"OMG LOL!"-James Murray
New Words Alert, Nerds!!! Whip out your Oxford English Dictionaries, or, OED’s as we call them in the streets. You might want to pencil in these new words and their definitions:
OMG [OMG int. (and n.) and adj.]: ‘Oh my God’ (or sometimes ‘gosh’, ‘goodness’, etc.)
LOL [LOL int. and n./2]: ‘laughing out loud’
♥ to heart
The new sense added to heart v. in this update may be the first English usage to develop via the medium of T-shirts and bumper-stickers. It originated as a humorous reference to logos featuring a picture of a heart as a symbol for the verb love, like that of the famous ‘I ♥ NY’ tourism campaign. Our earliest quote for this use, from 1984, uses the verb in ‘I heart my dog’s head’, a jokey play on bumper stickers featuring a heart and a picture of the face of a particular breed of dog (expressing a person’s enthusiasm for, say, shih-tzus) which itself became a popular bumper sticker. From these beginnings, heart v. has gone on to live an existence in more traditional genres of literature as a colloquial synonym for ‘to love’.
From a land down under
The OED aims to cover lexical developments from throughout the English-speaking world. In this update, a few new items from Australian English enter the dictionary for the first time: flat white n., a style of espresso drink with finely textured foamed milk; tragic n., a ‘boring or socially inept person, esp. one with an obsessive interest or hobby’; and yidaki n., an Australian Aboriginal term for the musical instrument better known in English as a didgeridoo.
Wait, no mention of the Men at Work song? Do your research better, OED!
And, lest we forget:
muffin top, n. (no definition available online yet)
Ms. Lohan if you're nasty
This is no Chad Michael Murray, sorry Chad Murray debacle. What could be? However, Lindsay Lohan dropping the Lohan from her name and Chad dropping the Michael from his name are both terrible, misguided moves.
Lindsay had been thinking about dropping her surname for some time but at first thought no one would know who she was. It was only after the infamous Super Bowl E-trade advertisement referring to a baby as “that milkaholic Lindsay,” that the actress knew she no longer needed it.
“So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list,” a family friend tells me. “And it’s a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay’s father [Michael Lohan] anymore and that includes sharing a last name.”
Sure. Oprah, Beyonce, Lindsay. The one compelling argument for this is to distance herself from her terrible father. Otherwise, as I told Chad Michael Murray, HOLD THE F*CKING PHONE, LOHAN. Yes, Lohan. You. Let’s get everything else squared away, jail/rehab/career-wise, and then maybe, just maybe, we can talk about losing the last name.
To clarify, Steven Seagal was in the tank, not the cock fighting ring. Seems that 80’s action stars are all up in our business today! First Sly and Arnie, now Segal. I really hope some Jean Claude Van Damme news comes out later. Anyway. It’s being reported that Segal was riding in a tank that was part of a massive raid of a home in Arizona all to expose…a cockfighting ring. Yes, cockfighting is so not cool, but this Joe Arpaio, Sheriff of Maricopa County, and Segal, star of Lawman (the show which may or may not have been the impetus for this bells ‘n whistles raid), seem to have been a bit over zealous. Here’s the local news report:
In all fairness, those chickens and roosters were actually illegal immigrants.
Yes, the man famously described as a ‘condom full of walnuts’ has set out on his most dangerous mission yet, joining the lethal and cut-throat world of fashion.
He is going to launch a range of clothes called Sly Inc next year. Sylvester told Men’s Week: “I thought the time is now. I’ve lived a life where I know what has worked and what hasn’t worked. Clothing is the first step to building a character.
“Rocky at the end of the day is a love story, while Rambo showcases the other side of masculinity, he is a loner. So the line will offer looks for ‘the rebel and the gentleman.'”
First, a correction, Heatworld. It was Arnold Schwarzenegger, Not Sly, who was described as a “condom full of walnuts” by Clive James. That is basically the best description of something I’ve ever heard, so although I like seeing it in print from time to time, we might as well reference the right action star. Although, to be fair, Sly also at one point did look like a condom full of walnuts, or at least what I imagine one to look like.
Anyway. I truly think this line will work out. Everyone loves camoflauge. Everyone loves a gray hoodie. Everyone loves a rebel and a gentleman. I’m investing all of my monies into Sly Inc, then immediately pulling them out when he moves on to the Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot Spring line.
A while back, Dan Hopper wrote a post about K-Town, a reality show being touted as the Asian Jersey Shore. The title of his post was “Asian Jersey Shore Proves Guidoism Knows No Racial Bounds.” A fair statement. In fact, so fair, that the producers of K-Town embraced it as a complimentary(?) truth and included it in their sizzle reel! Check it OUT:
Did you know? WE ARE NOW A LEGITIMATE NEWS SOURCE
according to morally bereft reality television show sizzle reels.. The only downside to all of this is that Dan will no longer be working here, as he has been promoted to The President of VH1 and The United States.
