Posts By Ambika Muttoo

by (@missmuttoo)

DMX Back To Where He Started… Jail

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We would not want to be in DMX‘s shoes right now. Here’s what’s happening in a nutshell:

In terms of the scales, he’s tipped way up crap-creek. And in a funny way, he’s coming full circle slammer-style. Look at his pattern: He was sentenced to jail earlier this year in March because he violated probation. And he was in the clink for verbally threatening a guard during his jail sentence last year while he was in for drug possession, animal cruelty and theft.

A 2002 reckless driving sentence was the original criminal culprit. DMX was smart enough not to contest the crime, which earned him probation. Unfortunately, he wasn’t smart enough to not screw up his probation terms…AGAIN. It’s like DMX deja-vu! He’s back in jail for 90 days.

Question is, will he managed to pull a Lohan and get out early? They both got the same 3 month term. Maybe his prison will be overcrowded too?

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Angelina’s On Twitter, But She Doesn’t Want To Tweet With You

Hello, people of Planet Earth,

My name is Angelina Jolie. You may know me because of my brood of children-of-the-world. Or my ridiculously-hot-again partner, Brad Pitt (Photos). Just kidding, you know me because you love me. You see, I do good, people. I travel the world, meet refugees, give my money away to charity, and manage to look fantastic in every photo ever clicked of me. I don’t say this to make you feel bad. I would never do anything like that. It just is what it is. I am perfect. But I have decided to smile more, and not rub my genetics and superior demeanor in your face.

I have written this open letter to inform you that I too have become a twit, just like you. I, Angelina Jolie, am now on Twitter.

*Burst of maniacal laughter* Fooled you! Did you think I would make it that easy? Did you think you could just TWEET your 140-character babble to ME? Wrong, pets. @AngelinaJolie is locked. I’m not following anyone (as if!) and no one is following me (even though you’re dying to). I just wanted the name all to myself. You.Can’t.Have.It. And even if I do decide to “tweet” later in the year, when I possibly have the time, it’ll be all about charity and NGO’s and refugees. Got it?

Yours peacefully,

Saint Angelina

by (@missmuttoo)

David Boreanaz’s Secret Sex Life Gets Creepier Every Day

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Okay, before we say anything else, can we please get this out of the way: Ew. Eww. EWWW. We just wrote about how David Boreanaz was being sued for sexual harassment by a “mystery actress,” after his whole adulterous turn with Rachel Uchitel. Turns out the actress is Kristina Hagen, and she revealed herself alongside Allred at – where else – a press conference.  All Hagen said was, “I’m very happy that Ms. Allred has agreed to represent me in this matter. I have confidence in the justice system and that is why I have decided to file this case.”

The suit claims that the Bones actor sent “sexually inappropriate text messages” to Hagan, who happened to be an extra on the show. It goes on to say that David was driving with Kristina in the car (umm why, exactly?)  in September last year and told her he was “the boss” and that he could “make things happen for her.” He then parked his car and “attempted to kiss her and touch her breasts but she pushed him away.”  Boreanaz then allegedly, “unzipped his pants, pulled out his penis and began stroking it until he ejaculated.”

Hagan also claims that he grabbed, kissed and fondled her and then “masturbated in front of her.” The very detailed suit reveals that David told Hagan that, “he and his wife had argued because there were reports of his infidelity” coming out — and that he and Hagan would have to “cool it.” Right. So, we’re confused? They were involved? How’s this sexual harassment, then?

Apparently Boreanaz kept telling Hagan that he would find her an acting job. He didn’t, and now we have a suit.  She’s not focusing her angry attention just on him though, she’s suing Fox and the Bones production houses as well for not taking care of the situation with the actor. He’s denying everything, as expected. His rep has spoken up stating, “The allegations concerning any alleged inappropriate conduct by David Boreanaz  are totally fabricated and absurd. There is no validity to this lawsuit.” Sigh. Stay tuned.

[Photo: Getty Images and Radar Online]

by (@missmuttoo)

Lindsay Lohan Making Bank While In The Clink

Going to jail might have been the best thing to happen to Lindsay Lohan‘s finances. Her mother, Dina Lohan, made sure she set up a slew of exclusives for TV and print so the cash is going to come pouring in. Of course, Dina’s going to be part of the interviews too (daddy Michael Lohan is a no-no). What did you expect from the Best.Mom.Ever (*snort*).
Sources state, “Dina was a part of the team that brokered all the deals. They made phone calls, and set up the interviews within three days. They wanted to get it all done before she was remanded to Lynwood and they did. It is a small solace to Lindsay while in jail that at least she can continue to make money in some way.”  Umm. We think she’s happy to be making money. Period.
The same insiders say that deals were sealed literally the night before she was carted off to jail, revealing, “On Monday night, the night before she had to report to jail to serve her sentence, she tied up all loose ends signed contracts for exclusive television and print stories. She’ll be doing major television sit downs after she finishes her sentence. Lindsay is going to tell everything about her experience in jail, she will open up about her entire life.”
And the price for all this press? Lilo’s reportedly making about seven figures! That’s more than she’s had in the bank for a long time. What’s Dina’s cut?
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by (@missmuttoo)

Alicia Keys Gets Rid Of Her Manager

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Alicia Keys is on a roll and sorting out every aspect of her life. She’s in love with Swizz Beatz and the happy couple is expecting a child. And now it’s her career’s turn to steal the focus. Alicia has parted ways with her longtime manager, Jeff Robinson. This apparently was long overdue, and her hubby-to-be helped her in making the decision, sources reveal, “Her fiance Swizz Beatz definitely played a huge part in killing him off. She got smart — and got a smart boyfriend — after years of people around her telling her she was crazy to let this continue to happen.”

The “crazy” they’re talking about is Robinson charging Alicia a 25% commission. And when she was starting out, he got a very substantial 33% for a longggg time. Now it’s time for him to go and make money off someone else. A company announcement stated, “Keys and Robinson have mutually and amicably agreed to pursue other opportunities. This decision will allow Alicia [and her company, AK Worldwide] more control over all aspects of her career.”  That’s called taking care of business.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

DMX Out Of Prison And Out Of His Marriage

Some people just can’t catch a break. Rapper and actor DMX was just released from jail a little over two weeks ago. Coming home hasn’t exactly been ideal, as DMX and his wife,Tashera Simmons, have now separated.  Earl Simmons (that’s his real name) was arrested in Phoenix for bail violation earlier this year. He was on probation for verbally threatening a guard during his jail sentence last year for drug possession, animal cruelty and theft.

The now ex-couple was married in 1999 and while it’s admirable that she’s stuck around for all the trouble – and there’s been plenty – her next course of action seems a bit… off. She’s planning a new reality TV series, which will show her putting her life back together with their four children post-split. The show will explain how they’ve coped “with a husband and a father that has let them down over and over again.”

She’s also writing a tell-all book about her life with DMX. Do you hear that sound? We thought we heard something that sounded like Ka-ching!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Two Boring Attractive People Wed

Isn’t there supposed to be a hotness quotient that should not be exceeded so that the universe doesn’t go awry? It’s like, a limited amount of hot chips you can cash in over one lifetime. You can’t go around screwing with the beautiful balance, dude. Not that Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom are listening, anyway. Because after a super-short engagement, they’ve secretly got hitched.

So tell us, how much better can one gene pool get? The mind boggles at this supernova of hotness and its possibilities. Not that we’re NOT saying congratulations. We’re happy for you, Ker-loom.

The news was confirmed by David Jones the super posh Aussie store that calls Kerr their Ambassador. She’s not going to be around for their spring launch on August 3 because she and Orli will be on their honeymoon. The store’s spokesperson Colette Garnsey announced, “Given the exiting news that Miranda and Orlando have recently wed and will be enjoying their honeymoon together, Miranda will not be with us.”

