Posts By Saras


The Top 20 Things I Would Have Included In My Goodbye Montage Set To “This Used To Be My Playground,” If I Had Actually Gotten Around To Making It

IMG_0450a.jpgThis is my LAST post on! I have thoroughly enjoyed blogging here. It’s been only 6 short months, but what a half-year it’s been! Thanks to everyone for reading my sometimes horrible attempts at being witty. Thanks for keeping me on my toes and sometimes calling me the C word. Thanks for helping me decide if certain guys are hot, and thank you repeatedly justifying my obsession with horrible TV shows, and with certain horrible people. Thanks especially to Dan, Michelle, Alex, and everyone at the office. You guys taught me so much, and made me feel so welcome, it was like I was your little sister. Even though I’m pretty sure I’m older than all of you.

I was so humbled to hear all the well-wishes and death threats when I announced that I was leaving. This site has the best commenters anywhere on the internet (and I’m INCLUDING YouTube when I say that!). Though I won’t be blogging here anymore, I will still be blogging and trying to be funny somewhere else, so when the pain gets to be too much, think about that.

I wanted to make a montage of all my favorite moments set to the song “This Used To Be My Playground,” but alas, it didn’t happen. So I hope you won’t find this to be too self-indulgent (kind of how the title of this post isn’t self-indulgent at all?): here is my list of things I WOULD have included, if I wasn’t so damn lazy:


20. THE TOP 2 HUGH JACKMAN FACESjackman-shake.gif 

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I’m Beginning To Wonder If Chris Brown Has A J*zz-In-The-Pants Problem

Here’s a video of Chris Brown at a concert, where he has an obvious boner while performing. First off, he’s wearing shiny pants that really accentuate the boner. Secondly, he repeatedly tries to shove it down. Then, when you combine this incident with his clear j*zz-in-the-pants incident with Rihanna last week, I’m beginning to wonder if Chris is in way over his head with this stardom stuff. He’s just a country boy from Tappahannock, maybe he’s not ready for thousands of screaming (and most likely topless) fans!

I still love him.

(via ONTD)


The Editor-In-Chief Of The World Almanac Looooooves David Cook

As I’m sure you’re already aware (because who here isn’t obsessed with almanacs?), there is a picture of American Idol winner David Cook on the cover of the 2009 edition of The World Almanac And Book Of Facts. Here to explain why is the Almanac’s editor-in-chief, Alan Joyce. Alan’s got a subtle flirt-with-the-camera thing going on here, and the music really sets the mood. Is it just me, or does it seem like Alan’s holding down an explosion of David Cook obsession while delivering this message?

I sure was delighted to see David Cook on the cover too! Honestly I was fully expecting him to say, “David Cook was the winner of American Idol, American Idol was the most watched show on TV…and I was really hoping that by putting the picture on the cover, David might return some of my phone calls.” Someone should do a parody of this. Now.


While You Were Illustrating What It’s Like To Be Married To Tom Cruise


  • Photos of Katie Holmes in a Miu Miu ad campaign have been surfacing over the past couple of days. They’re really artsy. Or cry-for-helpy. Either one.
  • Johnny Knoxville tried to bring a grenade through airport security, because he’s a genius like that. He was detained for a short while, but still made his flight, because the TSA is a genius like that.
  • Chesley Sullenberger III has nothing to be sullen about. That’s because he’s the badass that laid down a commercial airliner gently onto the Hudson river yesterday. Badass name, badass story. Expect to see much more of him in the coming days.
  • The Jonas Brothers have hired extra security to protect their underwear. Seriously, what does a guy have to do to not get a date around here??
  • Did anybody notice how motherf*cking cold it is? Here’s a bunch of cool stuff you can do when it’s -21 degrees outside. You won’t be able to feel your face while doing it, but it’s still neat.


ICYMI: The Dumbest Dog Accessory Of All Time

Look! On The Today Show they reported on one of the most handy inventions of all time: the doggy umbrella! Not only will this be a breeze to maneuver on your city streets (I have visions of my legs getting caught up in one of these, thus inviting whatever dog is attached to bite me repeatedly in an attempt to escape), but IT CLEARLY DOES NOT PREVENT YOUR DOG FROM GETTING WET…AT ALL.

I love the condescending: “Just the tail is gettin’ wet there in the back, but that’s okay.”


Mario Batali & Anthony Bourdain Talk About Sex And Now My Vagina Is Confused

anthony_bourdain.jpgAs part of their awesome Chewing The Fat series, our friends at Serious Eats have this amazing clip of Anthony Bourdain and Mario Batali talking in detail about sex and food, and the relationship therein. First of all, I find Anthony Bourdain to be incredibly sexy. He’s funny, he can cook, and for the love of hotness! He ate the still-beating heart of a cobra! Now, on the OTHER hand…Batali? Not so much. His food is f*cking amazing, but let’s be honest: the man wears wet orange crocs all day long. Why are they wet? Because they’re covered in his head sweat, that’s why.

So, in the beginning of the video, Bourdain starts the convo off, talking about “rolling over into the wet spot,” and immediately I wonder if he is referring to the chair I’m currently sitting in. But THEN, Batali starts talking, with phrases like “there’s a couple of ways of making someone happy by putting something inside of them,” and he’s bringing up images of banging somebody with an eggplant. Goddamnit Batali! You’re the f*cking wet blanket on my Bourdain bonfire! The desert wind drying up the lush Everglades in my pants! The Debbie Downer in my down-there. Okay…I’ll stop. Just watch:

Oh Anthony. If only that video was just you alone. You could “engorge my membrane” any time…any place.


While You Were Redefining The Phrase “Hitting Rock Bottom”


  • On the British show Celebrity Big Brother, Verne Troyer was made to dress up like a teddy bear and eat a pot of honey. I’m not sure there’s anything else I need to say about this.
  • The premise of Amy Poehler’s new not-an-Office-spinoff has been revealed! It will be a mockumentary style show set in the world of local government: the cameras will follow “a mid-level bureaucrat in the Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee, Indiana.” BEGIN WETTING YOUR PANTS WITH EXCITEMENT…now.
  • Sarah Jessica Parker wants Britney Spears to play a role in the next Sex And The City movie. She wants her to play Carrie Bradshaw’s young cousin or something else that might make the movie remotely interesting.
  • TruTV has a reality show called The Principal’s Office, and in this clip, two high school kids hilariously tease their principal by kind of pretending to be gay. Honestly after watching this I can’t believe it’s a reality show and not some scripted mockumentary. Give these people a sitcom!
  • Worth1000 had a photoshop contest to see who could infuse Muppets into famous images. Some of them are super creepy, but the movie posters (like the Cookienator) are worth the willies.