You know the saying “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger?” Well, if this saying is true, then guitarist John Mayer is either immortal or the strongest f**king man on Earth. While Mayer often insists by way of Twitter that he “just wants to be a blues guitar player,” he keeps muckin’ it up by opening his mouth, which is sadly attached to his brain, which is clearly very diseased.
Let’s first say this: I don’t hate John Mayer. As far as people go, he’s pretty harmless. I even met the guy aboard a cruise, no less, and even though my hair and outfit were what I would loosely classify as “abysmal” (the jacket has been burned, thanks), and even though I sounded like Bea Arthur‘s ghostballs, Mayer had it in his good graces to hug me. A real hug, too, which may or may not have done things for me personally. OK? Great.
Now, on to the controversy. Today, Mayer finds himself in his all too familiar habitat of a Looney-Tunes-style vat of boiling water, this time thanks to an interview given to Playboy Magazine. Besides revealing personal details about his relationships with Jennifer Aniston (“I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998“), and Jessica Simpson (“I want to quit my life and just f*ckin’ snort you?“), Mayer also did his part to delve into race relations. Specifically, with regard to his shvantz.
Let’s get specific. Mayer dropped the N bomb. Yes, the 9/11 of bad words. He said it. Then, Mayer — who no doubt has a fair share of black friends, including the Kanye West, also known as “The Black John Mayer” — begins discussing his penis’ aversion to black women. Blockquote Time!:
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin’ David Duke c*ck. I’m going to start dating separately from my d*ck.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl.
(deep nostril inhale.)
(breathing out slowly through the mouth.)
OK. Here’s the thing about John Mayer that people need to understand: