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Amy Winehouse Is Not Getting Divorced, No, No, No

If you didn’t know Amy Winehouse was, well, Amy Winehouse, an interview with her in one of Britain’s celebrity mags might lead you to believe this is a totally normal girl. “I just wanted to get away from London in the winter and have a nice break in the sunshine,” she tells Now about her two-month long jaunt to St Lucia. Don’t we all, love? Talking about how she enjoyed her “daily routine” of exercise and would “love to have a family” one day, Amy confidently asserts she “hasn’t done any smack or crack since before I went out there.” Mazel tov, Ames – good to see you’ve stuck to your New Year resolutions! But then everything goes horribly wrong once the topic veers over to Blake bloody Incarcerated.

“I still love Blake and I want him to move into my new house with me – that was my plan all along. I won’t let him divorce me. He’s the male version of me and we’re perfect for one another. Alright, I had some fun with a lovely bloke in St Lucia but that was a holiday thing. I don’t want anybody but Blake,” she says.

What does a guy have to do to put her off him? He’s already confessed to getting her addicted to drugs, hooked up with a teenager, started divorce proceedings and his mom’s called her a “trollop.” Clearly nothing will do the trick. [Photo: WireImage]

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Scarlett Johansson Loses The Plot, Talks Nonsense About Champagne

We’re used to celebrities, from the Z to the triple-A list telling us what to spend our money on — after all, signing up to be the “face” of a brand is a well-worn and freaking lucrative path. But when this gushing e-mail pinged into our inbox breathlessly announcing Scarlett Johansson as the first ever face of Moet & Chandon champagne, we wondered whether she has lost all those cool points carefully built up over the years in one cringey, nonsensical statement.

“Moet and the movies both tell compelling stories and share authentic emotions with the world. I am honored to have been chosen as their ambassador and to make history with the brand, as the first celebrity face of champagne!” “explains” Scarlett.

Lovely sentiment, although a) we’re not even sure what it’s trying to say because b) the only “story” champagne has ever told us is “Don’t drink too much of it on an empty stomach. The End.” Still, doesn’t Scarlett look pretty and a lot like Dita Von Teese at the gala event in London last night? [Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@katespencer)

Rihanna’s Rebound: Wilmer Valderrama?

Normally we’d dis a lady for getting with notorious Hollywood poon-hound and occasional actor, Wilmer Valderrama. But after Rihanna‘s recent disastrous and allegedly abusive relationship, we’re all for her rebounding with Lindsay Lohan‘s ex-first love.

The pair was seen getting “pretty cosy [sic]” at Geisha House last Wednesday, says a spy. “They were chatting and laughing for ages. They looked pretty cosy and relaxed in each other’s company. Wilmer was all charm and even had a bottle of champagne for Rihanna.”

We’ll overlook the fact that Wilm’s bedded a bevy of Hollywood skanks and created one of the worst shows ever to grace basic cable (Yo Mamma!, obvs). As long as he avoids physical (and emotional) violence and jet skis and treats RiRi like a queen, we’re game. Wilmer, make your move.  [Mirror. Photo: GettyImages]

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Cindy Crawford “Subtly” Reminds Us She’s Hot

Being 43 years old isn’t considered that old anymore, especially in Hollywood. As Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock put it, “Rich 50 is middle class 38,” which basically means celebs can get away with a lot more, for a lot longer these days. Cindy Crawford is 43 and is proudly showing herself off in the month’s Allure Magazine.

In one shot, she looks amazing and super hot, dressed in a black bathing suit (and tearing apart a loaf of bread, of course), but then there’s the Varsity-Blues-strategic-shaving-cream-placement shot that’s kind of insane and makes us think maybe there are limits to what you should do when you’re the mother of two.

We’re not trying to put the woman down, she looks amazing in every shot in the magazine – but a) think of the children (yours) and b) we kind of can’t tell where your ass cheek ends and your lady bits begin, Cindy, and that’s our biggest problem. We especially love the irony of the Allure sub-header “Looking good and feeling powerful at any age requires subtlety”. Indeed. [Photo: Allure Magazine]

More Cindy Crawford photos …

by (@seapeaz)

Ciara’s New Video Is Ear-Lickin’ Good

We don’t have much to say about this new Ciara music video for “Love Sex Magic” featuring Justin Timberlake — other than it’s sexy! Like uber sexy. Watch Ciara give JT a hot lap dance, including lots of booty bumpin’, rubbin’, slappin’ and of course lickin’. This video totally exudes love sex magic.

by (@katespencer)

Gossip Break: Does Audrina Dig Nose Candy?

