In Odder News…

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This Identical “Scream” Print Can Be Yours For Just $200!

Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” – the famous century-old painting based on the mask from the Scream movies – sold at auction this week for a record $120 million, topping the previous record for most expensive painting (Picasso’s “Nude, Green Leaves, and Bust”) by more than $10 million.

If you missed out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to purchase this iconic painting, don’t worry! We at BWE can offer you this EXCLUSIVE PRINT of “The Scream” – which is identical to the original painting in appearance, composition and texture – for just $200:

Amazing, right? Just Tweet me your money and I’ll print some of these out and mail ‘em to you. Also send another $50 for taxes. FIRST TEN THOUSAND CUSTOMERS ONLY, so RESPOND NOW and turn your boring home into a “Screamatorium!”

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The Tanning Mom Speaks Out Again With An Explanation As Clear As Her Skin

Extremely tan mom Patricia Krentcil scorched the internet yesterday after her story about bringing her 5-year-old to a tanning salon went viral.

After her daughter showed up to school with a sunburn, the New Jersey mom defended herself, saying that she did bring her daughter to the tanning salon but she didn’t go into a tanning bed, and the sunburn was caused unrelatedly.

Today, the tanning mom (aka, comedian Giulia Rozzi) clarified her comments, and perfectly explained the rational story behind her daughter’s sunburn and their trip to the salon. This should clear everything up, both skin-wise and truth-wise:

(via Strollerderby)

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Sex Robots Will Exist By 2050, Sooner If That Federal Sexbot Grant Goes Through

Sex Robots 2050

A new report from a university in New Zealand suggests that fully-functional “Sex Robots” may be commonplace by the year 2050, thus radically changing the sex-service industry and theoretically cutting down on STD transmissions and worldwide sex slavery. But can robots ever truly grasp the nuances of human ‘making noises that sound appropriate so we can both get this over with in a reasonable amount of time?’ I guess that’ll take 38 more years to perfect.

Here’s Mashable’s report on the sexbots, including some compelling evidentiary footage from Austin Powers. I just don’t know why we have to wait 30 more years to invent something that the intro to HBO’s Perversions Of Science already perfected in the late 90s. Is this another shady “Electric Car” scenario? DON’T LET INNOVATION BE CRUSHED BY BIG HUMANSEX!!!

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Dentist Removes All Of Her Ex-Boyfriend’s Teeth In Possible Slight Overreaction

A dentist in Wroclaw, Poland is facing up to three years in prison for removing all of her ex-boyfriend’s teeth when he came to her practice with a routine toothache:

“I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions. “But when I saw him lying there I just thought, ‘What a bastard’ and decided to take all his teeth out,” she admitted.

Toothless cabbie Marek said: “She told me my mouth was numb and I wouldn’t be able to feel anything for a while and that the bandage was there to protect the gums, but that I would need to see a specialist.

“I didn’t have any reason to doubt her, I mean I thought she was a professional. But when I got home I looked in the mirror and couldn’t f***ing believe it. The b**ch had emptied my mouth.”

Sure, this might seem a bit extreme, but who among us HASN’T wanted to remove all of an exes’ teeth after they left us for another woman/man? Actually, come to think of it, I’ve never even come close to thinking that. That’s insane, even by “exaggerated jealousy” standards. I was just trying to blindly devil’s advocate her case, because it IS a little funny, even if my teeth also just got pulled out as I was typing this for improperly devil’s advocating her case.

Congratulations, Wroclaw, Poland! You now know how f***ed up a thing you have to do for the internet to notice!

(Arbroath via Gawker)

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Spoon Grandma Covers The Black Keys On Spoons ‘Cause Spooners Gonna Spoon

Here’s a video of an Australian spoon-playing grandma doing a spoon-tacular cover of The Black Keys’ song “Lonely Boy (Gonna Make U Spoon)”. That parenthetical isn’t part of the original song title, but she made it appear by spooning so spoontacularly.

She spends the first 45 seconds of the video surrounded by kangaroos, but that’s only because all Australians are constantly surrounded by gangs of kangaroos at all times (I used to room with an Australian dude and every morning I’d be like “good morning, my girlfriend!” and she would roll over and it was just a kangaroo and I’d go “c’mon, Roo!”)

Also, her name is Deb “Spoons” Perry, which is exactly what you want it to be:

Cool – can I also request a cover of Soundgarden’s “Spoonman”? Ahhhh, Deb “Spoons” Perry must get that all the time, never mind. Do “Blackhole Sun”.

(via Dlisted)

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Swiss Woman Living Entirely On Sunlight Dies Somehow



A woman in Switzerland has died after attempting to live on a “sunlight diet,” possibly because she didn’t get enough sunlight:

Swiss newspaper Tages-Anzeiger reports that a woman starved to death after embarking on a spiritual diet that required her to stop eating or drinking and live off sunlight alone.

