Posts By Saras

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SYTYCD: Nigel Just Bucked In His Pants

SYTYCD406.jpgLast night’s episode of So You Think You Can Dance had us traveling the world and realizing that the judges are going to start nit-picking the crap out of this elite group of dancers. This is the last week before they switch up partners, and so pretty soon I think it will be clear who, individually, our top picks are to win. Host Cat Deeley looked utterly Stevie Nicksy last night, and the guest judge was a shoulder-exposed (scandalous) Mia Michaels.

The highlight of the evening for me was definitely the Bollywood dance performed by Katee and Joshua. It was the first time the show ever had a Bollywood routine, and I think it definitely won’t be the last.

BEST DEATH THREAT: Mia Michaels, when she said to Chelsie, “I want to stab you, you’re so gorgeous.”

MOST PROMISING SOLUTION FOR THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS: In his praise of the Bollywood dance, Nigel presented his proposal for achieving world peace: “I wish the world would come together with DANCE!”

BEST MATH: Mary Murphy pulled a Good Will Hunting last night when she solved the age old mathematical question of stardom: Heart + Soul = Stardom.

BEST NAME FOR BASICALLY GETTING HUMPED UP THE BUTT: For their Cha Cha routine, Courtney and Gev had to learn a move called “the message” which was essentially Gev giving Courtney a crotch bump against her butt. I think she definitely got the message, you know what I mean?!?

BEST GIVER OF BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS: Mia Michaels is a BIOTCH you guys. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love her dance routines. But she is nasty as a judge. She’ll say something really cruel like “I’ve never really liked you…” and then follow it up with a blase afterthought like “but you’re great.”

Recap of the routines, after the jump!

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What Is…The Most Amazing Jeopardy Clue Ever?

hills question on jeopardy.jpgJeopardy is gettin’ with the TIMES, son! The category was “TV Women” and the answer worth $1600. Now that you’ve stooped this low, Alex Trebek, might I suggest some other potential clues?

Category: Sounds Like
Answer: Club where LC and Audrina get drunk; not what you just did in your pants.

Category: 7 Letter Words
Answer: Store where you can buy gag gifts and sex toys; also, biggest douchebag in the history of the world

Category: Potent Potables
Answer: Heidi can’t believe Spencer and 2 random skanks imbibed this size drink.

Category: Audio Daily Double
Answer: Click here

Category: Name’s The Same
Answer: Pamela Anderson’s boobs; The Hills; Orson Welles film

Leave your guesses in the comments!

(Via Fashionista)

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10 People That Make Me Look Young

WOMAN IN MOURNING W. FURS CDV 1860S.jpgIt may be hard to believe, but ANOTHER one of your BWE.tv bloggers has a birthday. That would be me. Today. I can’t say I’m in the same celebratory mood as Alex and Michelle were with theirs. I won’t be making out with you; I won’t be listening to the best CD ever recorded. That’s because this is a day of mourning for me (for an idea of what I look like today, see picture to the right). It’s the day I say goodbye to my 20′s. The day my body starts to rot and my wardrobe goes from “hip” to “pathetic attempt.”

However, I’ve decided, instead of throwing the saddest one-person birthday party ever, that I will stand tall as a column of positive thinking. Because if there’s anything that the film P.S. I Love You taught me, it’s that you should be grateful to have so many years to live your life, and that Jeffrey Dean Morgan might one day become my lover in Ireland.

In that spirit, I present to you 10 People That Make Me Look Young:

PH2008071000085.jpgJAMIE LYNN SPEARS

skeksis.jpgSKEKSIS

See the rest after the jump!

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CAPTION THIS: Tobey Mad-Guire

I can’t tell if he’s waiting for someone to put food in his mouth a la A Clockwork Orange, or if he’s singing the emotional and dramatic “Who Am I?” from Les Miserables. Either way, I have a feeling Tobey Maguire REALLY wishes he could shoot actual webs from that wrist right now.

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(Via Just Jared)

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…OF THE DAY

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  • NEWS FROM 12 YEARS AGO: The Boulder District Attorney formally apologized to JonBenet Ramsey’s family today, now that newly developed DNA technology has officially cleared the entire family. I’m assuming the letter was basically just a giant frowny face with a big OOPS! written under it. (CNN)
  • I HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY TO HELL: Ali Lohan’s first single, All The Way Around, just got picked up by Satan to play on loop in the depths of hell, but it is in no way as bad as Heidi Montag’s music. So that’s a plus. (Dlisted)
  • TALK TO THE HAND: Just like a wild animal that was cute and cuddly when it was a baby, but will inevitably “turn” on its human owners, Amy Winehouse hit her bodyguard in the face today. (I Don’t Like You In That Way)
  • DEAL OR NO DEAL, BABY PICTURE EDITION: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie reportedly are willing to sell the rights to the first pictures of their twins (when they are finally born, 7 years from now) – ON THE CONDITION that the name “BRANGELINA” is not used. (TMZ)
  • WE KNEW IT ALL ALONG: Nobody should be shocked that Lindsay Lohan is turning out to be a real lesbian. It was all there, right in front of us, in Mean Girls! (Gawker)

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B-List Celebrities Are Forcing Me To Wear A Winter Coat In July

i-hate-valentines-day_005110021.jpgLast week, I walked by an old store front around the corner from my apartment, which had been shuttered up for months, and was delighted to see that a new place would be opening up – a restaurant! It’s called Get On Tapas. Amazing. Of course, I immediately thought of Michelle’s 50 Best Pun Stores. There was even a menu and review hanging in the window, and I was excited to try this new exotic cuisine called “tapas.” Still, the sign looked like it had been printed using Print Shop with a dot matrix printer,
so I was a tiny bit suspicious about it.

