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New York Snatches Real Live Stage Role

New York has never been shy when it comes to matters of the vagina (choice quote: “You’re a very passionate kisser. ‘Cause I felt that in other places, too.“), so news of her joining a touring company of The Vagina Monologues should come as no surprise. New York will hit the stage in Los Angeles, Dallas, Atlanta and Houston as part of the all-black production of Eve Ensler’s perennial favorite. “It’s kind of a serious actress type thingy and that’s what I’m striving to be,” said New York to the New York Post. It’s not everyday that you read the words “serious” and “thingy” in the same sentence, but there you go.

Also in the touring production is Deelishis, who as you undoubtedly haven’t forgotten, “beat” New York out for Flav’s “heart” in Flavor of Love 2. New York and Deelishis traveling together to multiple cities? We sense another poisoning coming on! [New York Post]

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Kendra: Hef Won’t Walk Me Down The Aisle

Kendra Wilkinson is getting ready for her big wedding to Hank Baskett, but the Girl Next Door has nixed the idea of having ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner walk her down the aisle. “It’s more than likely we will get married at the Mansion, but you know, I think it’s awkward for Hank to have Hef give me away. It just doesn’t make sense, because it shouldn’t be someone who’s an ex-boyfriend,” she said.

Two people who will still be in the wedding are fellow Girls Next Door Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt, who will be Kendra’s bridesmaids. Kendra recently took her fiance to check out her old stomping grounds and introduce him to her ex-sugardaddy. “Hank’s so comfortable with things now,” Kendra says. Apparently so is Hef. “We showed Hef our engagement video and Hef was so happy, he cried,” Kendra revealed.

Kendra’s post-Playboy life is worlds away from her former pampered, naked party girl lifestyle – with chores, bills to pay on her own, and praying before every meal. The soon-to-be Mrs. Baskett is documenting it all in her new E! reality show, Kendra, set to air this summer. “There’s a lot of comedy because I am on my own for the first time in my life,” she says of her new show.

Kendra, who posed naked with Holly and Bridget in Playboy, says she may never pose nude again. “If the offer came up, I would definitely have to have a big talk with Hank-and a talk with Hank’s family,” Kendra says of ever posing for her ex’s magazine again. Another big change – kids! But not any time in the immediate future. “I definitely don’t want to do it any time soon,” she said. “I don’t want to be fat for the wedding.” When she does, however, she has a big order to fill. Her soon-to-be hubby wants five kids! “Oh, man. I don’t know. That’s a lot of kids,” she says.

When not planning her wedding or focusing on her new life, Kendra says she is always watching out for her ex-boyfriend. Kendra says she likes his new girlfriends, Crystal Harris and twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon. “If they were stressing him out, you know I’d be right there on them,” Kendra warns. [Source: E!Online; Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@katespencer)

Jessica Ditches Self Cover After Belly-Gate

Scandalist had assumed that Jessica Simpson would somehow parlay her newly normal body into a series of magazine cover stories, starting with ones that celebrate her size: “Jessica: I’m Happy With My Size – And Boyfriend!” to covers that flaunt her inevitable slim down: “Jessica: “How I Lost The Weight.” But the singer is apparently bailing on a scheduled Self cover, afraid to show off her much-discussed skin.

The mag claims that scheduling is the reason she backed out of the feature, telling Access Hollywood, “Self would love for Jess to be on our cover. We’ve had discussions about it but we couldn’t find a date… she’s very busy.”

Of course, she’s very busy performing at chili cook-offs. Righttt. Jess may also be secretly trying to get back her bony frame, as she’s apparently hired a new trainer. You know what that means – in six months we’ll all be complaining about how she’s too thin.  [Photo: WireImage]

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Idol Loser Dennis Brigham Won’t Let Haters, Toilet Bring Him Down

Dennis Brigham—the animated 19-year-old who told Simon “for somebody to be so rich, your pants are very, very cheap. With that cheap, very lame shirt you’ve got on,” on last night’s American Idol—won’t let his Hollywood Week rejection take the wind out of his sails. The Chris Brown wanna-be has already posted a bunch of videos online to combat “the haters,” including this emotional rendition of “I’ll Be There” in his family’s bathroom. He may have chosen this location for the acoustics, but between his voice overloading the camera mic and the toilet visible right next to his head, we doubt it will make the judges regret their decision. Close the lid next time, dude!

