Lists

by (@bobbyfinger)

The 10 Most Unapologetically Patriotic Speeches In Movie History

RED-DAWN

There is a scene in the domestic terrorism action flick Olympus Has Fallen, opening today, during which Melissa Leo’s character dramatically recites the Pledge of Allegiance while being dragged across the floor by her terrorist captors. A defiant moment, though perhaps too over-the-top to find at all moving. Read more…

by (@unclegrambo)

The Top 25 Most Scandalous Wardrobe Malfunctions Of 2012

Top 25 Wardrobe Malfunctions Of 2012

Holidays or not, for those of us that work to rake the muck in the celebrity gossip world, wardrobe malfunctions are the gift that keep on giving. Next year, the Big Bang of wardrobe malfunctions, Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake Super Bowl event, turns nine-years-old, but the paparazzi show no signs of slowing down when it comes to catching celebrities with their pants down (sometimes quite literally).

2012 was a banner year for carelessness in the clothing department, one in which even genuinely classy celebs like Anne Hathaway and Emma Watson ended up showing off body parts only their significant others typically get to see. And, of course, not all celebs are unwilling participants in the Wardrobe Malfunction game; exhibitionist types like Coco, perpetual offender Lindsay Lohan, the chronically blazed Rihanna, and evil genius momager Kris Jenner all saw their profiles rise after strategically-timed slips. And don’t think we just picked on the ladies — we’ll #NEVERFORGET Kanye West‘s low-hanging drawers after a backseat romp with Kimmy K.

So whether these moments were intentional in nature or accidents, VH1 Celebrity’s gallery of the Top 25 Most Scandalous Wardrobe Malfunctions of 2012 captures them all for your viewing pleasure.

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[Photo Credits: Splash News Online, Pacific Coast News, Getty, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram]

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The 15 Greatest Posts In The History Of The Internet By Me

Over the course of my 5+ years at BWE, I’ve written a handful of posts that I didn’t hate immediately after publishing them – I’ve collected them here in what is certain to be the internet’s most important post ever, DANTHOLOGY: My 15 Favorite BWE Posts Of All Time.

Starting in July, I’ll be moving over to write for Jest.com, where you can expect plenty more transcendent works of art like the above “Best Of The Doors” Photoshop (although if you thought that was bad, just know that it took every fiber of my being not to title my ‘Greatest Hits’ post “Honkin’ On Danbo”.) You can also follow me on Twitter, where my inanity is at least character-limited.

And on that note, cue up “Reelin’ In The Years” and let’s GET TO THE LAFFS:

15. The 10 Actual Worst Things To Put In Your Coverletter

Some “Business” website made a list of “The 10 Worst Things To Put On A Coverletter,” but it’s BS, so I improved it – read my advice instead. Theirs doesn’t even mention penises, which I guess are awesome on coverletters??

14. Norbit Trailer Remix

I made this video for BWE in 2007 when I was still a Production Assistant, and a producer saw it and went “Yeeew’ve got…IT!” and that’s how I got my writing job (I tell people):

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60 Random Stock Photos To Use Up The Rest Of Our Photo Budget

Even though it’s our final week here at BWE.tv, we still have a full 2012 budget for Getty Images, the photo website that provides us with the high-res stock photos necessary to create masterpieces like this. So, rather than just let the site fizzle with a bunch of photo-money left unused, Halle Kiefer and I have taken the liberty of blowing our remaining 2012 photo allotment on the following list of 60 Completely Random Stock Photos For The Sole Purpose Of Using Up Our Photo Budget.

I think we can all agree, VH1′s money has never been better spent:

60.

59.

58.

Read more…

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10 Stupid Videos That Will Never Ever Stop Being Funny

Nu Thang Kid

Five years of watching internet videos has certainly taken its toll on my sense of humor, patience, hygiene, and general human decency, but as much as we make fun of this internet-shaped garbage heap that people call “the internet,” there are some internet videos that we just never, ever get tired of. In honor of BWE.tv’s final week here are ten quintessentially ‘internetty’ videos that we will never stop laughing at:

10. The Best Cry Ever

Waaaaaittttt for itttttt…

9. Kid Singing Nu Thang

The Newest Testament:

(Related: Ain’t Gonna Pee My Bed Tonight)

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The 20 Most Adorable Animal Lists Of All Time

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In honor of Bestweekever.tv’s final week, we’ve put together the following mega-list of BWE’s 20 Greatest Animal Lists Of All Time. We hope you find it useful, adorable, and “Whooooseeagoodpuppy!” yelling-at-your-screen-inducing. Meow! (Cat for “Enjoy!):

Browse through our gallery to get a dose of cuteness!

