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by (@katespencer)

Celebs Aren’t Buying Chris Brown’s Apology – Including Rihanna

Chris Brown finally released a statement on Sunday about kicking Rihanna‘s ass – he probably hoped we’d be too busy celebrating President’s Day to notice. Nice try, pal. Here’s the official word from the shamed singer, who has apparently hired Paris Hilton‘s former flack to help him through this image crisis:

“Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds.”

Rihanna is reportedly “appalled” by her ex’s groveling, but the real sass is coming from some of the older ladies lurking around Hollywood. Oprah Winfrey‘s best friend Gayle King told Extra, “I can’t think of anything that makes me support anything that Chris Brown is saying at this time. And my heart just aches for Rihanna.”

Roseanne Barr didn’t even try to be polite on her blog in this rant about the scandal. Says the former sitcom star:

“chris brown’s lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him…he uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy bastard who ever smacked his wife, kid mother or girlfriend around uses. you dirty bastard, I hope you go to prison for ten years. IT’S YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE! as for all the mealy mouthed hollywood and music scene chicks that can’t bring themselves to condemn a misogynistic bully, let me say this: your time as whores for propaganda is ending, bitches.”  [Photo: WireImage]

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Katy Perry Getting Together With Paris Hilton’s Ex?

Update: Oh. They’re not doing it. On her blog, Katy laughs at us and our silly little heads for even imagining such a thing. “oh kittens! It’s two pseudo famous people sitting next to each other… doesn’t mean we were bumping uglies. You know I don’t just do that with anyone! … I was there celebrating a really fun show and a boozy valentines with all my good friends. We were like a group of 25! Benji is a nice young fellow, but my heart really belongs to kitty purry/markus molinari,” she writes. Shame.

No, Katy Perry, no! Not Paris Hilton’s sloppy seconds! (Excuse us). But our favorite singer-”comedian” was spotted getting very very giggly and cozy indeed with Benji Madden over the weekend. The pair were in Las Vegas at her Hard Rock Hotel’s Wasted Space gig, and spent time later together at Lavo nightclub, allegedly leaving together at 2am via a back exit.

“They were with friends but you could definitely tell they were on a date. There wasn’t any public making-out but they were very “friendly” with each other,” a source tells OK magazine.

Hey, she did go back on her promise to stay celibate this year .  But it looks like Katy’s fallen curse to that famous celebrity disease – Sex Recycling. (Eva Mendes would not be pleased).

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Geri Halliwell Aims For ‘Pregnant Bride’ Look On Wedding Day

There’s no better look than a bride looking, er, “blooming” on her big day, is there? With a beautiful dress of your dreams and a baby bump, no look screams SHOTGUN WEDDING louder than a pregnant belly. Lovely! Yet curiously, that’s the look that Spice Girl Geri Halliwell wants when she marries her longstanding boyfriend of two whole months, Fabrizio Politi.

“Geri wants a summer wedding and hopes to be pregnant by then … she is keen for a sibling for Bluebell,” a friend tells today’s issue of Reveal magazine.

Why? Why do celebrities defy the normal constraints of time and patience when doing anything? Oh yes, it’s because if they don’t keep doing new things, we’ll lose interest in them and stop writing snarky blog posts. Sorry! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Robert Pattinson Even Bores His Stalkers

He’s already confessed that he likes “mad” women, but Robert Pattinson seems almost cavalier about his own personal safety when it comes to dating. The Twilight teen idol reveals not only did he date a girl who was stalking him in Spain, but he managed to shrug her off by boring the pants off her.

“She stood outside my apartment every day for weeks – all day every day. I was so bored and lonely that I went out and had dinner with her. I just complained about everything in my life and she never came back. People get bored of me in, like, two minutes,” he says.

