Posts By Keeley Mangeno

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Seacrest’s Stalker: In! (Jail)

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Hey, American Idol and Scope Outlast Mouthwash fans! Ryan Seacrest is safe and sound and sleeping better than little baby Mason Kardashian, knowing that his stalker is now locked up in the clink.

Our beloved producer and host has been on pins and needles since  the fall, after the switchblade-carrying Chidi Uzomah Jr. was arrested for assaulting one of his bodyguards outside E! Entertainment Television where he produces his radio show, American Top 40. This obsessed nutcase – who was a sergeant for the U.S. Army Reserve – will spend the next two years in state prison, and is court-ordered to stay 500 yards away from Ryan and his glow in the dark teeth for ten years.

Ryan isn’t the only celeb in recent years to become the victim of sick-o creeps: ESPN reporter and Dancing With The Stars participant Erin Andrews was videotaped through a hotel room peephole this past year. Her stalker was sentenced to 30 months and must register as a sex offender. The moral of the story: celebrities are all fun and games until they get stalked.

[Photo: GettyImages]

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The Situation Tries To Rap, Should Keep His Day Job (What Is His Day Job, Exactly?)

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Wincing, cringing, feeling nauseous or being utterly horrified are completely normal symptoms when subjecting yourself to listening to The Situation’s newly leaked rap song, which is so cleverly titled, “The Situation.” That’s right, Mike Sorrentino of MTV’s Jersey Shore teamed up with Fatman Scoop, The Disco Fries and DJ Class with the intention of creating a club banger available on iTunes later this week.

A short clip of the song, released to TMZ, was  – not shockingly -  polluted with auto-tune and bad rapping. The only piece missing from this monstrosity was hearing “yo, yo” every few seconds, which would have truly sealed the track’s fate as future fodder for $1 bins at Wal-Marts around the world. A more optimistic point to this “situation” is now being able to consider Madonna’s rap lyrics in “American Life” about soy lattes, gardeners and butlers as high quality rhymes.

Nevertheless, the current state of hip-hop and rap cannot possibly get any worse, even if the entire Jersey Shore cast creates a Christmas album consisting of The Situation’s rhymes, Pauly D’s beats and Snooki’s wahhhh-ing.

[Photo: GettyImages]

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Drake Is The Whiniest Ex-Boyfriend Ever

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While Rihanna is smitten-kittens over her baseball-playing BF, Matt Kemp, Drake is sobbing uncontrollably in the background. Well, not really, but in an interview for an upcoming New York Times profile, Drake shows his more delicate and, well, pathetic side.

The fling, which was SO last year and just way too brief for us to have enough time to dub the once couple with a ridiculous nickname (RiDri or DriRi?), was apparently enough to make Drizzy feel “terrible.” Drake insists in the interview that he was nothing more than a “pawn” in the singer’s game. As if he couldn’t make his own story worse, Drake even dedicated a whole track called “Fireworks” on his recently dropped Thank Me Later album about how Rihanna played him. After listening to the track the only conclusion that can be deduced is that Lil Wayne needs to escape his Rikers Island prison quarters immediately to help his heartbroken Young Money protégé.

Weezy, if you can read this, please use your next phone call to counsel your bitter friend. Tsk, tsk it seems Drake is reverting back to his old ways as Jimmy Brooks, the kid from Nickelodeon’s Degrassi High School. [Photo: GettyImages]

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J-Woww Launches Fashion Line For Fellow Attention-Hungry Guidettes

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It makes all too much sense that J-Woww’s freshly launched clothing line is named Filthy Couture. But hey – at least she’s being honest about the goods she’s hawking.  Take, for example, the skimpy, Swarovski crystal-encrusted, pastel pink dress the “designer” donned at the MTV Movie Awards, which miraculously didn’t cause the Jersey Shore reality star to have a Tara Reid moment. Filthy? Indeed.

To the skeptics: what did you expect? Filthy Couture cannot possibly do any worse than countless other failed celebrity clothing lines. Remember LL Cool J’s clothing line that even Sears couldn’t sell at clearance prices, or Lindsay Lohan’s line of leggings (some with knee pads included) that can be found for less than $20 on eBay? So what if it ends up strewn around T.J. Maxx and Marshall’s like Jennifer Lopez’s J.Lo and SweetFace collections? Any success is great success, plus, there’s bound to be a few orange tinted girls from Long Island or “Joy-zee” fist pumping and grinding their extensions off  in these floozy outfits. Not to mention, any woman that can literally stun The Situation with a hard punch deserves to have a few glances at her imminent fashion disaster.

[Photo: GettyImages]