Posts By Saras

by

Last Night’s Real World: The Tears of A D-Bag

TearDuctAnatomy3.GIFLast night on The Real World, Will made out with Brittini and had to confess to his girlfriend Janelle (former Key West Real Worlder, who smacks a little of those kids from high school who have already graduated but just won’t go away). They met at a restaurant to discuss the situation (mind you, in between the kissing incident and this meeting, Will has had a foursome). All of the sudden, Will excuses himself to go to the bathroom. What followed was probably the most amazing example of douchebaggery I’ve seen in quite some time.

Will is in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, a la Ed Norton in 25th Hour. You think maybe he’s about to have a nervous breakdown and go apesh*t, a la Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love, but no. No no no no. He’s FORCING HIMSELF TO CRY. He’s staring at himself in the mirror, squinting, trying to get some tears to come out. Then he actually starts confessing that he is in fact fake crying, that it’s something he “does” sometimes. He says he uses wasabi or hot sauce to invoke the faux tears.

will.jpgTHEN HE PROCEEDS TO GO OUT AND SIT IN FRONT OF JANELLE, STARING DRAMATICALLY AS IF THOSE TEARS WERE BUBBLING UP FROM THE DEEPEST PART OF HIS SOUL, AND SHE TOTALLY FALLS FOR IT. She’s all caressing his face and wiping the tears away and saying “let’s start over, baby.”

And to make matters worse, there is one of those Real World Dailies videos (NEVER YOU MIND WHY I KNOW ABOUT IT), in which he (1) denies that any of his own real tears have ever been shed on the show, (2) claims to have really bad allergies, like crazy man, and (3) babbles on about his emotions with the self-awareness of an infant.

See the video after the jump.

Read more…

by

The 30 Most Adorable Album Covers

silverjewscropped2.jpgWhen I first laid eyes upon the new Silver Jews album, Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea, I thought I had seen perhaps the most adorable album cover in the world. But then I wondered… what other album covers existed, perhaps solely, to bring a tear to my eye? And I’m not talking about kids’ albums. Those don’t count, as their M.O. is to be cute (many of them, nevertheless, are terrifying).

So, if you’re looking for another way to categorize, list, and rate your extensive CD collection (which, yes, I would LOVE to see), might I suggest considering the cuteness of your albums? While many records try to get your attention by puttin’ a tingle in your pants, these album covers put a tingle in your HEART.

So it is with great pleasure that I now present THE 30 MOST ADORABLE ALBUM COVERS…that I know of. Prepare to get a heart boner.

30. THE BEACH BOYS “PET SOUNDS”
ac45225b9da0b09813f5c010.L.jpg
Some people might find the image of the band feeding goats an indicator of some sort of relationship with Satan (obviously!). Whatever the meaning, this trip to the petting zoo is super cute.

29. DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE “SOMETHING ABOUT AIRPLANES”
3c09e893e7a0fd1b234b5110.L.jpg
Death Cab is oh so cutie with that tiny, tentative sketch of a little row boat.

28. LISA LOEB “HELLO LISA”
41XV27TQ6EL._SS500_.jpg
Hello Kitty. 100% adorable. Lisa Loeb? 98% adorable. (2% deduction for doing a reality show.)

See the rest of the precious, after the jump!
Read more…

by

Christian Rock Just Got A Lot More Date Rapey

heidiusabikini.jpgHeidi Montag has another new song for us, just days after she stated that she’d like to do a Christian album. I can TOTALLY see it…I mean, her music is just so wholesome. This new song is a perfect example; it’s called “One More Drink” and is about how if she has just ONE more drink, she’s going to take this guy home and bang the sh*t out of him.

I have not yet been able to find the lyrics on-line, so I’ve transcribed what I can understand (what with all that sexy breathing and sweaty beats):

I see you looking at me in the club
Waiting to come and show me love
I’ve passed my limit
he’s lookin good i must admit it
his hands up on my waist
The juice in my system
Let’s keep it hot, bartender
I’m going home with you
If I have one more drink
One more drink (repeat)

worship01_large.jpgI’m getting lost in this liquid high
I’m elevated to some new heights
You got me doin things I never do
Sippin’ on the happy juice
It’s all because of you
I passed my limit
I think I like it
Goose up in my system
I’m going home with you
One more drink (repeat)
You might get lucky (repeat)

Last call for alcohol
I’m feeling clumsy, I’m about to fall
You’ve got me love-drunk
I don’t want to stop
You’ve got me love-drunk
I don’t want to stop
It’s a fishing line
All twisted up

Come on baby and take me home
You ain’t gotta worry baby I’m grown

Wow. I love how she lets the guy know that she’s over 18 right there at the end. After hearing this, I have that same feeling I had at Kings Dominion as a high schooler when I saw the Michael W. Smith / DC Talk concert. I really think she’s onto something here – maybe she can open up for Jars of Clay? LIFT ME UP!

