ROOT

by

12 Reasons Not To Feel Sorry For Tom Brady

At first, like the rest of the nation, we felt bad when we heard the news that Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady will miss the entire season after the Chiefs tore up his knee. But then we came up with 12 off-the-field activities to help Brady idle away the time — and manning the Patriots’ spygate camera isn’t one of them. Believe us, you don’t need to feel bad for him. View the photos to see why.

by

Scandalist Gossip Break: Mamas, Big and Lil’

Best Week Ever searches for the method behind Lil’ Mama fashion madness. [Bestweekever.tv]

Minnie Driver just had a kid, but she won’t say who the daddy is. If he was famous, we’d probably have heard about it by now. [People]

Matt Damon said “At a certain point it becomes difficult to look at other children and not see your own…” at the Toronto Film Festival while checking out the African Children’s Choir. Minnie might hold you to that, dude. [Popsugar]

Jerry O’Connell apologized for calling wife Rebecca Romijn “huge.” He meant “more pregnant ass for me to love.” [Holy Taco]

Howard Stern is auctioning off a 22-year-old girl’s virginity. Caveat: she won’t necessarily screw the highest bidder. So really, it’s just an expensive reality dating show. [NY Daily News]

[Photo: Getty Images]

by

Citizen Scandal: 84-Year-Old Man Asked To Divorce 82 Wives, Keep 4

The Nigerian government has stepped in to help Mohammed Bello Abubakar, an 84-year-old Muslim preacher, after local religious leaders in Bida ordered that he divorce all but four of his 86 wives (the limit under sharia law). It seems Abubakar might have had his rights violated when he was threatened with death and exile if he didn’t shed most of his ladies pronto. While Abubakar, a faith healer, is obviously engaging in some creepy cultishness, you have to wonder how nobody noticed or complained until he had over 20 times the number of allowed wives. Wouldn’t that be a hard secret to keep? [Reuters]

by

Color Me Badd Singer: “I Wanna Beat You Up!”

Top five most embarrassing details from the arrest of former Color Me Badd leader Bryan Abrams last Friday: 1. He was arrested for punching his girlfriend in the face while screaming “I’m a kill you! You and me! You and me!” 2. The assault occurred around 4pm… 3. in a restaurant… 4. in Oklahoma City. 5. Yes, he was drunk.

Top five most embarrassing details about former Color Me Badd leader Bryan Abrams that have nothing to do with his arrest: 1. An ex-wife and a girlfriend teamed up to sue him for unpaid child support three years ago. 2. He was working in a tire store at the time. 3. Mission: Man Band. 4. He recorded a track with the Insane Clown Posse in 2007. 5. Color Me Badd reunited this year…for a rock’n'roll quiz show.

Those New Kids On The Block better appreciate how lucky they are. [NewsOK]

[Photo: Michael Ochs Archives/FilmMagic]

by

Holly And Hef: Together Or Not?

Last Saturday, we learned from an inside source that Hugh Hefner‘s main girlfriend Holly Madison is supposedly doing the hanky panky with magician Criss Angel, and is preparing to move out of the Playboy Mansion. Some of you questioned the accuracy of our intel, and we’re trying to get to the bottom of it. Here’s the latest.

Not Together:
Holly Madison had lunch with Chris Ameruoso yesterday at Juliano’s Raw restaurant in Santa Monica. In case you didn’t know, Ameruoso, according to the Interwebs, is a celebrity pet photographer, and Holly contributes to his magazine, PAWprint. But Ameruoso is also an actor on Criss Angel’s show, Mindfreak. We know it’s a stretch, but could Ameruoso be the link between a Holly/Angel hook up?

Together:
Holly took to her MySpace page yesterday (thanks Lezzy McGuire) and posted an item called “Random Rumor(s) of the week”:

Hef and I are not breaking up, either. We are PIC (Partners in Crime, lol, Kendra came up with that one). We are wrapping up Season 5 of the Girls Next Door and are looking forward to filming a Season 6.

Season 6, huh? We’ll see. [Photos: Splash News Online]

by

Dull Plastic Woman To Be Made Into Dull Plastic Doll

“If at first you don’t succeed…” goes the old adage, and Heidi Montag is definitely adhering to it. After trying her hand (and failing) at both playing herself on a reality television show and a singing career, Heidi’s trying for something a little bit more believable to the consumer public — being an inanimate object with fake plastic hair. That’s right, Heidi’s getting her very own Barbie doll.

“We just talked to Mattel yesterday, and we are already working on our own Ken and Barbie,” Spencer Pratt, Heidi’s creepy svengali boyfriend, confirmed. And while both can’t sing, there are several upgrades Doll Heidi will undergo that Real Heidi lacks. Just to name a few:

* Better taste in men
* More expression in eyes
* Reproduction not an option

by

Pete Wentz Swears He Totally Played Russian Roulette Once

You think Pete Wentz is weak? You think an emo bass player who hosts an MTV video show and marries Ashlee Simpson is afraid to die? Pete Wentz is a f*cking wild man and don’t you forget it.

I pulled a trigger on a gun aimed at myself. My friend and I did one pull each. We’d been drinking and had taken Ambien. I feel stupid even talking about it. It’s one of the reasons I’ve never owned a gun – I’m too impulsive. I’d probably get mad and shoot someone over a part in a song or something.

Yeah! That’s some Deer Hunter shit right there. Give this guy some pills and he’ll turn into Phil Spector before your eyes. Fall Out Boy popping a cap in your ass!

Watch out, Ashlee. The man who bought you a giant Lego bee is a ticking timebomb. [Page Six]

by

Nicole Richie: Earth Mother

Nicole Richie‘s fashion choices have been moving towards the free and flowery of late, but yesterday she looked like she was off to Monterey Pop. First she spent the day in midtown NYC, wearing loose tie-dye and bleached out cut-offs. Even daughter Harlow—who couldn’t be cuter—got in the mood with a flower print dress. Then mom stepped off to Fashion Week, where she replaced her hippie braids with a sequined headband that failed to distract from her drab white tank-top and fake leather tulip skirt (which may have once been a beanbag). It was very Helter Skelter meets Xanadu, and very wrong. Maybe her taste (if we can call it that) for Cali retro will inspire Good Charlotte to record a freak folk album. [Photos: Splash News Online; Getty Images]

by

The Hottest Cheerleaders Of 2008

Football season is here. That means cheerleader season is here, too. Breeze through this gallery of sideline talent.