Posts By walkersa


Trailer Mix: Crazy Stupid Love Is At Least 2/3rds Of The Title

This is the trailer for Crazy/Beautiful Crazy Stupid Love. Starring Steve Carrell and Ryan “Spray Tan” Gosling. There’re also a lot of power red heads in this: Emma Stone and Julianne Moore. And then there’s Kevin Bacon, who is enjoying some sort of Renaissance as the dude who steals someone’s wife.

Oh my God. Ryan Gosling is doing an impression of Steve Martin in My Blue Heaven. This is the most amazing character reference ever! Check it out if you don’t believe me.

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A Message For The Laaaaaaaaaadies: It’s Probably Best To Let Your Boyfriend Propose To You

He is consoling her because he said no. PROPOSAL FAKE OUT!

You know feminism or whatever? As best exemplified by the song, “Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)” from Annie Get Your Gun? Well, all that is a lie. Because there are several things than men can do better than women. Peeing into a urinal. Growing a beard. More often than not, proposing.

Metro UK Reports:

After sending her boyfriend a message to come and meet her, the woman in question climbed on to the top of her car holding a bunch of roses.
On the windscreen two boards displayed the words ‘Marry Me’.
However, when her boyfriend arrived his reply surprised the large crowd that had gathered – because he turned her down.
He said: ‘It should be my job to make the proposal. However, I now have nothing and I can’t give you a good life. If you can wait for me for three years, when I should have bought my house and car, I will propose to you.’
The romantic proposal took place at Wuhan University during a cherry blossom appreciation festival.

Even though the man’s points are valid, he could have said yes and had the “I’m deferring the proposal” talk with her later. He didn’t have to do it during the Cherry Blossom Appreciation Festival. Knife. Heart. Also, of course women can propose to men in an awesome manner. And it probably wouldn’t include a jumbotron or a near choking on a ring incident. All I’m saying is, should your boyfriend be a strict traditionalist who wants to “provide” for you, you might want to let him to the man’s work.


Bacon Cologne Has Ad As Inexplicable As Its Existence

I know bacon has always been popular. But has it always been this popular? Popular enough to warrant a special menu at Denny’s and it’s own cologne? Can’t we just acknowledge that bacon is delicious and move on? Do we really need to construct odes to bacon? Bacon is a false god! We will all be struck down! (By heart attacks). However, on the plus size side, this new bacon scented cologne by Fargginary, bacōn, won’t kill you, no matter how much you use. Probably. Anything can kill you. And if you drink this cologne, it’ll probably kill you quicker than eating the entire bacon menu at Denny’s. So forget I said anything.

Well, looks like they nailed their demographic of fat slobs who are rude and bad at their jobs that seem to exist in an 80’s movie! But wait. Fargginary’s press release is all classy like:

bacōn is a passion project mirrored after one of the 20th Century’s greatest legends. The Legend of Fargginay began in 1920 when quite by accident John Fargginay, a Parisian butcher discovered the ability to dramatically elevate his customers’ mood with a secret recipe blending herbs & essential oils with the essence of…bacon. As the story goes, film stars & heads of state would frequent his shop to procure the magical elixir.

So confusing. They take us one way and then another. Am I to believe that bacōn’s target customer is a reject actor from a local beer commercial or a Parisian film star and/or head of state? However, I forgive bacōn for all its sins because “frequent his shop to procure the magical elixir” is my favorite phrase ever.

Huffington Post


Jared Leto Channels Jordan Catalano To Do A Spot On Impression Of Kurt Cobain

As we all know, Kurt Cobain passed away 17 years ago yesterday. Cobain was a huge influence on many people, specifically dreamy high school bad boys who are barely literate and won’t acknowledge their feelings for Claire Danes. So here is Jared Leto in the role of Jordan Catalano in the role of Kurt Cobain:

Dude is good. Too good? He looks A LOT like him. Sounds a lot like him…he’s sort of hitting every point of my middle school crush spectrum. I’m going to tie a couple of flannels around my waist and think about this.

The Daily What


Watch A Montage Of Body Switcheroos In Film

NY Mag put together this montage of parts in films wherein two characters switch bodies. This happens a lot in films. It should be its own genre. “What should we watch tonight? Thriller? Rom Com? Body Switcheroo?” What I WISH there were more movies of is when two characters switch faces. Actually, I just wish every movie were Face/Off, which should really be called Face/Switch. Face/Off only covers half the battle. Yes, they take their faces off, but they also put them back on. John Travolta’s face on Nic Cage’s body and Vice Versa (Body Switcheroo comedy starring Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage).

