Posts By Ambika Muttoo

by (@missmuttoo)

Quickie Wedding Reason? Miranda Kerr’s Pregnant

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This explains a lot. Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr were engaged in June and married a month later in a super secret ceremony. What are the possible reasons to dash to the altar? Bring crazy in love. Sure. Being pregnant? Bingo!

Miranda Kerr is pregnant joining the list of very hot Victorias Secret mammas and mom-to-be’s (like Doutzen Kroes). And just like fellow models Inc. - Heidi Klum, Gisele Bunchen, Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio – they’ll probably lose the baby weight 1.5 seconds after.

Kerr’s been trying to keep the news on the down-low but the news has spilled out. A source revealed, “She’s definitely pregnant… Miranda’s thrilled. She’s telling all her friends, mostly other models, about it.” Her friends are also stating the obvious. It’s going to be rather hard for her to give birth unnoticed considering her proclivity for posing not particularly covered up! A source commented, “She poses in lingerie. It will be obvious soon enough.”

Congratulations are in order! But we have one question. Now that she’s married, is she going to be Miranda KerrBloom? Say it’s so!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Willow Smith Is Way More Fashion-Forward Than We Ever Could Be

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Where is the justice? Dressed in sweat pants, hair scraped off face, we’re typing about celebri-kiddie  Willow Smith(Photos), who happens to be almost two decades younger than us, kicking it with her stylist. Her.Stylist. She’s NINE YEARS OLD.

Come to think of it, we did ponder about whether Willow and her brother Jaden Smith had people dressing them up when we saw them looking way cooler than we ever could at the screening of The Perfect Game three months ago. If you’re Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith‘s daughter, the answer is yes.

Robert Zangardi is the stylist behind all the fierceness and he gushed about Willow saying “She is young, edgy, and individual.” She’s also nine. Can anyone HEAR us? So that massive Jedward-like pompadour and leopard print you saw at the Karate Kid premiere? That’s all thanks to Zangardi and stylist-costume designer Mariel Haenn who have admittedly customized “hundreds of pieces” for the brother-sister duo.

Miss Willow also got to swing around a Givenchy bag at the premiere, but don’t worry…  she’s so not into brands. He revealed, “We start off the design process sitting down with her and talking about what we wanted to make. It wasn’t about the fact that it was a Givenchy bag; it was about the fact that it has gold spikes and star studs on it.”  Right, sure, now we get it. And lest you think that this is all crazy, because you so don’t, Zangardi  “allows her to have a little bit more fun and take more risks than an adult could. We just made her a 3-finger ring in diamond and gold.”

The nine year old got a 3-finger ring in diamond and gold. Lourdes Leon, you have stiff competition.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Gold-Digging Crazy Woman Claims To Be MJ’s Love Child

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It’s near impossible to let a celebrity rest in peace, isn’t it? Christopher Reeve had his memory tarnished with allegations of a relationship with a gay porn star. It’s now Michael Jackson‘s turn. Out of the blue – that’s how these things happen – a certain Mocienne Petit Jackson has popped up claiming to be Michael Jackson’s  illegitimate child.

Ms. Jackson, who currently lives in the Netherlands, spins such a crazy yarn that we can’t even form a proper note about it. Enjoy the hallucination.

  • Michael Jackson got her mother Barbara pregnant. This was in 1975, when he was 17 years old.
  • Her mother, Barbara, is Diana Ross‘ sister, making Mocienne her niece.
  • Katherine Jackson, MJ’s mother, tried to abduct Mocienne when she was 9 years old because she wanted to protect MJ’s image and send Mocienne to Belgium.
  • All seven of her kidnappers are now dead. Apparently they were murdered.
  • She, like, MJ, has Vitiligo. Like father, like daughter, is her point.
  • She wants custody of the King of Pop’s children. Because she can give them a “more normal life.”
  • Seriously.