Kerr also released a statement saying, “I am enormously grateful to David Jones to have been given this time to enjoy such a special moment of my life.I look forward to coming back to Australia in the near future to celebrate with family and friends. David Jones very graciously released me during this period so we could celebrate an intimate ceremony and honeymoon together.”

Cheers to your very hot life together. We know we’ve used the word “hot” far too many times in this post already. But seriously…they’re too hot not to say it again!

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by (@missmuttoo)

Jon Hamm To Guest Star On The Simpsons

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The Simpsons are Hamming things up! Jon Hamm – the delish Don Draper from Mad Men – is going to voice a character on the animated show in an episode called Donnie Fatso. We only get to watch it in December (BOO!) The storyline is that Homer becomes an undercover informant in prison to break into Fat Tony’s gang. Which means – yay!- Fat Tony (voiced by Joe Mantegna) is back! Hamm plays the FBI supervisor monitoring Homer.

No Mad Men crossover here, if that’s what you were expecting. Al Jean, the executive producer of The Simpsons confirmed, “There’s no Mad Men reference. Jon’s a gruff FBI man. Homer asks if he can pick his undercover name and finally Jon just says, ‘Your name will be Nicky Blue Pants Altosaxophony.’ Homer says, ‘Do I get to keep the name when I’m done with it?’ and Jon says, ‘No, it’s the property of the government.’  He has no patience for Homer.”

Apparently he was a dream to work with too (uh, obviously). Jean revealed, “You gave him one note and he immediately did 12 great things with it. He was really funny. And handsome. He had it all.” Comments? Hamm and Homer – yay or nay? We’re gunning for a big, fat yay!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Adulterer David Boreanaz Sued For Sexual Harassment

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And the hits keep coming. David Boreanaz just slid out of his whole extramarital affair mess (with super skank Rachel Uchitel, no less). Now the Bones star may have come out strong with his family post the blow-up, but get ready for round two. Well, round three actually. Apart from YUCKitel -who denied being involved – another woman was also trying to extort money from him, saying they were involved. He’s now being sued for sexual harassment by a mystery actress.

And to keep it all the family, Gloria Allred is the lawyer handling the case. Remember, she was the one who handled the last extortion case, contacting the Angel-no-more’s lawyer for a six-figure sum!  The actress will reveal who she is along with Allred when the papers are officially filed, which is today. Yipee! So the cat will be out of the bag very soon with all the dirty deets and we’ll be chronicling the drama. Is it just us, or does Allred scare the c**p out of everybody?

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Awww, Christina Applegate Is Pregnant

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Awww! It’s news like this that makes us turn into little balls of mush. Christina Applegateis pregnant and both she and her fiance, musician Martyn Lenoble,  are over the moon. While that in itself is awesome news, consider the run that Applegate has had over the past couple of years. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to go through a double mastectomy followed by reconstructive surgery. It must’ve hit really close to home because she watched her mother, Nancy Priddy, go through the same disease. Applegate beat the cancer announcing, “Absolutely 100 percent clear and clean. It did not spread. They got everything out, so I’m definitely not going to die from breast cancer.”

As if that wasn’t rough enough, she dealt with the death of her ex boyfriend Lee Grivas. That’s a lot to swallow. Fortunately, Lenoble has been around providing lots of light at the end of the tunnel, she revealed, “He’s been a friend for about 13 years. Our relationship gets stronger and stronger. I’m really lucky.”  The Samantha Who star also summed up her ordeals saying, “I have a small but mighty support system and Martyn has really been an incredible part of my life. Without him, I don’t know if I could’ve gone through any of it. He came around at a time when there was a lot of loss in my life on many levels, so he’s been a really incredible help.”

The couple got engaged this Valentines Day and with a baby on the way, it’s going to be a full house! Congratulations you two.
[Photo: Getty Images]