You know how I
always sometimes write about things that are more self-indulgent than not? Like my Brendan Fraser updates? We’ve decided to cleverly group these items into a segment called Walker’s Wheelhouse. It’s self-serving, assumes that you care about what’s in my wheelhouse and that you know what a wheelhouse is. But it also herds these ideas together into one palatable whole, so you can chose to get in my wheelhouse or stay out of my wheelhouse. Whatever floats your wheelhouse.
My brother asked me the other day what I thought my Wheelhouse would look like in actual physical form. And before I could answer he said, “It would probably just have a lot of dream catchers in it.” I don’t know exactly what that means, but I 100% agree.
Reading. We all do it. We’re doing it right now. There’s no shame in it. Unless you’re doing something shameful whilst reading this, and in that case How Dare You. Anyway. The other day, I emerged from a Blogging Hole (which is not decorated with dream catchers, I know this because my dreams escape from that Hole) and went to The Strand Bookstore in Union Square. Great bookstore, good prices, and replete with attractive people and crazies alike. Here are some choice books that I found, which I would like to share with you. Teachers, I recommend you put them on your Summer Reading List. Seriously. No one wants to read Obasan. (Sorry, Obasan and people who like Obasan).
But before I went to The Strand I went to Rite Aide and managed to get in some light reading there. Which leads me to…
Recommended Periodical: The Valentine’s Day Section of the New York Post:
Even the most cynical among us cannot resist these romantic messages!
With a renewed faith in love, I traipsed over to The Strand and found this…
Being a tall girl (I’m talking over 6 feet) can be great, but it can also be super annoying because not a day goes by when someone doesn’t remark on your height. It’s not a terrible thing, it just gets awfully repetitive. It’s also such an obvious observation, and there’s nothing to really say in response to someone saying, “Wow, you’re tall,” other than, “Yes, I know.” And then you sound like an a-hole. Believe me you, I sound like an a-hole all the time (“We know”-Everyone), but this is not one of those times. Anyway, whatever my little (ha) complaints about being tall, I’ve got nothing on Amazon Eve. She’s 6’8 and she’s the world’s tallest female model.
Pretty cool lady. My only complaint is that her life is becoming a reality show. That’s reallllly stepping on Michelle and my idea to shoot our own reality show New York Giants. Whatever, I’m sure there’s room for all of us. Actually, probably not. What with being really tall.
It’s been revealed that Natalie Portman will be having a boy! We’re sure she’s super swamped with all the Oscar stuff that’s going on, so we here at Best Week Ever would like to give her some name suggestions. After long hours of thought and soul-searching as to what names would really encapsulate this little boy, we’ve each come up with two options, one for the last name Portman and one for the last name Millipied. Because I think it’s some sort of rule that if your mom wins the Oscar you have to take her last name.
My Name Suggestions Are:
Weezer Incubus Portman
Ang Looseleaf Millepied
Michelle Collins Suggests:
Drink King Portman
Theold Saw Millepied
Dan Hopper Suggests:
Ladybird Dustbowl Portman
Abacus Johnson Millepied
Noah Garfinkel Suggests:
Josh Shoeshine Portman
Phillip P. Millepied (“And one day he will marry Ryan Phillippe’s daughter Millie P. Phillippe.” -Noah)
Natalie, Ben, choose whichever one you want. None of us will care as long as you pick one of these. I mean, we do have a pool going and one of us stands to make a lot of money. But don’t go Weezer over it or anything.
These are The Pajama Men. They are Shenoah Allen on the left and Mark Chavez on the right. They are a comedy duo from New Mexico, and after a successful stint at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe a few years back, they became really popular in the UK and Australia. Chances are, you’ve never heard of them. Well, PREPARE TO CHANGE EVERYTHING YOU EVER KNEW ABOUT NOT KNOWING THEM. Mark says, “We’re a little weird on paper. We’re hard to describe and not in a crazy way like a different color you’ve never imagined is hard to describe.” So let’s look at a clip. I like this clip because I love impressions of bats.
Basically, their act consists of them weaving together a ton of hilarious characters whilst wearing PJ’s. They started wearing pajamas because they do so many different characters that they didn’t have time to change outfits, and now it’s their trademark. I appreciate a love of pajamas as I wear them every day as part of my job too. (Blogger joke).
I met them in the five floor walk up Chinatown apartment they are renting for the week while they do their shows. Shows? Did somebody say shows? They are performing their one hour stage show “Last Stand To Reason” at St. Anne’s Warehouse in DUMBO, Brooklyn, February 16, 17, 18 and 19th. Ticket info here. Anyway, as I was saying, they’re renting an apartment in Chinatown, which at first I didn’t realize wasn’t theirs and was slightly confused by all the painted portraits of women on the walls and photos of Audrey Hepburn. They quickly put me at ease by offering me sliced apples. Gentlemen, through and through.