After the jump, watch Brigham unsuccessfully attempt to seduce his cousin’s friends in song.

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American Idol Recap: We’re in Hollywood, baby!

In an introduction straight out of Eight Mile, Ryan tells us that these 147 American Idol hopefuls, whittled from a cast of thousands, only get one shot, one chance to show America what they’ve got. It’s Hollywood Week at Idol and that means we’ve got to seriously narrow our contestant stereotypes down – only one barefoot Earth mother, one wacky necktie guy, and one dream-following single mother can stay. On this episode, the judges eliminated 43 contestants, dozens of poor song choices were made, there was one inexplicable, sparkly fanny pack and five especially amazing moments to discuss…

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Victoria Beckham Could Be New Reality Judge

Where in the world will Victoria Beckham end up next? Britain’s Grazia magazine claims in this week’s issue that Posh is “genuinely upset and frustrated” at the prospect of husband David moving to Italy to play football – and with it uprooting her LA lifestyle. Although Italian Vanity Fair is running an interview with the star where she gushes about the city, saying: “I am happy because I know he is happy at Milan.” But our favorite is the story that claims she’s going to ditch both these options and instead sign up as a judge for the new series of The X-Factor.

“The show’s boss Simon Cowell is in advanced talks with the former Spice Girl and is understood to have made her an offer of more than £1million a series,” reports the Daily Mail. “A friend said: ‘She doesn’t want to come back to Europe with her tail between her legs. But if she can return here to be on the X Factor, then that is different.’”

This is a freaking genius suggestion and we hope and pray that Posh will see sense, and realize her destiny is not to wear more teeny-tiny dresses with a stroppy face, but to sit behind a desk next to Cheryl Cole and say “Wow. You are the best singer I have heard since Geri Halliwell.” [Photo: WireImage]

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Katie Price Forgets She’s In L.A. With Boring New Life

Is it just us or has Katie Price, aka Jordan, not really made the most out of moving to LA? She’s upped sticks with husband Peter Andre and their three children to take on the US and film more of their reality series in a glam new location. Except all they’ve seemed to do so far is go to the supermarket, eat sushi and go to Toys R Us. Yep, all things that are freely available in the dreariest British towns.  Note to Katie: there’s loads of stars and lots of sunshine where you are. Now get into that bikini and start schmoozing the A-list, (or B-list, even) for God’s sake. [Photo: Splash News Onine]

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Ron Wood’s 20-Year-Old Girlfriend Denies Gold-Digging

Ekaterina Ivanova is tired of people thinking she’s a gold-digging homewrecker. Yes, she’s been having an affair with Ron Wood, a married Rolling Stone more than three times her age. But she’s not in it for the money, as she explained to the Daily Mail.

I’d have to be a really sick and twisted person to go through what I went through for money – money that I obviously haven’t got. It’s not like I’m walking around in Louis Vuitton. I’m not materialistic. I find it quite fun not to have money.

You’d think dating a sextegenarian worth $200 million would get in the way of that fun, but that’s just not the case. “He makes me happy; he’s funny. We’re like Lego that just clicks together.” So why did he have to check into rehab a week after they hooked up? Don’t ask Ivanova—she didn’t even realize he was an alcoholic! “[He] wasn’t violent or shouty,” says the former cocktail waitress. That’s right, Ekaterina. 61-year-old men who drink two bottles of vodka a day aren’t alcoholics unless they yell. Sounds like you’re just the gal to keep him on the straight and narrow.

[Photos: Getty Images]

by (@katespencer)

Friends Excuse Bale’s Outburst

Friends of Christian Bale (or rather, people afraid of pissing him off) are coming forward to defend the actor’s tirade (check out an amazing NSFW dance remix above) on the Terminator: Salvation set. An assistant director of the flick, Bruce Franklin, wants us all to know that the raging Brit is actually a perfect gentleman who was just having a rough day.

“If you are working in a very intense scene and someone takes you out of your groove…It was the most emotional scene in the movie,” he revealed. “And for him to get stopped in the middle of it. He is very intensely involved in his character. He didn’t walk around like that all day long. It was just a moment and it passed.”

Yep, just a sweet moment filled with 40 f-bombs. Professional indeed! Let’s be honest – Bale is most likely a supreme dick who is only being tolerated because people’s careers might otherwise be destroyed. We imagine his mom and sister – who accused Bale of assaulting them this summer – would agree.