Posts By Jordan Runtagh

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Michael Jackson Gets His Own Cirque Du Soleil Show

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A Michael Jackson World Tour in 2011? Leave it to the Cirque Du Soleil people to make miracles happen. A year and a half after the King of Pop’s death, the famed acrobatic illusionists are building a big-top event around his music and signature dance moves.

Aptly dubbed “The Immortal World Tour”, the production is slated to kick off in the Cirque’s native Canada next fall. It will then circle the world before ending up permanently at the MGM Mirage hotel in Las Vegas, the current home Beatles-themed Cirque show, Love.

Some fans worry that the show might not do MJ justice, but we hear Jackson’s legacy is in good hands. Michael’s mother Katherine  Jackson has given her blessing, and it will be choreographed and directed by former Jackson backup dancer Jamie King. More recently, King as has directed tours for Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Ricky Martin and Madonna.

What do you think? Will a dozen of the best dancers in the world be able to measure up to a single Michael Jackson? We think not. But we’re still excited anyway!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Spencer And Heidi Are Bankrupt, Karma Is Real

Well, they faked divorce papers, we’re sure they can fake this too. The elaborate performance piece that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag call their marriage has shifted into a new scene, and this one involves bankruptcy. According to Life and Style, the former Hills stars have blown $10 million, and now owe $2 million in back taxes. They are currently homeless and in talks with financial attorneys (or at least a guy hired to play one).

“We were immature, worrying too much about the famous part instead of the actual business part,” Spencer told Life & Style, earning him the world record for the longest time it took for someone to get a clue. “In hindsight, we shouldn’t have spent any of our money. We should have been low-key and saved.”

Instead they splurged on a $35,000-a-month love nest, six cars, private jets, magic crystals, and making Heidi’s breasts big enough to be recognized by the UN as an independent nation. Now the couple are holed up in Spencer’s parent’s house to plan their next move. Heidi was even considering appearing fully nude in Playboy, but chose not to at the request of the Pratt family.

According to Spencer, their problems -like so many in this world- are because of Jersey Shore. “We thought The Hills was going to be like 90210 and we’d have another five to 10 years. The ratings were consistent. But we never saw Jersey Shore coming. Before, TV audiences were fine with seeing us all argue, but now they want you to punch one another in the face and hook up with three different people. Our cast was a bit boring and snoozeworthy in comparison. No wonder we got canceled.”

But Spencer mans up and takes his share of the responsibility. “We don’t want sympathy. We did this to ourselves and feel like idiots. But we’ve grown up and are definitely not as naive anymore.” Honestly,  there’s so much drama around these two we don’t know what’s real anymore. Is it possible for a marriage to jump the shark? Because we think it just did.

[Photo: Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Congrats Kanye, You Ruined Bush’s Presidency

This week in We Sh*t You Not Corner, former president George W. Bush has stated that Kanye West’s “Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People” rant at the Katrina benefit telethon was the “worst moment” he faced in his presidency. Really? Of all the tough moments, THAT’S the one? Nice try, wars and economic collapse.

The former president taped an interview with Matt Lauer earlier this week to promote his hotly anticipated memoir, Decision Points. The controversial discussion is set to air next week, but EW.com is reporting that Bush was devastated by Kanye’s comments. “He called me a racist ,” he explained, “And I didn’t appreciate it then. I don’t appreciate it now. It’s one thing to say, ‘I don’t appreciate the way he’s handled his business.’ It’s another thing to say, ‘This man’s a racist.’ I resent it, it’s not true.”

Bush’s memoir apparently labels the incident the worst moment of his presidency. When Lauer asked if he still felt that way, Bush was adamant that the words did still sting. “Yes. My record was strong I felt when it came to race relations and giving people a chance. And it was a disgusting moment. I faced a lot of criticism as President. I didn’t like hearing people claim that I lied about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction or cut taxes to benefit the rich. But the suggestion that I was racist because of the response to Katrina represented an all-time low.”

Do you feel it’s odd that Bush labeled a moment where he was personally insulted as his leadership low point, instead of something that actually affected the country? Well, you’re probably not alone. Lauer warned Bush that he might catch some flack for the comment, to which the statesman characteristically replied, “Don’t care.”

OK, granted, it can’t feel good to get called a racist on national television. Especially if you’re in politics. But being a president has got to be a pretty tough job, with some mindblowingly difficult challenges. If any ex-president EVER says that the worst moment they had to face was some rapper calling him a bad name, then they either had the most boring administration in history, or they’re being a smidge sensitive. And even though whether or not it was his fault is up for debate, I think we can all agree that George W. Bush’s term in office was anything but a snooze.

Jeez, way to go Kanye. You spoiled the guy’s presidency. Things were going great, and you had to go hurricane on his parade. Bummer. We guess this makes the whole Taylor Swift thing seem not as bad, huh? Maybe Bush will write an angry song about Kanye. Or he’ll just have CIA agents put flaming bags of dog crap on his door every day for the rest of his life (they can do that, you know).

[Photo: Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Dancing With The Stars Celebrates 200 Cringe-Worthy Episodes

Dozens of almost forgotten B-listers turned out last night to pay tribute to the reason they’re still relevant. Dancing With The Stars celebrated it’s 200th episode last night with a party at Boulevard 3 in Hollywood, and all of your favorite hot-to-trot familiar faces were on hand!

Old alums John O’Hurley, Cheryl Burke, Stacy Keibler and newly-lipped Lisa Rinna strutted their dancing shoes across the red carpet, and current contestants Bristol Palin, Florence Henderson and Jennifer Grey were also in attendance. It’s amazing to think that only five years ago, seeing out-of-work actors tango and awkwardly force sexual chemistry on TV was just a dream. Now it puts the harsh reality in “reality television.”

