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Kelly Clarkson Has Never Been In Love, Doesn’t Want Kids

Her life might suck without you, but that doesn’t mean she’s in love. On the eve of Kelly Clarkson‘s return to American Idol (she’ll perform tomorrow along with Kanye West), the singer told British Cosmopolitan that cheating exes and her parents’ divorce has left her more than a little cynical about potential mates. “I’ve never been in love. I want to be so badly—I’m a hopeless romantic, but I haven’t been there yet. [One ex dated me] because he wanted to be famous. Oh, and he also had [another] girlfriend the entire time we were together.”

Even the good dates haven’t been good enough. “If I found a guy who could handle my job, that would be cool,” she told USA Today. “But I’ve dated a couple of guys who were awesome, and the celebrity part of my life and the traveling part are hard to get around. You never get to see each other, especially if you’re both musicians.” Plus her biological clock hasn’t even begun to tick. “Oh, my God, I have no desire [to have kids]. I would not be a good mother.” Someone remind her that she’s only 26! Plenty of time to meet a good guy—and a couple more bad ones.

[Photo: AFP]

by (@katespencer)

The Cruises Plan A Camping Trip For Their Prissy Kid

We’re obsessed with this (probably false) story about the Cruises planning the ultimate American family vacation. Apparently the stylish gang of Scientologists are heading out on a cross-country camping trip, in an attempt to “do things as a normal family.”

Sadly, nothing about their outdoor adventure will be normal. Though Katie has claimed that they “love going camping,” she goes on to gush about the gourmet meals Tommy makes while huddled around the campfire. “Once when we were camping Tom made his pasta carbonara for me. He knows exactly how to do it. A pinch of this, a pinch of that. He has a recipe, but he also kind of improvises by himself. You have to do the egg at a certain time.”

Even worse, the Cruises will have their Scientology goons surrounding them the whole time, so no one can infiltrate their inner circle. “They’ll be accompanied by a friend from the church of Scientology, as Tom never likes to be too far away from his religion,” said a source. “They will also have security camped down the road to keep any unwelcome people at bay.”

Yup, there’s nothing like getting in touch with the great outdoors while never escaping the confines of your crazy life!  [Photo: GettyImages]

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Ellen To Diddy: Why Did You Give Chris Brown And Rihanna Your House?

Diddy popped into Ellen today and after an upbeat chit chat with host Ellen DeGeneres about his sexy Twitter, Ellen pulled out the big guns and put him on blast.

“You gave your house to Chris Brown and Rihanna. You know a lot of people would say, why would you do this?” she asked, referencing the days after Chris Brown’s alleged beating of Rihanna, when the couple reunited and Chris went jet-skiing at Diddy’s Star Island home.

Diddy tried to bring the conversation back to Twitter but Ellen would not let him get away without an answer. “I don’t want any girl thinking its OK to go back to a guy who hit her,” she said.

Diddy finally answered, “I don’t cast a judgment on anybody. We don’t know exactly what’s going on. We need to pray for them and support them. Let us pray.”

He continued, “I don’t think it’s right for anybody to hit anybody. We know sometimes relationships get ugly … we don’t know exactly what’s going on.” [Photo: Getty Images]

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Happy Purim: The 40 Hottest Jewish Celebrities

The fabulous Jewish holiday Purim is today!  It commemorates a joyous time when the Jewish people in Persia were saved from being slaughtered. Purim is one of the most fun holidays in the Jewish calendar, so we compiled a list of the hottest Jewish celebrities — from Natalie Portman (#1) to Jamie-Lynn Sigler (#15) to Winona Ryder (#30). Their sexiness will surely make you smile! L’Chaim!

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Citizen Scandal: Mentally Disabled Forced Into “Fight Club” By Texas Careworkers

Several employees of a home for the mentally disabled in Texas have been suspended after it was discovered that patients were being forced into a violent “fight club.” “Workers were staging fight clubs with the residents for their own entertainment. It’s child abuse — some of the worst I’ve seen in over 30 years,” said Corpus Christi Police Captain Tim Wilson. “I’ve heard of isolated incidents before, but what’s most appalling is that it’s obvious this is organized.”

