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Sam ‘Begs’ Lindsay To Get Help

As Lindsay Lohan continues her meltdown in the wake of her split with Samantha Ronson, the DJ has reached out to her to get help. People reports that the pair are still speaking because of Sam’s concern for Lindsay’s erratic behavior, and that she has “begged her to get help.”

“Lindsay barely sleeps, which explains a lot of her behavior. She’s exhausted. She can’t even sit down for a minute without pacing around the room. It’s really sad,” says a friend. While we applaud Sam trying to do the decent thing and not bail out on Lindsay, we’ve got a feeling that she’s not going to be able to fix Problem Lohan. [Photos: , Splash News Online]

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Suri Headed To Scientology School

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What a lucky girl! After her third birthday later this week, Suri Cruise is going to go to school to learn about counting, her ABC and the great works of Xenu. The super cool tot is to attend the Church of Scientology’s New Village Academy five days a week, which has already garnered criticism for some of its teaching methods.

“The children have a lot of responsibilities from a very young age. The school is particularly strict about nutrition, demanding a low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet,” reports a source.

Oooh, sounds “fun.” Of course, we’re only joking. Turning three is a serious occasion and it’s about time Suri knuckled down and concentrated on her “study technology.” The fun stops here! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Katy Perry Hits A Fashion Low

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We’re all for being fashion-forward here at Scandalist, and certainly expect our pop stars to err on the side of crazy when it comes to style. But Katy Perry, words fail us! How can the girl who wore the cute Obama dress have sunk to such leopard-print lows in only a few months? The shade of pink can only be described as “Headache Fuschia” and we wouldn’t trust ourselves not to get an electric shock from those shiny man-made fibers on her coat. Bring back the Minnie Mouse ears, all is forgiven. [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Guess Who’s Bump This Is?

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Looking more stylish than most of us will ever do when we’re not pregnant, this petite star showed off her cute baby bump while heading into an office on Sunset Blvd. Find out who it is after the jump.

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Redmond O’Neal Held Without Bail, May Get 3 Years

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Redmond O’Neal, son of Ryan O’Neal and Farrah Fawcett, may be looking at some serious jail time. “Mr. O’Neal was recently discharged from a residential treatment facility after testing positive for meth and because traces of heroin were found in his room,” said a spokesperson for the District Attorney’s office. Due to this infraction, Redmond cannot qualify for treatment instead of imprisonment. While he’s yet to be tried for his recent heroin arrest, he will be sentenced for breaking probation on April 17—and could receive up to three years for that crime alone.

Related Scandalist Content: Ryan O’Neal & Redmond O’Neal Arrested On Drug Charges

[Photo: AFP]

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Holly Licks Her DWTS Wounds And Gets Her Shop On

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After getting beaten up on Dancing With The Stars, Holly Madison licked her wounds and indulged in a little relaxing retail therapy in Beverly Hills. Holly shopped for a hot new pink dress and grabbed a coffee while she texted on her Blackberry. Nothing like a little shopping spree to make a bunny feel like new! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Gossip Break: Rock On, Gold Dust Woman

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Stevie Nicks thinks Lindsay Lohan should “stop doing drugs and get a grip”—something Stevie didn’t get around to until her mid-40s, but hey. [Dlisted]

Billy Bob Thornton Vs. Joaquin Phoenix: Requiem. [Buzzfeed]

Billy Joel‘s hot, young wife is banging someone hot and young on the side? No! [PopEater]

Harlow Madden‘s music career has already begun. [Pink Is The New Blog]

The idea of a She-Hulk movie seems pretty absurd, but then so does the idea of Megan Fox. [ICYDK]

We watched the trailer for Gooby three times and we still don’t believe it exists. [BWE.tv]

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The Rant: Lessons For Lindsay

We once thought it impossible for Lindsay Lohan to get any crazier — this is after all, the woman who hit up three rehabs in one year, crashed her Mercedes into a tree, stole a car to chase down her assistant (only to blame it on “the black kid”), and was busted with cocaine down her pants. And lest we forget, she wore an alcohol monitoring anklet as an accessory (luckily, the thing worked when she fell off the wagon).

Needless to say, we were saddened by her recent dip off the deep-end following her breakup with adorable DJ Samantha Ronson. In this week’s Rant, we beg Lindsay to kick the crazy for some common sense, and offer her five easy steps to career redemption.

Good luck, Fire Crotch.

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The Daily Twit: Easter Edition

4-10-09

Remember when you were eight years old and saw those Cadbury bunny commercials? Then you begged your parents to get one and thankfully you were denied? Well, fast-forward 14 years and enter the Never Never Land world of Heidi and Spencer where we wouldn’t doubt they’re hoping the poor guy pictured above will fill their Easter baskets on Sunday morning. According to Twitter, they were terrorizing a pet shop earlier today, impulsively buying one of the festive furry friends. We hope they reconsidered, or that the bunny made a quick escape.

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Citizen Scandal: Gay Elephant Pisses Off Polish Politican

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Can an elephant be fired because of their sexual orientation? City councilman Michal Grzes of Ponzan, Poland is furious that Ninio, an African bush elephant that prefers the company of male elephants to female, is living in the local zoo’s expensive elephant house. “We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there,” said Grzes. “We were supposed to have a herd, but as Ninio prefers male friends over females how will he produce offspring?” Does this guy need a new piano or something? Can’t he stop thinking about hot, African gay elephant sex?

Zoo officials note that elephants don’t reach sexual maturity until 14, and 10-year-old Ninio may just being through a phase. Apparently, it’s not uncommon for male elephants, who live outside of the pack, to engage in a little mounting and trunk-stroking. Grzes may just want to take an animal sensitivy class and relax. Ironically, the politician’s outburst has caused a rise in zoo attendance, with patrons hoping to catch some all-male elephant action. Blow any horn you want, Ninio!