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Banned Super Bowl Ads: Too Sexy For TV?

Spike has done us all a favor by aggregating years worth of Super Bowl commercials. We’re sure sociologists could break down the sum total of American culture by watching them. But here at Scandalist we’re interested in only one question: Are the following ads too dirty for prime time or proof that America is one big puritanical beast? Watch the videos below and let us know whether you agree with our logic.

GoDaddy’s Basic Instinct Girl: Ban-Worthy Or Puritanical?

Synopsis: GoDaddy gratuitously gives you a Basic Intinct-esque glimpse between the legs of a model while urging you to buy a new web domain. Sure, it’s dirty. But is it any dirtier than the average cheerleader routine? Mark this down in the “puritanical” column.

Miller Lite Lesbian Mud Fight: Ban-Worthy Or Puritanical?

Synopsis: Comical violence. Girl-on-girl kiss. This is definitely explicit. But an action-filled Sapphic satire does us all a little good sometimes, no? Maybe Scandalist staffers are perverted, but we think the only dirty aspect of this ad is the mud in the tub.

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by (@katespencer)

Patrick Swayze Denies That He’s Quit Cancer Treatment

Earlier today, blogs buzzed that Dirty Dancing star Patrick Swayze had supposedly ended his treatment for pancreatic cancer, after doctors caring for the star informed him there was no more they could do. A source told the National Enquirer that, “There’s nothing more doctors can do for him. We are down to the wire and the goal now is to keep Patrick comfortable. His condition is inoperable and they have stopped the chemo. He’s still losing weight and he’s very weak.”

Yet reps for the actor shot down the rag’s claim, insisting that The Beast star was “continuing his treatment.” Swayze was released from the hospital earlier this month after battling pneumonia, in addition to the cancer, which has ravaged his body for a year.  [Photo: FilmMagic]

To learn more about pancreatic cancer, visit Pancan.org.

by (@katespencer)

Paris Needs A Coat – And A Bra

Paris Hilton headed out on the streets of London this week dressed like she was still in Los Angeles. Needless to say, her breasts boycotted her decision to go without a coat. The, uh, actress has been busy convincing the Brits that she’s not dumb, telling the morning show GMTV that, “I just say jokes but they think I’m serious, which I think is funny, and I think I kind of play up the image sometimes because – whatever – it’s just entertainment.”

And what’s more entertaining than nipples? Nice work Paris. You win this round! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Jake Gyllenhaal Kicks Photographer On Way To Jury Duty

Potential juror Jake Gyllenhaal was running back to the courthouse from lunch break when TMZ tried to ask him a pertinent, worthwhile question: “are you happy with the eleven dollars a day?” Rather than thank the pap and answer politely, the star kicked him in the shin.

“He just assaulted me! Jake, you just assaulted me!” cried the innocent inquisitor, giddy with the idea that he’d just won celebrity lawsuit lottery. Now that Jake has been excused by the LA court, he can go back to making movies and strutting with Reese Witherspoon—unless he gets charged with battery himself. [via Videogum]

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Mickey Rourke Will Probably Not Wrestle Chris Jericho After All

Mickey Rourke‘s spokesperson has denied claims that the Wrestler actor will take on Chris Jericho at the upcoming WrestleMania 25.

Mickey was very honored to be asked, as he has the greatest respect for WWE. However, he will not be participating in WrestleMania. He is focusing entirely on his acting career.

The irony is that the story came not from the usual unnamed source but from Rourke himself, who challenged Jericho at the SAG Awards on Sunday, saying he’d throw the pro “around the ring like a tossed salad.” The pair duked it out verbally on Larry King Live Tuesday night, with Rourke passing on a wrestling match, but trumpeting his career as a boxer. “[Wresting is] not my world, I was a professional fighter. Would I box him in a boxing ring or a bare-knuckle match? Yeah.” Jericho was not amused, and offered to fight any way, anywhere: “You offended me, and that’s the last thing you wanna do…I don’t have respect for you…I’ll be waiting.”

