Animals

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The 37 Greatest Michelle Collins Posts Of All Time

When Michelle Collins left BWE several months ago, she compiled this list of her favorite posts of all time. In honor of BWE’s final week, we’ve reposted this handy guide in case you find yourself suffering from BWEthdrawal in the coming weeks and wish to peruse some bona fide literary classics. She also would like us to clarify that she did not write the title of this post. Take it away, Michelle:

Well, my time at Best Week Ever is coming to a close. But before I go, here are 37 things I am proud to have done over the last 6 years. Please note that putting this list together has given me life-altering anxiety this week because I can’t believe it’s over! So, presenting THE FINAL COUNTDOWN: 37 Things I Did For Best Week Ever:

37. Fell In Love With Knut. Met Him. Then Mourned Him.

Our journey with Knut was a deep one. We fell in love with the little scamp from birth, as did the other 1000 billion people living in China and beyond. But, like a little Lindsay Lohan except not quite as pale, the attention got to little Knuty, right around the time he started growing up into a less small, way filthy dirtier full grown polar bear.

I was one of the millions to go to Berlin and meet Knut. He was huge, navy brown, and depressed. Nearly a year later to the day, poor baby Knut passed away. And we gave you 50 photos to remember him by. I just hope his girlfriend from Stuttgart is OK.

36. Wasn’t Discovered At Planet Hollywood

You’ve heard the story a million times: Small town girl takes the bus to Planet Hollywood with big dreams, but leaves older, wiser, broken, with nary a single cement handprint plaque to her name. This is the story of how I found out I wasn’t cut out for the celebrity-owned restaurant industry.

Read: Planet Hollywood… 17 Years Later

Read more…

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The 20 Most Adorable Animal Lists Of All Time

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In honor of Bestweekever.tv’s final week, we’ve put together the following mega-list of BWE’s 20 Greatest Animal Lists Of All Time. We hope you find it useful, adorable, and “Whooooseeagoodpuppy!” yelling-at-your-screen-inducing. Meow! (Cat for “Enjoy!):

Browse through our gallery to get a dose of cuteness!

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Who Needs The Triple Crown When We Have “Horses’ Day Off”?

Horses Day Off

I’ll Have Another, the horse that won both the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness, officially withdrew from the Belmont Stakes for precautionary reasons, ending his bid to be the sport’s first Triple Crown winner in 34 years.

On the plus side, I’ll Have Another is officially now retired, and his fellow horses took him out for a night on the town to cheer him up. I don’t know how or why this video exists, but it is outstanding:

by (@hallekiefer)

We Are All This Tiny Pig Diving Into A Bowl Of Oatmeal

Haven’t you ever wanted something so bad, you’d risk almost certain death to get it? And by “certain death,” I mean walking down stairs, which is somewhat difficult since you’re approximately the size of a shoe? And by “it,” I mean a bowl of what appears to be plain oatmeal?

Of course you have; we’ve all been there. The only question is, are you ready to take that leap? Get your hands dirty? And by “hands,” I mean hooves, since like this little guy we’re all adorable piglets leaping into a paper bowl filled with hot oats. Leap on, teeny human pigs! No one can keep you from your oaty dreams!

(Jezebel)

by (@hallekiefer)

Meet Garfield, Meow’s Successor To The Hyper Obese Cat Throne

Hope you guys are into cat-related news! If not, you are not going to like BWE today. Or the rest of the internet, ever. Assuming the title of “World’s Fattest Cat People Know About” from the late, great Meow, 40 lb feline Garfield was brought to the North Shore Animal League after his owner passed away, most likely from having all his food consumed by his giant monster pet.

In all seriousness though, shelter employees now have Garfield on a dry cat chow diet in order to counteract his people food diet. Yeah, Garfield  must have eaten ate lasagna all day! Haha, just kidding. He definitely would have died. Plus, who’s getting up every day and making that many lasagnas to feed an shockingly overweight cat? Just seems like kind of a waste if you ask me…

(Buzzfeed)

by (@hallekiefer)

Guys? Clumsy Soccer-Playing Baby Elephants Are The Best Kind Of Baby Elephants

Just when you think this soccer-playing baby elephant couldn’t get any cuter, she starts faceplanting all over the place. Way to up your cute game, baby elephant! No, I’m not saying it wouldn’t be impressive if this baby elephant was actually incredibly good at soccer. It would be exceedingly impressive! In fact, an extremely talented baby elephant soccer player might technically be a miracle or an abomination or some such. But in that scenario, we’d miss out on all the silly falling down, and that is just not what I’m looking for in a baby elephant. Sorry.

(People)

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EWE BLOOD: Alexander Skarsgard Holds A Baby Lamb

Yyyyyep. Bullett just did a profile on True Blood and Battleship star Alexander Skarsgård which included a photo of the actor HOLDING A BABY LAMB. It requires, and will receive, no further elaboration.
(Click for Full Size):
Alexander Skarsgard Lamb

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Although to be fair, Skarz, how adorable would you really be if you put the lamb down? Aha. Still very adorable. I see. Carry On, then. “On” is short for “One With A Buncha Wool,” which is the lamb’s name, and I am telling you to literally resume carry it.

(Thanks, @laurenkaye!)

by (@hallekiefer)

These Monkeys Are Going To Need To Practice With These Synthesizers For At Least 999 More Years

This monkey/synth test and/or commercial hardly seems fair. First of all, half those little guys ain’t even monkeys. A lemur? Oh my god, no. Second of all, everyone know that monkeys learn on such a steep learning curve, it’s going to take them 1,000 years to craft out some decent tunes, let along those next level beats we crave. I infer it’ll take at least that long since a synthesizer is basically a typewriter that makes beeps and boops, right? Of course, that then begs the question, who is the Shakespeare of synth? Kraftwerk, maybe? It’s definitely not these monkeys!

(Buzzfeed)

by (@hallekiefer)

Hugging Cat: The Next Step In Cat Technology

Cats have a reputation for being standoffish little teddy bears, happy to watch you choke to death on a toaster strudel then use your face as a day bed. But a cat that hugs? My god, now we’re finally getting somewhere. If only our nation’s scientists can tackle the numerous other Cat Flaws that plague our modern pets, like:

  • Throwing up perfectly good food for no reason.
  • Having needles on the end of their paws/in their mouths.
  • Being made out of dust and hair that closes off some people’s lungs.
  • The whole…pooping-in-a-box situation

You’ve filled America’s hearts with hope, Hugging Cat. Your kind be wearing little tuxedos and riding around in our baby carriages yet!

(Jezebel)

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Three-Headed Giraffe Hopefully Involved In Game Of Thrones Finale

Egads, the LEGENDS WERE TRUE – behold, the mythical THREE-HEADED GIRAFFE:

Three Headed Giraffe

Ah, it’s just three giraffes standing together in an improbable way. Or is that just EXACTLY WHAT THE GIRAFFE-HYDRA WANTS US TO THINK BEFORE IT STRIKES WITH ITS POISONOUS RAZORTEETH AND TURNS ALL OF HUMANITY INTO ITS REALLY-HIGH-UP LEAVES?????

It’s just like the movie Congo! Wasn’t there a three-headed giraffe in Congo? No? That movie was so haphazard I probably wouldn’t have noticed when I watched it on HBO seven times every afternoon during summer vacation. “Stop eating my sesame cake, three-headed-giraffe!” is a line from the movie that was cut.

Anyway: Three giraffes, almost as cool. Also they all have snakes for tails, you just can’t see it in this pic.

(pic via Splash News)