It’s one way of dealing with unwanted attention, we guess. But a little time-consuming and you know, risky for your life and things like that. [Photo: WireImage]

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Salma Hayek Marries French Billionaire

The first contender for Sneakiest Wedding of ’09? They only broke up a few months ago, but Salma Hayek has now married her French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault. They tied the knot on Valentine’s day in the swish St Germain area of Paris. Ahhh. Maybe seeing her impressive boobs performing their natural duty in photos streamed across the world made him realise that’s one heck of a woman. You shouldn’t let her boobs get away. [Source: AFP, Photo: Splash News Online]

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Naked Peaches Geldof Reveals Awful Tattoos

As if to remind us on a weekly basis that she’s a BAD GIRL, Peaches Geldof isn’t happy with merely getting married and divorced in only a few months. She’s upped the ante big time now by a) getting topless on holiday where – surprise! – she was papped and b) revealing that underneath that collection of designer threads are a series of very regrettable body inkings. Click through to see the shots (very NSFW). Tattoos can look absolutely aces, and serve as a permanent reminder of special moments in your life. But, really, is putting all these together a good idea?

  • Disappear Here – the name of her magazine launched to little acclaim. Or sales.
  • Nick Cave song lyrics on her back
  • A book with a hangman’s noose over it – a remnant from her relationship with Faris Badwan. “It’s to symbolise me being owned by him,” she said. Up with feminism, eh Peaches?
  • The name of her soon-to-be-ex-husband Max on her wrist.
  • Doves above her hips.
  • The worst tattoo ever – a thigh-to-boob daisy chain with a unicorn – yes a UNICORN – chewing from it at the bottom
  • And many, many, more.

There’s no denying she’s got a great body (hey, she’s 19), but Peaches now looks like someone who’s never got a pen and paper on them at the right moment, and instead is using her entire body as a reminder of what’s on her shopping list. [Source: News of the World, Photo: Getty Images]

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Red Carpet Report Card: Penelope Cruz

Welcome to Red Carpet Report Card, where the stars are put to the test on their red carpet fashion choices. In today’s episode, Scandalist‘s Fashion 101 teacher Libby Keatinge grades Penelope Cruz on her red carpet style. Will Penelope pass with flying colors or will Ms. Keatinge hand out a failing grade?

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10 One-Hit Oscar Wonders

Which is better: to be nominated for Oscars year after year and never win like Kate Winslet, or to win once like Halle Berry and spend the rest of your life making crap like Gothika? For a variety of reasons, from the lack of good roles for talented actors without star power, to the poor choices of a star gone wild, some Oscar winners and nominees have only tasted Academy love once in their life. Here are ten of our favorite one-hit Oscar wonders.

[Photos: AFP/Getty]

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Report: Kate Moss IS Pregnant!

It was true, then it wasn’t and now it’s true again (apparently). Kate Moss is pregnant and has announced the good news to all her friends, according to the News of the World. The supermodel was out for a “celebratory dinner” at the Ivy restaurant in London earlier this week, and although we wouldn’t normally hone in on a little extra poundage or two, she was sporting a stylish little bump around the middle.

“The supermodel is now past the crucial three-month stage, with the baby believed to be due at the end of August. Kate. 35, is expected to formally announce the pregnancy soon-ending weeks of speculation,” the paper reports

If reports do turn out to be true and Ms Moss is honestly up the stick, then we bow our heads in wonder and amazement. Truly, she is a superhuman amongst women. After all, who else could party for three solid days straight for their birthday while being in the early stages of pregnancy, being sick as a dog and not able to drink the pain away? She’s a party machine! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Mickey Rourke’s Bizarre Fetish

And no, it’s not what you’d think. After spending days whooping it up in the UK, winning a BAFTA and trying hook up with a glamor model, it was time for Mickey Rourke to head home. But on checking into Heathrow airport, his suitcase was found to be over the weight limit. Because it contained 77lb of shoes.

“It was really weird and extraordinary to watch… Staff thought at first he must have had his BAFTA in the case. It was freezing cold but he had no socks on and a pair of blue slip-ons with very low heels. And it turned out that he had about 40 pairs of shoes very similar to the ones he was wearing in the case. It’s the sort of thing you’d expect of Victoria Beckham, but not of a tough guy like Mickey Rourke,” a source tells the Sunday Mirror.

When you’ve got a look, you’ve got a look, we guess. But we’d never noticed Mickey’s shoes before. To be honest, once we’d taken in the hair and the face, that was basically enough for us to be getting on with.

In other Mickey Rourke news … who’s the girl? We thought he was dating Courtney Love. [Photo: Splash News Online]

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