Anyway, in our 20 minute chat, this is what I learned about them:
Once Shenoah didn’t wear underwear underneath his pajamas and his d*ck slipped out during a show.
My friend Lauren sent me this photo saying, “Have you ever seen a better thank you card?” No, Lauren. I have not. I would like one million of these, please, posthaste.
Please send me gifts so that you might receive the best thank you note of all time. I mean, my writing will probably be illegible, perfunctory and most likely insincere, but that doesn’t matter with a card such as this.
This post is sort of Walker’s Wheelhouse-ian in nature. It’s not full on Wheelhouse, but be forewarned. Anyway. I was out for my new friend’s birthday the other night. After a goodly number of hours of chatting and drinking and discussing such hot button topics as Connect Four and sweaters, she happened to mention that she helped write the Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings song, “Better Things.” I’m so glad she mentioned that at the end of the night because there is literally nothing I could follow up with that is nearly as awesome. “Oh, you helped write a super cool song? I’m a part time blogger so…don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.” Anyway, this is interesting and something a part time blogger such as myself would want to write about because the inspiration for the song, whose chorus is “I’ve got better things to do than remember you,” is this dramatic reading of a break-up letter. After watching it, and especially liking the last line of the letter, she and her boyfriend (who is in the Dap-Kings) wrote the song. AWESOME. Here’s the video:
A) I can’t believe I hadn’t seen this before. It’s amazing.
B) It’s so cool how something so ridiculous can be the inspiration for such a great song. The last line is kick-ass, and for all of the obvious grammatical flaws and such, I think that the emotion behind the letter is very much relatable. I’ll probably just copy and paste this letter for my next break up. In other news, who wants to date and then break up?
Listen to “Better Things” after the jump
This is a video of the cutest little boy you ever did see, Alex, who is 9 and lives in Tanzania, recounting in impressive detail the plot of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film, Commando. Lest we forget, a young Alyssa Milano figures prominently as Arnold’s daughter.
This video comes via Mama Hope, “a non-profit organization focused on building self-sufficient communities in Sub-Saharan Africa.” Their tag line is “Stop the Pity. Unlock the Potential.”
The Daily What
I guess what I’m trying to say is that Gaga has a pink bob. But I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch, as far as Evil Space Twin references go. For comparison:
A unisex perfume is not something that we see/smell very often. Sure, a girl can wear her boyfriend’s cologne and maybe that’s sort of sexy if you’re into girls who smell like dudes who like cologne. A guy could wear his wife’s perfume to cover up the scent of his mistress’s perfume. These things happen. But a truly unisex perfume? This I gotta hear described in an awkwardly sensual-ish manner by two people whom I know very little about!
“The bond between two souls is truly unbreakable.” I think what we’re getting at is if you wear this perfume, you will never be able to break up with your signficant other. Them’s the rules with the unisex perfume. Your souls are now united, sooooorrry. But, good news, you totally smell like each other! So that’s…weird. If you do break the Unbreakable rules and break up, you’ll have to divide not only your friends and favorite places to go, but you’ll have to decide who gets the perfume. “OK, I get Whole Foods on Houston, Jessie was my friend first so I get to hang out with her and you can take Unbreakable. No, I insist. It’s the least I can do.”
It is really too bad that this perfume did not launch around the same time that M. Night Shyamalan’s Unbreakable came out. That would have been some great cross promotion/a new twist ending. Bruce Willis survived the train wreck not because he was a super hero, but because he was wearing Unbreakable.
This is a 12 minute montage of people in movies yelling “Nooooo!”. I love a movie montage, however, I wasn’t going to post this because 12 minutes is a little long and, although it’s an interesting idea and obviously a lot of time went into it, it’s actually really depressing to hear people yell “nooo” for 12 minutes. 90 percent of the time it’s because someone close to them has suddenly died or they’re about to be tortured or something. Even if it’s in cartoon form it’s still oddly unsettling. Or maybe I should just RELAX. Anyway, I obviously got the point after watching it for a while and pressed pause only to have the video freeze on this exact still:
We all know how I feel about Brendan Fraser. Or maybe we don’t, but, in summary, I love and support him in all he does. What a guy. Anyway, I took this as a sign. A Brendan Fraser sign to post this video. If only all my blogging conundrums, nay, life conundrums, were solved by a sign from Brendan Fraser.
So here, thanks to Brendan Fraser, is 12 minutes of people yelling “Nooooooo!” from movies.