Posts By Jordan Runtagh

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Michael Lohan Attacked Outside Home

Just a day after swearing off statements to the media in a statement to the media, Michael Lohan is back in the spotlight again. Although this time we guess it’s not really his fault. TMZ is reporting that Lohan was attacked outside of his Santa Monica home last night as he was getting into his car.

Michael made a 911 call around 10:00 PM and police found him bloody and shirtless in his yard. He claims that someone came up from behind him, put him in a choke hold and slashed his neck with a sharp object. He described the attacker as a man in his 50s or 60s dressed in a black running suit. The two wrestled before the suspect fled on foot. He has yet to be caught by the police.

Even scarier, Michael claims to have received a threatening phone call just an hour before the attack. Although to be fair, we imagine he gets angry phone calls on a fairly regular basis. Coming so close to daughter Lindsay’s court date, he speculates the crime was committed by someone who didn’t want him to attend.

Wait a second. Whoever did this must have really not wanted him there. Who could possibly….Oh my god. LINDSAY!?!?

[Photo: Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Mel Gibson Gets The Axe From Hangover 2

Not literally, of course. Giving him a sharp instrument at this point would probably be a mistake. But it looks like Mel Gibson’s cameo in The Hangover 2 has been cut. In related news, the list of people Mel would like to put in his rose garden has probably just gotten longer.

“I thought Mel would have been great in the movie,” said director Todd Phillips in a statement, “But I realize filmmaking is a collaborative effort, and the decision ultimately did not have the full support of the entire cast and crew.” Is this is the same cast and crew who were fine working with convicted felon Mike Tyson in the original? Maybe Mel is in worse shape than we thought.

We can’t be sure, but we’re fairly certain that Mel’s inclusion in the blockbuster’s sequel was what had star Zach Galifianakis so furious. Our advice to the cast and crew? Change your phone numbers. What do you think of the controversial casting move?

[Photo: Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Billy Ray Cyrus Is Cool With The Glee Pics

Suddenly GQ’s Glee spread just got kind of creepy again. It turns out that Billy Ray Cyrus is actually a member of the Parents Television Council, the organization that got its suspenders all bunched up over the non-nude photos of some twenty-somethings that appeared in a men’s magazine. And it breaks his achey breaky heart to hear the pics dissed as offensive. Somehow we don’t think the Billy Ray Seal of Approval will help GQ’s argument, but let’s hear him out.

According to TMZ, Cyrus disagrees with the PTC’s accusations that the photos of Lea Michele and Diana Agron are bordering on pedophilia. And we trust him. If anyone knows the fine line between art and pedophilia, it’s this guy. Mr. Miley has grown “disappointed”  and “fed up” with the council’s actions as of late, saying that it “has recently been spending all its time attacking people rather than promoting family television.” “Like Hannah Montana,” he added in his mind.

This isn’t the only rift between him and the PTC. Just recently they criticized his daughter Miley (who actually is underage) for her new “Who Owns My Heart” video. But apparently it wasn’t serious enough to force him to, you know, actually leave the council. Oh well. All we have left to say is: damn you Glee for making us side with Billy Ray Cyrus on something. Savor this moment Billy, because it’s probably the only time your name and “GQ” will ever appear together in print.

[Photo: GQ/ Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Did Jordan Bratman Assault Christina Aguilera?


This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. We were all shocked to hear that Christina Aguilera was divorcing Jordan Bratman after five years and one child together. She cited “irreconcilable differences”, but the reasons for the split might be far more sinister if you believe one report. According to RadarOnline, nurses at LA’s Cedars-Sinai Medial Center treated Christina for a bloody lip late one night just days before the couple announced they were through.

“Christina was bleeding from her mouth and had a bit of a busted lip,” says a source present at the scene. “Jordan told the nurses she had fallen down.” The witness went on to add that she also had “bumps and red bruises” on her body. The singer’s private surgeon arrived a few minutes later to put some discrete stitches on the cut. Traces of the wound were visible in photos taken later that week, the day their separation was made public.

Aguilera’s reps are keeping quiet on the matter, but that doesn’t stop the speculation on how she sustained her injuries. Was this an innocent accident or was Jordan getting violent with Christina? We’d like to believe it’s the former. File this one under “Rumors We Hate”.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

The Many Freaky Faces of Katherine Heigl

Okay, don’t get us wrong: we’ve taken some awful pictures in our day. And we’re pretty sure that even Katherine Heigl’s drivers license photo could blow our digitally retouched wedding portrait out of the water. But she has been responsible for some truly priceless faces in the past few weeks. Whether it’s the Heigl bug eyes at the Life As We Know It premiere, or leaving a taping of Jimmy Kimmel, Katherine doesn’t wear the too-cool-for-school gaze that leaves most A-listers looking dead behind the eyes. Crazy red carpet faces? Canoodling in a hot tub with husband Josh Kelley so loud that she gets a noise violation? Maybe she just no longer gives a damn.

Express yourself girl! Feel free to add your own captions in the gallery below.

