Posts By Saras

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SYTYCD Results: Jordin Sparks’ Bra Tries To Escape

SYTYCD PIC2.jpgLast night’s results show for So You Think You Can Dance was nothing short of scandalous. First off, Jordin Sparks‘ bra made a cameo through the second half of her song. Secondly, Nigel admitted to sexually harassing a contestant, and fightin’ words were thrown out to America’s Best Dance Crew.

The show opened with a group dance number that was straight out of Beetlejuice, choreographed by the insane genius, Mia Michaels. The contestants were dressed up as black & white circus clowns / wind-up toys / rag dolls from hell. And guess what, I loved it. The dance was creepy and dramatic. And my main man Mark was the unrelenting, dark ringmaster…OF MY HEART.

Host Cat Deeley is wearing a dress that recalls those little brown cups that hold the candies in a Whitman’s box of chocolates. SYTYCD1005.jpgFirst group out for judgment is Chelsea & Thayne, Katee & Joshua, and Chelsie & Mark. C & T are in the bottom 3 – duh. Mary says she’s not surprised, though taking everything into account, she admitted that the two made a respectable attempt at the extremo difficult Quick Step.

The next three on the chopping block are Kherrington & Switch, Courtney & Gev, and Comfort & Chris. Comfort & Chris, as expected, are in the bottom. Adam makes a good point that, at this level of the competition, you have to realize that nearly everyone going into the bottom three is a real contender.

Finally, it’s down to Kourtni & Matt and Will & Jessica…and it’s Kourtni & Matt! That was a bit of a surprise to me. Nigel then proceeds to give Matt an acting lesson – doing various accents (my favorite: the french) and referencing Michael Caine as someone Matt will never match in acting ability.

Read the rest of the results, after the jump!

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One Of These Is Not Like The Other

So, back in May my family participated in the Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure in Richmond, Virginia, in memory and honor of my mom, Billie Schaefer, who passed away from breast cancer last July. Anyway, we had a good time and raised a lot of money. On the day of the race, upon arriving, your team gets a picture taken. Today, my sister sent me that picture.

Apparently, someone didn’t get the memo that this wasn’t one of those silly-face pictures – it was actually a normal, smiley, respectful-of-cancer-victims type picture.

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WORST PICTURE OF ME EVER.

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Could I have any more CHINS? I look like a Cathy-Waldo-RipTaylor combo. Why am I showing you this? Because I can’t bear this pain alone, people.

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If You Need This Website, You’ve Got Bigger Problems

Sexual-Harassment.jpgHaving trouble navigating this politically correct world we live in? Especially when you’re at work and you just REALLY want to make a comment about how big your assistant’s boobs are, but you just don’t know how? WELL THEN THIS IS THE WEBSITE FOR YOU!

Diversity Inc. delivers list after list of THINGS NOT TO SAY!
I highly recommend copying and pasting these into 72 point Comic Sans font and posting everywhere in your office or cubicle, as a reminder. If it’s not on the list, it’s OKAY TO SAY!

Here are some highlights (I swear these are actually exactly as they appear on the site):

Things NEVER To Say To American Indian Coworkers

“Hey, Chief”

“That’s a nice costume”

7 Things NEVER To Say To People With Disabilities

5. “How do you go to the bathroom?”

7 Things NEVER To Say To Asian-American Coworkers

“Oh, you speak English good!”

More things NEVER to say, after the jump!

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If This Isn’t Fine Art, I’m Not Sure What Is

_44773125_monet512.jpgSure, a Monet is a Monet, but you don’t have to have $80 million to own a piece of art. Regardless, it’s hard to know what’s considered “art” these days, and if it’s even possible for regular folks like us to be able to afford to buy original, stunning pieces for our walls at home.

Well, recently, I received a catalog in the mail from art.com (I buy ONE thing from SkyMall, and all of the sudden I’m on EVERY catalog mailing list ever known to man). And I’m telling you, there IS hope! The fine selections in this catalog have introduced me to a WORLD of affordable art.

Once you read below for my top selections, you won’t be able to deny how classy my apartment is about to get.

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“Moonlight”

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“Fowl with Pearls”

After the jump, more stunning works.

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SYTYCD: Did Your Daddy Give You Those Buns?

SYTYCD16.jpgCrooked pinkies, half-dresses, and hot buns. Last. Night. Was. Awesome.

GENERAL NOTE: I realize that the host, Cat Deeley, is trying to deliver the show’s title with the same incredible punch that Ryan Seacrest delivers on American Idol, but really? She turns the show title into a single word (which sounds something like suhyuhteenkyookindance!) uttered by a Munchkin (if Dunkin Donuts Munchkins could talk).

BEST MAKEUP RESEMBLING THE “I LIKE TURTLES KID“: Chris.

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SYTYCD 001.jpgBEST OUTFIT AS ARTISTIC AND/OR POLITICAL STATEMENT: Mary’s shirt, though described as a beautiful disco ball, looked more to me like an abstract interpretation of the advancement of women’s rights: her shirt represents the glass ceiling, through which Mary’s head has dramatically busted – bits of glass scattered about in a triumphant splash.