(sent by God via Socialite’s Life)

by

CAPTION THIS: Look Everyone! I’m Pregnant!

I’m not sure if this is a result of the fact that it is fashionable these days to wear baby-doll and other make-me-look-pregnant-even-when-I’m-not style dresses, but Minnie Driver TOTALLY wants us to know she’s pregnant – and not just wearing a loose dress. The awkward neck angle and “am I glowing?? I’m totally glowing!” expression on her face just add to the effect.

main-minniedriver-hancock-premiere-photos-070108-11.jpg

Either that or she has to go poo, like REAL BAD.

(via Socialite’s Life)

by

Operation Cry-Town: Boom De Yada Edition

Perhaps you’ve seen this newish commercial for the Discovery Channel. I previously had not. Today, I opened it up on my computer, and immediately the intern sitting next to me turns to watch, and when it finished, she’s like “that was awesome.” I, however, remained silent, with my back to her, because I DID NOT WANT HER TO SEE THE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE.

POINT AT WHICH THE TEARS LET LOOSE (after building gradually from the first astronaut fist-bump): Stephen Hawking’s computerized “boom de yada”.

If you have a video, commercial, picture, or blog that you think can make me cry, by all means, give it a shot. Clearly, it doesn’t take much.

by

Kissing Will Never Be The Same

Ladies and gentlemen, you may have recently seen the disturbing and “educational” ad-site from Converse, called Kissing With Ross, wherein some dude named Ross teaches you how to kiss. Well, not to get all Eckhart Tolle on you, but I truly feel that the universe has called upon BestWeekEver.tv to teach the world an entirely different lesson.

Not since Romeo kissed Juliet to Des’ree‘s “Kissing You” has lip-locking had such an important moment in history. Get ready to have your life forever changed.

PLEASE EXPAND VIDEO TO FULL SCREEN for maximum educational value.

SHOW US HOW YOU KISS! Post your video links in the comments!

See also: 50 Animals Squashed Against Glass

(Youtube link)

by

QUIZ: Guess What I Was Watching Last Night

It’s fun to reward people for (1) watching the same crap I do, and (b) remembering enough of it to guess what it is based on a few clues. The prize? THE SELF-SATISFACTION AND INTERNAL GLORY OF GETTING IT RIGHT.

CLUE 1:

CLUE 2:

tiger-woods1.jpg

CLUE 3:

HINT: It was NOT All About Dung, which was playing at the same time on the History Channel.

GOOD LUCK! Leave your guesses in the comments.

by

Face It, This Kid’s Not Getting Into College!

older_student_taking_test.jpgWe all had those days in high school where we were at the end of our rope. Nobody will kiss you, teach is a jerkwad, and these books are laaaaame, man. But very few of us have the guts to turn an exam into an opportunity to show everybody EXACTLY WHO’S BOSS. Well, a high school kid in the U.K. decided to do just that – by writing nothing else on the paper except the words “F*ck” and “off”. DAAAAAAAAAAAMN.

His teacher, however, turns out to be way more of a badass, because he actually gave the kid credit for the two words, stating, “It would be wicked to give it zero because it does show some very basic skills we are looking for, like conveying some meaning and some spelling.”

He brings up a vaild question – what ARE we looking for these days in our high school graduates?

- Imaginative, yet subtle, methods for bucking the system
- Creative problem solving when the man is bringing them down
- A charming, humble attitude that says “I just took a poo on your establishment, now give me ice cream!”

I’m SO excited to see the future of this planet, in the hands of these gems.

by

Reality Competition Shows Can Break A Man

designstar1.JPGHGTV‘s show, Design Star, is pretty much as rockbottom as reality career-competition shows can get (obvies not as bad as Groomer Has It, but still). Last week, Michael and Matt wowed the judges with their black-walled interior design. However, this week the world turned upside down, and both were in the bottom three. I’m not giving a full recap here, but if you watch the show, you will understand how INSANE this elimination was. Tracee‘s room was AWFUL and looked like a child’s craft project – meanwhile, Michael’s was just sort of boring. So when he got eliminated, imagine his heartbreak…and America’s. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a better reaction to being cut from a reality show than this:

by

Ruben Studdard Realizes He’s Married

art.stoddard.ap.jpgRuben Studdard, that big ole Teddy Bear that won American Idol, got married. I actually was surprised that he wasn’t already married. One of his songs from last year, called “Change Me”, is a song that so perfectly captures the frustrations of having a ball-n-chain, I just assumed he was singing about his naggy wife!

Look at some of the lyrics:

How would you like it if I talked about your skin
The way you wear your hair (oh girl)
Would u like if I talked about your butt
Or once a month
Turned into someone that was hard to love…
What if I talked about your face in the morning
Cause we know that u aint cute in the morning

If that picture, and the song, is any indication, he’s in for a world of hurt when his wifey gets her “once a month”!

ONCE A MONTH!