Posts By Ambika Muttoo

by (@missmuttoo)

Penelope Cruz And Javier Bardem’s Secret Wedding

That muy caliente couple Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem have tied the knot. Sneaky sneaky! They got hitched at a friend’s house in the Bahamas, in a small private ceremony attended by close family members sometime earlier this month. Adding to the happiest day of her life was Cruz’s gown – an amazing John Galliano number (the designer is an old friend of the bride’s).

Don’t try to get her to talk about it, though. They’ve been dating since 2007, and when David Letterman asked her about the relationship last year she shut him down saying, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about my private life in public … I’ve been here a few times with you, you know I’m tough. One thing I don’t do, I don’t lie about my personal life. It’s sacred to me. It’s my life. But I don’t give details about it because I am allergic to that.”

They were rumored to be engaged late last year, but the uber-private couple refused comment on their status. Felicidades!

[Photo: Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Brad Pitt: Missing One Chin Warmer

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Hollywood’s Hottest Vampire is back, just the way we remember him. Brad Pitt‘s beard, grown lovingly over the course of a year, became an entity of it’s own. A facial hair masterpiece that got its own photo montage in Life, by proxy of being associated with Mr Jolie’s chin. E! Online mulled endlessly over its (non) appeal. It was everything that was wrong with facial hair, all rolled into one. Brad’s bizarre beard even made us forget that The Pitt used to make us turn into melting puddles of drool.

And now – Brad’s beard is gone. And the actor does not look like Cousin It anymore. Can we get an Amen?!

Mr. Pitt trimmed his beard last month, working his way towards the full monty. Brad’s in a movie called Moneyball which also stars Jonah Hill, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Robin Wright. The studio wanted Brad Pitt, the certifiable A-List superstar. Not Brad Pitt, Beardo-Weirdo. His facial hair didn’t stand a chance.

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[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Martin Lawrence’s Wedding Is The Best Thing To Happen To Him In Years

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We love happy endings to stories. So when we heard that Martin Lawrence and Shamicka Gibbs got married over the weekend, we decided to do a little digging because the actor’s name hadn’t popped up on our radar for awhile. And that’s when we realized that the good stuff always keeps coming regardless of what s**t life throws at you.

This is Lawrence’s second marriage (the first happened in 1996). He’s been on a roller coaster battling a major addiction to psychotropic drugs, crazy bouts with guns and almost died after being in a coma for three days.  So a beautiful wedding after all of that seems like seriously good fortune!

The couple was married at the actor’s home in an intimate ceremony. Eddie Murphy and Denzel Washington were there too. BTW: This has been quite the wedding week. Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher, Emily Blunt and John Krasinski, fellow Office star Jenna Fischer and her boyfriend, Jonathan Schaech and One Tree Hill star Jana Rae Kramer … Lala Vazquez and NBA star Carmelo Anthony all got married as well.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

John Krasinski And Emily Blunt Wed, Officially Become “Bluntsinski”

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Awwww! Emily Blunt and John Krasinski married this weekend after over a year of dating. And they got hitched in style too. The beautiful ceremony happened at the Villa D’este in Como, Italy, where Lake Como’s most famous resident, George Clooney, was in attendance (afterthought: Elisabetta Canalis tagged along). Blunt and The Office star have been at Clooney’s estate since the July 4th weekend. John and George starred in Leatherheads together, remember? Hunky BFFs, these two.

Blunt wore a custom-made cream Marchesa chiffon gown, because she is the luckiest woman in the world. Krasiniski’s rep confirmed, “John and Emily were married on Saturday in a private ceremony” while a source added, “It was an outdoor ceremony and absolutely beautiful. It was an official ceremony. They are husband and wife.”

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Jon Bon Jovi Injured On Stage

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How much do we love this man and his perpetual fountain of youth? He.Does.Not.Age. But he does get injured. Jon Bon Jovi hurt himself pretty badly while performing a concert at the New Meadowlands Stadium in New Jersey. Being the classy star that he is, Jon finished his set and then had to be carried off the stage by the rest of the band. Ouch.

His rep explained what went down. “Near the end of Bon Jovi’s two-and-a-half hour show at New Meadowlands Stadium on Friday night, Jon Bon Jovi sustained a torn calf muscle … The injury will not prevent Bon Jovi from playing any of their upcoming stadium dates this summer.” That’s why you can see Jonny limping around to (insert irony) Livin’ on A Prayer (whilst probably thinking “we’re half way there-eeee”.) Another spokesman told People, “Jon Bon Jovi sustained a torn calf muscle. Jon made light of the injury and went on to close the show with their hit, ‘Living On a Prayer.’ The band ended the night together, thanking the capacity hometown crowd, and assisting Jon off the stage.”

So yes, ladies – Jon can still lay you down in a Bed of Roses.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Tiger Woods Throws Out Paternity Suit By Deluded Ex-Mistress

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We may have lost track of Tiger Woods’ various mistresses, but they refuse to fade into obscurity. It seems that someone new (or old, depends on how you look at it) keeps crawling out of the woodwork.  This round goes to Number 15 on Tiger’s alleged mistress roster. Porn star Devon James had filed legal papers in Florida in June, claiming Tiger was the father of her 9-year-old son Austin Brinling. The paternity suit stated the she was trying to “establish paternity, parental responsibility, time-sharing, and/or child support of a minor child or children.”  Which translates to: ka-ching! Especially since the Elin Nordegren-Tiger Woods divorce drama was reaching its zenith at the time.

Now this is where it gets gold-digger bananas. Devon’s mother, who has custody of the child, allegedly performed a DNA test in 2002, which revealed that Tiger was not the father. Miz Devon refuses to believe that her mother had DNA testing at all – to her the results don’t exist – and wants to force Tiger to go in for another test.