Some wonder if this is all just hype for the April 5th event—and who knows? By that time Rourke will know whether or not he’s won an Oscar, and can go back to making an ass out of himself in public without worrying it cost him the nod.

Related Scandalist Content: 5 Great (And 5 Horrible) Mickey Rourke Movies You Have To See

[Photo: AFP]

by (@katespencer)

Reminisce About Jessica’s Skinny Bod With Her Old Workout Vid

Do you agree with mouthy critics who have called Jessica Simpson, and her new, voluptuous bod, overweight? Then you’re sure to enjoy this top-secret workout video for the Speedfit system that Jessica made in 2005 at the urging of her dad-manager, Joe. The singer apparently showed up “tipsy” to the shoot and “was a mess” during the whole thing, prompting her and her dad to later block it from being released.

Speedfit founder Alex Astilean is suing Jess and her pop for $10 million for breaking their contract, and we would guess the recent leak of this video is somehow tied to the case. Click above to watch Jessica get confused about horses and show of the body that once was. Frankly, we like her better bigger – and silent.  [RadarOnline]

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Flashback Lunch: The Osmonds Get Crazy

Bellbottomed insanity! While the appearance of David Osmond may have had some American Idol fans groaning, we were pleasantly surprised to hear The Osmonds’ 1972 hit “Crazy Horses” at the beginning of last night’s show. The five brothers started as a milquetoast answer to the Jackson 5, but in the 70′s they briefly morphed into one hell of a rock band—”Hold Her Tight” even rips off Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song!” After the failure of their concept album about Mormonism, 1973′s The Plan, the group slid back into the usual schmaltz. But it was great while it lasted.

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Birth Dating: Who’s Older? Heather Graham Or Edward Burns?

In 2000, Boogie Nights actress Heather Graham and Brothers McMullen star/director Edward Burns were a happy couple preparing their first collaboration, Sidewalks Of New York. A year later, the movie’s release was negatively affected by the WTC bombing, and the pair had split. Both stars were born on January 29th. Which one is older?

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Idol Accepts The Lead Singer Of Osmonds Second Generation

American Idol made its most brazen semi-pro grab yet by giving David Osmond, son of former Osmonds leader Alan Osmond, a golden ticket last night. David and his brothers have been performing in stadiums worldwide as The Osmond Boys and Osmonds Second Generation for over twenty years. The group made their debut appearance on a Bob Hope TV special in the mid-’80s, going on to open for the New Kids On The Block and have a hit single, “Second Generation,” in the UK. David played the lead in a 1998 national tour of Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and with the brothers continuing to sing at the Osmond Family Theater in Branson, Missouri and in countless TV appearances for their entire natural lives.

In 2002, O2G recorded an album, I Love America, consisting of patriotic songs co-written by Senator Orrin Hatch. Just this year they performed a tribute to their grandfather on Oprah, and were joined on stage by David Archuleta at their 2nd Annual “A Family Christmas With The Osmonds Second Generation” show in Salt Lake City. Even though “these multi-talented, highly professional young men already have a strong fan-base,” according to their website—and David put out a Christian album for children, Babylight, last year—David doesn’t have a record deal per se, so he’s fair game to compete against the struggling amateurs that make up your average American Idol audition (he just squeaks by the age limit, too, having turned 29 just after the cut-off).

Check out more clips from David’s long professional career after the jump.

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Paris Hilton Likes Her Men Underage

If you can even call them “men.” “Boys” might be more appropriate. “Fetuses,” perhaps. At a Nokia launch party in London, the shy and retiring Paris Hilton grabbed any photo opportunity that came her way. Lady Gaga! Jade Jagger! And here, George Sampson, the winner of Britain’s Got Talent from last year. George has proved a huge hit in the UK with armies of 10-year-olds, after his breakdancing routine won the TV show last year. And obviously, his 15-year-old charms worked their magic on Paris, too. Ah, yes. That youthful face, baseball cap and no hint of any facial hair on a man a foot shorter than us. Lovely. [Photo: Getty Images]