  • Ohhh – some attention-hungry rumor monger is accusing Audrina Patridge of being a cokehead.  [Videogum]
  • Pete Doherty misses his ex-girlfriend Kate Moss. We miss the crazy British magic they made together.  [DListed]
  • David Letterman finally married his longtime girlfriend.  [Wonderwall]
  • Elisabeth Hasselbeck debuted her new QVC fashion line on The View. It’s Sarah Palin style meets sweatshop quality.  [Jezebel]
  • Oh lordy – Aretha Franklin celebrated her birthday with a cake in the shape of her infamous bow hat.  [PINTB]
  • Lindsay Lohan got in yet another fender bender – this time in her white Maserati.  [GossipGirls]
  • Meet the coolest rich kid ever – he drew a 60-foot penis on the roof of his parents’ mansion.  [Buzzfeed]

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Let’s Hope These Actors Avoid Krabs, The Klap And Khlamidia

When you’re famous for having a sex tape and an ass so big and round that it has it’s own moons orbiting it, it’s not so far fetched to have porn movies named in your honor — just ask Kim Kardashian. Hustler has just announced that they are releasing Keeping It Up For The KardASSians. Nothing wrong with a porn movie based entirely on one family, right? (Gross!)

The film promises three-way action, we assume between the three sisters, and there’s no word on whether there will be cameos from mom Kris Jenner and face-implanted stepdad Bruce Jenner or if there will be any Bromance action between step-brother Brody Jenner and his man-friends. We enjoy a good porn title as much as the next person (even though it’s not the most clever — Juranal Park still holds a place in our heart), so even though we don’t plan to see this film that’s sure to become a classic, we applaud that they went above and beyond, making good puns out of every part of the title.

by (@katespencer)

Lauren Conrad’s Crappy Clothing Line Finally Dies

Regular ladies could have told you this was gonna happen months ago – no sane-minded woman is gonna spend a ridiculous amount of dough on crappy, generic cotton dresses. Lauren Conrad bet that ladies would ditch their Target and Forever 21 addictions for her pricier, duller duds, and she lost – big time.

The wannabe designer, who only landed her own line thanks to her ability to attract crazy friends who spice up The Hills, announced that she is ending production of the Lauren Conrad Collection. Her reps worded it this way: “In light of the economic climate, Lauren has decided to completely rethink her line.”

A friend says that LC wants to “revamp her line and design with more high-end fabrics,” which kinda goes against what her rep is saying about the old “economic climate.” Maybe it’s time she stopped filming at the L.A. fashion school, and actually attend it.  [NYP. Photo: GettyImages]

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Diablo Cody Gives Friends Ultra-Crude Necklaces

The only piece of friendship jewelry we’ve ever had is one of those “Be Fri” and “St End” necklaces in the fifth grade. It was so innocent and wholesome. In a way, Diablo Cody is bringing the friendship necklace back, but true to form, Cody’s doesn’t say “Best Friend,” it says, um, “F*ck My Face.”

Diablo Cody gave the necklaces to her three best friends, Lorene Scafaria, Dana Fox and Liz Meriwether, who call themselves The Fempire. All four of them are respected Hollywood screenwriters who like to get drunk, talk about seeing each other naked, and discuss their bowel health — sounds pretty much like normal girlfriends to us.

The quartet was profiled in The New York Times this weekend and the article referenced the necklace whose inscription was too filthy to be printed. New York Magazine was so curious to know why the necklace had to be censored that they went digging and found out, to our delight. We can’t say we’d give our own BFF the same accessory, but we expect nothing less from Diablo Cody. [Photo: FilmMagic]

by (@seapeaz)

Kim Kardashian Cares About Our Planet

Your favorite girl Kim Kardashian is gracing the cover of Complex once again. It’s been two years since Kim posed for the magazine’s cover, but the heavens have parted once more to bring her back for the April/May 2009 issue! It also happens to be Complex‘s annual Green Issue and for the occasion Kim was shot in front of a series of backgrounds that highlight our planet’s woes.

You can read the interview here and check out why Kim says she’s Kanye‘s (yes, that Kanye) twin. Not finished getting your Kim Kardashian fix? Click here and reminisce. [Source: Complex]

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