The stick was just inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame. Wait, let me back up a second. A Toy Hall of Fame exists. Ok, back to the story. A stick — a literal wooden piece of a tree — was just inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame:
I realize that sticks make terrific magic wands and Donatello staffs — or in the case of very poor people, Roller Blades — but I’m worried that the special inclusion of the stick (and previously, the cardboard box) into the storied Toy Hall of Fame that I just became aware of one second ago could set a dangerous precedent, especially when Pete Rose isn’t even in there.
I hereby demand that the following objects receive immediate consideration for the Toy Hall of Fame for their invaluable contributions to child amusement:
1. Bubble Wrap
The Literal Version of a-ha’s Take On Me isn’t the first music video that says exactly what’s happening as it’s happening; here’s a list of 10 actual music videos that simply couldn’t resist literally showing what the band was singing about. Each is accompanied with a list of Literal Highlights, for your convenience / internet impatience. Enjoy!
10. Ramones – Rock n’ Roll High School
:08 Bell rings
:29 “I donâ€™t care about history”
:43 I just wanna get some CHICKS
:58 I hate the teachers and the PRINCIPAL
1:12 Fun Fun
1:35 I donâ€™t care about history
1:59 â€“ 2:12 Fun Fun
9. Tone Loc â€“ Funky Cold Medina
:25 â€“ BAR
:27 â€“ Lookinâ€™ for some action
:43 – The girls are all jocking at the other end of the bar
:46 â€“ Havinâ€™ drinks with some no name
:54 â€“ FUNKY COLD MEDINA
1:28 â€“ Sheâ€™ll be on your lap
1:30 â€“ I gave some to my dogâ€¦
1:49 I got every dog in my neighborhoodâ€¦
2:25 Sheena was a man
3:30 Love Connection
With Halloween right around the corner and the elections
possibly definitely hanging in the balance depending on which Halloween costumes the presidential candidates choose, our trusty producer/editor Rohit “Kanye East” Sang came through with some simple, slam-dunk Halloween costume ideas for our pals John, Joe, Sarah and Barack. Feel free to leave your own suggestions (or start another redundant political debate) in the comments!
In case two or three of you were wondering where I was last week, I traveled with a friend of mine to the country of Lebanon to see a part of the world I’ve never seen before and to practice fielding questions about how I choose my vacations. Rather than bore you with the details of my trip and how it made me so damn worldly I now only listen to World music, I’ve compiled a list of the only aspect of the vacation that anyone really cares about — pictures of random English signs that made me laugh. Enjoy!
1. Flame Burger Snack
Three solid English words that sound vaguely delicious together. Apparently the “Snack” is a pizza and a hookah.
2. Moustache Parking
This belongs on a t-shirt at the Jersey Shore with a silhouette of a woman sitting down.
Music is a an everchanging art form that grows and evolves with new styles and techniques, new artists and sounds. Remember the keytar? They didn’t have that instrument of the angels 100 years ago. The beatbox? An instrument of the mouth that really blew up in the 80′s. But what I like are the instruments that aren’t instruments at all – until some genius decides, “Hey, that’d sound bangin’ in a song! Let’s use it! High fives!” Enter the Ref whistle. Once used only for sporting events, by traffic cops, and gym teachers, the Ref whistle has become an exclamation point in music to say, “Hey,I just blew that Ref whistle and you know what that means…let’s get this party goin’!” Here are some prime examples:
Ying Yang Twins – Get Low
Let's get things going with a recipe for a new rap song: 1 part "da club" location. 2 parts fast rapping hip hop group that sounds like most other hip hop groups and wears HUGE t-shirts. 1 Chalis full of Krunk Juice. A dude with dreads and a ridiculous hat whose sole purpose is to scream a lot (Lil' Jon will do). 300 booty shakin' girls. and 1 Ref whistle blown constantly. Play 3 1/2 minutes and put on repeat for Spring Break. Enjoy.
Planet Unicorn Theme
AcceptableTV brought us this gem of a show about a young gay boy who wished for a planet full of unicorns, and thankfully he got that wish. Thus, Planet Unicorn (heyyyy!).
Keep reading for more Whistle-riffic soundz!
We are 12 days away from the finale of America’s Next Top World Leader, and everyone wants you to get off your chaise lounge and VOTE. But somehow you still haven’t made up your mind. To prepare for the fire of questions you will face from your friends and those warm people handing out campaign buttons and pamphlets on the street, here is an excuse a day to get you to the voting booth. If you finally decide to go.
12. I HATE Palin. But I love pageants. So…I’m giving it some time.
11. I figure if I wait it out, McCain could go anyday, and then I won’t have to make a decision.
10. I’m waiting til’ Halloween to see how convincing the Barack-Biden and McCain-Palin costumes are. I don’t want 4 years of bad costume choices.
Keep reading for more reasons!
Biking is back (did it ever leave? Can I get ‘what whaaaaat!’) and it’s getting pretty insane. Hipsters are parading around the hippest parts of hip cities on their fixed gear bikes, nerds are modding out their bikes, and engineers are in the game doing things to bikes that make them more aerodynamic and just nerdier. Now I’ll be the first to say that I bought a bike a few months ago (like I said did it ever leave? What whaaaaat!). I opted for a sensible 10-speed that has been sensibly resting against the wall in my apartment for a while now. Bikes are the new city accessory, I agree, and I’m not hating. But some of them…come on people. Come on.
Here are some of the crazy bikes out there. And trust me, they’re only getting crazier.
The Disco Bike:
Do you remember in the movie Rad where they did a couples bike dance? Two months after that hit theaters this bike was invented. You take the disco and the bike with you, and you’ve got a romantic bike dance scene anytime.
Keep reading for more ridonkulous bikes….
After seeing the picture of a lion riding a horse at a Chinese circus, let’s just say, we were inspired. And it’s the internet. Enough said. Enjoy:
1. Rat on Cat on Dog
2. Mouse on Toad
3. Bear on Horse
The song parody — always clever, usually interesting, and yet, almost never actually funny. Except when South Park does them and clearly doesn’t give a sh*t, resulting in something that’s almost always both laugh-out-loud funny and strangely accurate in its lameness.
Or maybe I happened to catch the “Cher” clip on a rerun the other night and threw together a lengthy excuse to post it on BWE. Oop! Too late. Enjoy.
10. R. Kelly — “Trapped In The Closet”
If only there were some way to watch R. Kelly watching this clip and commenting…
9. Phil Collins — “You’ll Be In Me”
They’ve made light of AIDS, Iraq, and pedophilia, but Matt & Trey had some balls to go after the Tarzan soundtrack: