Posts By Ambika Muttoo

by (@missmuttoo)

The Situation Will Be Shaking His Situation On Dancing With The Stars

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This news brought two reactions out of us: A. This man is going to take over the world, one reality show at a time. B. We’re going to watch every single episode.

The monumental piece of information that was brought to out attention today via Radaronline is this:  Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has signed on to join the eleventh series of Dancing with the Stars. Don’t believe us? An informant revealed, “It’s official – The Situation is taking GTL to the dance floor.” That’s ‘Gym, Tanning and Laundry’ in Guido-speak. The source added for good measure, “Negotiations have been underway with The Situation for some time and an agreement was recently struck.” Now visualize Mikey doing the paso doble and join our glee!

The Sitch is on a serious roll. He’s probably going to win and then toast himself with his own Devotion vodka! Who thinks he’s going to dance shirtless 90% of the time? We do! *fingers crossed*

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Lindsay Lohan’s Out Of Rehab

Prepare yourselves, because she’s back! Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab and has left the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital after 23 days.  C’mon, admit it, you totally missed her. All that Twitter silence was downright eerie!

Remember how Lindz was ordered to spend 90 days in treatment by Judge Marsha Revel? Well after Lindsay was released early from jail, Judge Revel excused herself from the case. Allegations had been flying around that she had contacted people involved in the case without notifying lawyers on both sides. Not considered cool, legally or otherwise. The new judge, Elden Fox, was told by doctors at UCLA that Lindsay was fit to be released, and he agreed.

Time for Lohan to start making millions doing interviews about her never-ending problems and her “recovery.” This time around, we hope she gets it right. Stay well, Lindsay. This might just be your last chance at fixing, well, everything.

by (@missmuttoo)

Miley To Flash Brazilian Bikini Wax In Movie. Yay?

You’ve have heard of this new movie  starring Miley Cyrus and Demi Moore, right? It’s called LOL: Laughing Out Loud and the two play mom-and-daughter onscreen. Off-screen they’re BFF, hitting up bars together and such.

With a title that uses web-approved abbreviations, we thought it was going to be a Freaky Friday-like goofball chick flick. Turns out it’s a lot more like the sexy, Nikki Reed-penned Thirteen and you’re going to see a lot more of Miley than you’d like to. Case in point: Miley’s character will flash her brazilian bikini wax at Demi. You’re getting the picture, right? Not-so-little Miley’s all about the sex and drugs in this movie.

Please prepare yourself for some serious TMI. Apart from flashing her wax, she’s also going to lose her V-Card, smoke a doobie, get dee-runk and make out with two girls. Well, Miley’s kissed girls before, so the last part should be a breeze. But we can’t wait to watch Demi’s momma character tell Miles, “You’re my daughter. And I won’t let you turn into a porn star!”

We can already hear Miley’s defense for those who criticize her for portraying a super-sexual teen: Relax y’all. It’s just acting. I’m a performer.

[Photo:]

by (@missmuttoo)

The More You Drink The Situation’s Vodka, The More Money He Makes

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Jay-Z does it. Diddy does it. But The Situation can do it even better. While Jay has Armadale vodka and Diddy endorses Ciroc, our man Mike Sorrentino‘s got Devotion vodka. Everybody drinks it. Didn’t you know? *snort*

But this isn’t your ordinary run of the mill bottle. This vodka contains Casein, which is a clear protein. So you’re drinking a protein cocktail. Or in the Sitch’s case…protein shooters! Because this is Devotion …to your body. Because it’s a temple. Geddit?

This kinda makes sense because muscle boosters are also part of his get-rich plan. And although we’re snorting with derision, he’s laughing his way to the bank. ‘Cause sources snitch that the Sitch got $400,000 just for signing on and is reportedly going to make $5 million this year. For that price, he’s devoted for sure.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Katharine McPhee’s Accident, Hot Knights In Shining Armour

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Katharine McPhee had an accident last weekend, when someone hit her car while she was stopped at a red light. The American Idol starlet had policemen and fireman rushing to her aid and she voiced her appreciate by tweeting all about it, of course.

She wrote: “Just had a lovely experience at the local Sherman oaks hospital. Was hit from behind pretty dang hard. My one regret was not wearing…” she continued in a second tweet, “Makeup today because all the fireman & policeman were sooooo hott! And sweet! I will be ok. Soar [sic] but ok.”