The fights allegedly took place during the “graveyard shift” at Corpus Christi State School between 2007 and 2008. Staff would shove male patients at each other and goad them into punching and kicking each other. Eleven employees were identified in video footage found on a cellphone found lying in the road in front of a hospital. Charges are expected shortly.

by (@katespencer)

Gossip Break: This Is How The Kutchers Role (Play)

  • Madonna dressed as some sort of old version of herself for a Purim party at the Kabbalah Center last night.  [DListed]
  • Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore dressed up too, nun and priest style.  [Seriously? OMG]
  • Sigh. We really wish Doc Martens were not coming back into style.  [Jezebel]
  • Andy Dick is doing a web show while under house arrest! If only it was funny.  [Buzzfeed]
  • Katie Holmes supposedly has to write down confessions to her husband every time she does something wrong in her marriage. Dear Tommy, I’m sorry I was taller than you today… [Wonderwall]
  • Ciara looks stunning, as usual.  [MTVBuzzworthy]
  • This picture of a frog in a tiny leg cast takes our adorable animal fetish to a whole new level.  [BWE]
  • Sporty Spice Mel C. has debuted her precious new baby. Zig-a-zig-awwwww!  [PITNB]

[Photo: Demi Moore]

by (@katespencer)

The Woz Cha-Chas Awkwardly Into Our Hearts

Last night we popped our Dancing With The Stars cherry, and we’re glad we waited and saved ourselves for Apple billionaire Steve Wozniak and his boa-filled cha-cha-cha. Please America, don’t vote the Woz man off – he is the Obama of vapid reality TV. Yes he can (dance terribly)! Other highlights included:

  • Lil Kim (aka “black Barbie”) and her nicely refined face. It seems her plastic surgery has finally settled into her skin. Dare we say she looked good?
  • Denise Richards‘ crying. Because, you know, we love seeing crazy, washed up actresses suffer.
  • Steve-O 2.0 - We want the former Jackass to win it all, just because he’s a year sober, which is awesome in and of itself. He should totally fall in love with his dancing partner too, just to really solidify his new, g-rated image.
  • Jewel‘s husband – Ho.Ly.Crap. We didn’t realize robots could ride in the rodeo, but Ty Murray has proven us wrong. Look for him to multiply and take over the earth the second he’s kicked off the show.

We’ve got pics of the DWTS cast before they hit the stage below. Lil Kim in a robe? Yes please!

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by (@katespencer)

Britney Catches Some Rays, Ignores Her Kids

Britney Spears is taking a little break from her tour to rest up in the Miami sun, and she brought her precious sons along to fetch her daiquiris and sweet potato fries.  Check out the pics below to ogle at her bod and her babes. It’s too bad she’s too busy getting skin cancer to notice them roaming around on the edge of the pool.  [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Chris Brown’s Mystery Texter Was Manager Tina Davis

TMZ reports that the woman who sent Chris Brown the three-page text that sparked his violent argument with Rihanna was his manager, Tina Davis. The detective’s affadavit on the case referred to the texter as “a woman who Brown had a previous sexual relationship with.” In 2007, Brown and Davis denied rumors of a two-year affair between the pair, who are 20 years apart in age.

Chris Brown and his manager, Tina Davis have a strictly professional relationship. Ms. Davis has been instrumental in helping Chris achieve success as a multi-talented singer/dancer/actor. Rumors that the relationship goes beyond a working one, are not only patently false; they diminish her efforts and his undeniable talents.

The alleged text has been described as a “booty call” that provoked Rihanna to slap Brown. Neither Brown nor Davis has responded to the accusation.

[Photo: WireImage]

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Birth Dating: Who’s Older? Jon Hamm Or Timbaland?

In 1997, producer extraordinaire Timbaland (a.k.a. Tim Mosley) released his first solo album, Welcome To Our World, with partner Magoo. Ten years later, Jon Hamm became an instant star with the premiere of AMC’s Mad Men. Both well-built men were born on March 10th. Which one is older?

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