Posts By Saras

Next time you THINK you feel your cellphone vibrating in your coat pocket, you might want to – just to be sure – take a quick gander at your boob, because there’s a chance that it might be a tiny bat nestling against your bosom.

A 19-year-old hotel clerk, Abbie Hawkins, didn’t do that, and guess what, she unknowingly sheltered a BABY BAT inside her bra for FIVE HOURS without realizing what the hell was going on. She thought it was her cellphone vibrating. I know, there are so many questions. So so many.

1. How in the world is a cellphone vibration through several layers of fabric in ANY WAY similar to the feeling of a winged and fanged creature wriggling around against your SKIN?

2. How…HOW…did this bat get into your bra in the first place? Were you spelunking earlier in the day? What on earth were you wearing that allowed such a thing to happen? A cone bra a la Blond Ambition Madonna? Or perhaps your boobs are enormous and your cleavage resembles the opening of a cave? (I’m jealous.)

Well, these questions may never be answered…at least not in written form! Because guess what? Abbie can tell us in picture form! Take a look at some pictures they took of her posing in her bra with a fake bat, after the jump!

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Perhaps you’ve already caught wind of the most amazing, adorable, authentically funny kid on YouTube: Fred. After several friends begged me to check out his Channel, I finally dove in this morning. And I’m ADDICTED. Now before you go watch (I recommend starting at the beginning, with #1.) – prepare yourself, because at first you will probably hate it. Give it some time though, lower the drawbridge over the 20-foot-wide moat of cynicism you’ve got built around your brain, and you’ll be filled with delight.

The L.A. Times recently wrote an article about Fred, and his extreme popularity with children, stating that his material was for “immature audiences only.” Well call me a zygote because I CAN’T STOP WATCHING.

This kid proves that with the right editing, creativity, personality, and genius use of the chipmunk effect – good clean fun IS still possible on the internet. Perhaps if we watch enough Fred, we can restore the proper PH balance to our systems each morning after a night of reckless I-Love-Money-Elle-Woods-Bachelorette-WipeOut-Groomer-Has-It binging.

He’s got more subscribers than anyone on YouTube, and his view counts are off the charts. As mentioned, the obligatory flurry of oh-my-god-a-kid-with-a-home-video-
camera-can-become-famous articles has already commenced (when are we going to stop being shocked by this phenomenon?), and if he hasn’t already been bought by Disney or Nick – that would be shocking.

• FORGET EYE CONTACT, MAKE PIN CONTACT: Videogum has unearthed THE solution for singles the world over, The TTM ( “Talk To Me”) Pin!
• IT’S A KIDGIRL: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban welcomed their baby, Sunday Rose Kidman Urban, into the world this morning. The name really reads like the subject line of a spam e-mail, doesn’t it? (Jezebel)
• HOMEWORK: Having trouble following all these rumors about Madonna? Defamer provides us with their Guide To The Whole Madonna / A-Rod / Lenny Kravitz Situation.
• FASHION ALERT: Two new fashion trends everyone should immediately follow! First, high-waisted pants that go ALL THE WAY UP! Basically, take a pair of pants previously owned by Jared from Subway, and put a belt around your boobs (via Buzzfeed). Two, the douchebag-neck t-shirt!
• GOSSIP GIRLISH SQUEAL: It’s looking more and more like Blake Lively (Serena) and Penn Badgley (Dan) are the real deal. Do they realize how much more foaming-at-the-mouth obsessed this makes us with GG? (INF Daily)
• BOOBS: Portia De Rossi’s boobs in Italy.

Update: Since you most likely spent this past Friday reciting the Declaration of Independence to a small group of friends and family, we’re reposting this. Enjoy!

Recently I had the honor and indescribable pleasure to sit down with BWE Panelist, Sherrod Small. He’s been making us laugh on Best Week Ever (airing tonight on Vh1 at 9 and 11 p.m.!) since it BEGAN, folks. He’s one of the originals and has much wisdom to impart. He’s got lots of new projects he wants to tell us about – including his work with Chris Rock, The Tony Rock Project, his special bond with John Mayer, and, of course, the status of his d*ck. Enjoy.

BWE: I tried to do some internet research on you, because that’s where our lovely blog exists.

Sherrod: Right, in the internet.

BWE: Yes, I know you’re not used to it, because you’re a TV star.

Sherrod: That’s right. But…I do go on the internet.

BWE: You don’t have a website.

Sherrod: No. But, I’m launching a website this August! I’m having a party in the city. I’m going to have a lot of big friends there, like John Mayer. Everybody’s coming. But I’m trying to actually launch it right about my birthday on August 15th.

BWE: You could do it on 8-8-08.

Sherrod: I could, but the Olympics are dropping that day, and I might be in Australia with Chris Rock that day, because I help him write some of the stuff for the tour and what not. The tour is going strong right now, so I’m just going down there to check out some of the international stops on it.

BWE: So you help prep him for his tour?

Sherrod: Right, like, [mimicking a hairstylist] “your hair look good that way, you should wear your hair like that.”

BWE: What can we expect from your new website?

Sherrod: There is going to be a lot of footage of me performing, and of different TV shows that I’ve done, like the A&E, AMC, VH1 stuff.

BWE: Is it going to be more of a static website or are you going to be blogging on it?

Sherrod: It’s going to be blogging on it, it’s going to be full blogs.

BWE: Full blog?

Sherrod: Full blog press, it’s going to be bloggin, 24 hour bloggin.

Sherrod sexually harasses me, after the jump!