It occurs to me that The Social Network should have been called Face/Book and there should have been a slow mo Mexican shootout scene. Maybe then it would have won the Oscar.


Pig Out: Help Denny’s Celebrate Bacon!

I’m always wary of a long con. Are more than a normal amount of people being nice to me today? I’m obviously a mark in a very elaborate heist/Spanish Prisoner situation. Similarly, Denny’s Baconalia, their new menu that “celebrates” bacon, means that Denny’s is trying to kill us all via slowly replacing our organs and blood with bacon. Or, maybe Denny’s knows that no one wants to work and is just trying to help get us on paid disability. Because we’re morbidly obese from Baconalia. Like Dr. Nick’s weight gain plan for Homer on The Simpsons: “Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon!”

That being said, bacon (infused) ice cream is actually sort of good. I mean, it tastes like bacon ice cream. But looks like Denny’s just puts the bacon directly into the ice cream. All the better to KILL YOU WITH.

However, our own Dan Hopper is enthusiastic, saying, “bacon and sweets go together great! I support the move.” This will be Dan is a few months:

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Existence Validated: Kim Cattrall Thinks People Should Write For Blogs

I <3 Blogs

Page Six went to cover the premiere of Kim Cattrall’s new film, Meet Monica Velour. This is the exchange they had:

She then turned her anger on gossip columns, specifically Page Six, despite our being big fans of hers. “It’ll chew you up and spit you out,” she said, leaning in and adding that being a gossip reporter just isn’t a “respectable job.”

Cattrall asked, “Why don’t you work at — what’s that news agency — Roybers?” When we corrected her, “Reuters,” she conceded, “Yeah, sorry, I’ve been drinking.”

But she didn’t stop there, ranting, “What about writing for a blog? Then you can write about what you want [or] care about.”

The reasons I love Cattrall from this exchange are threefold:

1) She told a gossip reporter, who she knew would write about her, “I’ll chew you up and spit you out.” Badass! Also, I love that phrase! Next to, “I’ll buy and sell you and your family.”
2) She likes to drink. Me too!
3) She thinks blogs are respectable job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me sort of too(ish)!

POINT BLOGS! I do write about things I want to write about! Like how Kim Cattrall thinks people should write for blogs. That’s exactly what I want to write about!

Anyway, bloggers, we’ve got to get on top of this Cattrall endorsement. I’m thinking she stars in an ad campaign promoting blogs, featuring tasteful nudity and a reference to Mannequin because blogs like stuff like that. The tag line could be, “Tumblr, WordPress, Roybers Oh My!” (Said in the sexy Samantha voice). Maybe not, I’m still ironing out the details. Suggestions welcome.


What Do You See: Hitler Or A House?

Don’t worry, this isn’t a trick question. If you see Hitler instead of a house, that’s totally fine. It’s not your fault, Matt Damon.* However, if you only see a house with no resemblance to Hitler, you might be lying to yourself. That unmistakable slanting roof haircut, the lintel mustache. It’s all there. OR IS IT?? I think it’s a house. BUT. You never know when a house could be the reincarnation of the Most Evil Person Ever. (Top Five at least). You don’t want to chance it. So. Metro UK picked up on this Twitpic that someone in Swansea posted, which said, “I’ve found Hitler reincarnated.” What do you think?

* Good Will Hunting reference. Apologies to Matt Damon for mentioning him with Hitler.


Dudette: Watch Tara Reid Play Every Role In The Big Lebowski 2

Not yesterday I said these exact words whilst watching The Big Lebowski: “Poor Tara Reid. She had such a bright future.” Well, I will eat those words now and wash them down with a nice Caucasian (that’s a White Russian, sicko) because lo and behold, Tara Reid has risen from the ashes and is starring in The Big Lebowski 2! In every role!

Good work, Tara. Although I wish she had played her actual role of Bunny as well. Nevertheless, it’s like The United States of Tara!!! Can someone please a) have Tara Reid do a similar trailer but have it be for The United States of Tara and b) Let me know if I am the first person to make a United States of Tara joke. Thanks.


Let’s Give Rob Lowe A Slow Clap For His Hotness

Clap…clap…clap…clapclapclapclap Congratulations Rob Lowe!!! You deserve that slow clap because, like the finest of hot wines, you have aged with grace and hotness. On this, your cover of Vanity Fair, you just redefined the phrase “still got it,” or more likely, “got it more than you ever did before.”

"All champagne is French, it's named after the region. Otherwise it's sparkling white wine"

He’s promoting his new book, Stories I Only Tell My Friends: An Autobiography, and if you care to listen to him read from it, you can do so here.

Wait. I spoke too soon. This was Rob Lowe in the February, 1984 issue of Vanity Fair:

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