Celebrity

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Coffin Company Offers Zsa Zsa Gabor Free Golden Casket When She Dies

Rarely does one story so perfectly encapsulate everything I hate about the internet, marketing, celebrity, and all other aspects of humankind (up to and including ornithology), but this story just about sums up badness:

Ailing film star Zsa Zsa Gabor, who has just had her leg amputated, has been offered a golden coffin worth $40,000 to house her when she dies.

The coffin-making company, The Golden Casket, sent a letter to Zsa Zsa’s publicist asking if the 93-year-old would like one of the caskets as a gift – despite the fact she is not yet dead.

Ahh, viral marketing meets legless 90-year-old celebrity meets elegance meets us seeing it and increasing our subconscious desire for the world to end. Everything about this story is so simultaneously ridiculous, exhausting, and pointless, I’m not going to finish this list-style sentence I just started.

Gonna spend my evening kicking back with some whiskey and watching the Possessed Demon Fish vid and coming back fresh tomorrow for another day of internetting.

(via Splash News)

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The One Person Pony Dance Party Super Cut

The song Pony by Ginuwine has a different meaning for everyone. Well, it has the same meaning for everyone in that it is very definitely about sex perhaps with or perhaps without a pony, but beyond that, it probably takes you back to the time and place you most associate with that song. For you, that time and place might be when you were a kid riding in a car with your older sibling. Or perhaps you most associate Pony with sitting on your couch watching MTV during your teens.

For me, this can only bring back memories of Bar Mitzvah parties from late 1996 to early 1997. Every Bar Mitzvah party required that this song and the “I like the way you work it — no dignity” song be played at least once. Sometimes twice. “Very interesting fact about your experiences at Bar Mitzvah parties, Noah!” – All of you.

The people below, however, have a different experience with Pony than you or I. For these people, this song is loneliness. This song is desperation. This is the song that plays in their head and on their stereo as they cry out for attention from the one person for whom they feel comfortable making personal dance videos.

Thanks, The High Definite.

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Sad Keanu, Meet Sad Koala

Sad Koala is a thing now. Sad Keanu was already a thing. It’s only fair that the internet produce a picture of Sad Keanu and Sad Koala hanging out together, saddin’ it up:

Handywork courtesy of Pete Schultz, although I don’t believe we actually made the Photoshop so much as the Photoshop made us. – Malcom X, if he were alive today and involved in way more trivial things.

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Just Some Regular Kids Playing With Their SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS

The thing that really makes an action figure style toy fun to play with is how versatile it is. Action figures should have numerous points of articulation so that you can most accurately recreate a man flip kicking over some kind of hastily built Lego tower. That is, of course, unless your toy is both very large and also a major show-business award.

These guys are Rico Rodriguez and Nolan Gould who both won SAG awards for being part of the Modern Family cast. And they are playing with their awards like toys. As they should. Good job being kids, guys.

Really quickly though, I think we should take a moment to complain about McDonald’s toys. Remember how whenever they made an action figure, none of the parts would move? What is that? It’s not a toy if you can’t move the arms or legs on your dude. It’s just a tiny crappy statue. No one wants that unless it is also an award.  And I saw on the news that every kid is fat now, so that seems to be a problem too. Boos all the way around, McDonald’s. See you at lunch time.

Thanks, Buzzfeed.

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Ricky Gervais Asked To Host Golden Globes Again, Despite “The Tourist Is Bad” Controversy

Despite RIcky Gervais’ WAY over the line Golden Globe jokes about The Tourist being bad and Robert Downey Jr. having used drugs before, Gervais has reportedly been asked to host the award show again next year:

Brit Ricky Gervais says he has been asked to present the Golden Globe Awards for the third year in a row, but is not sure he could do a better job than this year’s controversial performance, it was widely reported Tuesday…

But writing in UK entertainment magazine Heat this week, Gervais said: “The ratings went up again, and the organizers asked me to consider a third year.”

“[But] I don’t think I should. I don’t know what I could do better. I certainly couldn’t get more press for them, that’s for sure,” he added.

