As a connoisseur of all things 90s, I’ve greatly enjoyed watching 90s things age over the past decade and earn their own distinct decadinal identity (it’s a word now), just as 10 years ago we all could’ve watched The Lost Boys and agreed “Wow, this is so 80s.”
So what makes something “So 90s”? I was in the middle of writing a lengthy list of quintessential 90s characteristics, but as we all know, a video with Michael Richards flying around in animated starland is worth a trillion 90s-words, so instead I’ll just post this video — unearthed by an eagle-eyed Videogum commenter, this may in fact be the 90s-est thing I have ever seen:
This may in fact surpass the current co-champions of 90s-ness, the Airborne poster and the opening credits for the movie Delirious:
Wait. Wait. Just hold on one GD second. Who are these people Ross and Ross? Because they have to stop ENTERING MY BRAIN and stealing my mind thoughts. This is the exact same debate I’ve had with people (myself) for just so long. And they’ve put it on paper like a couple of GENIUSES. It’s about which is the better movie: Wayne’s World or Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. My personal debate is slightly different, it’s more like which character I would actually want to be. Probably Bill. Because he’s not threatened with military school. Then again, he’s not Keanu Reeves. I’ll never settle on a real answer. I do know that I love both of these movies equally. I just really appreciate two dudes taking the time to hash it out. Just rap about it. Because what are we going to talk about? Politics? Oil? No thank you!
Don’t click on the link below if you don’t care about Wayne’s World or Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. But if you’re the sort of person who wonders where Alex Winter went, read on. (This doesn’t answer the question of where Alex Winter is, it’s just if you’re that sort of person). Also, sorry for the creepy picture above. But real or no, it’s pretty amazing.
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure v Wayne’s World: Metro Film Fight Club
P.S. I’d really enjoy a frank, honest debate of Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey Vs. Wayne’s World 2
P.P.S. San Dimas High School Football Rules!
Success. I am the proud owner of my very own Vigo The Carpathian painting. However, I’m sorry to say, it appears that the link has been taken down. I can only pray that you guys took my advice and printed it out before it was too late.
Not moments after I found the link yesterday, upon Michelle’s urging, I went to the 26th floor of the Best Week Ever Spaceship to print Vigo. I opted to print it on canvas to make my Vigo experience more authentic. I used 90 percent of my monthly printing budget. My monthly printing budget is $100. I’ll wait while you use your calculator.
When the nice printing lady saw what I wanted to print she said, “Oh, this famous painting. I’ve printed this out at least ten times in the past month for some guy.” What?? Also, what??? I pressed her for more information, like, who is this person/my soulmate, but she wasn’t very forthcoming. Apparently there’s a printer-printee relationship similar to a doctor-patient one. Then she gave me a check up.
THEN an hour later when I went to pick Vigo up (it takes a while to print a 24×36 inch hi-res image onto canvas) two dudes were there, saw my painting and said, “That’s exactly what we were going to print just now!” What in the world?! Has Vigo possessed us all, completing his intended task? Are we just all on the same Ghostbusters 2 page? Is this what Jung meant by the collective unconscious? Did I just unnecessarily drop a pretentious reference? Can I do whatever I please because I’m the one with the Vigo painting? Either way, Michelle is going to frame it and hang it in her apartment. But for now, we’re enjoying it here.
I am verrrrrrrrry excited about this. Some Good Samaritan/Ghostbusters 2 enthusiast put a high-res version of the Vigo the Carpathian painting from Ghostbusters 2 online. Run, nay, sprint, to your local printers (unless you have a printer in your house, rich snob), print out a six foot version of this and hang it above your baby’s bed.
Here is the French version of what you can expect from your Vigo. Why French? Because I said so, Mandy Moore.
Ladies and gentlemen, the 90s-est Movie of All Time:
If you didn’t happen to catch yesterday’s Kevin Smith Twitter-aided comment jamboree, I’ll sum it up for you:
Comment #1: I can’t believe Clueless lost. This blows, I’m done with this stupid tournament.
Comment #2: Clerks is a landmark film that inspired so many aspiring filmmakers, it’s way better than stupid Clueless.
Comment #3: CALM DOWN, you motherf***ers, it’s an INTERNET POLL.
First off, Clerks being a more inspirational film or even a ‘better’ film than Clueless doesn’t really factor into the voting, the question was solely “which movie is more 90s?” I also love how many Clerks people pretended to be objective about their votes and the tournament results, as if the 200,000 people who follow Kevin Smith’s Twitter were actually gonna come to the poll and think long and hard about which movie was more 90s, then all ultimately decided it was indeed the film whose director they idolize.
