” the Back To The Future star told Vulture last night. “I don’t keep up with it all. But Taylor Swift writes songs about everybody she goes out with, right? What a way to build a career.” Oh wow, that is a Michael J. Fox burn right there. Between this and the rumor claiming Bradley Cooper turned Taylor down for a date, we feel bad for the girl…but also like laughing with the glee of giddy school children. It’s Michael J. Fox! Riffing on Taylor Swift! We just never anticipated this moment, and it’s wonderful.

Fox later goes on to imagine what would happen if Taylor stopped by for dinner. “I wouldn’t even know who she was,” he mused. He would obviously remember her once she and his son parted ways though, after she pens a song about him for her album. “‘Sam, You Piece of S—.’ Oh … that was the girl you brought home!” You know what? This just makes us want Taylor Swift to date Michael J. Fox’s son even more. You think Taylor Swift can’t tame any parent, no matter how reluctant? Tell it to the Kennedys. Tell it to the Gyllenhaals. She got this.

by (@hallekiefer)

James Deen Busts Out The Backhanded Compliments For Canyons Costar Lindsay Lohan

James Deen talks about Lindsay Lohan

Whoa, watch out for the backhand on those compliments, boy! You’d think the bad press facing The Canyons star James Deen would be related to his career as a porn star, but this is 2012 and we’re all more mature than that. Mature people can be obsessed with what Lindsay Lohan is like behind the scenes, right? Right. Following in the wake of the New York Times Magazine article This Is What Happens If You Cast Lindsay Lohan In Your Movie, Lilo’s leading man decided to clear up some rumors about Lindsay in The Daily Beast. How nice of him! Let’s see what he had to say…

“She has a unique way of communicating. She’s a child star who’s been living in this fame world being chased by paparazzi,” Deen observed in the interview. Okay, that’s not so bad. That’s certainly true about the child star thing. “She’s been conditioned to say what she needs and then someone will bring it to her, so I can see why people would consider her to be a train wreck or a bitch or whatever, but her intentions are fine,” James added. Wait one minute…is he just trying to confirm all those horrible rumors?

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by (@hallekiefer)

They’re Rebooting Gremlins? Why Don’t They Just Reboot The Bible While They’re At It?

Gremlins Reboot Rumored

If you read our ish on a regular basis, you know we have a very tumultuous relationship with remakes and reboots. We held our tongues when Michael Bay decided to reboot Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (No, we didn’t. At all.), but we could not praise the latest Evil Dead trailer enough. The Heathers reboot gave us pause, but then we all but pooped our pants over the Boy Meets World reboot/spin-off/stroke of genius. While we would be intrigued by Ben Affleck‘s plans for The Stand, news of a Gremlins reboot based on the 1984 horror movie is making us want to crawl into a chimney on Christmas Eve and…well…if you’ve seen the movie, you know what happens after that. (What do we mean “if”? You’re alive and have access to movies, don’t you? Of course you’ve seen it!)

According to Vulture, Warner Bros. Pictures is currently negotiating with Steven Spielberg‘s company Amblin Entertainment to create a new, improved race of evil green goblins for today’s horrified children to see at a sleepover. According to their source, a deal “might just actually come off this time” after several rounds of talks in the past. We’re willing to hold out hope that the new Gremlins will be a new Gypsy rather than a new Brady Bunch, but if they touch Gremlins 2, so help us God…

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by (@hallekiefer)

Let Us Celebrate Zooey Deschanel’s Birthday With Her 33 Most Amazingly Twee Moments

Zooey Deschanel turns the big three three today, and what better way to celebrate the birth of our favorite be-banged sitcom star then to pay homage to the 33 most twee Zooey D. moments? Just so we’re clear, we are all about tweeness, particularly Zooey’s. Like the woman herself told Glamour, “We can’t be feminine and be feminists and be successful? I want to be a f—ing feminist and wear a f—ing Peter Pan collar. So f—ing what?” Never change for anyone, lady! Never change.

1. & 2. Zooey’s Golden Globe Nail Game. Both 2013….

And 2012.

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by (@hallekiefer)

Lena Dunham Visits Howard Stern For An Apology, To Become His Best Friend

Lena Dunham Goes On the Howard Stern Show

We’re excited to see what comes out of the new friendship between Howard Stern and Lena Dunham. After all, they love the same things: nudity, jokes, nudity, um, listening to themselves talk? We obviously love listening to them talk to, which is why we are emotional invested in the Girls creator’s visit to the Howard Stern Show today. After Lena repeated Stern’s description of her as a “little fat chick” on Letterman last Friday, Stern apologized for his choice of words. Today, he sooooort of stuck by that when Dunham came in for an interview. “I realize: not only am I addicted, but I totally get you. I’m in love with you and your character,” Stern said of Girls, before adding “It’s not about apologizing, although I want to say I’m a fan of yours … I love you and I think you’re terrific.” We know plenty of little terrific fat girls that we love, so we completely understand where Howard Stern is coming from!

Fortunately Dunham is not the kind of person who gets easily upset. (Of course she isn’t. Have you seen the mean things people write about her on the Internet?) “I’m not super thin, but I’m thin for, like, Detroit,” she quipped, to which Howard replied that she’s not “obese or anything.” Luckily for Stern, Lena took it in stride. “I appreciate it and I appreciate your effort to rectify [this], but whether you’d done that or not, I’d have remained a [Howard Stern] enthusiast,” Dunham replied. Either way, we have enough Lena Dunham love to overrde a million “fat girl” comments.

by (@hallekiefer)

Jennifer Lopez Remembers How “Hard” The Press Was On Bennifer. Let Us Gently Remind You Why.


It horrifies us to think that some of you kids might only know Ben Affleck as a legitimate film director, not as the male half of a celebrity mega-couple. Are we so old and Hollywood so ever-changing? That’s the first thought that popped in our heads when we read Jennifer Lopez‘s exceedingly kind words about Affleck…and their experience as a celebrity couple. “[Argo] was a great movie,” Lopez told Ellen DeGeneres today. “And, we got you know, a lot of like … They were really hard on us in the press when we dated back in the day. On movies and things like that. So it was a nice moment. It was nice to see him have that moment. I was really happy for him.” That is true. There is no arguing that Bennifer was tabloid fodder for years, but maybe it wasn’t entirely the medias fault. So much of Bennifer was such perfect celeb gossip:

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by (@hallekiefer)

No Pressure, But Jennifer Lawrence’s SNL Promos Pretty Much Guarantee A Great Show

We don’t mean to create unrealistic expectations for ourselves or anyone else, but Jennifer Lawrence is going to be amazing as an SNL host this Saturday, right? Like “first time Lindsay Lohan in the Debbie Downer sketch” levels of awesome.? We’re basing this presupposition entirely on her new promos with the soon to be Mr. Olivia Wilde Jason Sudeikis (they are letting him all the promos now, aren’t they?) for her episode this weekend with The Lumineers. Just the fact JLaw was able to make a Hunger Games archery joke seem fresh almost a year later is a testament to her skill as a performer.

Promos aside, Jennifer has all the ingredients of an excellent host: she’s a great actress, she’s naturally hilarious both in interviews and onstage and she seems like the kind of person who might accidentally swear on live TV , hen laugh maniacally until they cut to commercial. Plus you know they are going to riff on her “I beat Meryl” Golden Globes acceptance speech. It’s like she said that line just so Saturday Night Life could make fun of it! That was so nice of her. So don’t blow this, Lawrence! We don’t want another “Lindsay Lohan the second time” on our hands.