Wow. As much as we blog about celebrity gossip, rarely do we get a chance to peak behind the veil created by publicists, managers and, well, the stars themselves. It’s only when certain celebrities can’t control themselves do we get a hint at the chaos behind the scenes. While writer Stephen Rodrick doesn’t discuss any of Lindsay Lohan‘s recent emergenices/run-ins with the law in his in-depth article “Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan In Your Movie,” his piece about Lilo’s most recent film The Canyons with director Paul Schrader and co-star James Deen is still fascinating, baffling and, let’s be honest, utterly heart-breaking. The whole thing is worth a read, but we selected the most gasp-inducing moments from the story for you to peruse in the meantime:
Awards Season 2013 kicked off tonight with the People’s Choice Awards on CBS, and while we didn’t get any nip slips or f-bombs or other kind of flubs, host Kaley Cuoco and a cavalcade of stars kept it moving with some solid banter. From Ellen DeGeneres‘ Mayan prediction to Chris Colfer‘s fanfic shout-out, our favorite gems (other than Sandra Bullock‘s tear-jerking Favorite Humanitarian Award’s speech; we’re not going to try to recapture it) included…
We always feel a little uneasy speculating about the ongoing Rihanna/Chris Brown/Karrueche Tran drama. So it’s nice when one of them gives a nice, long, introspective Vibe interview revealing their inner most feelings about the situation. Though we have to admit, a few of Karreuche Tran’s statements have us raising our collective eyebrow. “I’ve been on a rollercoaster for the past year,” model Tran admits to the magazine. Oh honey…like we don’t know that? Like we haven’t all been right behind you, screaming, on that exact same coaster?
It looks like Tina Fey has heard our fervent prayers and decided to bring back Salma Hayek for the series finale of 30 Rock on January 31. She already answered our prayers that both Nancy Pelosi and Ice-T be somehow included in the episode, which makes us realize we have a lot of extremely weird, hyper-specific prayers. Hayek will be returning as Jack Donaghy’s ex-girlfriend Elisa, the love interest we all known Alec Baldwin should have been with all along. So since we’re bringing back the show’s greatest guest stars, can we please request that Matt Damon return as Liz Lemon’s ex Carol? Because he is obviously who she should have ended up with all along. Please?
It’s not that we don’t like James Marsden‘s character Criss. He and Liz had a lovely, weirdo court house wedding this past November. It’s just that we don’t like James Marsden’s Criss as much as Matt Damon’s weepy, stubborn Carol. Carol and Liz were the perfect match! It’s only because Matt Damon had a bustling film career that his character couldn’t stick around. (No offense, Marsden.) We would be peeved to see Jack end up with his soulmate and Liz stuck with a partner that was not quite as perfect. Then again, apparently Julianne Moore‘s Nancy will also be popping back up in the finale episode. If Tina Fey decides to pair her with Jack and neglects to invite Damon back…well, we wash our hands of this finale entirely! You might as well forget to invite Rachel Dratch while you’re at it!
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We’re starting to get a little jealous that Mark Wahlberg wants to say hi to our mothers all the time. In case we’d somehow forgotten that Marky Mark is adorable and hilarious in addition to being ripped (please watch the Pain And Gain trailer for more information regarding Mark Wahlberg’s gun show), the actor and his Broken City director Allen Hughes popped up on Fox 29′s Good Day Philadelphia to deliver the weather report today, i.e. charm the khakis off all the moms in the viewing area.
“We’re expecting 40- to 45-minute delays if you’re coming east bound on the 676 here,” Wahlberg explained in what can only be described as Chris Farley‘s “Da Bears” accent while flailing his arms in front of a green screen. “You’re going to have some serious problems. Why don’t you stop and get yourself a hoagie?” Did you know Mark Wahlberg has been with his wife since 2001 and they have four beautiful children together? He was basically engineered in a lab for moms to love him. On a related note, we’re assuming director Allen Hughes unleashed Mark Wahlberg onto the Philly airways because his staggering charm is the only way anyone will be seeing Broken City. Have any of you even heard of it until right this second? It’s coming out next Friday! Tell your mother to go see it. Also? Please tell her hello.
Well, we see everyone remembered to take their crazy pills this morning. What other explanation can there be for the rampant debate on Twitter and Tumblr over whether Sam Claflin is hot enough to be Hunger Games contender Finnick Odair, following the release of Entertainment Weekly‘s new Catching Fire cover. First of all, you can’t base a character or performer’s hotness on one photo. You have to look at all the evidence. Was Sam Claflin hot on the Catching Fire set in September? Yes. Was he hot leaping into the water while wearing a skin-tight wetsuit? Double yes. And if you have to base someone’s hotness on one photo, why not base it on EW’s inside photo of Katniss and Finnick? Are you looking at it now? Alright, alright.
