To be fair, Taco Bell was clearly already screwing around with the Doritos Taco and with their last seven menu items before that, but keeping with their ongoing tradition of new items that make you say “Hahaha, really?? Of course I’ll take one,” Taco Bells in Southern California have begun offering the new “Mountain Dew A.M.”, a breakfast-time concoction of Mountain Dew and orange juice:
My first reaction? What I just absolutely, positively, cannot believe, is that THESE PRODUCTS KEEP ONLY COMING TO CALIFORNIA FIRST. Come on, Taco Bell! Help us out over here! I live in NEW YORK CITY and I had to wait a year to get the Doritos taco, and now I can’t get one of your Mountain Dew AMs? (Also the thing itself is ridiculous but I can super-believe that part.)
Guess I’ll have to move to LA after all, unless I can figure out the recipe on my own. Hmmm…maybe, a hint of coriander?
(via Laughing Squid; pic via Allen Jacoby)
Look at that sludgy goo go! Ready your fried potato bits and various salty meats for MIT’s LiquiGlide, “a ‘super-slippery’ coating which makes the insides of the bottle so frictionless that the sludgy goo inside just slides out like water.” Thank god! Ketchup basically is my water at this point. I eat so much ketchup, sometimes I look down and realize that the substance I thought I was drinking isn’t water after all, but actually a tall glass of ketchup. Now I can shave seconds off my ketchup consumption. Thank you, science! If you could work on some kind of cure for my diabetes next, that would be banging!
I have nothing to add to these fake menus for a restaurant called “FUDS” – this may just be the funniest thing I have ever seen. Click the pic below to check it out (language NSFW):
Seriously, check it out now. I have nothing else to add, it’s perfect.
If there’s one thing we here on the internet can’t get enough of, it’s THINGS turned into OTHER THINGS. For example: Office Space…Laser rice? DONE. Photo. Internet. We all have some laughs.
Today’s excellent “thing as a thing” is a birthday cake made in the shape of Oklahoma City Thunder guard James Harden’s head, and it’s great:
Is it bad luck to turn your face into a cake in the middle of the playoffs, or am I thinking of pies? Never mind, I’m thinking of pies. I’m always thinking of pies. I want some pie.
(via Ball Don’t Lie)
Sam J. Porcello, the Nabisco scientist credited with inventing Oreo filling and earning himself the nickname “Mr. Oreo”, has passed away at his home in New Jersey at the age of 76. Needless to say, we owe this man more personal gratitude than, give or take, just about every other human who’s ever lived (is that an exaggeration? He’s at least Top-5).
In honor of Porcello’s passing, here are 10 sad cookies paying their respects to Mr. Oreo for his immeasurable contribution to cookie-dom:
Orange County area Carl’s Juniors have begun circulating a new test item – a hamburger-shaped combination of ice cream ‘meat’, sugar cookie ‘buns’, and ‘ketchup and mustard’ icing, known as the “Brrrger”, which is either a pun on the coldness of the burger or it’s just Fabio from Top Chef saying “burger”:
Well, obviously I want one of these, but I also want every burger and/or every ice cream thing in my field of vision at all times, so I’m not sure that counts as an endorsement so much as just ‘seeing a thing’.
On second thought, the concept is maybe a little gross? On third thought, I want it again.
(Foodbeast, via HuffPo)
We all know America is lagging way behind other developed nations in math and sciences, but what if there was a simple way to fix that? What if there was a delicious way to fix that? Can you imagine how much biology and geometry our kids will want to learn if their lessons come slathered in butter and maple syrup? Come on, everyone! Pancake savant Nathan Shields has show us the way! Let’s make America the country of obese hyper-geniuses it was always meant to be!
Then we can engineer pancake organs for ourselves and cut out the middle man entirely. Pancake Future is the only future!
[Photo: Nathan Shields via I Heart Chaos]
Here’s a video of Jon Gabrus, improver extraordinaire and MTV’s The Substitute, traveling almost 7,000 miles to Dubai just to sample one of the new Pizza Hut “Crown Crust” Cheeseburger-Stuffed Pizzas, which are currently only available in the Middle East. It seems counterproductive to leave the U.S. in search of cartoonishly fattening food, but on the other hand, one could argue that the pointlessly-indulgent trip itself mirrors the pointless indulgence of the crown-shaped pizza in question, so in a way it makes perfect sense.
The whole experience calls to mind the immortal words of one Lionel Hutz: “Homer, I don’t use the word ‘hero’ very often. But you…are the greatest hero…in American history.”
(via Jeff Rubin)
Pizza Hut Middle East just unveiled the new “Crown Crust Pizza,” a pizza with a crust made of miniature detachable cheeseburgers (way to out-U.S. the U.S., you guys). The name refers to the pizza’s crown-like shape, as well as the fact that this is the exact thing most of us would demand to be served to us constantly if we were medieval kings.
Here’s the ad for the Cheeseburger Crown Crust Pizza, starring “Guy who thinks ordering a cheeseburger at Pizza Hut is going to be super hilarious then gets embarrassed”:
And here’s the even more stupidly-mouth-watering ad for the Chicken-Nugget-Filled Crown Crust Pizza, starring the oddly similar “Guy who thinks ordering a chicken filet at Pizza Hut is going to be super hilarious then gets embarrassed yet again”:
Standardized tests are often littered with debatably-confusing questions (for example, Math. Get some words, Math!), but the following reading comprehension question from a New York state 8th grade exam is so unbelievably incomprehensible, it’s kind of funny (except for the fact that it’s determining our childrens’ futures to a degree, which makes it even funnier.)
Basically, it’s the story of a talking pineapple who challenges a hare to a footrace to win a ninja and some toothpaste, but the crow thinks it’s a trick and the moose thinks the pineapple doesn’t have sleeves. You know, school.
Read the full ‘Pinapple & The Hare’ question below, and prepare to say “huh?” 30-40 times: