Jailbird Lindsay Lohan‘s stylists, who are on standby, have caught a lucky break! They don’t have to start from scratch to make her look good when Lindz makes her grand exit for rehab a couple of days from now! Considering her face and lips are a Botox-Collagen commercial, make-up and skin care isn’t going to be an issue (although she needs to take it easy on the Twizzlers).
It’s the hair that’s causing a commotion. While the stylists don’t need to worry about her follicular condition because she’s still got her extensions on, Lindsay’s fellow inmates aren’t too happy because they’ve been told to remove theirs. But the jail staffers insist they haven’t touched the hair because her extensions are pretty much bonded right at her scalp and thus immovable. Yes, the debate over Lindsay’s hair rages on.
Kerr’s been trying to keep the news on the down-low but the news has spilled out. A source revealed, “She’s definitely pregnant… Miranda’s thrilled. She’s telling all her friends, mostly other models, about it.” Her friends are also stating the obvious. It’s going to be rather hard for her to give birth unnoticed considering her proclivity for posing not particularly covered up! A source commented, “She poses in lingerie. It will be obvious soon enough.”
Congratulations are in order! But we have one question. Now that she’s married, is she going to be Miranda KerrBloom? Say it’s so!
Where is the justice? Dressed in sweat pants, hair scraped off face, we’re typing about celebri-kiddie Willow Smith(Photos), who happens to be almost two decades younger than us, kicking it with her stylist. Her.Stylist. She’s NINE YEARS OLD.
Come to think of it, we did ponder about whether Willow and her brother Jaden Smith had people dressing them up when we saw them looking way cooler than we ever could at the screening of The Perfect Game three months ago. If you’re WillSmith and Jada Pinkett Smith‘s daughter, the answer is yes.
Robert Zangardi is the stylist behind all the fierceness and he gushed about Willow saying “She is young, edgy, and individual.” She’s also nine. Can anyone HEAR us? So that massive Jedward-like pompadour and leopard print you saw at the Karate Kid premiere? That’s all thanks to Zangardi and stylist-costume designer Mariel Haenn who have admittedly customized “hundreds of pieces” for the brother-sister duo.
Miss Willow also got to swing around a Givenchy bag at the premiere, but don’t worry… she’s so not into brands. He revealed, “We start off the design process sitting down with her and talking about what we wanted to make. It wasn’t about the fact that it was a Givenchy bag; it was about the fact that it has gold spikes and star studs on it.” Right, sure, now we get it. And lest you think that this is all crazy, because you so don’t, Zangardi “allows her to have a little bit more fun and take more risks than an adult could. We just made her a 3-finger ring in diamond and gold.”
The nine year old got a 3-finger ring in diamond and gold. Lourdes Leon, you have stiff competition.
The announcements for next season’s Glee guest stars are coming fast and furious this summer, the latest being Cheyenne Jackson, recently known for snuggling up to co-worker Liz Lemon’s Tom Selleck-lush mustache on 30 Rock as Girlie Show actor Danny Baker. While it’s hard to know which rumors are real guest stars and which are the insane fantasies of our Glee-fevered mind, here are the peeps and whispers we’ve heard recently, complete with unsolicited opinions:
Uncle Jesse: Yes, we know John Stamos’s real name; we just do not care. Uncle John Jesse Stamos is reportedly starring as Emma Pillsbury’s inappropriately hot dentist boyfriend this coming season of Glee, and we just know she is going to blow it by trying to get with Schue again. Live in the now, Emma! We need someone to help us live out our early-nineties, Jesse and the Rippers, high-waisted pale wash jeans with white Reebok fantasies, and you are just the neurotic school guidance counselor to do it. Eyes on the prize, girl!
Javier Bardem: Does this choice seem hella out of left to anyone else? It’s easier to imagine Bardem kicking in our front door and taking us out with a bolt gun then doing a jazz square while belting one out to the cheap seats. That being said, any cameos that help people see him less as a serial killer and more as a charismatic dreamboat fine by us!
Charice: Don’t know her. Was she on an early nineties sit-com? O, a Filipino pop-star, you say? Who will be Rachel’s nemesis? Hmmm, well, then I guess we are on board! Anything that takes that Berry girl down a peg is fine by us…
Katy Perry: This isn’t technically slated to actually happen yet, but Katy is hoping someone at Glee wants to do a very Perry episode soon, tweeting “Please! I would love somebody to start that Facebook group and persuade them. I would absolutely love that.” We hope they tell her to put an actual shirt on in front of the children at least; whip cream-related eye injuries blind over one American high school students a year. If not, maybe save it for the Rocky Horror Picture Show ep?
Britney Spears: Do you remember when Britney appeared on the 2007 VMAs, and the whole world was silently rooting for her to blow us out of the water and reclaim her crown as princess of pop? And then suddenly we all realized she had forgotten how to LIP SYNCH and had to bury our head in our hands until now? Like that, but on TV.
We also look forward to seeing other guest stars like Lady Gaga, Charo and Mr. Snuffleupagus. Or did we just make those up? We can’t distinguish between our waking life and our fantasy episodes of Glee anymore! And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jersey Shore cast member of 1.5 seasons, Angelina Pivarnick, may not have made the cut for season 3 of the show, but apparently she is already bragging about shooting a new reality program focused solely on her. According to a report over at Crushable, the cast-off guidette claims that the program is “90%” nailed down (she knows 90% is almost 100%, right?) and sneers that “Jersey Shore wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t be there forever.”
