Posts By Jordan Runtagh

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Pee Wee Gets The TMI of the Year Award

Paul Reubens is back in the limelight after far too long, performing his trademark character on Broadway this fall. That’s the good news. The bad news is that Pee Wee is sharing far more than we cared to know about his pee wee. The former children’s host/nightmare has spoken candidly about the arrest in an adult movie theater which threatened to ruin his career in 1991. Fittingly, the interview appeared in Playboy. At least he’s sure to find a sympathetic audience.

He pled no contest at the time to avoid the humiliation of a long drawn out trial, though we can’t imagine how it could be any more embarrassing than that bow tie. Yet even after all these years, Reubens still insists he was behaving innocently in his new playhouse. While we find it unlikely that he was simply admiring the powerful performances on the magic screen, he claims to have proof he wasn’t jiggling his Jambi!

“Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her nondominant hand. I’m right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn’t have been me.”

The revelation of this fun Pee Wee fact left us thinking three things simultaneously:

1. What the hell is the Masters and Johnson Institute?
2. *Ahhh AHHHHH ahhhhh AHHHHH* ‘Masturbation’ is today’s secret word!
3. Did someone try to frame Pee Wee!?

The King of Cartoons was unavailable for comment.

[Photo: Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Snooki Rides ‘Em, Then Flashes ‘Em

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So…this happened. Vowing to stay away from bars after spending a few hours behind them last week, Snooki found a new way to have fun while cruising the Jersey boardwalk with her film posse.

Enter, the mechanical bull. Ever the lady, the fun-sized Snickers approached the bucking bronco in a see-through white dress, which any cowboy will tell you is standard attire (not). Unfortunately, television magic only lasted a few short moments before Snooki was thrown to the floor of the inflatable ring. Adding insult to injury, she inadvertently flashed the crowd as she picked herself up. Never fear, as we’re sure Snooks will be back in the saddle again in no time. And hopefully a TV crew will be present. [Photos: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

The Shorter List: Lady Gaga’s Craziest Fashion Moments

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Now who on earth could that be? You can’t see her poker face, so it’s hard to tell. But we’ll give you a hint; she’s the first subject of VH1′s The Short List, which premiered last Friday! Join our hilarious experts each week as they sound off on topics ranging from the cutest celebrity babies to the best celebrity beach bods. Friday night they blasted into orbit with a look back at this “Lady’s” other-worldly attire that could only have come from the planet Glam. Give up? It’s Lady Gaga! Oh, you knew? What gave it away?

Follow along as we count down five of the choices that would’ve made our list…

[Photo: Getty Images]
Read more…

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Katie Holmes Sexes Up The History Channel

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Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to present Jackie O-my-god-that’s-Katie-Holmes. Alright, we’ll be the first to say we were skeptical when we heard that the former Dawson’s Creek dweller would portray iconic first lady Jackie Kennedy in the upcoming miniseries, The Kennedys. The eight hour epic TV movie will be the History Channel’s first attempt at a scripted drama, documenting the scandalous, private lives of the famous family. While we haven’t seen her act the part, we’ve got to admit that she looked amazing while shooting in Toronto. Nice doppelganger work, girlfriend.

‘”We have these wonderful seamstresses who are creating beautiful dresses that are obviously replicas of real things she wore,” Katie told UsMagazine.com. Two of the dresses she wears were stitched by her friend Georgio Armani. Legendary designers tackling classic style?  Screw Glee, Katie should try for a guest spot on Mad Men!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

Russell Brand Shaves Facial Hair, Signals Beard-Pocalypse

This has been a dark week for beard lovers around the world. Brad Pitt has parted with his scraggly facial hair, but we can pretty much all agree that was for the best. But now even Russell Brand has jettisoned his trademark scruff! Is this a sign of something bigger? Is this the first sign of the Beard-Pocalypse?

Apparently Russell shaved for his role in the remake of Arthur, so perhaps it isn’t the end of beards as we know it. But it is quite the change to Russell as we know him. Having recently trimmed his massive lion’s mane to a more manageable size, and lacking any trace of Jackie O rock-star sunglasses, this is the most we’ve ever seen of Russell’s face. Gaze upon it. What do you think? Do you prefer the clean shaven dapper dandy or the hirsute dark and menacing rocker?

[Photos: Splash News Online and Images]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

A Look Back At Lindsay Lohan’s Horrendous Finger Nails

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We were so shocked by Lindsay Lohan’s manicured message at her court date that we decided to go back through our old pics -Da Vinci Code style- and see if there was anything else she was trying to tell us on her fingers. Sadly the trail went cold, but we did discover one thing: prior to her contempt of court, she showed a clear contempt of hygiene. At least where her chipped, gnawed and mangled nails were concerned. Although we guess it makes sense when you consider Lohan’s signature pose.

We know, it’s been a rough week for Lilo and we hate to kick her while she’s down. Plus we don’t want to trigger a “Leave Lindsay Alone” movement (anyone…? anyone…? Bueller?). So we’ll look on the bright side! Now that Lindsay is going to jail for 90 days, it’s the perfect time for her twin to restart her acting career! You know, the other girl in The Parent Trap? The sweet one, with the cute British accent! Wait, what? Really? That’s Lindsay too? You’ve gotta be kidding…We feel so betrayed.

We didn’t want to have to do this. But that’s what you get for playing with our hearts, Lindsay. Check out her passion for fugly nails in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images and Splash News]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

So This Is Happening: Javier Bardem Will Sing On Glee

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Javier Bardem will be the latest A-lister to pass through Glee’s revolving door of guest spots. No, he will not be reprising his Oscar-winning role as the shaggy-haired outburst-prone psychotic hitman from No Country For Old Men, because there’s already one Sue Sylvester. EW.com reports that he will instead be playing an international rock star who befriends the nerdy Artie Abrams. The two are even rumored to share a duet!

“We are going to rock the house,” Bardem assured EW, “We’re going to do some heavy metal-Spanish heavy metal, which is the worst.” He pitched the idea himself while being directed by the show’s creator Ryan Murphy in this summer’s Eat Pray Love. The Spanish heart-throb is apparently a hard-core Gleek after having watched the entire first season in week.

As much as we’re looking forward to seeing the smoldering leading man rock out in the McKinley High School auditorium, we can’t help but worry that all of the famous faces might distract from the story of the super talented students. Are the celebs simply icing on the cake, or is it coming dangerously close to shark-jumping? Let us know what you think, Gleeks!

[Photo: GettyImages]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

God Bless America: Holly Madison Hosts Star-Spangled Pool Party

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Holly Madison celebrated Independence Day by hosting a star-spangled pool party in her hometown of Las Vegas, Nevada. The shindig took place by the Wet Republic pool at the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino, a celeb cool spot where Lindsay Lohan, Audrina Patridge, and the newly bionic Heidi Montag have already splashed the day away.

The former star of The Girls Next Door and ex-member of Hef’s Girlfriend Squad tweeted about the event before hand, saying, “If u r in Vegas tomorrow come to my pool party at MGM’s Wet Republic! It’s gonna be hot!”

We tried to get there but sadly we couldn’t get a flight, so we had to be content burning our fingers on sparklers instead of playing “Marco Polo” with a Playboy Playmate. If you’re in the same boat, check the gallery below to see what you missed.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@JordanRuntagh)

James Cameron Presents Fergie’s Humps in 3D!

The Black Eyed Peas are teaming up with James Cameron for a concert film that will bring you Fergie’s humps in 3D! Will i. am told Vibe magazine that the band approached the Avatar director to make a multi-dimensional movie documenting their dates in South America.

“It’s a full-length film and it’s based around our tour activities,” he said, “We’ve toured from America and Europe, to the Middle East, South America, Asia and Africa. It’s not like we go, ‘Yo, we are international, you know what I’m saying? London and Paris!’ No, that’s just two cities. We want to go across the planet.”

“We have the biggest director because we are the biggest group on the planet,” said the not-singer of U2, the Rolling Stones, Radiohead or Coldplay. The film is scheduled for release in 2011 and has a plot line developed by Cameron, which will.i.am described as “dope”. It better be good, considering they turned down our idea of having a luxury liner full of blue aliens collide with one of Fergie’s lovely lady lumps and sink. Where’s the love, James?

[Photo: Images]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Kim Kardashian Unveils Hottest Candle Ever

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Kim Kardashian’s wax figure was unveiled at Madame Tussauds yesterday, causing millions of candles all over the world to feel insecure about their bodies. Kim spent days detailing the creation of the double on her blog and, apparently, it’s not at all similar to when Han Solo got sealed in carbonite (like we had assumed). The real Kim was on hand in New York to check out her completed likeness, which was dressed in a $1000 Herve Leger bandage dress and Christian Louboutin shoes. Naked candles across the country melted with jealousy.

Kim is the latest celeb to be immortalized by the Madame Tussauds Wax Museum, which recently welcomed Robert Pattinson, Miley Cyrus and RuPaul into their halls. But she feels that her new, waxy self is in good company. “I would love to hang out with Michael Jackson, Jennifer Lopez,” she told PopEater. “I saw Usher over there, Beyonce. Maybe Beyonce can teach me a dance or two!”

Were sisters Kourtney and Khloe jealous that they weren’t also tapped by Madame Tussauds? “No! They weren’t jealous, they were so excited for me! They were the first people I called when I found out that I was getting this honor.” It’s like a new Kardashian sister! Does the doppelganger hold a candle to the real thing? Let us know!

[Photo: Getty Images]