Posts By Saras

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I LIKE TO WATCH: Super High Rewind!

Michael Cyril Creighton reveals the secrets behind the special effects in Fool’s Gold, the homemade-movie effects in Be Kind Rewind, and the very special effects in Super High Me.

The overall effect? HILARITY!

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SYTYCD Results: The Nation’s Number 1 Flamenco Dancer

sytycd12.JPGOn last night’s results show of So You Think You Can Dance, we were blessed with the presence of “America’s number 1 flamenco dancer” and SYTYCD two-time rejectee, Tino Nunez.

I’m not an expert on male-solo-flamenco-dancing, so honestly, at first I thought it was a joke. Perhaps it was the VOBC (vest over bare chest), or the fact that Tino had that same look on his face that Nate Archibald from Gossip Girl always has:

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Can someone please tell me why am I so sexy?

But after I watched a second time, I tried to focus on the lower half of his body, paying closer attention to the tappin and the knee slappin and the foot work, and I could definitely see the skill.

Recap of the show results, after the jump!

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The Sisterhood of The Traveling Hobo Penis

17 teenage girls at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts are preggers, as a result of a pregnancy pact they made. Some of the people sharing the blame:

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Jamie Lynn Spears
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That Senior Who Had a Baby Earlier This Year, Who Showed Us The Glory Of The Love a Child Feels For Its Mother
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20070419sign.jpgBut no folks, apparently, it’s the fault of a 24-year-old homeless man! Reportedly, at least 1 of the babies was fathered by a hobo.

Honestly, I can’t say I blame the girl. I remember what peer pressure was like. I’d totally be that girl who couldn’t get a classmate to impregnate me, and at the last minute, drop by the shelter, just to be sure I wasn’t ridiculed the next day for not being pregnant!

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E-Bay Auctions That Reflect The State Of Our Economy

My days working in finance have taught me that, of all the economic metrics and indices out there, there is really only one true indicator of the state of the economy: E-bay. And right now, E-bay is telling me that oil prices are high, the mortgage industry has imploded, and that unemployment is on the rise. Because let me tell you – people are trying to sell anything and everything just to stay afloat.

Some examples:

HEFTY TRASH BAG
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What’s so amazing is not the fact that someone is trying to put a trash bag up for auction on e-bay, but the salesmanship that this seller has. Here is the EXACT language of the description:

1 BRAND NEW HEFTY TRASH BAG! YOU CAN HAVE THIS BAG IF YOU ARE THE HIGHEST BIDDER!
THIS BAG IS SO COOL!! IT IS ULTRA FLEX! IT IS 20% THICKER!! IT HAS A BLUE DRAWSTRING!!
IT IS ALSO A 30 GALLON BAG!! THAT IS A BIG BAG!! IT CAN HOLD ALOT OF TRASH. EVERYONE SAYS THAT ONE MAN’S TRASH IS ANOTHER MANS TREASURE!! I WONDER… WHAT KIND OF TRASH CAN BE PUT IN THIS BAG???

ALL KINDS OF TRASH…THIS HEFTY TRASH BAG IS THE BEST!!

The best is the disclaimer the seller also puts: “THE BOX IS NOT INCLUDED, JUST THE BAG!” That really is important information to have when setting your highest bid.

79d0_2.JPGFATHER’S DAY LEFT OVER SAUSAGES

I kid you not, the tag line on this item is “these looked like fingers so no one would eat them.” I understand the novelty factor here. I’ve been known to bid on pieces of toast that look like Ziggy. But these are just…disgusting. Nevertheless, if you’re interested in buying items that very well could be actual human remains, then don’t be concerned: this seller promises, for $20, to ship the items frozen. Bidding starts at 99 cents.

TALK TO ME

Tragically, this auction is now over…but it’s no less telling. This woman auctioned off a conversation with her:

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Winner of this auction will receive a personal phone call from myself. That is exactly what you are going to get….. A conversation. Do you need to get something off of your chest? Need to tell someone something that you can’t tell anyone close to you?

*This conversation will not be sexual in nature nor a virtual relationship.

How much did the non-sexual conversation go for? $6.50.

See the rest, after the jump!

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SYTYCD: Last Night’s Episode Was For The Cripples

111so_you_think_you_can_dance.JPGLast night, So You Think You Can Dance was an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Here’s my recap.

