Posts By Jordan Runtagh

by (@JordanRuntagh)

The Many Freaky Faces of Katherine Heigl

Okay, don’t get us wrong: we’ve taken some awful pictures in our day. And we’re pretty sure that even Katherine Heigl’s drivers license photo could blow our digitally retouched wedding portrait out of the water. But she has been responsible for some truly priceless faces in the past few weeks. Whether it’s the Heigl bug eyes at the Life As We Know It premiere, or leaving a taping of Jimmy Kimmel, Katherine doesn’t wear the too-cool-for-school gaze that leaves most A-listers looking dead behind the eyes. Crazy red carpet faces? Canoodling in a hot tub with husband Josh Kelley so loud that she gets a noise violation? Maybe she just no longer gives a damn.

Express yourself girl! Feel free to add your own captions in the gallery below.

[Photo: Splash News Online/ Images]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

30 Kim Kardashian Booty Pics For Her 30th Birthday

Hello birthday, goodbye birthday suit. The lovely Kim Kardashian turns 30 today, which marks her official retirement from posing nude. We hope the publishers of Playboy present her with a golden g-string and a certificate of appreciation before they kiss her ass goodbye.

Entering a new decade is a big deal,  so as a special FABlife tribute we’ve decided to take a look back (pun rim shot) with the thirty hottest pics of the world’s most famous birthday booty. Relive the memories again and again in this rear retrospective. You’ll smile at the good times, and you’ll cry because you’ll never see that bare behind again. Unless you, you know, have access to the internet.

Happy birthday Kim!

[Photo: /Getty Images]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

No Baby Bump For Beyonce, Says Mom

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And no baby either, for that matter. It looks like we’re going to have to wait a little longer to see Beyonce and husband Jay-Z morph into the coolest parents the world has ever known. Just hours after US Weekly reported that Jay-Z and Beyonce were expecting, photos surfaced showing a decidedly not bumpy Beyonce out and about in Miami.

Her mom Tina Knowles then appeared on The Ellen Degeneres Show to deny the story that her eldest daughter is pregnant. “With all the rumors, by now I should have 5 or 6 grandkids!” And she’s right. There has been constant speculation about when the Destiny’s Child child is going to drop. Most recently in March a “rock solid source” said Beyonce was pregnant, a claim that also turned out to be false.

Yes, we’re sad.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

The Situation To Release “Bible For Situation Nation”, A.K.A. New Jersey

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Wanna get abs like Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino? Well, he doubts that’s possible. But he still thinks you should shell out some cash for his new book, Here’s The Situation, which hits shelves on November 2nd. It promises to be an indispensable guide “to creeping on chicks, avoiding grenades and getting your GTL.” Makes a great gift for the whole family!

We’ll let Mike take it from here: “Do you really think your situation is where it needs to be? Be honest with yourself, bro. This book here will take your game to a level thought unattainable given your physical limitations (because we can’t all look like Rambo, pretty much, with our shirt off).” Ouch, The Situation. That one hurt.

But it’s not all steroids by the handful strict and intensive workout routines. The Sitch also helps you get in touch with your/his sensitive side. He tells you how to find the perfect life partner, and shows you how to spoil them with a perfect lasagna dinner. He even spills on how you can become “one of the most famous people on the planet-which is guaranteed if you follow my advice.” All this in just 144 pages!

After Snooki‘s pickle pancakes, perhaps she’ll follow suit with a cookbook: “The Joy Of Gherkins”.

[Photo: Gotham Publishing]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Parent Group Slams “Pedophilic” Photos of Glee Twenty-Somethings

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Parents just don’t understand. The powerful watchdog group known as the Parents Television Council is up in arms over the recent photos of Glee stars in GQ. Shot by famed photographer Terry Richardson, the racy shoot depicts Lea Michele and Dianna Agron stripping in a high school, while Cory Monteith hangs out and plays the drums. What do the PTC have against drummers?

The organization issued a statement to TMZ today saying that the spread “borders on pedophilia. By authorizing this kind of near-pornographic display, the creators of the program have established their intentions on the shows direction. And it isn’t good for families.”

This would all be true, were it not for three flaws in their logic. First, last we checked GQ doesn’t really bill itself as a family friendly publication. Also, the high-schoolers are played by actors, all of whom are well above age. Cory Monteith turns 29 in May, while Michele and Agron are both 24. For those of you keeping score, that’s older than the Shannon twins (21), porn star Sasha Grey (22), and this month’s Playboy Playmate, Arianny Celeste (22).