I would say “Nice job Globes, way to get over it and realize what’s good for you,” but 1) Gervais doesn’t sound like he wants to do it, and 2) Clearly the decision was motivated by the Globes ratings increasing for a second straight year and the prospects of another ratings spike if Gervais returned after his last publicity-generating stint, not anything altruistic like “He was pretty funny.”

So basically, this isn’t television taking an unexpected risky stab, it’s just business as usual. Let’s just hope that if Gervais doesn’t come back, they can still find a host with the absolute gall to poke fun at a roomful of billionaires giving themselves awards for pretending to do sh*t.

by (@unclegrambo)

SNL Power Rankings: Jesse Eisenberg Underwhelms (And We Mean That As A Compliment!)

If I asked you to rattle off a list of actors that you think are hilarious, it would probably take you a long time to drop Jesse Eisenberg’s name. Now, that’s not because Eisenberg isn’t a really strong comedic actor (because he is!); rather, it’s that his mannerisms and delivery are often created with the intent to underwhelm. By that, I mean his wiry frame and nervous energy don’t immediate bowl you over with laughter like comedians with tremendous physical chops or extreme levels of charisma and confidence. Instead, he relies on blending awkwardness with intelligence in order to sell his material.

So, how does someone whose comedic tendencies lean towards the understated perform as host of Saturday Night Live? Quite well, in fact! Seth Meyers and Lorne Michaels made a wise decision and played to Eisenberg’s strengths; throughout the evening, he played a variety of sexually immature teens and physically slight characters, all to great effect. Unlike, say, Jim Carrey, Eisenberg was content to let the hilarious cast lead the way and support the material however necessary. He proved himself to be quite adept at selling small jokes, even if he didn’t have any truly memorable performances.

Speaking of (not so) memorable performances, why did Nicki Minaj lip-sync the choruses of both the songs she performed “live” on Saturday night? Can she not hit those notes in a live setting? We’ll let you guys hash that out in the comments but, for now, let’s get into how the cast performed this week with our SNL Power Rankings.

Read more…

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GUESS THE BULGE: I Was In The Pool! Yeah… Pool.

To be fair, it was probably a single degree outside when this actor decided to go for a run wearing a neoprene scuba costume. Considering the circumcisionsstances, he is packin.

So, can you Guess The Bulge?? Some hints: It’s a very Brooklyn bulge, belonging to an actor, and yes, that bulge has a ring on it.

Read more…

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Gallagher Lifts Car With Helicopter Because Traffic

When I used to see Gallagher on TV when I was a kid, I was always like, “Oh! The watermelon comedian!” But after years of him being insane and looking the way he does, I now see him and immediately think, “Oh! The Vietnam War veteran!” What I’m trying to say is that I’m pretty sure Gallagher went back in time, served in Vietnam, and then came back to the present day to continue being a lunatic.

Here is a comedy bit (is it a comedy bit?) where Gallagher suggests evacuating stalled cars from traffic jams by way of a helicopter. Seems efficient!

You alright, Gallagher? Are your flashbacks too haunting?

Thanks @EugeneMirman.

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Al Pacino Arrives At Airport, Wears Completely Normal Number Of Jackets

Al Pacino arrived at JFK airport at some time from some place with some number of jackets.

“Oh, I never check my jackets. I only fly with carry-on jackets.” – Probably Al Pacino.

“I always make sure I have a third jacket in case my first two jackets get cold.” – Probably Al Pacino again because there is no way he is able to talk about anything not related to explaining the number of jackets he is wearing.

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Natalie Portman Unveils Chic Maternity Burka

Here is Natalie Portman and her Hot as Sh*t Boyfriend Benjamin Millepied walking around a snow-drenched New York City. At least, we think that’s 1 inch of Natalie peeking out from behind that winter maternity burka she’s sporting. No judgments here, however, as I too am sporting a maternity burka at the moment and I haven’t been pregnant for years. (I’ve never been pregnant.)

[Photo: Splash News]