Posts By Saras

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Bronx Mowgli Hates His Parents: Part #4,562

bronxmowgliwentz2.jpgPete Wentz today told Howard Stern all about his “amazing” sex life with Ashlee Simpson. Here’s how he described their first time:

“It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I’m looking in the mirrors, [thinking], ‘Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!’”

Okay. So imagine you’re a tiny baby named Bronx Mowgli. It’s bad enough that your parents are Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. And that they gave you this name. But imagine that moment – perhaps it will be when you’re 15, 16, 17 years old – when you fully realize WHO your parents are. Maybe one of your school friends sits you down in front of the internet and says, “dude, there’s something I need to show you.” 7 hours later, you’ve seen it all – the pictures, the videos, the songs, the interviews – and then it hits you: “I’m Bronx Mowgli Wentz.” The next ten years will undoubtedly be horrible – but eventually, you’ll rise from the ashes with a Zach-Braffy type movie about disentangling yourself from the sh*t-colored shadow left upon you by your parents. In the meantime, hang in there little buddy. We’re rooting for you!!

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Perry Farrell Wants You To Get Your Daily Serving Of Fruit And Sex

Perry Farrell has a new music video out for his song, “Go All The Way (Into The Twilight),” and it’s really juicy. If you noticed the word “twilight” in the title, then you won’t be surprised to find out that this song is featured in the movie Twilight. In the video, strung-out lookin’ girls are biting into pomegranates and squeezing the juice all over each other – as if it were BLOOD. Also featured in this video is Perry’s wife, Etty Lau Farrell, who sings with him. (Full disclosure: I kind of like this song.)

Are they singing “Happy days / We’re going all the way”? Happy days indeed! Because I think the last time people referred to banging as “going all the way” was during an episode of Happy Days.

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Italy Has A New TV Show Called Dr. Clown, And It Looks Incredible

There’s a new show coming to Italian television, and it’s called Dr. Clown. I haven’t been able to find anything about this on the internet, other than an almost empty IMDB page, but judging by this picture, it looks like it’s going to be AWESOME:

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What do you think this show is about? Is it the Italian Grey’s Anatomy? Or a serialized version of Patch Adams? Is the guy in the middle like Dr. House?

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AD WIZARDS: If You Don’t Use Dove Beauty Bar, You Are A Total Hussy

adtrackx-large.jpgI realize this ad has been around for a while now, but I keep seeing it around and I can remain silent no more. It’s for Dove’s Beauty Bar, which does not leave a soap scum residue behind on your delicate skin. Sounds great, but in the ad, they show a lady under a special black light to reveal all the residue. It totally looks like the stuff they find at crime scenes, doesn’t it? So what is Dove trying to say exactly? I’ll tell you what they’re trying to say. THEY’RE IMPLYING THAT YOU ARE COVERED IN DIRTY S.V.U. SEX JUICE IF YOU DON’T USE DOVE…i.e., YOU ARE A DIRTY SLUT!!! Soap scum is right. Ewwwwwwww!!! Am I the only one who noticed this? Or do I just have a sick, sick mind? See the full ad, after the jump.

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Will Ferrell Invites You To See You’re Welcome America

When I first heard about Will Ferrell’s new show on Broadway, entitled You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush, I got a little worried that an entire show of Will as Dubya might be too much. But I think it’s just because, for the entire show, I might be craving for other Will Ferrell characters to pop up. (And maybe they do, what do I know? I haven’t been invited to view a rehearsal – YET.) This preview, however, is delightful – and I really want to see the show now:

I love all the plans that Dubya has for his post-presidential life.

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CAPTION THIS: Ho Ho Ho! Merrrrrrrry Christmas!!! GOD, I LOVE MY LIFE!

Santa had an AWESOME day yesterday at a press event for some random skank’s lingerie line. This lady’s name is Nicola McLean, and she’s from Scotland!

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The lingerie collection is called “Ultimo.” I’m not sure what makes Ultimo special, but I think I have a hunch…find out what it is, after the jump.

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Will The Shoe-Throwing Incident Be The Last Great Bush Meme?

Today, the internet has been ablaze with the video showing an Iraqi reporter throwing two shoes at President Bush. Bush adeptly dodges the shoes – giving us what might possibly be the last Bush meme of his 8 year reign of meme terror. And yes, this time, it’s mostly in the form of animated gifs. (Though, Jon Friedman’s commentary over at the HuffPo sums up my thoughts on the incident perfectly in word form.)

Let’s take a look at some of the best I’ve seen so far:

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Madame Butterpup

Looooooooook!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s a Pomeranian wearing a kimono! And her hair is cut in a perfect round shape! I don’t think I could draw a circle that perfect using a compass.

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Madame Butterpup is forever waiting for her Officer Pinkerpup to return. Oh how I hope this doesn’t end the way the opera does!!!

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Lady Sovereign Returns

Lady-Sovereign-02.jpgDoes anyone remember Lady Sovereign, the spunky little British girl rapper with an attitude, responsible for this hit? No? Okay, well I do. More on that later. But first, here is her new music video for “I Got You Dancing”, which is pretty ridiculous. I think her reputation for being a nightmare may have caused some cuts in her music video budget, because this is the type of video a post-apocalyptic Brownie troop would make (and, as mentioned in the comments, a tribute to The Warriors). In some scenes, the S.O.V. is dressed like a zombie breakdancer or a broke-down Pocahontas, and, in others, she has 80′s Jennifer Grey hair…borderline 90′s soccer mom hair. The song itself is a saggy, old version of the Lady Sovereign sound, but this time employing an innovative technology called “auto-tune.”

She REALLY wants us to know she’s British. “I gawht you dawncing gawht you duh-duh-dooyin it.” Personal anecdote: Lady Sovereign was the first “star” I was supposed to interview for my gig back at AOL.

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