The Zurich newspaper reported Wednesday that the unnamed Swiss woman in her fifties decided to follow the radical fast in 2010 after viewing an Austrian documentary about an Indian guru who claims to have lived this way for 70 years.

Tages-Anzeiger says there have been similar cases of self-starvation in Germany, Britain and Australia.

Man, I wonder how she died? Was she hit by a car in the middle of this diet that required giving up food and water and trying to live on sunlight? Or was it some unrelated medical condition, like a tumor or something, that developed while she happened to be in the middle of this diet that required giving up food and water and trying to live on sunlight? Truly mysterious.

I’m only taking a particular interest in this story because I too happen to be on a spiritual diet that consists of me eating and drinking constantly, usually way too much, as well as sleeping (spiritual connection to your dreams) and breathing (taking in the earth’s essence one tiny “spirit breath” at a time). It’s a great way to stay connected to one’s place in the universe by emphasizing necessary biological functions, and also I am eating pizza while typing this.

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Escaped Cow Visits McDonald’s Drive-Thru, Hopefully Just For Fries

A dairy cow in the town of Brush, Colorado managed to escape its pen and strolled up to the local McDonald’s Drive-Thru Window, where the laughing crew took some pictures of it. They didn’t actually serve the cow, though, because you have to be in a car to be served at the McDonald’s Drive-Thru, as all of us alcohol-consumers have learned firsthand at some point in our lives.

Here’s the video of the crazy en-COW-nter at the MOO-cDonald’s! (I forced that ‘moo’ one a tad? Fine, so MOO me):

I CANNOT HANDLE the adorable sadness of the kid’s reaction at 1:04:

Read more…

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Woman Fired After Giving Her Boss A Kidney, Probably For Lack Of Commitment

A Long Island woman is filing a lawsuit claiming she was fired by her boss after donating a kidney to save her life, officially topping every fired-employee’s “I can’t believe I got let go!” stories until the end of time:

A “kind and generous” Long Island mom donated a kidney to save the life of her boss — who then turned around after she got what she wanted and helped fire the poor woman, according to an explosive new legal complaint.

“I decided to become a kidney donor to my boss, and she took my heart,” Debbie Stevens, a 47-year-old divorced mother of two, sobbed to The Post.

“I feel very betrayed. This has been a very hurtful and horrible experience for me. She just took this gift and put it on the ground and kicked it.”

You can read the full details of the claim here, if you actually have a spare two minutes on the internet because you’re some sort of FREE TIME HAVING KING or something. But it’s a bizarre story.

Obviously, we don’t know all the details, and it’s tough not to instantly be like, “Booooo, she fired the kidney lady!!!”, but that being said, you’d kind of assume that no matter what actually transpired after the kidney-donation, once you donate a kidney to your boss, you could basically do anything short of stabbing that person in their other kidney and still keep your job forever, right?

I mean, I’m only still employed at VH1 because I have incriminating Bret Michaels d*ck pics that I’ve threatened to leak if VH1 ever fires me. Do you think I’m still employed because I’m actually good at my job? Look at this garbage Photoshop! Keeping your job forever by donating a kidney or blackmailing Bret Michaels with d*ck pics is a classic form of…wait, what’s that? Variety reports that the Bret Michaels d*ck pics are getting their own VH1 reality series, D*ck Of Pics? Dammit. I’m probably done. Bye!

(via Gawker)

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This Talking Pineapple Test Question Will Confuse The Crap Out Of You

Standardized tests are often littered with debatably-confusing questions (for example, Math. Get some words, Math!), but the following reading comprehension question from a New York state 8th grade exam is so unbelievably incomprehensible, it’s kind of funny (except for the fact that it’s determining our childrens’ futures to a degree, which makes it even funnier.)

Basically, it’s the story of a talking pineapple who challenges a hare to a footrace to win a ninja and some toothpaste, but the crow thinks it’s a trick and the moose thinks the pineapple doesn’t have sleeves. You know, school.

Read the full ‘Pinapple & The Hare’ question below, and prepare to say “huh?” 30-40 times:

Read more…

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BREAKING NEWS KID POOPS PANTS LET’S GO TO THE SCENE HI KID!

Here’s a local news story from Springfield, Missouri about a 6-year-old kid who pooped her pants before a test. It is highly embarrassing both because 1) The school’s reaction is horrendous, 2) Sorry kid, your mom is on the news talking about you pooping, and 3) It is THE TOP STORY of the news that day.

That said, the mom is very correct in her outrage, plus if we’re really looking for a silver lining here, this kid will have the ultimate trump card in any future “My mom did THIS to embarrass me” discussions:

Also, LOVE the close-up on the word “Test” as the Voiceover says “test”. This video editor passed MY test of good editing.

(via Videogum)