*GASP* You shut your mouth, Angelina, yes, it will! Meanwhile, we are pretty sure we can predict what the plot of her new show is going to be: itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s called City of Angel(ina)s, and at the end of every episode Angelina quits the show in a huff, packs all of her clothes in garbage bags, and puts them in the back of her parentsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ station wagon. In between quittings, Angelina will work at a variety of jobs that arenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t that difficult and donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t require a lot of commitment, such as ice cream scooper, flip-flop saleswoman, and buoy. Angelina will quit each job in succession because they require her to start work at the crack of noon, interfering with the 23 hours of sleep per day required to have enough energy to carry around all those garbage bags. Slowly it will be revealed that Angelina has at some point hooked up with everyone else in the show (co-worker at Auntie AnneÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s, garbage man, seagull) a charge Angelina will deny until these people become famous from being on the show, upon which Angelina will try to trap them in a garbage bag and put them in the back of her parentsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ car. The show will be sponsored by Hefty.
In addition to bragging about her imaginary stardom, Angelina took digs at her former cast mates, saying about Snooki: “SheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s another one Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s also a diva.” Why donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t you just insult Michelle Obama while youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re at it, Angelina? Snooki has more class in one acrylic toe nail than you have in your entirely too orange body. That makes us so mad, we might not watch her new show! Haha, who are we kidding? WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve somehow already set our DVR for it.
Do you prefer more caps lock and shout outs in your internet browsing? You’re in luck - Kanye West started a Twitter account. His first ever Tweet mentioned that he was taking some morning meetings in Silicon Valley – not something we’d normally pay attention to, except that said meetings were at the Facebook offices, and Kanye performed while standing on top of a conference table for a bunch of Facebook employees (how dare they get rewarded after making our lives miserable with all those site redesigns!). Lucky for us, the performances were posted on YouTube.
Kanye performed several songs off his upcoming album (which was going to be called Good Ass Job, but now according to his Twitter, will be renamed) without any backing tracks. They sound pretty good on their own – please, Kanye, please don’t AutoTune the crap out of them! Take a listen to all of them after the jump. Our favorite new lyric? “If you fall on the concrete, that’s your ass fault.”
American Idol reject and certified divaIan Bernardois now claiming that AI producers told him to turn up the fabulousness during the finale as well as his 2006 audition, only to dump on him after his performance bombed. You might remember Bernardo from the AI finale this past May, when he interrupted comedian Dane Cook on stage, proclaiming, “Nobody cares! It’s all about Ian Benardo!” making us drop to our knees and pray for him to get a spin-off reality show.
Unfortunately, after his performance Bernardo claimed to have been threatened by Cook and abandoned by the producers, and has filed a claim with the New York State Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in an effort to prove it. In his allegations, Bernado claims that AI “exploited … my sexual orientation” by telling him to “gay it up” for the cameras. Now, despite the fact that Bernardo makes Clay Aiken look like Jason Statham, we have the sneaking suspicion that Bernardo was asked back not because of perceived sexual orientation, but because his try-out consisted of a bizarre spoken word rendition of “Gloria,” delivered while wearing a t-shirt with his name on it and draped in layers of fur. If that’s what gay people are like, we need to get out of our parent’s basement more. But as Coco Chanel said, before you leave the house, take one fur coat off. And before the producers at AI ask you to act like a mincing gay stereotype on TV, remember that contestants who don’t make it through try-outs are usually portrayed by AI a parade of oblivious freaks, hamming it up for the audience’s amusement.
Maybe one day someone who is as over-the-top and fabulous as Bernardo pretended to be (and who can actually, you know, sing well) will be allowed to sashay his way across the stage and into our collective hearts – besides our beloved Glambert. Until then Ryan Seacrest can only hold his breath and dream.
Who needs things like a masters in creative writing or a passing familiarity with the phrase “keyboard home keys” with boobs like that? We’re certain Katie Price, ahem, author Katie Price has neither, and that’s not stopping her from plugging her new book. Price, famous in England for being a model formerly known as Jordan and ex-wife of singer Peter Andre, has written a novel called Paradise, which may be the only novel in the history of ever to get a Bedazzled bathing suit manufactured for it’s release.
Shockingly enough, this is not Katie’s first book, she’s also written two autobiographies (one for each boob, we guess?), three other novels, and several children’s books. Surprising, until you realize that they were all ghostwritten and then it all falls into place. Still, it’s hard to care about pesky things like plot development and richly constructed characters in a book when you get a prologue like this.
Picture this: you’re dragging yourself from the subway to the office in a half-asleep, pre-coffee daze, and what do you see? A fashion shoot complete with various light reflectors and a twig-thin teenage model – not something totally shocking for a New York City commute. Look closer and you notice Madonna behind the lens, with 13-year-old daughter Lourdes supervising the shoot. And who’s the bleached-out model? That’s “I still wear pieces from when I was in f*cking middle school” Taylor Momsen. It’s a sight that would gawk-out the most jaded New Yorker.
Lourdes, ever the fashion blogger, looked effortlessly on trend while directing her collaborator/mama and the face of their line. As if Lourdes and Taylor weren’t already making us feel old and dowdy, even Madonna’s stylish street looks are causing us to get a case of the stabbies at our desk. [Photo: Splash News Online]