Lindsay Lohan Shows Up To Court As Bizzaro Robert Palmer Girl

You’re gonna have to face it: She’s addicted to CRIME.

Here is your Lindsay Lohan, America. Sober? Maybe. But still freckled-knee deep in trouble. She showed up to a Santa Monica courtroom a few minutes ago dress in the above get-up, which can only be described as one of Robert Palmer’s angels up in heaven where he surely lives. Lindsay is facing felony theft charges for walking out of a Los Angeles store with a necklace worth over $2,500 around her neck.

Can someone get the guy who ran the hotel in Pretty Woman to call up his friend who guesses ladies dress sizes with a single glance to take Lindsay under her wing and get her in an appropriate brown-with-white-polka-dot dress IMMEDIATELY?

More pics of Lindsay ahead. That dress will surely have cheetoh-like spray-tan marks on the inside in about 15 minutes time.

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by (@unclegrambo)

SNL Power Rankings: Dana Carvey’s Episode Is Party Time, Excellent

When I first heard that Dana Carvey was going to be hosting an episode of Saturday Night Live — in the year 2011 (!!!), no less! — I immediately began concocting a list of excuses that could get me out of watching the episode. After all, in the 17 years or so since Carvey left the hallowed halls of Studio 8H, he had seemingly morphed from one of the greatest sketch performers of all-time to battling Robin Williams for the title of World’s Most Annoying Talk Show Guest™. Sadly for me, the best excuse I could come up with was “The dog ate my iPad,” an excuse I realized wouldn’t really hold water due to the fact that I don’t actually own an iPad. So somewhat begrudgingly, I flipped on the telly on Sunday morning and fired up my DVR.

As I sat down on my couch, fired up the coffee machine and popped a couple of Advil, who did I see on my screen? Why, that’s Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar, quite possibly the most iconic duo in Saturday Night Live history! Even better, the two were instantly in sync and appeared as if they hadn’t missed a beat since the last time they appeared on the show way back on November 20, 1993. Much to his credit, Carvey was able to keep that momentum and spirit cruising through the entire 90 minute show, revisiting both old characters (Regis, The Church Lady, Mickey Rooney) AND launching some highly likable new ones (specifically, one half of the eighties-tastic musical duo, The Fingerlings). Call me a sucker for nostalgia if you must, but this episode was one of my favorites in a long, long time.

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Five People Who Should Be Super Bowl Baby Face Smushed

Earlier today, I posted about the Homeaway.com Super Bowl commercial that featured a baby being catapulted against a window and then sliding down that window cartoon style. Shortly after that, I discovered that you can go to the Homeaway.com website and insert whatever face you went to be window smushed.

I now present to you GIFs of five people who are more deserving of being face smushed than a baby or even a test baby (in the commercial, they say the smushed baby is a “test baby.” Okay.) SPOILER ALERT: Two of these people are in the Black Eyed Peas.

Click on the images to make the GIFs play.

1.) Will.I.Am: Because he participated in the Super Bowl Half Time Show

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Debate: Is Mark Feuerstein Too Famous To Work On His Laptop In A Coffee Shop?

This is Mark Feuerstein typing on his laptop at a coffee shop in Los Angeles.

You might not know Mark Feuerstein by name, but you know that face. “Decent Looking Jew Face Guy” may or may not what you call him in your head. He’s the guy from USA’s Royal Pains, which you have never ever watched, but he’s been in a whole lot of stuff that you have watched. What exactly? I don’t know off the top of my head, and you probably don’t either, but he’s definitely in things.

So, this all brings us to the question: Is Mark Feuerstein too famous to bring his laptop to a coffee shop just to casually do some work? He is on a USA show that seems to be doing pretty well, which you would think would automatically qualify him as too famous for coffee shop laptopping. But, then again, the guy from Burn Notice, which is also on USA, is clearly unfamous enough to coffee shop laptop it. This is a close one. What do you guys think? Mark Feuerstein looks like he’s pretty on the fence about it.

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Another episode of Kids React To Viral Videos

There is an ongoing series of videos by The Fine Brothers called Kids React To Viral Videos. This is the 5th episode of that series. It’s the same thing every time. It’s just little kids watching viral videos and then talking about them. AND IT’S GREAT! It makes you feel the same way a Pixar movie does, but without the hundreds of millions of dollars it takes to make them. Sorry, computer animated fish/insects/cars/toys. You’ve been undermined.

Okay, quickly we’ll run through the best moments. “I don’t really get into politics considering that I’m ten.” F*cking fantastic. William nails it every time. And then seeing identical twins disagree about whether or not an internet video is funny… why wasn’t the parent trap just about that? It’s so good.

Now for an updated rundown of who the kids look like. Grant still looks like Grant Imahara from Mythbusters. So there’s that. And Zach still looks like Bill Maher, but on this episode I’m getting more of a Julian Assange vibe. Anyone else feeling that? And then there’s Lia who… Whoops! Nope, we can’t talk about Lia without getting very deservedly arrested. That girl makes me Early-Harry-Potter-Hermione uncomfortable. Oh, hold on, I have to get the door. Yup, it’s the police. Let me take care of this, and I’ll be right back in five to ten years.


Get Ready For The Gayest Spiderman Yet!

Love Spiderman, but wish he was gayer? Good news: Shots from the new Spiderman 4 sequel have arrived, and they pretty much don’t get gayer than this!

Here is Andrew Garfield getting up close and personal with some sort of “bad guy.” Unless the movie is called Spiderman 4: No Homo, this is pretty much the g-est superhero movie still we’ve ever seen. i.e. This will be the greatest movie.

But can you really blame the guy? CHECK OUT DAT ASS:

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10 Black Actors Who Should Be Superman

This week, we learned that handsome British Tudors actor Henry Cavill would be portraying Superman in the upcoming installment of the franchise. Which is all well and good but so expected. Cavill is tall, handsome, British, and also one of the whitest sons a bitches we ever laid eyes on. Which is when we realized: Why does Superman have to be white? I’m pretty sure the world is ready and in fact desperate for a Black Superman.

Here are 10 actors who could pull it off:

10. Isaiah Mustafa, aka “The Old Spice Guy”

Perhaps no commercial spokesperson caused as big of a ladyparts tidal wave as Isaiah, who shot to stardom as the Old Spice Guy, aka Hot Man With Abs On Horse. Sure, he just signed a major talent deal with NBC, but still, we’re sure everyone would find time in their schedule for him to play the world’s most famous superhero. And hooray! Isaiah is a self-described comic book fan! The more we think about it, the more furious we get that he hasn’t already been cast as a major superhero.

9. Jesse Williams

Oh, Dr. Jackson Avery, he of Grey’s Anatomy, with the eyes that could slice through steel. He’s like Jude Law, minus all that sh*tty smarm. (JK Jude, we <3 you.) He's hot, he's smart, he's ripped. What else is there?

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5 Questions About The Tila Tequila Sex Tape

Here’s the DVD cover for Tila Tequila Uncorked, the sex tape that Tila Tequila DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SEE!

When I don’t want people to see something, what I do is, I film all of it, but I do not release that film then really hope someone else doesn’t release that film. If there’s an easier way to have people not see something that I do not want them to see, then please explain that way to me so I can film your suggestion and not release it.

Nevertheless, I have a couple questions about the tape itself (posted along with obligatory NSFW Tila still):

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