Yes, this woman knows all about normal. What does she want, you ask? Money. And she’s filed suit at the  L.A. County Superior Court to lay claim on a tidy slice of that Jackson inheritance. No word if the judge will grant her a DNA test, or just throw it out of the window. We’re putting our money on the latter. And that’s that.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Cover Your Ears! Paris Hilton Records Another Album

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Why must Paris Hilton persist with this singing business? Why must she perversely enjoy making our ears bleed? We hate to admit it, but we totally heard every single song on her debut album,  Paris. And God help us, but the mere mention of her cover Do Ya Think I’m Sexy brings back awful memories of the auto-tuned track stuck in a loop in our heads.

You would think the nightmare would not, and could not possibly repeat itself. Think again, people, think again. Because Paris, she of the lofty musical ambitions, has some new inspiration: pocket-Venus Kylie Minogue. Cue Jaws theme song. Hilton trilled, “I’ve always loved Kylie Minogue. She’s one of my favorite artists. I’ve been really inspired by her. I wanted my music to kind of emulate her. I love her sound and I love the way she is.” And then she revealed to sounds of shattering glass worldwide, “I’ve finished recording my record. It’s like dance or club music. The album’s going to be out in a few months.” We suggest running for cover!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Chuck Bass Doesn’t Want Anything To Do With Vanessa

Isn’t it awkward when real life mirrors TV? There’s always been bad blood between Gossip Girl man-whore Chuck Bass and Brooklynite Vanessa Abrams, and now the stars behind the characters are emulating their scripted beef. Only, this won’t go away with the swipe of a scriptwriter, unfortunately.

Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr (Bass and Abrams, respectively) split up recently because  she couldn’t keep from pawing heir Marco Minuto. Problem is,  you don’t mess with the Basstard and get away with it. It’s a cautionary tale of how dating a co-star can go horribly wrong because the ensuing drama is screwing up the entire cast’s mojo. A source explained, “Jessica still misses Ed and want’s him back. However, he is heartbroken and wants nothing to do with her. Ed has really alienated Jessica from the rest of the cast.”

Sadly, Szohr’s really feeling the heat because of Westwick’s blacklisting. It was Nate’s, err, Chace Crawford‘s birthday last week and while the whole cast was celebrating at Scalinatella, guess who wasn’t invited. When  Blake Lively, Penn Badgley, Crawford and Westwick hung out at The Smith, Szohr was banned from the get together. Says a chatty source, “Ed doesn’t want to be around her, he’s still very hurt.”

Not so different from a Gossip Girl episode, is it? XOXO!

by (@missmuttoo)

Zac Efron Says Bye-Bye To His PG-13 Days In A Strip Club

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They grow up so fast don’t they? Vanessa Hudgens is going to be none too happy about this ’cause her BF Zac Efron has now discovered the joys of strip clubs. He and two friends – including High School Musical alum, Corbin Bleu - dropped a lot of cash on lap dances at the Flashdancers Gentlemen’s Club on Broadway, New York City. We’re talking more than $2 grand here (oh to be rich, young and famous) on dancers – down the g-strings of 3 brunettes in particular – and a hell of a lot vodka. And they kept going strong till 3 am. Part-ay!

How did he still look good the next day (we mean in the next couple of hours) at the premiere of his new sap-fest film, Charlie St. Cloud? And why does this strip-clubbing make us happy? Because it does, inexplicably. Maybe it’s because the Zefron is the movie equivalent to apple pie. So clean, perfect and wholesome; he makes us want to take a bite out of him. It’s nice to see a Disney star fall down the chute once in a while!

[Photo: Getty Images]


by (@missmuttoo)

Snooki’s Body Image Is Just Fine, Thank You

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There’s a reason why Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi chooses to spill out of one-piece swimsuits and not bikinis. As you can see from the pic above, our Snookster does it with pizazz, bless her boozy little soul. She rocks that leopard print like no one else can! But why the one-piece?

She explained, ” I would rather wear a sexy one-piece whether I am heavy or down to 90 pounds. I wore one-piece suits when I was really skinny to hide my nakedness in a sexy way. I think they are more provocative because it makes guys want to see more of me.” Truth be told, they saw plenty of sexy Snooki’s bathing suit wear in Miami.