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50 Celebrity Names That Sound Like Game Of Thrones Characters

New Party Game! In apropos of nothing, we’ve spent the last two days coming up with Celebrities Whose Names Sound Like Game Of Thrones Characters – meaning, actors, musicians, athletes, and other famous people whose real-life names contain some combination of fantasy-ness, pseudo-ethnicity, and juuust-slightly-offitude worthy of a bonafide Westeros inhabitant.

Here are our favorite 50 Celebrity Names That Sound Like Game Of Thrones Characters, along with descriptions of who their names would be on the show (not who they’d be, just the names), ranked from 50 to 1 in order of Game Of Throneyness. Leave your own suggestions in the comments – we stupidly can’t get enough of these:

50. Baz Luhrmann

Director of Moulin Rouge; Shifty mage apprentice to the warlock Pyat Pree

49. Jurnee Smollet

Played Jess on Friday Night Lights; Homely Winterfell commoner who attracts Theon’s affections


48. Joaquin Phoenix

Star of Gladiator and Walk The Line; Standard-Bearer of House Feynix (Season 5)


Read more…

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10 Sad Cookies Mourning The Death Of “Mr. Oreo”

Sam J. Porcello, the Nabisco scientist credited with inventing Oreo filling and earning himself the nickname “Mr. Oreo”, has passed away at his home in New Jersey at the age of 76. Needless to say, we owe this man more personal gratitude than, give or take, just about every other human who’s ever lived (is that an exaggeration? He’s at least Top-5).

In honor of Porcello’s passing, here are 10 sad cookies paying their respects to Mr. Oreo for his immeasurable contribution to cookie-dom:

1.

Sad Cookie Black And White

2.

Three Sad Cookies

3.

Sad Cookie Dots

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The 15 Lamest Bands With Really Intense Names

We haven’t done a random ‘music argument’ list in a while, so here’s a topic for discussion: Really lame bands with really intense band names. As in, bands whose actual music doesn’t live up to the aggressiveness, violence, or intensity implied by their band name, often to hilarious degrees.

A CRUCIAL DISTINCTION: “Lame” does not necessarily mean “Bad”. I enjoy many of the bands on this list – I enjoy Billy Joel too, for example, but Billy Joel is overwhelmingly lame, and these things are not mutually exclusive.

Here are The 15 Lamest Bands With Intense Names, ordered by increasing discrepancy between “Name Intensity” and “Music Lameness”, using official science:

15. Five For Fighting

The band name connotes “Five Minutes” for a fighting penalty in ice hockey, or just five people who are “for” fighting, two concepts that are both slightly incongruous with the ever-so-whinily delivered lyric “Only a man in a funny red sheet / Looking for special things inside of me.” THEM’S FIVETIN’ WORDS! (That means starting five fights)

14. Savage Garden

savĀ·age – adjective

1. fierce, ferocious, or cruel; untamed: savage beasts.
2. uncivilized; barbarous: savage tribes.
3. desiring to stand with you on a mountain, bathe with you in the sea, live like this forever until the sky falls down on me.

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14 Possible Plots For Season 14 Of “SVU”

Law And Order SVU Season 14

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit has just been renewed for an astonishing fourteenth season, prompting some of you other SVU fans out there to probably ask, “Where can this show POSSIBLY go in a fourteenth season, considering it’s been absurd since like Season 3?” Nonsense! There’s plenty of ridiculous, pseudo-topical plotlines left for this show to tackle / add rapes to!

Here are 14 Possible Plots for SVU: Season Fourteen, in order of most ridiculous to also most ridiculous:

14. Prominent college baseball coach Barry Flandusky is accused of molesting children on the campus of Ben State University, but an investigation leads to a disgruntled ex-mascot who framed Flandusky after being expelled for practicing ritual Santeria animal sacrifice in the state-subsidized University dining commons. Both the student and Flandusky are killed in the episode’s final minute by the University’s current mascot, who cites “spiritual self-defense” as their conflict took place on his people’s sacred Mohawk burial ground.

13. The Federal gay marriage debate is dragged into the spotlight after the President of the United States’ daughter is sexually assaulted by an anti-gay bigot in retaliation for the President’s pro-gay-rights comments, though the bigot is later revealed to have been hired by a gay man who is militantly opposed to gay marriage but only because his brother got secretly gay married once and was murdered by the president’s daughter’s highschool classmate after threatening to expose her affair with the president’s daughter’s secret service handler (which was just cover for her gay affair with the president’s daughter.) Ice-T comments, “Some land of the free.”

Read more…