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Courteney Cox’s Face In Airbrushing Horror

It’s not a good sign when the first thought that enters your head on seeing a magazine cover is, “Oh no! When did Courteney Cox have a stroke?” But in the latest insane example of airbrushing a stunningly beautiful celebrity to look like a bizarre feature-proof alien, that’s what the British issue of Marie Claire makes us think. Either that, or someone made her wear a coat hanger in her mouth during the photoshoot.

Shame, really, as the interview inside the mag is — as promised, for once — a pretty juicy read. Courteney admits she has had Botox, is really worried about the aging and people not finding her attractive as she gets older, plus her plans for trying to have another baby. But still, the only thing we really take away with us is that DAMN STUPID PHOTOSHOPPED MOUTH. Gah.

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Kevin Federline Stacks On Britney’s Leftover Weight

It’s January – er, “hurrah.” We’re all swearing off the booze and eating lentil soup in a double-pronged bid to save ourselves cash and lose that eight pounds we put on in chocolate weight over Christmas. Sucks. But at least some celebs will be joining us in our month of purging, or at least we hope so when we saw how much weight Kevin Federline had stacked on, too.

When did this happen? Were we so distracted by Britney ditching the Pepsi and Cheetos that we failed to notice that her ex was scooping up the leftovers in her wake? And clearly inhaling them before heading down to MaccyD’s for another little snack? But apparently, according to Kevin’s premier cheerleader, his other babymama Shar Jackson, it’s just because he’s a stay-at-home dad.

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by (@seapeaz)

A Double Shot At Love Factoids: Licky The Ikky

Instead of the usual factoid run-down, Episode 4 of A Double Shot At Love seems to merit a different kind of episode recap. Here are ten choice quotes transcribed verbatim from Episode 4. Enjoy!

1. “Walk on water. My last name is Lord and walking on water sort of runs in the family.” -Trevor
2. “Tonight we’re going to karaoke or like we like to say…Ikki-oke!” -Ikki Twins
3. “It’s kinda bothers me that Vikki is making out with Josh so much, like I know she has a connection with him, but she’s not allowing me to build one with him myself.” -Rikki
4. “I’m just really trying to get to know everybody by talking to them, but I think Vikki is trying to connect with them by making out with them all.” -Rikki
5. “Ready, set…lick! Focus on my nipples!” -Ikki Twin
6. “I went after that boob so hard I just cut my lip open.” -Scott
7. “Rebekah kicked ass. She’s kinda a boob girl, I was the vadge guy so with our powers combined we were kicking butt.” -Josh
8. “My tongue’s just raw at this point, but we weren’t giving up. -Trevor
9. “We got the lick-it ticket!” -Xoe
10. “I speak for Rikki and I when I say I honestly think the loves of our lives are in this group.” -Vikki

[Photo: MTV]

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Check out an exclusive clip after the jump.

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5 Great (And 5 Horrible) Mickey Rourke Movies You Have To See

Critics are calling Mickey Rourke‘s titular performance in The Wrestler an Oscar front-runner—and easily his best in over twenty years. What this really means is that it’s been that long since the sleazy loudmouth made a movie that film critics could even blink at. In the gallery, we recommend ten films of wildly varying quality that will help the curious understand how a new Marlon Brando quickly became the (very) poor man’s Bruce Willis—and why everyone’s excited for his comeback.

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Birth Dating: Who’s Older? Kate Bosworth Or Paz Vega?

Kate Bosworth made her mark as a competitive surfer in 2002′s Blue Crush before appearing in such films as Superman Returns and 21. Paz Vega broke out in 2004′s Spanglish, hopping between foreign movies and Hollywood fare like The Spirit since. Both actresses were born on January 2nd, but which one is older?

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A Look Back At Who’s Legal: 10 Stars Who Turned 18 In ’08

With hot young stars getting younger and younger, it’s worth knowing which ones you can be attracted to without committing a mental felony. While Miley Cyrus is still off-limits, Vanessa Hudgens is fair game. Fantasize about the Michael Cera of Superbad all you want, but crush on the guy circa Arrested Development and we’re going to have to call Dateline NBC. To help your imagination stay more Woody Allen than Roman Polanski, here’s the names of ten young stars who lost their jailbait status in 2008. Only one more year, Jamie Lynn Spears fans!

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[Photos: Getty/WireImage]

by (@katespencer)

10 Celebrity Resolutions We’re Desperate To See in ’09

As we embark on our journey into 2009, celebrities everywhere are offering up their lame ‘resolutions’ to newspapers and tabloids. Answers like “work out more!” and “stop biting my nails” are offered up, when really there are graver issues that should be addressed as they ring in the New Year. You know: cameltoe, girl-on-girl make out sessions for publicity, shopping without a bra – the big stuff. Since celebs are so reticent to offer up real change, Scandalist has kindly suggested some resolutions we think they’d be wise to consider. Click on the pics to start the countdown, and maybe after the ball drops they’ll rethink their vows for the new year. Happy 2009 everyone! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Beyonce & Jay-Z: Crazy In Love

Is it just us? Or do Beyonce and Jay-Z look like the happiest couple ever? Together since 2002, the two finally tied the knot in April — and that “honeymoon glow” still hasn’t worn off. Spending the holidays on a $200,000-a-week yacht near St. Barts in the Caribbean, the stars couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

We’d like to throw out some school yard cliches (like “All aboard The Love Boat” or “Beyonce rides more than a jet-ski”) about their fairy-tale romance, but Beyonce and Jay-Z are almost too cute to make fun of. [Photos: Splash News Online]

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Citizen Scandal: Elderly Woman Grabs Trespassing Dick By The Balls

An 88-year-old woman was shocked to find a naked man—the aptly named Michael Dick—in her house yesterday. He refused to leave upon request, and pushed her face into a chair. Worried for her safety, the woman reached around and squeezed Dick’s testicles until he released her, bolting out the screen door from which he had entered. Police arrested the 46-year-old man for burglary, harassment and private indecency, with more charges potentially pending.

While we understand why the above video doesn’t feature the woman’s face, they might have considered showing her in silhouette rather than keeping the camera on her hands as she describes yanking the guy’s nuts. We don’t need any help visualizing, guys.

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Ten Reasons Roland Burris Is Awesome

  • Roland Burris was the first African-American elected to state office in Illinois, serving as Comptroller from 1979 to 1991, and Attorney General from 1991 to 1995 (the second African-American state Attorney General in U.S. history).
  • Burris ran unsuccessfully for governor of Illinois in 1994, 1998 and 2002, losing in the latter election to Rod Blagojevich.
  • Blagojevich has appointed Burris to Barack Obama’s Senate seat despite controversy over the Illinois governor’s attempts to sell it. Burris has accepted the appointment, knowing that Senate Democrats will probably not seat him, due to Blagojevich’s pending trial.
  • Burris has built a mausoleum for him and his wife, listing their many accomplishments and topped by the phrase “TRAIL BLAZER.”
  • His children are named Roland II and Rolanda Sue.

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