[Photo: Images]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Heidi Montag’s New Music Video To Be A Hustler-Inspired Skank-O-Ganza

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Are you worried that Heidi Montag’s new music video won’t be slutty enough? Well don’t worry, because she’s doing her research to ensure that it will be a skanky supernova! “Going to Hustler strip club, want to pick up some tips for my music video Ill do that I am shooting next week,” our favorite bionic woman tweeted while in Las Vegas last Sunday.

After several months away from the spotlight, Heidi and professional mega-tool/husband Spencer Pratt surfaced this Halloween with the other terrifying creatures. In fact, the couple didn’t even feel the need to wear spooky costumes. Plastic surgery did the job just fine for Heidi, and Spencer is pretty scary as it is.

It seems like Heidi needs all the help she can get in order to launch her pop career off the ground. Her first album, Superficial, sold less than 700 copies in the first week of release. And we aren’t even sure how many of those were bought by Spencer. Maybe Heidi should cruise the strip for some singing tips after she hits up the Hustler Club. Cher’s still at Caesar’s Palace, right? Or at least she could catch an Elvis impersonator.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Shaq Imitates Beyonce, And Yes – It’s Weird

Do you like Beyonce’s songs, but find yourself unable to fully enjoy them unless they’re being performed by a seven-foot-one power center with a ridiculous free throw percentage? Then today is your lucky day, my crazy friends with weird musical fetishes!

Basketball legend Shaquille O’Neil channeled his alter-ego “Shaqueeta” while driving around the streets of Boston and rocked hard -and we mean HARD- to Beyonce’s “Sweet Dreams.” The Celtics center lip-synced, fist-pumped, shook his bobbed wig and felt up his purple miniskirt clad body while a mysterious friend filmed the escapade.

Is this some kind of elaborate Celtics team hazing ritual? Is it Halloween related? Or is Shaq just letting his inner-diva loose for a night on the town? Tell us what you think – Jay-Z was unavailable for comment.

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Taylor Swift Wants To Invade Our Noses. No One Is Safe.

After already conquering our ears and (we’ll admit it) our eyes, Taylor Swift is moving on to conquer our noses. We don’t know what T-Swift smells like, but we’re guessing she smells pretty good, right? Good enough that other people might want to smell like her too. Enter the folks at Elizabeth Arden to make your fantasy come true! The beauty giant has just announced that they are developing Taylor Swift’s own fragrance line, which will hit shelves next fall.

Now we know Eau de Taylor probably won’t smell like Miss Swift herself. But she is taking a very hands-on role in making sure her scent is personalized. “I have always loved how fragrance can shape a memory,” she said in a press release, “and the way certain scents remind you of events and people that are imprinted in your thoughts. Lately I’ve been having fun experimenting with combining some of my favorite scents, so I’m really excited about working with Elizabeth Arden to develop my own unique fragrance.”

Shape a memory? People and events that are imprinted on her thoughts? Hmm…dare we guess that her scent is going to smell like apple picking on a crisp fall day?

[Photo: Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

The 15 Skimpiest Halloween Costumes Of 2010

Halloween ain’t just for kids anymore. Celebs stepped out over the weekend in outfits that were equal parts scary and sexy. Kim Kardashian strutted her stuff as a Bavarian looking Red Riding Hood. Did she pick it up at Oktoberfest along with her dirndl? Coco and her Great Pumpkins hit the town as a (plastic surgeon’s?) nurse, and Snooki rocked it as…Queen of the Pickles?

Okay, we’ll be honest: we don’t know what a lot of these outfits are supposed to be. But that’s the magic of Halloween!  We don’t have to! It’s the one night of the year where it’s not slutty, it’s a costume! Tights, lots of skin, and body glitter: it ain’t just for skanks anymore.

Check out the gallery below to see the best Halloween hotness of 2010!

[Photo: Images]

15. Angel and Annalynne McCord

14. Ciara

13. Brooke Burke

12. Kim Porter

11. Kim Kardashian

10. Tori Spelling

9. Holly Madison

8. Kendra Wilkinson

7. Alyson Michalka

6. Tara Reid

5. Snooki

4. Carmen Electra

3. Chanel Iman

2. Ashanti

1. Coco

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Katy Perry Says She’s “A Ten Out Of Ten” In Bed

The first rule in journalism: always consider your source. In case the cupcake bras didn’t give it away, we can now say for certain that Katy Perry is a beast in the sack. How do we know? Because we’ve been told by noted Katy Perry expert, Katy Perry.

“Like Ludacris rapped, ‘I’m a lady in the street and a freak in the bed,’” the new Mrs. Russell Brand told Now Magazine. “I can’t rate myself, but if you ask Russell I’m sure he’d give me a ten out of ten.” *Tooooooooot toooooooooooot* Sorry, that’s just the sound of Katy Perry’s horn.

But Russell would be a good one to judge, as the comedian has an award winning sex life. Really. He was voted Britain’s Shagger of the Year three years running back in 2006, 2007, and 2008. It looks like he gave up the crown after he met Katy at the 2009 VMA’s. Aww, the sacrifices he made for love/sex. Spoiler alert: the couple married last weekend.

Despite his sordid past, Katy isn’t worried about her new husband returning to his wild ways. “He’s made no secret of what his life was like before me, but that’s then and this is the future. He’s cheated in the past but he knows how good he has it with me and I know he’d never do anything to jeopardize that. I trust him 100 percent.”

[Photo: Images]