But all that tequila and hangover food (read: grease) has been rough on our heroine, and  Snooki reveals she does want start working on her fitness again. “I do like to feel healthy,” she stated. “”After eating fast food and drinking booze every day in Miami, I know I need to lose weight. I want to feel better. I plan to go back to eating salads and chicken with no drinking.” No drinking? Say it isn’t so!

But seriously… for all we yap about about the Jersey Shore…. HOW did we not know that Snooki was a cheerleader in high school? (Take a moment to visualize.) Pom-poms, poufs, spirit, fist pumps – it’s perfect! Straight from the pony’s mouth, “I was more fit when I was cheerleading in high school.  I will hit the gym and do cheerleading stunts for some good exercise in coming days.” Can we please, please see her doing a herkie on video?

She also went a little PSA about body image (which we like), commenting, “My self image was fine when I came down to Miami in April and it’s fine now. We all have flaws. We work within them to look our best.” Awww. This is Snookie though, remember. There has to be some sort of Jersey Shore addition to the sentiment. Your dose of the day?  “We don’t sit around wondering how hot we look. We want to see how hot the guys are.”

Oh, Snooki, can we hang out with you?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

M.I.A Spits In Photog’s Face, Becomes Least Popular Person In America

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Hey M.I.A., your album tanked and your own producer said so. People kinda think you’re nuts because you morph into WTF-crazy lady on everyone from cute little Justin Bieber to Lady Gaga. You even went a bit batsh*t with the  New York Times. We get it; you’re a lean, mean insult machine. But the reason why the world tolerated all the bile you tend to spew is because you actually have/had talent. We’re not so sure anymore and guess who you have to blame. Hint: it ain’t us.

Case in point: M.I.A was headlining the Hard NYC festival over the weekend and her grand show didn’t go exactly as planned. It’s kinda-sorta understandable that she was pissed because of sound problems. But, to be fair to the sound check guys… the singer pretty much tanked with or without their help. She also peaced out of her set early, pausing to – wait for it - spit on a photographer’s face.

And guess who was there to chronicle her disaster of a set? Her old pals from the New York Times. They ripped her apart, and you know what… she totally gave them reason to. Their review reads, “The set started with “Steppin Up,” with M.I.A. backed by about a dozen power drills as part of the rhythm track: noise triumphant. But M.I.A.’s vocals were often so buried in echo, and the bass so bloated, that her lyrics just became more of the din, and the songs that she segued together like a disc-jockey set were barely distinguishable. Instead of a barrage, it was a morass.”

She could possibly try to blame the NY Times for being biased, but what does she have to say about music forums, swarming with angry disappointed fans? One blog forum railed, “After enduring hours of sizzling heat in the rave-like atmosphere of the Hard NYC festival on Governors Island on Saturday, even hardcore MIA fans were scrambling for the first boat back to the city by the fifth song of an abysmal set that left concert goers puzzled, upset and even full of pity for what was once one of the brightest stars in world pop music.”

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Diddy’s Got Mo Money, Mo Problems

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Oh, Diddy of the changing names, just like Prince. Will you become a symbol too? There happens to be a particular symbol chasing you around. Perhaps you’re familiar with it – it looks like this, “$.” Now put together about a million of those symbols and perhaps David Frankel will stop hunting you down.

Frankel, who? Frankel the finance commissioner of New York City, that’s who. And he’s looking for you! Diddy needs to write a big fat check to NYC for defacing the city with numerous promo-posters. And his tab for the illegal activity has topped off at $996,000.

Sean John‘s got company too. There’s a whole host of people that need to pay up for all their illegal promotion and together, they owe the city a whopping $1.9 billion. Yikes. Says Frankel, “We are going to find these people. We’re going to turn them upside down by their ankles and we’re going to shake them until the money comes out of their pockets.”

Hm. Seems like the more money Diddy comes across, the more problems he sees, eh?

[Photo: Getty Images]