That being said, Clerks is still the winner, and I’m actually kind of glad that this controversy arose because 1) It’s more exciting than Clueless just anticlimactically winning the tournament, which it surely would have (and deservedly so), and 2) Once Airborne and White Men Can’t Jump were eliminated, you f***ers were on your own. Oops, that just slipped out, my bad.
Thanks to everyone for participating, voting, arguing, leaving five-paragraph comments that everyone skips over, and ultimately making us think long and hard about what it means to be 90s (which, ironically, does not involve thinking long or hard about anything).
The final brackets are after the jump – feel free to keep the arguments going in the comments:
UPDATE: Voting for the 90s Movie Madness Finals closes tonight at midnight (EST), so vote and comment angrily asap!
A weekend push from Kevin Smith’s Twitter sparked a remarkable comeback from Clerks, which ended up crushing tournament favorite Clueless by a 75-25% margin. To all those in the comments calling voting shenanigans, we never made a rule against (and in fact, encourage) directors rallying online supporters, and if Alicia Silverstone and Jill Sobule couldn’t retaliate with tweeting of their own, that’s their problem. Meanwhile, Wayne’s World continued its dominance with a 77-23% win over surprise Final Four entrant Scream and now enters the Finals having won every one of its matchups by more than 75% margins.
This is it, Internet. Clerks vs. Wayne’s World — remember, the question isn’t “Which movie is better,” it’s “Which movie is more 90s?” (Or “Whose Twitter linked you to this page?”)
Vote Away, after the jump:
We’re down to the Final Four of 90s Movie Madness, after bidding farewell to #1 seeds Billy Madison and American Pie, as well as the upstart Home Alone and the unlucky Reality Bites, which would’ve been a sure Final Four entrant if it could have avoided tournament juggernaut Clueless (we’ll chalk that one up to the Selection Committee).
Is a Clueless / Wayne’s World Finale inevitable? Or will the Clerks fans (or Scream fans – ??) rally for their 90s cause? Vote away after the jump — the Finals will take place on Monday to coincide with that other lesser tournament also going on:
Vote away, and feel free to spend your weekend indoors angrily arguing catchphrases and fashion trends in the comments:
We’re just one day away from the Final Four of 90s Movie Madness, and the field is more wide open than ever; #2 seed White Men Can’t Jump tragically fell to Scream, but #1 seeded Billy Madison escaped with a 52-48% victory over Singles to sneak into the Elite Eight, joining fellow #1 seeds American Pie and tournament juggernaut Clueless, as well as Wayne’s World (which has won all its matches with more than 80% of the vote), Home Alone (knocked out three 90s box office mainstays), the underdog Scream, and a triumphant Reality Bites, which looks to become the first film to loosen Clueless’ dominant grip on the tournament thusfar. Maybe.
Vote now after the jump — Final Four tomorrow!
Updated Brackets C and D and the polls are after the jump — remember, the question isn’t “Which movie is better,” it’s “Which movie is more 90s?”
With the Sweet Sixteen of 90s Movie Madness well underway, the comment boards have
devolved into a series of really angry people complaining about a movie that they cannot believe is losing (myself included – mandatory Airborne screening next week for everyone who voted against it).
However, I received a particularly passionate defense of Round 1 casualty 3 Ninjas from my friend Steve, who sent me the following GChat message this afternoon:
Steve: i can’t believe 3 ninjas went down in the first round
what the f*ck is wrong with people
me: encino man lost too! crazy
the clear winner was 3 ninjas
i’ve been counting down the days until it won
it was 3 ninjas and 63 losers
For all those who doubt, Steve directs our attention to this clip from the very end of 3 Ninjas entitled “3 Ninjas – Give us our bikes back!” The action turns overwhelmingly 90s starting around the 0:27 mark when the background beat kicks up — if you voted for Titanic in Round 1, good luck watching this clip and not kicking yourself:
Best part? At 0:50, the “SIGH…We must restrain ourselves, for we are ninjas” hand gesture.
We’re into Round 3 of 90s Movie Madness, and we’re down to just sixteen movies; Encino Man became the first #1 seed to fall, with #2 seeds Airborne, Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead, and Jerry Maguire all following suit, leaving the race for the Elite Eight wide open. Lower seeds Wayne’s World and Home Alone are both on a roll, but can anyone stop Clueless? Vote and comment after the jump — you have until 12:00 p.m. tomorrow:
Remember, the question isn’t “Which movie is better,” it’s “WHICH MOVIE IS MORE 90S?”
Brackets C, D, and the polls are after the jump: