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Joaquin Phoenix, Ex-Actor, To Sell Hollywood Mansion

Still finding it hard to believe that Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from acting, like the reporter in the hilarious clip above (“I’m getting the sense that you’re kidding.” “No, I’m ded sewis…”)? Clinging to the idea that the Academy-Award nominated thespian is only pretending to be a frazzled, bloated, slurring would-be rock star? Then you won’t want to hear that Phoenix is putting his Hollywood mansion—complete with swimming pool and hot tub—on the market for just under $4 million.

This isn’t the first time he’s threatened to retire from acting. After the attention brought by the death of his brother River Phoenix in 1993, Joaquin (who used the name Leaf in films like SpaceCamp and Russkies) didn’t plan on working again until friends encouraged him to try out for 1995′s To Die For. Once he’s seen this Johnny Cash thing through, he may once again return to the screen.

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Britney, Lindsay, Paris To Star In New HBO Sitcom?

Could this be the best new show ever? Conversely, it could be the worst, but we would watch every delicious second anyway. Various media outlets are reporting that Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are in talks to star in their very own sitcom together. It appears that HBO wants to sign up the superstar threesome as roommates trying to make it big in Hollywood. Very far away from their reality, obvs.

“The chemistry between them will be electric. They were very close and have had their ups and downs in the Los Angeles party world but they have overcome those problems now.They can draw from their experiences for the sitcom,” reports MTV UK.

What would it be called? The Vag Pack? BFFriends? The mind just boggles. To be honest, it seems pretty far fetched but sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Do it, ladies! [Photo: WireImage]

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Madonna Texts Guy: ‘UR GOING DOWN!!!’

The Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce is getting uglier by the day. Reportedly Madge has taken to the most mature way possible to communicate with her her soon-to-be-ex-husband and picked up her cell phone to spell out just what she thinks of him in a text message. UK newspaper The Mirror reports that Guy showed the crew on his new movie a recent text from Madonna which read, “You’re going down!”

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Sienna Runs Around Half-Naked, Cries In Video

The Hours - See The Light

Too bad they don’t give Oscars for music videos. If they did, alleged homewrecker and occasional actress Sienna Miller might get one for her work in “See the Light” by British band the Hours. In the seven-minute video, the tabloid tart gets trapped in a Prada store, runs around in a hospital gown, and “acts.” The song is interspersed with dramatic monologues, with Miller delivering lines like, “I’m not supposed to do this, I’m not that person I don’t come from that family…I don’t have any reason to behave like this and I don’t know how to f*cking get out this.” Wonder whether she used some of her recent real-life drama as inspiration. [People]

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Five Music Videos For Voters

Election Day is just around the corner, and although we didn’t think it was possible, we’re hearing about Barack Obama, John McCain and the race to the White House more than ever. Between Obama’s primetime infomercial and McCain’s rumored appearance on Saturday Night Live this weekend, we here at Scandalist are getting more excited by the moment. And though we’re not sure who’ll be our next president, we do know one thing: it’s vital that everyone head out to the polls on November 4th. So whether you’re for Obama or McCain, we’ve got the soundtrack to your election day countdown.

James Brown — “Living In America”

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American Idol Threatens Contestant For Recording An Album Without Them

Remember Josiah Leming? While he didn’t make American Idol‘s Top 24 last year, the show got a lot of mileage out of his tearful tale of living in a car. Despite his lack of TV success, he wrangled a deal with Warner Bros. and plans to release an album in January. But not if American Idol can help it.

It’s well-known that contestants have to sign an exclusivity contract with Simon Fuller’s 19 Records, and that they can only make music elsewhere once he passes. But Leming is the first person to get a record deal who failed to make the Top 24, so you can understand why he didn’t bother to ask permission. Besides, as a rep told the New York Post, “He has personal reasons for getting his music out, threat or not.” His mom is dying!

Yes, Leming is arguing that his mother’s terminal cancer means he should be allowed to put out his music ASAP, and worry about the contractual details later. While Idol has threatened legal action, it’s unclear what they’ll do if the singer decides to call their bluff—though we can guess the word “settlement” might be involved.

by (@katespencer)

Madonna And Jerry Seinfeld Are BFF

What’s the deal with celebrities these days? It’s like the moon is a wee bit off, and therefore everything is just a little crazy; or perhaps someone went back in time and stepped on a mosquito, subsequently altering the life as we know it. These are the only logical reasons we can come up with as to why Madonna and Jerry Seinfeld are suddenly best friends. Apparently they’ve been pals for years, growing close as neighbors on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. A couple of weeks ago Madonna and her special slugger Alex Rodriguez hopped into separate helicopters and jetted out to the Hamptons to dine with Jerry and his wife Jessica. No one will comment as to why the foursome got together, but we have an idea – a rousing game of sharades where the answers are all Guy Ritchie movies.  [NYP. Photos: GettyImages, WireImage]