[Photo: Splash News Online/ Images]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

30 Kim Kardashian Booty Pics For Her 30th Birthday

Hello birthday, goodbye birthday suit. The lovely Kim Kardashian turns 30 today, which marks her official retirement from posing nude. We hope the publishers of Playboy present her with a golden g-string and a certificate of appreciation before they kiss her ass goodbye.

Entering a new decade is a big deal,  so as a special FABlife tribute we’ve decided to take a look back (pun rim shot) with the thirty hottest pics of the world’s most famous birthday booty. Relive the memories again and again in this rear retrospective. You’ll smile at the good times, and you’ll cry because you’ll never see that bare behind again. Unless you, you know, have access to the internet.

Happy birthday Kim!

[Photo: /Getty Images]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

No Baby Bump For Beyonce, Says Mom


And no baby either, for that matter. It looks like we’re going to have to wait a little longer to see Beyonce and husband Jay-Z morph into the coolest parents the world has ever known. Just hours after US Weekly reported that Jay-Z and Beyonce were expecting, photos surfaced showing a decidedly not bumpy Beyonce out and about in Miami.

Her mom Tina Knowles then appeared on The Ellen Degeneres Show to deny the story that her eldest daughter is pregnant. “With all the rumors, by now I should have 5 or 6 grandkids!” And she’s right. There has been constant speculation about when the Destiny’s Child child is going to drop. Most recently in March a “rock solid source” said Beyonce was pregnant, a claim that also turned out to be false.

Yes, we’re sad.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

The Situation To Release “Bible For Situation Nation”, A.K.A. New Jersey


Wanna get abs like Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino? Well, he doubts that’s possible. But he still thinks you should shell out some cash for his new book, Here’s The Situation, which hits shelves on November 2nd. It promises to be an indispensable guide “to creeping on chicks, avoiding grenades and getting your GTL.” Makes a great gift for the whole family!

We’ll let Mike take it from here: “Do you really think your situation is where it needs to be? Be honest with yourself, bro. This book here will take your game to a level thought unattainable given your physical limitations (because we can’t all look like Rambo, pretty much, with our shirt off).” Ouch, The Situation. That one hurt.

But it’s not all steroids by the handful strict and intensive workout routines. The Sitch also helps you get in touch with your/his sensitive side. He tells you how to find the perfect life partner, and shows you how to spoil them with a perfect lasagna dinner. He even spills on how you can become “one of the most famous people on the planet-which is guaranteed if you follow my advice.” All this in just 144 pages!

After Snooki‘s pickle pancakes, perhaps she’ll follow suit with a cookbook: “The Joy Of Gherkins”.

[Photo: Gotham Publishing]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Parent Group Slams “Pedophilic” Photos of Glee Twenty-Somethings


Parents just don’t understand. The powerful watchdog group known as the Parents Television Council is up in arms over the recent photos of Glee stars in GQ. Shot by famed photographer Terry Richardson, the racy shoot depicts Lea Michele and Dianna Agron stripping in a high school, while Cory Monteith hangs out and plays the drums. What do the PTC have against drummers?

The organization issued a statement to TMZ today saying that the spread “borders on pedophilia. By authorizing this kind of near-pornographic display, the creators of the program have established their intentions on the shows direction. And it isn’t good for families.”

This would all be true, were it not for three flaws in their logic. First, last we checked GQ doesn’t really bill itself as a family friendly publication. Also, the high-schoolers are played by actors, all of whom are well above age. Cory Monteith turns 29 in May, while Michele and Agron are both 24. For those of you keeping score, that’s older than the Shannon twins (21), porn star Sasha Grey (22), and this month’s Playboy Playmate, Arianny Celeste (22).

We’ll be the first to admit that Terry Richardson kinda sketches us out. His photos may be a little creepy or unsettling to some, but we’re not sure if that makes them pedophilic. GQ editor-in-chief Jim Nelson responded by telling The Insider that “the Parents Television Control…should learn to divide reality from fantasy. As often happens in Hollywood, these ‘kids’ are in their twenties. Cory Montieth’s almost 30! I think they’re old enough to do what they want.”

What do you think? Do the photos go too far, or is the Parents Television Council over reacting?

[Photo: GQ]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

You Can’t Afford This Hotness


This scene has been brought to you by obscene amounts of money. Apparently the folks over at Victoria’s Secret had an extra $2 million lying around and decided to make this bra. Then they decided to make it even more desirable by putting it on Angel (literally and figuratively) Adriana Lima and sending her out in a classic Rolls Royce to cruise the streets of New York, one of the most expensive cities in the world. Excuse us while we cry into our lunch of ramen noodles.

According to People Magazine, the Bombshell Fantasy Bra is made from ”glittering constellations of white diamonds, topaz and sapphires with bedazzled straps atop a blushy gauze push-up bra.” This geologist’s dream weighs in at an incredible 142 carats. But if you ask us, it still looks a little chintzy next to the $15 million Red Hot Fantasy Bra Gisele Bundchen rocked for Victoria’s Secret in 2005. Then again times are tough, and in this economy we’re lucky to have a multi-million dollar bra at all. So be grateful, people!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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