Nothing like some hot TLC to make you feel better.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Taylor Lautner Sues Because He Didn’t Get A Fancy Trailer

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Taylor Lautner is mad. Suing mad. ‘Cause when Tay-Tay asks for his trailer, you better deliver. We kid you not. Everyone’s favorite werewolf was scheduled to start filming a new movie and had, on the 1st of May, sealed a deal with a company called McMahon’s RV. They were supposed to deliver a fancy $300,000 2006 Affinity Country Coach RV to Taylor by June 21st because that’s when filming commenced and Tay needed a space to oil down his abs in private. (We kid.) We googled the mobile home, and lets just say that it is fancier than our apartment could ever hope to be.

Unfortunately, McMahon dropped off the trailer but it wasn’t exactly in mint condition and allegedly had multiple safety violations,  which, as the legal papers say, resulted “in displeasure, annoyance and emotional distress of Taylor Lautner.”

Just give the dude his trailer, okay? Is that so much to ask for? Don’t you know he phases when he gets angry? Or worse still, do you really, want him to sic the wolf pack on you?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Heidi And Spencer: The Sex Tape Edition

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Spencer Pratt has been the target of a fair amount of vitriol over Twitter recently. Well, more than the usual amount that comes his way. His soon-to-be ex wife, Heidi Montag tweeted an eloquent, “F U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” to him, thanks to the sex tape he’s apparently trying to sell of her and Karissa Shannon.  They playmate was far more upfront about her feelings for Mr. Pratt, tweeting, “F**K YOU!!!!”

Spencer isn’t bothered one bit, tweeting Heidi right back with “Seriously? You’re going to start sh*t on twitter?” Uh, first: pot, meet kettle. Second:  Spencer is threatening to release a Speidi sex-tape. So, yes, the proverbial sh*t’s going to hit the roof.

As Spencer boasted on Twitter, he, “Promises you the Citizen Kane of sex tapes. Honestly, Orson Wells makes a guest appearance.” This monumental tape apparently has Heidi before and after plastic surgery, writhing away for your viewing pleasure (ewww).

Now, you’re probably asking yourself why Karissa is getting her panties in a twist? It’s because her panties are also involved. Spencer claims he’s found another sex tape featuring Heidi and Karissa getting down. Miss Montag…you DO get around. The playmate can breathe for a few and call off her lawyers because Vivid is rumored to be more interested in the  Speidi sex tapes, not so much the girl-on-girl. On another note: that’s quite a diss!

There’s a reason behind Spencer’s evil machinations, apart from him being, well, evil. The first is that Spencer has porn-star ambitions; “I am a wild sexual freak and I love sex”, he says. (We can’t believe we just typed out those words.) The second is that he seems to be using the tape(s) as leverage to convince Heidi to do another reality show with him.

The operative word here is blackmail. BUT. This is Heidi and Spencer, people. We reckon there’s more to this than meets the eye.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Madonna Sued For Fashion Crimes

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  • The Case: The Material Girl’s fashion line Material Girl is being sued for…material.
  • The Perp: Madonna, or Madge (her English grandma avatar). Lourdes Leon (the face/”designer” of the the Madonna-helmed fashion line), not so much. Oh the joys of being a minor!
  • The Prosecutor: L.A Triumph (a fashion company). They want the singer to cough up all the moolah she’s made from the collection (as if).
  • The Damning Quote: L.A Triumph claim they will triumph because “… Madonna and her newfound company do not have the right to trade in the same space under this brand.”
  • The Probable Outcome: Madonna will smoke you. Because that’s what she does.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Sookie And Bill Take The Plunge

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Sookuuuh and Bill have made it official, people. They’ve become one, uh, bloodline.  True Blood‘s Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer got married over the weekend. No word on if Eric Northman – we mean Alexander Skarsgard- and his tight butt bore witness.

We digress (and drool, sorry). Paquin and Moyer got hitched in front of friends and family in a white tent at a beachside villa at sunset in Malibu. The bride wearing a white three-quarter length halter-neck gown and Neil Lane bling for her trip down the aisle, while her man brooded in a dark suit. We don’t know if Moyer actually brooded, but that’s what Bill would do.

Cheering them on were Ryan Kwanten (Jason), Sam Trammel (Sam), Rutina Wesley (Tara), Carrie Preston (Arlene), Alan Ball (True Blood‘s creator) and Elijah Wood (totally random).

Congratulations, you two! You’re very hot. And you seem lovely. But most importantly, was A.Skars at your wedding?

[Photo: Getty Images]