We’ll be the first to admit that Terry Richardson kinda sketches us out. His photos may be a little creepy or unsettling to some, but we’re not sure if that makes them pedophilic. GQ editor-in-chief Jim Nelson responded by telling The Insider that “the Parents Television Control…should learn to divide reality from fantasy. As often happens in Hollywood, these ‘kids’ are in their twenties. Cory Montieth’s almost 30! I think they’re old enough to do what they want.”

What do you think? Do the photos go too far, or is the Parents Television Council over reacting?

[Photo: GQ]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

You Can’t Afford This Hotness

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This scene has been brought to you by obscene amounts of money. Apparently the folks over at Victoria’s Secret had an extra $2 million lying around and decided to make this bra. Then they decided to make it even more desirable by putting it on Angel (literally and figuratively) Adriana Lima and sending her out in a classic Rolls Royce to cruise the streets of New York, one of the most expensive cities in the world. Excuse us while we cry into our lunch of ramen noodles.

According to People Magazine, the Bombshell Fantasy Bra is made from “glittering constellations of white diamonds, topaz and sapphires with bedazzled straps atop a blushy gauze push-up bra.” This geologist’s dream weighs in at an incredible 142 carats. But if you ask us, it still looks a little chintzy next to the $15 million Red Hot Fantasy Bra Gisele Bundchen rocked for Victoria’s Secret in 2005. Then again times are tough, and in this economy we’re lucky to have a multi-million dollar bra at all. So be grateful, people!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

New Deathly Hallows Trailer Too Epic For Just One Harry Potter

Look out, folks! It’s time for that other two-part supernatural saga finale that’s gonna bust records and tear up screens across the country. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows staring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint is going wide November 19th (that’s the one with the hot wizards, not the hot vampires) and these new HP7 trailers have us totally under their spell.

Seriously, if you looked up the word “epic” in the dictionary, it would tell you to put down the dictionary because you’re wasting valuable time that you could be spending watching this clip. There’s so much action that it takes more than one Harry. When did our favorite wiz-kids turn into such bad*sses?

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Russell Brand And His Wooly Bride Arrive In India

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OK, now we’re lost. Yesterday a ring-wearing Russell Brand was seen walking around London, sparking rumors that he and Katy Perry had already secretly wed. And today we see him at an airport halfway across the world in Mumbai, India, strolling with what appears to be a walking pashmina creature. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?

We guess the wedding is still in the future for the two teenage dreams, who’ve spread all sorts of tall tales about their trip to the altar. Katy admits to making up stories for the press, from getting married in latex suits to having BFF Rihanna strip at her bachelorette party. “I love this chaotic circus of wrong information,” she told Britain’s Star Magazine, “because it is not really anyone else’s business beside the people that we have invited. And us, of course.”

And if you have been invited, take note: no wedding presents for Katy and Russell. In fact, they’ve promised to donate anything to they receive to charity. So what can you give the happy couple?  Katy Tweeted that “the greatest gift u can give us is respect & love during this private X [time].” What size do you want that in?

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Report: Beyonce’s Surprise Pregnancy!

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That’s right: Beyonce’s having baby (allegedly, natch)! Well, that is if you believe Us Magazine’s sources, who claim that the 29-year-old songstress was apparently “shocked” to learn that she and husband Jay-Z are going to be parents. But we assume they were more than a little thrilled, too. A friend of the couple told Us that they considered the child “a gift from God.”

“She loves kids, but she wasn’t ready to be a mother just yet,” another source told Us. “She really wanted to get her album done and tour the world again.” But it looks like the world is going to have to wait, because Beyonce’s destiny is with child. And she has the full confidence of her sister Solange, who is already a mother herself. “She’s got the most beautiful heart,” she says of her big sis. “She’ll be a great mom.”

Looks like Jay-Z will be getting some extra high-fives from the Knicks and the Nets tonight!

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Lindsay Wants More Rehab, Less Jail

Well, rehab must be doing its thing, because this is the most sense we’ve heard come out of Lindsay Lohan for a while. The actress’ latest probation hearing is coming up with Judge Elden Fox, and for the first time it looks like she’s not going to deny everything, drag her heals, kick and scream and do the legal equivalent of putting her fingers in her ears and humming, “La la la la, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” We are so proud.

Lindsay failed a drug test last month, which could easily result in another stint in the slammer. But according to TMZ, Lilo and her team are hoping the judge will let her continue treatment at the Betty Ford Clinic, which has been her home since September 27th. Contrary to some reports that claim she has attempted to bust out of rehab, representatives at Betty Ford say that Lohan is taking rehab and her healing process “very seriously,” and showing much compassion and kindness to other patients.

We hope she gets the chance to continue her treatment, but the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department is prepping for the worst. Apparently they plan to leave a police van running in case she gets sent back to the Lynwood Correctional Facility. Where’s the faith, guys?

[Photo: Images]