Tiger has filed a counter-suit, asking for the case to be thrown out and to stop this massive waste of time. Porn star mommy has results whether she likes it or not, and he isn’t the father. We have a feeling the courts will agree with Tiger, for once. And Devon? Actually, we have no words left for you.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Kal Penn Calls Out Joel Stein For Xenophobic Article

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Really Joel Stein? Have you not learned anything from Mel Gibson‘s racist mistakes? The writer quickly came under fire for publishing a piece in Time called “My Own Private India,” an openly mocking and hugely insensitive opinion piece about the large, expanding Indian population in Stein’s hometown, Edison, New Jersey. And it featured gems like, “Were they from some Indian state that got made fun of by all the other Indian states and didn’t want to give up that feeling? Are the malls in India that bad? Did we accidentally keep numbering our parkway exits all the way to Mumbai?” Nice, Stein.

Kal Penn to the rescue! The Indian-American actor wrote a piece for the Huffington Post called “The ‘Hilarious’ Xenophobia of Time’s Joel Stein” calling out all the BS in Stein’s piece. And we have to add, Penn’s piece was written better as well. He retaliated with, “Gags about impossibly spicy food? I’d never heard those before! Multiple Gods with multiple arms? Multiple laughs! Recounting racial slurs like ‘dot-head?’ Oh, Mr. Stein, is too good!” He added, “Critics might call Mr. Stein’s humor super-tired or as played out as the jokes about that cheap Jewish car that stopped on a dime to pick it up, or that African American kid who got marked absent at night school. Although unlike Stein’s Indian American piece, in 2010 those other jokes don’t show up in mainstream media like TIME magazine. I wonder why that is…”

Yes, Stein, why is that?

The magazine has issued a statement of apology since, “TIME sincerely regrets that any of our readers were upset by Joel Stein’s recent humor column ‘My Own Private India,’ It was in no way intended to cause offense.” Sure.. when you write that Indians look “like the Italian Guidos I grew up with in the 1980s,” that’s totally not offensive. Or, “In the 1990s, the not-as-brilliant merchants brought their even-less-bright cousins, and we started to understand why India is so damn poor.” That’s not offensive, either.

Stein’s backtracked as well, writing an apology that reads, “I truly feel stomach-sick that I hurt so many people. I was trying to explain how, as someone who believes that immigration has enriched American life and my hometown in particular, I was shocked that I could feel a tiny bit uncomfortable with my changing town when I went to visit it.” The discomfort showed. But where was the appreciation of “enriched American life”?

He was on Twitter as well, tweeting, “Didn’t meant to insult Indians with my column this week. Also stupidly assumed their emails would follow that Gandhi non-violence thing.” Just go with a straight-up apology. Don’t use the Gandhian non-violent treatise as an excuse to be a prat. And quit the ethnic stereotyping.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Most Famous Man In The World Mistaken For The Situation

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OMG! Delicious daddy Cristiano Ronaldo will never live this down. He’s the man, right? Sexy girlfriend, sexy butt, sexy abs, sexy money… young(er) stars like Daniel Radcliffe even want to look like him. But oh, how it’s all changed with one awkward interaction.

Ronaldo strutted into Kenmare in New York City for a spot of dinner wearing a tight black shirt and pale trousers. Everyone knows Ronaldo, of course… he’s one of the most famous soccer players in the world. NOT. A diner apparently blurted out, “Oh, my God, it’s The Situation!”

Let us repeat. Cristiano Ronaldo was mistaken for Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. The Situation’s probably going to take time out of his busy schedule hawking muscle-boosters to print this out and put it in his little scrapbook. How sweet!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels Split Getting Ugly

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Melissa Etheridge and her ex-partner Tammy Lynn Michaels have been in the news for a while now. Etheridge dissolved their relationship legally and filed for joint legal and physical custody of their twins, stating “irreconcilable differences.”  The children were born in 2006, after Tammy was artificially inseminated by an anonymous donor. Etheridge and Michaels registered for a domestic partnership in California back in 2006 and tried to make it legal in 2008, but missed the deadline.

Tammy claims she was “blindsided” when Etheridge dumped her, writing furious poetry that was published all over the internet. Tammy then asked for full legal and physical custody and spousal support and that’s when the trouble started.

She claims that Etheridge has left her and their two children in the lurch with only $4 to Tammy’s name. Her lawyer  Steven Knowles stated, “Melissa has not been treating Tammy or the children as if they are a wife and children, financially and otherwise.” Apparently, the singer has not coughed up any cash since they split, a claim, that Etheridge is denying. Problem is, Tammy filed for the dissolution of their marriage, but they weren’t legally married. Melissa on the other hand filed for the dissolution of a domestic partnership. Tammy isn’t entitled to spousal support if they weren’t married. Either way, Melissa’s lawyer, Neal Hersh, states, “Melissa is paying all of Tammy’s expenses, which totals tens of thousands of dollars per month.”

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Larry King’s Divorce, Like His Show, Is Over

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Larry King has had a fraught couple of months. First, King’s marriage was breaking up, then his soon-to-be ex wife Shawn Southwick OD’d/attempted suicide. Then King announced he was leaving CNN after 25 of years of hosting his show. The decision to take time off has possibly helped because he and his wife have called off the divorce.

Just three months ago, King and Southwick filed for divorce within and hour of each other amidst rumors of infidelity on both sides. Keeping with the synchronized activity, both parties petitioned the the courts to drop the divorce papers, day before yesterday. All the judge needs to do is dismiss the claim and they’re officially back together. Make it work, you two!

[Photo: Getty Images]