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by (@katespencer)

Lady Gaga Says She’s Celibate, So Who Should She Bed?

Lady Gaga isn’t getting laid, and is it any wonder, what with the outfits she wears? Honestly, how is anyone able to get close to her vagina when she locks herself up in lace bodysuits and Halloween headdresses? Anyhoots, we thought the Lady was currently bedding her pal Matthew Williams, but apparently she’s claiming to be celibate. “I am alone and miserable … but I like to be alone,” says our heroine, adding, “I, for myself, make the choice to be single at this point in my life because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody. And you know what? It’s OK. Even Lady Gaga can be celibate.”

Er, okay, except that we want Lady Gaga to make a little monster out of somebody. So here are our picks for possible suitors; vote above for who you think should next hop in the sack with the queen of…whatever she’s the queen of.

  • John Mayer: Lady Gaga is probably the only person who can teach America’s favorite douchebag a thing or two about a thing or two. One night with her would surely shut him up for good, and remind him that some girls become lovers that turn into superstars.
  • Nicki Minaj: She’s hot. She’s bi. So is, apparently, Lady Gaga. They would have LiLo and SamRon beat in the super sexy girl couple category. Please, someone make this happen?
  • Taylor Lautner: The actor needs someone to come in and turn his G-Rated world upside down. Plus it would make up for that awful stunt he pulled fake-dating Taylor Swift.
  • Kermit the Frog: Miss Piggy may have threatened to take Kermie’s head off, but Lady Gaga actually did it – and then used him as a hat and coat. So why not just up the crazy and take a puppet as a lover?
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If Flipcams Were Around When I Was Little, This Would Be Me

Ever wanted to see a child brush her teeth with whiskey? Well, thanks to Ke$ha and modern technology, this is now all too possible. Her name is Avery, and if you’re a fan of the internet, you may have already seen her cover of “Tik Tok.” But if not (hi Mom) then buckle the h up because this lil’ gal is either a miniature genius or the tiniest little nerd prostitute in all of wherever she’s from.

ps Love her!

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Ryan Phillippe On The Prowl: Buying Condoms, Hitting On Models

Ryan Phillippe

Ryan Phillippe might want to consider throwing himself into his work—the search for a rebound following his break-up with Abbie Cornish does not appear to be going well. The Stop-Loss star spent last week carousing New York Fashion Week (the photo above was taking outside the Calvin Klein’s Women Collection show) and, according to Radar, striking out with supermodels. “He saw [Victoria's secret model Doutzen Kroes] across the room and asked someone who knew her to introduce them…she had no idea who he was. She was polite and said hello, but she wasn’t interested at all.” The fact that he was in an Oscar movie (Crash, remember? Matt Dillon‘s partner!) apparently didn’t win over Victoria’s Secret’s Selita Ebanks either. Didn’t they at least see Cruel Intentions? You know, the movie he did with Reese Witherspoon, his…ex-wife. “Women he meets think he’s hung up on Reese still, given how much he talks about her,” says Radar‘s source.

But Ryan hasn’t given up hope: E! says the actor was spotted perusing the condom aisle at a West Hollywood CVS. “He seemed really nervous. After looking through them for a while he just dropped his basket on the floor and ran out of the store.” Sure, he may have just noticed the snooper, but we like to think a certain Counting Crows song played over the intercom.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Report: Tiger Woods Home From Rehab

Tiger Woods

Well that was fast! The Associated Press reports that Tiger Woods has returned home to Florida after a week of family counseling in Arizona, with the sports legend already visiting the same Isleworth golf course he practiced on before his public apology. The Enquirer claimed Woods’ problems with prescription medication were the cause of his trip to the Meadows last week, with a source alleging “Tiger blamed a lot of his cheating behavior on his drug addiction, saying that the drugs were responsible for impairing his judgment.”

Though Woods has claimed to have no specific plans to return to golfing, his quick return to the links suggests he plans to keep in shape. Even if he skips next week’s World Golf Championship, The Arnold Palmer Invitational, which Woods has won six times—including the last two years, begins on March 22nd in Orlando. Will Tiger show up to defend his title?

[Photo: Getty Imges]

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Peaches Geldof Couldn’t Be More Bored While Modeling Lingerie

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In the world of people famous for doing nothing, children of celebrities reign supreme. What’s funnier about the fame that’s been handed to them though, is when they actually try to get paid for doing work and prove their ineptitude. Take this most recent example of Peaches Geldof, mostly famous for boozing and feuding with Kelly Osbourne and Lily Allen (who are both members of the Children Of Celebrities club themselves), but who is now modeling lingerie. For whatever reason, the Ultimo lingerie brand opted to hire Peaches and her vacant stare to model its latest line. We’re not experts, but we think this girl might need a Top Model lesson in how to smize. Or at least how not look like a Weekend At Bernie’s-style walking corpse. [Photos: Splash News Online]

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Nick Jonas, On-Set Sportsman

Nick Jonas

We don’t know why the Jonas Brothers‘ new TV show will be feature Nick and Kevin playing with metal detectors and finding something shiny under a fat guy—wa-hey!—when the cute stuff kids crave was happening behind the cameras. We are referring, of course, to Nick tossing a football and baseball with crew between takes. Who needs a slapstick plot? Just show the guys running, jumping and tackling each other in slo-mo. That’s all the pre-teens want anyway! Watch their athletic scampering and treasure hunting in the gallery below.

[Photos: Splash News Online]

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“Fun, Fearless Males” Come Out For Cosmo Party

FAMOUS BROS

New York got a hot beef injection last night thanks to Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Fun Fearless Male Awards of 2010 at the Mandarin Orange Hotel. Among those proving their fearlessness by embracing the phrase “Fun Fearless Male” were Gerard Butler (always game for a goofy photo op), Twilight studs Kellan Lutz and Paul Wesley, True Blood vampire Stephen Moyer, Gossip Girl vampire Ed Westwick, TV detectives Chris O’Donnell and Nathan Fillion, Terrell Owens, Dr. Oz and Ne-Yo—the funnest, most fearless male of all. Soak up the stud sauce in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Jesus Luz: Cold And Alone On The Streets Of Soho

Jesus Luz

Next time you see a confused, scraggly-bearded young man wandering around NYC with a suitcase, remember…whatsoever you do the least of your brothers, so you do unto Jesus Luz. Madonna‘s man was in Soho yesterday, buying luggage and looking just a little disconcerted by the bright lights, big noises and cold weather. Maybe the Material Mom wanted to remind her boy toy what a scary world it can be out there for a young model/DJ…40 days and 40 nights in the urban wilderness would do him good before his debut single gets crucified.

[Photos: Splash News Online]

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