POINT AT WHICH I CRIED: I definitely had chills throughout Chelsie & Mark’s dance, but was brought to tears when Mary emphasized how much she related to the story of the dance: working so many hours away from your family – it’s a REAL emotion struggle. BROUGHT TO LIFE THROUGH DANCE!

TOP 2 REFERENCES TO SOMEONE’S GENETIC HISTORY: 2: Mary revealed that her WWOOOOOO! is actually an inherited trait. And I thought such disorders came from a broken childhood. 1: Nigel asking Joshua – “Did your daddy give you those buns?” And Dad giving us proof.

Also, this week, the contestants revealed “secrets” about their partners, like “he’s a real gentleman” and “she shops for a lot of shoes!” Once again, I’m mostly bored by this and kept wishing someone would reveal a real secret, like she once killed a man or he has both lady and man bits.

Incredibly detailed recap after the jump!

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Teaching Your Kid A Song Can Save A Life

23465392.jpgA 3-year-old called 911 when her mom collapsed, because just days earlier the little angel’s mother had taught her the “911 Green” song. Not sure what the lyrics to that song are, but I really think that’s a swell idea. Little kids LOVE songs and what better way to get them to retain vital information that could be useful during an emergency?

I’ve written some ditties that could really come in handy in a crisis – feel free to teach these to your little ones!

DADDY’S HEART WENT BOOM

When Daddy grabs his arm
He’s probably gettin harmed
By a coronary
It’s very very scary
So give him a Bayer
singing-kids2.gifBut don’t blow air
Into his lungs no
Don’t wanna blow
Cuz the American Heart Association
Recently made a statement
That chest compressions alone
Is the only method they condone
So make sure you get it right
Or daddy he will die!

THE WILDERNESS IS FUN

A big big rock went bang bang bang
Mommy’s trapped and screaming in pain
Baby has to run and find a ranger
But Baby can fight all kinds of danger
Start a fire and find fresh water
Use a compass, now you’re getting hotter!
Don’t eat those berries, they’ll turn your poo green!
That bear looks nice but I tell you, he’s mean!
Find the road and tell them about mommy,
And when we get home I’ll give you a pony!

floor drum.jpgBABY TRACHEOTOMY DANCE

Mommy ate too much popcorn
She’s lookin all blue and forlorn
Baby’s too small to do the Heimlich
But Baby knows the perfect trick
Make a small incision in mommy’s neck
Make sure not to hit the jugular
Make a curvilinear skin incision
along relaxed skin tension
lines between sternal notch
and cricoid cartilage!
Stick a straw into mommy’s neck hole
Breathe into the straw and go
Ooooh! Baby Tracheotomy Dance!
Ooooh! Baby Tracheotomy Dance!
Ooooh! Baby Tracheotomy Dance!

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Kanye West Is Angry, Believes He’s In The Truman Show

033-kanye-west.jpgKanye is MAD, you guys. This is no joke – we’ve insulted him with our complaining, and now we’ve awakened the beast of rage within him. He’s written a speech on his blog that makes Braveheart‘s pre-war speech sound like a goddamn nursery rhyme:

…this is the maddest I ever will be. I’m typing so f*cking hard I might break my f*cking Mac book Air!!!!!!!! Call me any name you want…. arrogant, conceited, narcissistic, racist, metro, fag whatever you can think of…. BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN’T GIVE MY ALL!
NEVER SAY I DIDN’T GIVE MY ALL!

Holy sh*tballs, he’s about to BREAK HIS MAC BOOK AIR – this is really serious. He then goes on, daring the haters to stand in a room and say the words aloud “KANYE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT GIVING A GOOD PERFORMANCE.”

Kanye-West-Late-Orchestratio-35.jpgWhat will happen? A teddy bear wearing sunglasses will appear and slit your throat, that’s what.

Read more of this speech, after the jump.

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Attack Of The “Low-Hanging” Car Roof

mccain_wow.jpgJohn McCain was sporting a bandage on his head yesterday – and everyone freaked thinking he might have skin cancer again. Turns out he just bumped his noggin when getting out of a car, because of what he described as a “low-hanging door”. I’m not sure what model car comes equipped with “low-hanging” doors – but it’s definitely something to consider next time you’re buying, renting, or just getting out of a car. Especially if you’re 71.

McCain’s not the first politician to deal with an incident involving a car roof – Mitt Romney (how did I miss this???) apparently was taking heat from animal rights’ activists for RIGGING THE FAMILY DOG TO THE CAR ROOF ON A 12 HOUR DRIVE.

According to Romney, the dog loved it, and it was the 80′s, when strapping your dog to the roof was really en vogue…so really, who are we to judge?

Speaking of roofs…check out this amazing montage of a random girl’s sexy photo shoot on a roof. Never before have wigs-on-top-of-regular-hair, golf clubs, and prom dresses been so seductive.