Thus, imagine my despair when, yesterday morning, I discovered that this restaurant is NOT REAL.

Here’s how it went down. Upon leaving for work, I stepped out of my apartment onto the sidewalk, only to be immediately greeted by a 19-year-old with a headset and clipboard. He says to me that I am not allowed to walk any further, because I’m wearing short sleeves. It’s 87 degrees; of course I’m wearing short sleeves. He says there’s a movie filming and I need to wait a few minutes. My super-old-school neighbor, sitting on his stoop, yells “these jokers want you to go put on your winter coat!”

As annoyed as I was to be accosted by a teenager about my attire, I couldn’t help but feel aflutter about the possibility of some incredibly famous, gorgeous actor only steps from my apartment. Who could it be? Jeffrey Dean Morgan? Patrick Dempsey? Within seconds I’ve already imagined “accidentally” bumping into Jude Law, spilling his coffee on him and having to invite him inside my apartment to wash up.

Regardless, I wasn’t in the mood to wait, so I cut around the block another way, and ran into the filming from the back side. Who do I see? Find out, after the jump!

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Yes, I’d Love To See A “Different” Kind Of Snake

If you watch as much porn as I do, you’re more than familiar with the contrived introductions they use to get to the dirty stuff. (And again, if you’re like me, you just don’t care.) But now, Defamer has unearthed the most incredible introduction to a porn I’ve ever seen. GET READY TO GET ALL TINGLY DOWN THERE!

The best part is right at the end when you hear the Hungarian woman say “Okay”.

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Madonna Throws Britney A Bone

madonna-britney.jpgBritney Spears is going to appear in some video footage for Madonna’s new tour. Shooting is expected to begin today and Spears’ reps say that the video will be very “deep”. I believe it. I had the great pleasure of seeing a Madonna concert a few years back – and it’s no joke. The videos she plays (on gigantic screens) are frighteningly weird and are definitely making an attempt at being deep. The one I saw was reminiscent of the video from The Ring. If we’re lucky, we’ll see Britney dancing around on a horse carcass and then throwing herself off a cliff.

But what fascinates me about this whole situation is how it came about. Britney and Madonna have worked together in the past, but since Brit’s downward spiral, I imagine this video is a charity move on Madonna’s part. Because let’s face it: this is essentially like playing an extra in a video that appears while Madonna changes costumes.

Anyway, I imagine the conversation went down something like this:

Madonna:
No sweetie, you can’t actually be ON stage with me. [Britney begins shaking and crying.] Oh…no no no…it’s all right, shhhhh – don’t worry about it, maybe next time okay? [Madonna reaches out to comfort Britney.]

Britney: [Violently smacking Madonna's hand away] No! [sobbing] Don’t you touch me, Madonna!

Madonna: Oh dear. Ummm…

Britney: BRITNEY WANT TO DANCEY ON MADONNA TOUR!

Madonna: But you don’t have it any—

Britney: BRITNEY WANT TO DANCEY!

Read the rest of this intense scene after the jump.

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…OF THE DAY

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  • SMILING WITH THE EYES: Amy Winehouse must have taken a lesson from Tyra Banks, because she sure has figured out a way to emote joy by just using her EYES. (Pink Is The New Blog)
  • SACHA BARON COHEN GOT REDNECKS DONE, AGAIN: Bruno corralled a bunch of hootin’ and tootin’ southern folk into a stadium, via the allure of $1 beers and the promise of cage fighting. At the end of the evening, two men undressed each other and start licking each other up and down; obligatory stereotypical riot ensued. Check out the poster they made to advertise the event. (The Smoking Gun)
  • CINDY BRADY DRINKS LIKE A PIG: Susan Olsen, the woman who played cute curly-haired Cindy Brady, went on a radio show in Denver and nearly threw up because she was so hung over. Best part: her “mildly autistic” son can be heard saying “Watch her drink like a pig!” Check out the video here. (Defamer)
  • MORELONG NO MORE: (Yes, that is what I called Drew Barrymore and Justin Long.) Maybe co-starring together in a movie called “He’s Just Not That Into You” was a bad move? (Celebitchy)
  • SUNDAY ROSE NOT INSPIRED BY SPAM EMAIL: Nicole Kidman‘s new daughter is named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban, and apparently the name “Sunday” is supposed to be a big F*CK YOU to Scientology, because Sunday is NOT a day significant to the Scientologists. So wait…on this same logic, if I named my child Thursday Jones Schaefer, it would be a giant F*CK YOU to…ALL religions? (The “Jones” part is a giant F U to all the Smiths in the world.) (Heckler Spray via Digg)