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by (@katespencer)

Suri Don’t Play That

Suri Cruise is finally old enough to realize that she’s spent the last three years being flaunted like an expensive Hermes Birkin bag, and she ain’t down with that sh*t anymore. The super spawn showed off her best “Bitch, please” face while being lugged around Rio de Janeiro by robot her mom Katie Holmes. If she keeps contorting her forehead like that, she’ll need botox by the time she hits puberty.

We know Katie probably thinks she’s doing a good thing by avoiding nannies and trying to care for Suri on her own, but the kid would do better painting and playing with the hired help than shopping for new Louboutins with mommy. We’re just sayin’.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Happy Hump Day!

It’s Wednesday, and that means you’ve made it halfway through the work week and halfway to the weekend. Congrats!

Can’t live without a humping bears paperweight? Click here.

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Flashback Lunch: Grammy Awards Fashion…From Ten Years Ago

Oh, 1999. Napster would launch in June, gradually putting an end to those halycon days of albums selling tens of millions of copies, but no one could have guessed that during the 41st Annual Grammy Awards in Februrary. All the big stars were there: Missy, Madonna, J. Lo, J. Lo. Hew., Shania, Erykah and even Natalie. What…don’t you remember Natalie Imbruglia? What about Lauryn Hill? She was the big winner that night for The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill, and she still hasn’t released a studio follow-up to the album. Maybe next year!

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by (@katespencer)

Diddy Doesn’t Do Police Searches

Diddy freak-outs make our day, so we were thrilled to discover the biggest dude-diva in town had a meltdown Monday night outside club M2. Dids was there to co-host a birthday party for DJ Clue alongside Kobe Bryant, but he flipped out when he showed up at the club and discovered police searching people as they entered the hot spot. Apparently they were checking for weapons so as to protect all the big-name ballers guzzling Cristal inside (NBA stars like Lamar Odom and Vince Carter).

Diddy rolled in with a six-person crew, and went into full nervous breakdown mode on the curb. “He went nuts,” revealed a blabbermouth spy, “saying, ‘Why are you disrespecting me like this? Why are you doing this to me?’”

When the mogul reached DJ Clue via text to ask him WTF, Clue informed him that he could only enter after being searched. Diddy bailed, perhaps scared of repeating history. Afterall, he had his share of gun drama back in 1999, when he faced possession charges after his entourage – including Jennifer Lopez – was involved in a nightclub shooting.  [NYP. Photo: FilmMagic]

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Hilary Duff Makes Fun Of Faye Dunaway’s Face

Hilary Duff has every right to be pissed at Faye Dunaway right now. When Dunaway found out the Disney queen was starring in a kinda-sorta-but-legally-not-a-remake of her classic ’60s movie Bonnie & Clyde, the O.G. Bonnie cracked “couldn’t they have at least cast a real actress?” Are you saying that Lizzie McGuire wasn’t real acting, Faye? Way to support the next generation!

Not that Duff is taking the high road. When E! brought up the Dunaway dis to Duff, the former Disney doll bared her claws. “I think that my fans that are going to go see the movie don’t even know who she is, so you know…I think it was a little unnecessary, but I might be mad if I looked like that now too.” Rowr!

Watch that karma, Hil. If you look enough like Dunaway to imitate her in Allure last year, there’s no reason to think you won’t look like her when you’re older.

[Photos: WireImage]

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New York Snatches Real Live Stage Role

New York has never been shy when it comes to matters of the vagina (choice quote: “You’re a very passionate kisser. ‘Cause I felt that in other places, too.“), so news of her joining a touring company of The Vagina Monologues should come as no surprise. New York will hit the stage in Los Angeles, Dallas, Atlanta and Houston as part of the all-black production of Eve Ensler’s perennial favorite. “It’s kind of a serious actress type thingy and that’s what I’m striving to be,” said New York to the New York Post. It’s not everyday that you read the words “serious” and “thingy” in the same sentence, but there you go.

Also in the touring production is Deelishis, who as you undoubtedly haven’t forgotten, “beat” New York out for Flav’s “heart” in Flavor of Love 2. New York and Deelishis traveling together to multiple cities? We sense another poisoning coming on! [New York Post]

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Kendra: Hef Won’t Walk Me Down The Aisle

Kendra Wilkinson is getting ready for her big wedding to Hank Baskett, but the Girl Next Door has nixed the idea of having ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner walk her down the aisle. “It’s more than likely we will get married at the Mansion, but you know, I think it’s awkward for Hank to have Hef give me away. It just doesn’t make sense, because it shouldn’t be someone who’s an ex-boyfriend,” she said.

Two people who will still be in the wedding are fellow Girls Next Door Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt, who will be Kendra’s bridesmaids. Kendra recently took her fiance to check out her old stomping grounds and introduce him to her ex-sugardaddy. “Hank’s so comfortable with things now,” Kendra says. Apparently so is Hef. “We showed Hef our engagement video and Hef was so happy, he cried,” Kendra revealed.

Kendra’s post-Playboy life is worlds away from her former pampered, naked party girl lifestyle – with chores, bills to pay on her own, and praying before every meal. The soon-to-be Mrs. Baskett is documenting it all in her new E! reality show, Kendra, set to air this summer. “There’s a lot of comedy because I am on my own for the first time in my life,” she says of her new show.

Kendra, who posed naked with Holly and Bridget in Playboy, says she may never pose nude again. “If the offer came up, I would definitely have to have a big talk with Hank-and a talk with Hank’s family,” Kendra says of ever posing for her ex’s magazine again. Another big change – kids! But not any time in the immediate future. “I definitely don’t want to do it any time soon,” she said. “I don’t want to be fat for the wedding.” When she does, however, she has a big order to fill. Her soon-to-be hubby wants five kids! “Oh, man. I don’t know. That’s a lot of kids,” she says.

When not planning her wedding or focusing on her new life, Kendra says she is always watching out for her ex-boyfriend. Kendra says she likes his new girlfriends, Crystal Harris and twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon. “If they were stressing him out, you know I’d be right there on them,” Kendra warns. [Source: E!Online; Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@katespencer)

Jessica Ditches Self Cover After Belly-Gate

Scandalist had assumed that Jessica Simpson would somehow parlay her newly normal body into a series of magazine cover stories, starting with ones that celebrate her size: “Jessica: I’m Happy With My Size – And Boyfriend!” to covers that flaunt her inevitable slim down: “Jessica: “How I Lost The Weight.” But the singer is apparently bailing on a scheduled Self cover, afraid to show off her much-discussed skin.

The mag claims that scheduling is the reason she backed out of the feature, telling Access Hollywood, “Self would love for Jess to be on our cover. We’ve had discussions about it but we couldn’t find a date… she’s very busy.”

Of course, she’s very busy performing at chili cook-offs. Righttt. Jess may also be secretly trying to get back her bony frame, as she’s apparently hired a new trainer. You know what that means – in six months we’ll all be complaining about how she’s too thin.  [Photo: WireImage]

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Idol Loser Dennis Brigham Won’t Let Haters, Toilet Bring Him Down

Dennis Brigham—the animated 19-year-old who told Simon “for somebody to be so rich, your pants are very, very cheap. With that cheap, very lame shirt you’ve got on,” on last night’s American Idol—won’t let his Hollywood Week rejection take the wind out of his sails. The Chris Brown wanna-be has already posted a bunch of videos online to combat “the haters,” including this emotional rendition of “I’ll Be There” in his family’s bathroom. He may have chosen this location for the acoustics, but between his voice overloading the camera mic and the toilet visible right next to his head, we doubt it will make the judges regret their decision. Close the lid next time, dude!

After the jump, watch Brigham unsuccessfully attempt to seduce his cousin’s friends in song.

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American Idol Recap: We’re in Hollywood, baby!

In an introduction straight out of Eight Mile, Ryan tells us that these 147 American Idol hopefuls, whittled from a cast of thousands, only get one shot, one chance to show America what they’ve got. It’s Hollywood Week at Idol and that means we’ve got to seriously narrow our contestant stereotypes down – only one barefoot Earth mother, one wacky necktie guy, and one dream-following single mother can stay. On this episode, the judges eliminated 43 contestants, dozens of poor song choices were made, there was one inexplicable, sparkly fanny pack and five especially amazing moments to discuss…

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