This is the screen grab of Dan’s quote in full glory:
This is a Tarsier, as photographed by Erik Mikhailov, in the jungle in the Philippines.
Do you think this Tarsier dispenses sage advice with muddled syntax? Do you think if Yoda talked normally he would seem as wise? I think the answer to both those questions is definitely, maybe.
In case you missed this gem when it came out in 2010, here is the trailer for Dinoshark. Run, don’t walk, to your local DVD/Blu Ray store. Not to buy, but to destroy every copy of this film so our children and our children’s children will never lay their eyes on it.
This has to be the phone-ing-iest in of all the phone-ing in phoney movie trailers about hybrid monster animals. You know what I mean? Where’s the voice over? Where’s the cool music? It sounds like they could only afford public domain music played at a really low level. Also, I have so many questions, for example, how did they operate the paper cut out that serves as the dinoshark? The only plus side is that Eric Balfour stars (O.C. 4 Life!). That being said, learn how to throw a grenade properly into a dinoshark’s mouth whilst jumping from your sea-doo, Balfour. C’mon.
Thank you? NY Mag
Drawn By Chris Brown's Biggest Fan!
That headline is a lie. No, though he should have apologized for the cover art for his new album, F.A.M.E. (see right), he instead apologized for his crazy violent outburst backstage at Good Morning America. He said this:
“First of all, I want to apologize to anybody who was startled in the office, or anybody who was offended or really looked, and [was] disappointed at my actions. Because I’m disappointed in the way I acted.”
“I felt like they told us this just so they could get us on the show so they can exploit me,” Brown said. “So I took it very, very hard and I really kinda kept my composure throughout the whole interview, although you can see me upset, I kept my composure, I did my performance.
“And when I got back I just let off steam. I didn’t physically hurt anyone, I didn’t try to hurt anyone, I just wanted to release the anger that I had inside me because I felt that I worked so hard for this music and I felt like people kept just trying to take it away from me.”
I hate this apology. This is the apology I want:
“I’m sorry I was caught doing the thing that seems to be normal for me. Seriously, I’m one scary dude. But mostly I apologize for letting my biggest fan design and draw my album cover. I should have hired a professional artist, but at the time I thought that a fan would never try to take my music away from me. A legitimate cover artist might. I just could not take that chance. But now I realize that was a stupid thing to think and I deeply regret my actions and I apologize. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima cul-(SMASHES CHAIR INTO WINDOW)”
The other album cover options that Chris Brown considered after the jump:
Here is a video of 36 deaths in Alfred Hitchcock films. Playing at the same time. To quote Col. Mustard in 1985’s seminal film, Clue, “It’s what we call overkill.”
This is the first time I’ve ever felt that a video should not be on the Internet, but rather playing in a cool art gallery somewhere. However, as much as I would like to watch this projected on a huge white wall, while wearing all black, sipping white wine out of a plastic cup, here I am, watching it on my computer, still in my pajamas, eating tortilla chips out of a bag. Just kidding. They’re pita chips.
Britney Spears is looking hot and spread-legged in the current issue of Out. However, it is my theory that Brit came in for the shoot and was all like, “Nailed it! Here, have this robot answer the interview questions.” I think she might be participating in the Turing Test, which is where scientists IM with both humans and robots, not knowing if they are talking to a human or a robot, and try to determine who is what. And it’s harder than you might think. Anyway, these are the quotes that lead me to believe that Britney’s responses were composed by a robot:
What is the worst advice a record executive ever told you?
Someone once told me that the “…Baby One More Time” video should be me as a superhero fighting a giant robot monster. (It’s making a robot reference so we’re all “Oh, a robot would never so obviously reference a robot!” Smart.)
What was the last nightmare you had?
That someone was chasing me. (The robot went to the database and picked the number 2 most cliched nightmare, after falling.)
What is the dumbest, most ridiculous rumor that has been printed about you?
That I was an alien. (Here, the robot makes a choice not say “That I was a robot” because then people would DEFINITELY catch on.)
What women (living or dead) could make you think twice about your sexuality?
I only have eyes for men. (Brit has definitely been attracted to a woman. And if not, a non-robot would know that if you’re giving an interview to a gay magazine you would at least play along.)
Britney Spears is…
ME! (The Robot really got excited over that one, but a human would understand how to answer the question correctly.)
These next quotes are what robots think girls say all the time: