Yo yo yo yo yo yo, my man Brody Jenner premiered his new show on MTV, Bromance, and it’s off the chain, you guys! Seriously, this show is ridiculous. It’s basically the guy version of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. Actually, let me put it this way, it’s a show geared towards teenage girls about guys. Because honestly, what guy would sincerely watch a reality competition show about a dude finding himself a new best friend? No offense to any of my man friends out there who watched it, but seriously, is this what you’re planning on watching on Monday nights after The City? No. It’s not. Unless your girlfriend makes you, in which case you have an excuse. Anyway, let’s get to it. The episode contained all the basics of a reality competition show: introduce the contestants, wake them up at 5 a.m., put hoods on them a la Abu Ghraib prisoners, and throw them into a van. Bring them to the Bro-mansion. They meet Brody, get their first challenge (get two hot chicks to come to lingerie party and whoever brings the hottest chicks, wins), either win or lose the challenge, then one person gets sent home. These dudes are amazing, and all seem to have that special quality that all reality contestants have: mild retardation. Let’s look at some of the best quotes from the premiere.
Michael, the only gay contestant: “We weren’t in The Hills, we were in Compton.”
Luke, on describing what kind of chicks he is going to try and pick up: “I just need someone with a pulse that’s hot, no I’m joking!” (But you can tell he’s totally not joking.)
Chris F., on what it was like to get into a hot tub with Brody for eliminations (yes, they are holding eliminations in a HOT TUB): “The awkward level went up from 5 to 28″
Femi: “Talkin to hot girls, dude that’s what I do in my sleep.” Yes, because literally, that is the only time a hot girl would talk to you – in your dreams. Note, this cocky guy failed to get any girls to show up to the party.
Michael Phelps is back with his Phelps Minute, this time reviewing the year’s best movies, TV shows, and news items. With his 8 gold medals, of course.
Was Doubt better than Swim Fan? I doubt it. Rob Lathan, you never cease to delight me.
Here’s a sneak preview of one of the songs you’ll hear on The Lonely Island’s upcoming CD/DVD Incredibad. It’s called “We Like Sportz” and it’s your typical awkward white man rap video (and is the official sequel to “Just 2 Guyz”, which is hilarious especially considering it was made in 2005). Keep an eye out at the 1:34 mark for a very j*zz-in-my-pants Jorma expression.
I’m just a girl who likes Lonely Island. I am very much looking forward to Incredibad.
Even though the closest thing to a music video you’ve seen on TV recently is a Jack’s Mannequin song set against some B-roll of L.A. on The Hills, I can assure you, the music video is NOT a dead art form! And in 2008, the music business may have struggled to make money in the pirate-ridden seas of album sales, but they had no problem spending money on some incredibly beautiful, funny, creepy, and bizarre music videos. Here are my favorites from this year, in no particular order (if you must know, “Shine” is my favorite). Take some time to sit back and remember that music + moving images = MAGIC! I know I missed a bunch, so please include your personal favorites in the comments!
Thunderheist “Jerk It”This video will turn you on – and in turn make you wonder if you’re a pervert.
Architecture In Helsinki “Like It Or Not”
As a lady who loves all things embroidered and needleworked,
this video gives me a giant heart boner.
Beyonce “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)
Beyonce’s relatively simple, yet stunning, video inspired countless tributes such as this.
I know it’s highly unlikely, but when I look at this photo I like to imagine that Suri Cruise is singing Beyonce’s “Crazy In Love.” Either that, or it’s a soulful rendition of “Go Tell It On The Mountain” in her most baritone voice.
Why does it always look like Katie is carrying her in the most haphazardly fashion, legs and arms flailing about? Either this kid is getting too big to be carried, or she’s always squirming around (i.e. trying to escape).
We here at BWE.tv have mad connections in the entertainment biz! We got this EXCLUSIVE clip from tonight’s premiere episode of The City, Whitney Port’s spinoff series set in New York! And it’s really exclusivey feeling! It’s a conversation between Whitney and her new friend / cast member Erin Lucas. And wow…just as I suspected, this show is exactly like The Hills! In the scene, Whitney is telling Erin about how the boy she is dating might be dating someone else at the same time. I mean, it’s no “taking shots,” but this is DRAMATIC, people! On top of all that, I noticed something odd in the background during the scene. Erin is sitting next to a black and white photo of a child and some dude. Take a look, and we’ll discuss.
So is it just me, or is that Cliff Williams, the bass player from AC/DC? (NEVER YOU MIND why I recognize band members from AC/DC.) What do you think? I believe they are in their apartment, so is that Erin and her dad? Or is it Whitney? I also found some blogospheric evidence to support my theory: some photos from a Betsey Johnson event has a caption that reads “Erin Lucas, daughter of Cliff Williams, bass player of AC/DC.” AHA! I AM CHANGING MY NAME TO SCHAEFERLOCK HOLMES! KEEP DIGGING WATSON! I have no life. The show premieres tonight at 10 p.m. on MTV.
This music video by the Teriyaki Boyz, a hip hop group from Japan, features two main elements: Pharrell, and lots and lots of ass. (NSFW, especially if your boss is opposed to thongs.) The name of the song is “Work That,” and it also features some vocals by Chris Brown. It really reminds me how simple rap videos used to be. All you needed back in the day was a green screen and some b-roll of some butts! It’s good to see that someone is keeping the tradition alive, this time with some seriously dainty booty:
It’s fun to watch the English words pop up (this thing has subtitles like a Karaoke video) in the middle of a string of Japanese words. Pharrell looks sooo bored, as maybe because had to lip sync “let me see you work that” about 50 times in a row in front of a green screen, without any actual hot booty around him.
When you think of the goodies that might await you inside your stocking on Christmas morning, you imagine any number of things: candy, lottery tickets, Santa pencils, chapstick, or whatever other knick knacks your mom found lying around at 3 a.m. on Christmas Eve. You don’t imagine morbid survival tools. Well, that’s exactly what my sister’s friend got in her stocking this year: The Life Hammer, otherwise known as the only thing that will save you from a horrifying death should you ever happen to drive your car off a bridge into a body of water. (Apparently, somebody really got into Michelle’s list of retardedly genius gift ideas, which included this uplifting, inspirational item!)
From Michelle’s description, I knew this tool was special, but now that I know someone who actually received it, I have had the great pleasure of reading the detailed instructional sheet that comes with it. And I can attest that The Life Hammer is AMAZING. I have transcribed the exact wording for you (and I even found a commercial for this thing), but first, let me set the scene. You’ve just accidentally driven off the side of the road into a lake. As the car is sinking, you remember that you have The Life Hammer, which you shoved into your glove compartment after leaving your mom’s house on Christmas. Once you get it out, you realize that this thing is by NO means self-explanatory, and is harder to open than a rusty swiss army knife. So you get the Life Hammer manual out, and start to read frantically:
HOW TO ESCAPE:
1. Stay calm, don’t panic!
2. POP your seatbelt button to release it. If it’s jammed, cut it diagonally from the top to bottom with the help of the Life Hammer’s blade.
The new thing on the internet is to make an 80’s montage out of something that’s not an 80’s montage. It’s already getting old, but this one is cute and I honestly will never get tired of looking at footage of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. It’s pretty good, and if you don’t have time to watch the entire show this year, this will probably suffice:
Happy Christmas Eve!
Behold, the stink face. An expression made by a person in any number of situations that causes them to look like they’ve just detected the scent of a fart in the air. Sometimes, people make stink faces because they’re annoyed. Sometimes it’s because they think they’re better than everyone else. For others, that’s just the way their face looks. And, though it is rare, some actually do smell poo. No matter the reason, a famous face under the influence of the stink is something to be honored and celebrated. Let’s take a look back at the best 15 made by famous people this year, shall we? (For the top 20 stink faces made by a non-famous person, go here.)
15. JOHN MCCAIN
John McCain could never hide his stink face on the campaign trail.
14. TWILIGHT STARS
As much as I love my Robert Pattinson, he really needs to work on being alive.