GENERAL NOTE: In the pre-taped segments before each dance, the couples confessed what they liked and didn’t like about their partner. Of course it was all fluff stuff like “he’s just so superstitious!” But I was hoping someone would say something really mean like “hmmm…the one thing that annoys me about him is that he just can’t dance!” or “I can smell her crotch from across the room.”

sytycd3.JPGMORAL DILEMMA OF THE EVENING: Whether or not one should smile like a fool during a dance choreographed for a crippled girl. The debate broke out after Twitch & Kherrington performed a dance for the choreographer’s sick daughter, throughout which Kherrington donned a “I’m-so-sorry-you-have-no-motor-skills” smile across her face. Mia Michaels was complaining that the smile was too much, but retreated after she realized it sounded like she was making fun of mute retards.

POINT AT WHICH I CRIED: I gotta admit, seeing a dance choreographed for a mute retard (to a Celine song, no less) really pulls at the heart strings, doesn’t it?

ANALYSIS OF EACH DANCE…after the jump!

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There’s A New Blogger In Town!

saraschaefer1.jpgHi, I’m Sara Schaefer. I’m new here, and for the three of you who aren’t familiar with my incredible career, I’d like to take a moment to introduce myself.

You may know me as the girl who interviewed Amy Winehouse before her ballet slippers got dirty.

(Sigh. We were going to be such great friends! But as anyone who knows me will tell you, I do NOT tolerate singing-racist crackheads in my life. It’s just one of those things. Singing-racist crackheads and chewing gum. Hate ‘em.)

Of course, most of you know me as the star of Best Week Ever, one week in June 2005, when I appeared in an episode for about 0.3 seconds, describing a Shakira video.

Anyway, words cannot describe how excited I am to be here. 5 days ago I was analyzing public pension fund stock data in relation to the recent sub-prime crisis. Now I’m sittin next to a TV (that is ON!) and drinking diet coke (that flows freely from a fountain in the office pantry!). Is this what heaven looks like? Please tell me it is.

So, I’m sure you’re wondering, what will I bring to bestweekever.tv? Hard-hitting political analysis, no-nonsense investment advice, and VERY DETAILED coverage of “So You Think You Can Dance”. That’s what.

So aaaanyway, what else about me…I enjoy music & doughnuts (together and separately); I cry VERY easily while watching TV – but will pretend that I’m “fake” crying so no one knows I’m actually breaking down during every episode of Making the Band 3, seasons 1-3; and I recently tried white-water rafting for the first time.

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Pleased to meet you.

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Trouble’s Legal Troubles

You may recall (if you follow estate planning law like I do) that, when Leona Helmsley died, she left a modest $12 million to her maltese 9-year-old dog, Trouble. Yesterday, amd_helmsleydog.jpghowever, some rogue judge decided to REVERSE Leona’s wishes and redirect $10 million of the inheritance to charity. WHAT???

I CALL ACTIVIST-JUDGE ON YOU, Manhattan Surrogate Judge Renee Roth! Sure, most puppies don’t deserve 12 million of ANYthing (I’m talking to you, puppy-thrown-off-the-cliff). But have you SEEN this dog? First of all, her name is Trouble. What sort of bitch walks around with a name like Trouble?

This one.

Second of all, Trouble’s yearly living expenses total $190,000. This is money that she needs to SURVIVE. Food, grooming, paying a string quartet to play 10,000 Maniacs’ “Trouble Me” everytime she enters a room… So let’s do the math. 12 million / 190,000 = 63 human years (441 dog years). Leona intended for Trouble to live another 63 years. lhelmsley2.jpgThat’s HER choice. Is it the government‘s job to decide when a dog should live and die?

So how many years does $2 million afford Trouble? A pitiful 10 human years (73 dog years). Are you kidding me? You can’t put a limit on dog life! Next you’re going to tell me that my sea monkeys are only allowed to live for 13 minutes, as opposed to the ripe old age of 25 minutes!

Thirdly, this dog belonged to LEONA F*&^ING HELMSLEY.

The woman was known as the “Queen of Mean”. Judge Roth, are you sure you want her unsettled spirit visiting you in the middle of the night? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to wake up to this woman’s ghost standing at the edge of my bed screeching “Only little people pay taxes!” right before she bends over and sucks the air out of my lungs with her trout-lips.