Lists

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10 Lists General Enough To Get On The Front Page Of Digg

Digg.com has historically represented the pinnacle of internet-content aggregation, with the Digg homepage traditionally reserved for the most unique, creative, and humorous “why didn’t I think of that” original content the web has to offer. In the last several weeks, however, the Digg front page has been somehow infiltrated by a series of uncharacteristically lame and predictable lists, including, among others, The 10 Best 80s Cartoon Theme Songs (wasn’t this the first thing on the internet after porn? And they don’t even have “Fraggle Rock” on there), The 10 Sexiest Movies Ever (General-icious!), and the one that finally put me over the edge, Twenty Awesome Aliens In Movies (did you know that E.T. was AWESOME??).

As a professional blogger, as well as a huge personal fan of Digg myself, I am constantly attempting to have my own articles pushed to the front page of Digg, which is why I’ve decided to celebrate Digg’s new love of crappy lists that anyone could’ve thought up with my own list of 10 Lists General Enough To Get On The Digg Front Page. Enjoy, Digg community!

Einstein10. Top 10 People

10. Einstein
9. Shakespeare
8. George Washington
7. Amelia Earhart
6. Charlemagne
5. A.C. Slater (remember Saved By The Bell??? Screech!!!)
4. Sir Laurence Olivier
3. Julius Caesar
2. Winston Churchill
1. Socrates

Beatles Sgt Pepper9. Top 10 Music

10. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
9. OK Computer
8. Beethoven’s Fifth
7. Elvis: The Sun Sessions
6. Revolver
5. Footloose Soundtrack (Everybody cut loose!!!)
4. Jazz
3. Bob Dylan
2. Nevermind
1. Mozart

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The Top 10 Unsexiest Movies Of All Time

In response to Entertainment Weekly’s Top 10 Sexiest Movies Of All Time, I started wondering which movies are the LEAST sexy and should probably be avoided on a romantic date, or any time you’re trying to get a boner. This list could also be used as a litmus test to see if you’re a perv or not:

10. Driving Miss Daisy
tn2_driving_miss_daisy_2.jpg

9. Monster’s Ball
18820213_w434_h_q80.jpgHalle Barry might be hot, but in this movie, the sex scene is so depressing (“I want somebody to make me feeeeeyeeel goyyooood”), it’s hard to find it appealing.
And it’s Billy Bob Thornton. Eww.

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5 Ways To Restore Playboy To Its Former Glory

Christie Hefner, daughter of Hugh Hefner, is stepping down as president and CEO of Playboy enterprises after nearly 30 years. “Playboy” doesn’t carry the same exclusive cachet it used to, possibly because of the failing economy, possibly because anyone can go on the internet and find endless amounts of the hardest hardcore porn in existence within seconds completely for free thus making the magazine totally obsolete, but as a loyal Playboy reader in the days before internet and my household getting Cinemax, I’ve come up with a list of Five Ways for the New Playboy CEO To Restore The Magazine To Glory.

1) More Airbrushing

The current cover models aren’t flawless enough; people only like to look at perfect things, so airbrush them even more to make them look actually perfect, not mostly perfect:

Playboy More Airbrushing

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Eye Candy: 2009 Wall Calendars To Look Forward To

It’s around this time of year that I start wondering how in the world I will be able to tell what day it is every day of next year. And once again I thank the wall calendar industry for bailing me out with date information and stunning imagery every single year. Here are ACTUAL calendars we can look forward to in less than one month. Stocking stuffers = stuffed.

The Sarah Palin Calendar
Maybe this was planned as an “If you win, it’d be great to have this..” idea. But you know, once you go to the trouble to get a great photo of you looking pretty with a shotgun over your shoulder, why waste it?
palin

Michael Phelps – 8X Gold Medalist
Don’t let the Olympic fire die, let Phelps swim all through 2009 right in your room, cubicle, or garage workshop! With mostly shots of Phelps swimming, this isn’t near as dramatic as the “2009 Mark Spitz Watching Michael Phelps Break World Records” calendar, with shots of Spitz watching Michael Phelps win all 8 medals…and crying.
Phelps

Click for more 2009 wall action!
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Stick Inducted Into Toy Hall Of Fame; Other Inanimate Objects To Follow?

The stick was just inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame. Wait, let me back up a second. A Toy Hall of Fame exists. Ok, back to the story. A stick — a literal wooden piece of a tree — was just inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame:

Stick

I realize that sticks make terrific magic wands and Donatello staffs — or in the case of very poor people, Roller Blades — but I’m worried that the special inclusion of the stick (and previously, the cardboard box) into the storied Toy Hall of Fame that I just became aware of one second ago could set a dangerous precedent, especially when Pete Rose isn’t even in there.

I hereby demand that the following objects receive immediate consideration for the Toy Hall of Fame for their invaluable contributions to child amusement:

1. Bubble Wrap

Bubble Wrap

2. Shadows

Shadows

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10 Music Videos That Are Way Too Literal

The Literal Version of a-ha’s Take On Me isn’t the first music video that says exactly what’s happening as it’s happening; here’s a list of 10 actual music videos that simply couldn’t resist literally showing what the band was singing about. Each is accompanied with a list of Literal Highlights, for your convenience / internet impatience. Enjoy!

10. Ramones – Rock n’ Roll High School

:08 Bell rings
:29 “I don’t care about history”
:43 I just wanna get some CHICKS
:58 I hate the teachers and the PRINCIPAL
1:12 Fun Fun
1:35 I don’t care about history
1:59 – 2:12 Fun Fun

9. Tone Loc – Funky Cold Medina

:25 – BAR
:27 – Lookin’ for some action
:43 – The girls are all jocking at the other end of the bar
:46 – Havin’ drinks with some no name
:54 – FUNKY COLD MEDINA
1:28 – She’ll be on your lap
1:30 – I gave some to my dog…
1:49 I got every dog in my neighborhood…
2:25 Sheena was a man
3:30 Love Connection

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9 Simple Halloween Costumes For The Presidential Candidates

With Halloween right around the corner and the elections possibly definitely hanging in the balance depending on which Halloween costumes the presidential candidates choose, our trusty producer/editor Rohit “Kanye East” Sang came through with some simple, slam-dunk Halloween costume ideas for our pals John, Joe, Sarah and Barack. Feel free to leave your own suggestions (or start another redundant political debate) in the comments!

1.
The Ba-Rock

2.
John Mcclaine

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7 Signs In Lebanon That Made Me Laugh

In case two or three of you were wondering where I was last week, I traveled with a friend of mine to the country of Lebanon to see a part of the world I’ve never seen before and to practice fielding questions about how I choose my vacations. Rather than bore you with the details of my trip and how it made me so damn worldly I now only listen to World music, I’ve compiled a list of the only aspect of the vacation that anyone really cares about — pictures of random English signs that made me laugh. Enjoy!

1. Flame Burger Snack

Flame Burger Snack

Three solid English words that sound vaguely delicious together. Apparently the “Snack” is a pizza and a hookah.

2. Moustache Parking

Moustache Parking

This belongs on a t-shirt at the Jersey Shore with a silhouette of a woman sitting down.

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