Posts By walkersa

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Local Coxswain Excellent At Her Job

They don’t do any half-assed coxswain-ing at Seattle’s indoor-rowing event, Ergomania. Go big or go home, that’s the coxswain way. This girl was clearly the best coxswain there. She is AWESOME. I want her around at all times to make me write. And exercise. Basically to make me do everything.

Seattle Times

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Between Two Ferns Starring America’s Favorite Odd Couple, Jennifer Aniston And Tila Tequila

This is funny, obviously. It’s Between Two Ferns Zach Galifianakis. These are always funny. This one stars Jennifer Aniston and Tila Tequila.

OK, so, Tila knows, at least in some capacity, that she’s essentially the butt of the joke. I think. Does she? I actually think we were all just HAD by Tila Tequila. I think she just won whatever she was gunning for. Tila Tequila just won Life.

I would also like a red button that plays the Friends theme song. Just in case Matt LeBlanc ever comes over. You never know. It would suck if he came over and I didn’t have that button at the ready.

Funny Or Die

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Trailer Mix: The Wicker Tree. Oh My Cult!

Remember The Wicker Man? The much mocked yet fondly referenced Nicolas Cage movie? Of course you do. However, I’d like to give you a little forewarning before you view this trailer. This, The Wicker Tree, is the sequel to the original Wicker Man. The 1973 Wicker Man, which means that it’s not just a wealth of scenes of Nic Cage KILLING IT, acting-wise. There’s not a Nic Cage to be found. It is just really effed. In a way that you would expect the sequel to an effed cult classic to be. And NSFW at all.

British people looooooooooove subtly mocking American country singers who just want to bring Jesus to their island and then drawing them into their cult and sex games and probably killing them. They love it. Like how Germans love making American tourists whose car breaks down into Human Centipedes.

NY Mag

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Cute English Homeless Hamster Alert

You know us at BWE. Always alerting you to cute homeless hamsters in England. Anyway. Can you imagine if this adorable hamster, named Hammy by the people who found him at the railroad station in Dorset, England, were a rat? And the rat hung out in a toilet paper tube? I’d be horrified. As it is, I want to follow the adventures of Hammy the Hamster as he travels Britain by rail, in a tiny coach car made of toilet paper rolls and crisp bags. (Crisps. England).

Metro UK

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Video: These Corgis Are Really Good At Tetherball

They are way better at tetherball than Napoleon Dynamite. Remember how bad he was at tetherball? No? Me either.

Is tetherball that intuitive of a game that even a corgi can figure out the rules? Or are these super smart athletic corgis who will one day rule us all? Fingers crossed for the latter!

Videogum

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The White Stripes Break Up And Go Off Into The Cold Cold Night

The White Stripes, everyone’s favorite husband-wife/ex-husband-ex-wife/brother-sister/friend-friend musical duo have called it quits. The announcement was made on their website, and it included these words from the band:

“The White Stripes do not belong to Meg and Jack anymore. The White Stripes belong
to you now and you can do with it whatever you want. The beauty of art and music is
that it can last forever if people want it to. Thank you for sharing this experience. Your
involvement will never be lost on us and we are truly grateful.”

This is sad. But understandable. Leave while the party’s still good. Let’s watch the video that put them on the map. “Fell in Love with a Girl.”

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10 Ways The New Yorker Would Like You To Know That Guillermo del Toro Is Fat

Not that fat

Daniel Zalewski of The New Yorker wrote an interesting profile on director Guillermo del Toro, which I very much enjoyed reading, because in addition to making cool movies with cool monsters, I learned that, while growing up in Mexico, del Toro taught himself English by reading the cult magazine Famous Monsters of Filmland! And the threesome scene at the end of Y Tu Mama Tambien was his idea. So cool! Know what I don’t care about? How fat he is. And Zalewski really wants you to know that del Toro is a giant fatass. To the tune of about ten times throughout the article. It’s not like he’s trapped in bed, waiting to be rescued by a giant crane. He’s a dude who struggles with his weight, and sure, his weight informs him, much how the thousands of curios he has amassed in a separate mansion named Bleak House inform him. So GIVE HIM A BREAK, Zalewski. Here are the fat quotes, presented with commentary.

1. “I heard a heavy shuffling sound: del Toro, who at the time weighed more than three hundred pounds, was coming from a back room.” (I assume that Zalewski holds down jobs as a journalist, a male model, a member of the walking police, and a Jenny Craig spokesperson.)

2. “Del Toro gave me a genial slap on the back, his hand like a bear paw.” (Have you been slapped by a bear paw? I want to hear about that.)

3. “A film of perspiration on his forehead trapped strands of hair that were supposed to be combed to the side.” (We get it. Fat person sweat. And he can comb or not comb his hair however he goddamn pleases.)

4. “Del Toro ordered ribs and a lemonade, along with a redundant appetizer of ‘riblets.’” (Doesn’t “redundant” also mean something that doesn’t need to be mentioned? Because it doesn’t really matter?)

Read more…

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Trailer Mix: Bridesmaids May Be Good. Or Not Good At All.

You know when two really hot people somehow, inexplicably, have an ugly child? Similarly, you know when really REALLY funny people inexplicably make a movie that maybe doesn’t look good at all? This is how I feel about the Bridesmaids trailer. The film stars Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Ellie Kemper, Melissa McCarthy and Wendi McLendon-Covey.

I’ve been in a few weddings, (gunshot) and never has it been the case where none of the bridesmaids had not previously known each other, at least in some small capacity. Also, I feel like this was probably a funny script and then the execs were like, “Each character really needs to represent a strong type.”* Because what are we, if we are not a Brain, an Athlete, a Basketcase, a Princess, and a Criminal. THIS IS WHAT THE BREAKFAST CLUB WAS TRYING TO TELL US. WE CANNOT BE REDUCED TO SOME CLICHED TYPE. We are complex humans!! Not just the fat girl who farts and the bitchy girl who likes Versace! Maybe I shouldn’t be freaking out. But when you desperately want hot people’s children to be demi gods of handsomeness or hilarious women to make great movies together and break the bounds of stupid effing comedy, YOU GET UPSET. Or maybe it’ll be good.

*Actual note I’ve gotten on a script.