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I’ll admit it, I watched the first episode of I Love Money last night. I didn’t want to watch it, and I certainly didn’t want to LIKE it. But let me ask you this: does a heroin addict want to stab himself in the arm a hundred times before finding a vein? No. But he does it anyway. Similarly, there I was, screaming in pain, but unable to change the channel. Unable to move. And by the end…I can’t believe I’m about to write this…I actually loved this show.

Here’s what it is. Vh1 brought together the most ridiculous and infamous personalities from other Vh1 reality shows, such as I Love New York, Flavor of Love, and Rock of Love. Among them are some of the most idiotic, socially and physically abnormal, borderline-suicidal, vain, self-deluded, bat-sh*t crazy people you’ll ever see on TV. These people are the Bad News Bears of reality competition shows. It’s exactly like The Gauntlet, except 400 times more trashy. I didn’t think it was possible either.

Some may find this to be an indication that the Book of Revelation is about to come true. And maybe that is the case, but what better way to welcome the apocalypse than to lose yourself in the insanity of this show?

REASON I LOVE IT, #1:

Midget Mac’s answer to the question that all contestants answered: “What will you do with the $250,000 prize money?”

“About 200,000 is going to my momma and my daddy, and the other 50 is going to strippers.”

There was an awkward pause after he said it, and then Mac said, “For real, I’m trying to be real with you! That’s what I’m do!” At least he’s honest.

More reasons to love I Love Money, and to hate yourself, after the jump.

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Hey Werner Herzog, I’ve got the subject of your next documentary! 48-year-old gas station owner, Kent Couch, rigged up 155 helium-filled balloons to a lawn chair and set sail across Oregon, flying for 200 miles before landing in Idaho. He used a Red Ryder BB gun to gradually pop the balloons in order to lower himself back to earth. I really love this guy Kent Couch. First of all, what a heroic American name. Second of all, he tapped into every human’s dream ever since we were forced to watch Le Ballon Rouge (The Red Balloon) on loop in kindergarten.

This was Couch’s third attempt – he wasn’t going to stop until he had reached his goal to cross state lines. He also carried with him a blow gun equipped with steel darts. Because blow guns are awesome, that’s why.

Anyway, as mentioned, this all reminded me of The Red Balloon, at the end when all the balloons in France find this kid and take him up to heaven, or wherever magical balloons go. But the part that I remember the most from the film is the traumatic scene wherein the red balloon is savagely murdered by the neighborhood bullies. Just before the death blow, the balloon is all sweaty, bubbly and sad-looking. Watch it unfold here, particularly around the 3:11 mark. Now tell me, who among us did not cry during this scene??

No amount of multi-colored magical flying balloons can replace Red Balloon!!!! NO AMOUNT!

I have always wondered why reality show contestants seem to say the same cliched things over and over again. (Example: “America hasn’t seen the last of me!” after being been eliminated.) Is there something that happens to the human brain when subjected to the conditions and pressure of a reality show contest? Is it the cultural psyche imprinted upon these people, who clearly have watched enough reality television to have certain phrases burned into the speech chambers of their brains? Or are these shows scripted by the worst writers of all time? Because frankly, I’m tired of hearing the same sh*t ooze out of these people’s mouths. NEVERTHELESS, I can’t say that if I was cast on a reality contest (not sure when casting for Top Crochet begins), I wouldn’t find myself saying the same exact stuff.

Our friends over at Videogum have turned up an incredible montage that showcases the absolute worst cliche of all: “I’m not here to make friends.” Check it out, after the jump.

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So You Think You Can Dance is starting to get INTENSE, you guys. This was the first week that a really strong couple was in the bottom three – and clearly, from here on out we’re going to have to get used to some of our favorite dancers laying it on the line and possibly going home.

The highlight of the evening was the mind-exploding performance of contortion-y popper, Robert Morane, who (sort of?) agreed to a dance off with Nigel’s other favorite popper, Phillip Chbeeb. Nigel was clearly still bitter that Robert had quit back in Vegas, and it got kind of uncomfortable there for a second, because Robert didn’t respond to the jabs. Nevertheless, I actually thought Robert’s routine in the auditions was better than what he did last night.

The show opened with a dance number choreographed by Tyce D’Orio, set to “Money Money” from Cabaret. The contestants were dressed up like they were getting an old timey photo taken at Six Flags. The dance was fun, and at the end they tossed fake money up in the air that had Nigel’s face on it. Lest we forget that this is Lord Nigel’s television program.

Find out who went home, after the jump!

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Have you ever said to your girlfriends, “Hey girls, you know what? My down-there could really use a rubdown and a salt bath!” Well now there’s something OTHER than awkward silence that will follow that statement. A trip to Phit, New York City’s new spa just for vaginas! Phit is dedicated to “pelvic fitness”:

The signature treatment will be a $150 gynecological exam — in which a client contracts her pelvic muscles around Dr. Romanzi’s fingers — to determine by feel whether muscle tone is weak, moderate or strong.

The spa will also teach women how to do Kegel exercises, which is like yoga for your cooter. Dr. Romanzi says, “If you can vote and you have a vagina, you should do these. It’s the dental floss of feminine fitness.”

That’s all FINE AND GOOD, but really, the name should be something way cooler. Here are some proposed alternate names for Phit:

Cooter Crunch
Bally’s Total Cl*tness
The YMCA: Your Muff Can Achieve!
New York Sports Clam
Curve
Jim’s Sideways Taco Fitness Center & Shake Shack
Gold’s VajayGym
Million Dollar Bush: Cl*t Eastwood’s Box-ing Training Center

(Via Buzzfeed)