So why are people doubting Claflin’s ability to pull off a character who is supposed to be hotness incarnate? If you ask us, it’s because both stars are clearly suffering from a case of Heinous Wig Syndrome (HWS), a terrible disease that also befell the Twilight casts during the last four movies of their franchise. Admit it: even Jennifer Lawrence looks less than amazing on this cover. Maybe those are special cinematic wigs that just don’t take to the close shots and heavy Photoshop of magazine photography. We don’t know; we never finished our Masters in Wig Studies. But keep the faith, everybody. We suspect Sam Claflin will have you furiously shipping Katniss/Finnick in no time. Seriously, did you look at that second photo? Humina.
[Photo: Entertainment Weekly]
So Jess and Sam invited Nick and Angie to a cabin for a couples’ weekend on New Girl tonight, even though no one in their right mind would ever do such a thing, especially without Winston and Schmidt. For shame. While we were obsessed with Jess’s woodland beauty, we have to pay homage to Winston’s faux crack memory before we get into the fashionings:
“Winston: I remember when I was a kid, me, my mom, and her mom, and, well, her mom and then her mom and of course her mom and then my little cousin Peanut. It all went back to that flaming trash can where we would sit around and harmonize, just “Shoo-oop!” One of those nights I remember, we ran out of crack. I would grab my scarf and run down the the liquor store where thugs hung out and try to get a good deal on some crack. They would give me a good price, but I’ll tell you what. There’s not thing like the feel of a fire, a fresh-baked cookie and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.”
Okay, so we don’t actually know if Taylor Swift and Harry Styles have actually broken up or not. Maybe Richard Branson‘s island exerts mysterious influences on people, Lost-style. While we hope Haylor lasts unto eternity, forever and ever amen, we would be remiss if we didn’t point out that there are plenty of other fish in the sea for TSwift. Fish with boyish laughs and beautiful hair and emotional issues just begging to be memorialized in song. Fish like…
If you’re anything like us, you still occasionally stop in the middle of the produce aisle or on the elliptical to ponder out loud, “Why did Fred Armisen and Elisabeth Moss have to break up?” Apparently the SNL star is finally ready to reveal at least part of the truth behind his divorce from the Mad Men star. How they hooked up in the first place…well, that’s still anyone’s guess. “I think I was a terrible husband, I think I’m a terrible boyfriend,” Armisen revealed on Howard Stern. Howard Stern went on to conjecture that Moss must “f—king hate” Armisen to have once commented “the greatest impersonation he does is that of a normal person.” Fred replied, “I imagine so.” Yikes. So…the answer seems to be that Fred Armisen is just the worst?
“I want it all — fast,” the Portlandia star said by way of explanation. “I want to be married . . . the amount of girls I’ve lived with right away . . . and then somewhere around a year, two years, I get freaked out.” Okay, well. We’ve probably heard enough. Oh, we haven’t? “Do you feel entitled to more women?” Stern inquired. “I don’t want to admit that out loud to myself, but that probably is it,” Armisen replied. Oh double yikes. We could read that Al Roker poop story while eating beef chili, but hearing Fred Armisen say he wants “more women” makes our insides frown.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We don’t have to tell you how psyched we were for Magic Mike. It certainly wasn’t a secret how the interns had to spray us down with a garden hose whenever we blogged about it too much. That being said, even we were shocked by the story director Steven Soderbergh told while introducing Matthew McConaughey at the New York Critics Circle awards. “While we were shooting Matthew’s script sequence, one very impassioned woman extra pulled his G-string off and tried to stick her finger up his butt,” Soderbergh said out loud in front of other people yesterday. “And when I remembered that, I thought, You know, where I come from, you stand up for a guy who brings that kind of game to your movie.” Did we mention Soderbergh said this while welcoming McConaughey onstage to accept his Best Supporting Actor award for Magic Mike and Bernie? Amazing.
Of course, we don’t mean to imply that it’s awesome that an extra would try to stick their finger in anyone’s butt without an explicit invitation. We just think it’s great that Steven Soderbergh would bring it up in front of the New York media elite and Daniel Day-Lewis. “I don’t think she was trying to stick her finger up my butt,” McConaughey clarified once he took the stage “She was trying to put it somewhere, though, and you got it on film. It worked out.” Trying to put it somewhere that wasn’t his butt? What. Does. That. Even. Mean? Oh no, our body temperature is skyrocketing! Someone go get the hose!
[Photo: Warner Bros.]