Lists

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The 6 Greatest R. Kelly Moments Of 2011

We still maintain that 2011 was The Year Of Nic Cage, but in terms of awesomely ridiculous things that make you simply say “Yep, that’s that guy,” R. Kelly was undoubtedly his closest musical equivalent. To generally help the universe, here is our extremely necessary retrospective of The 6 Greatest R. Kelly Moments Of 2011, beginning with a brand-new exciting announcement.

6. R. Announces 32 New Chapters Of “Trapped In The Closet”

TMZ caught up with R. this week and asked him about Trapped In The Closet, everyone’s favorite whatever medium you would call that thing, and R. unpromptedly replied that he’s written thirty-two new chapters of the epic, but doesn’t have the funding for it yet. Let me just scratch out the name on my Meals On Wheels check I was about to mail anddddd…voila! MORE TRAPPED!!! (Kidding! Obviously I wasn’t giving to charity and already write weekly checks to R. Kelly.)

Here’s R’s Breaking Trapped Update:

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The 10 Most Adorable Animal Commercials Of 2011

There are two types of tv commercials: Ads that feature adorable animals doing adorable things and we love them because we just see animals and are happy even if they’re being used for advertising purposes, and ads that do not feature adorable animals (and are therefore the worst).

To celebrate the former, and to hopefully convince the latter to stop hating cute animals, please enjoy this 2011 Year In Cute look back at the 10 Most Adorable Animal Commercials Of 2011:

10. Shelter Pet Project Meow-nologue

The Shelter Pet Project – an organization committed to promoting pet adoption through adorable animal inner-monologues – released this series of ads taking you inside the cute but confused minds of newly adopted pets. The ads are really well-done and pretty accurate, other than the pets never yelling “FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD”:

You can check out the other 3 ads in the adorable 4-part saga here.

9. Travelers Insurance Doggie Date

After last year’s notoriously tragic commercial about the ever-worrying dog desperate to protect his bone, the Travelers people decided to reverse bum-us-the-hell-out with this follow-up commercial where that dog falls in love, goes on a series of dates, and eventually raises a family. Although, if he was that worried about a bone, how worried is he gonna be about his pups? We’ll worry about that in the Threequel.

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The 8 Most Cage-tastic Nicolas Cage Moments Of 2011

In terms of utter ridiculousness, no celebrity had a 2011 like Nicolas Cage. Sure, Charlie Sheen might’ve had his moments, as did the always-reliable Kardashians and Lindsay Lohan, but none of their selfconcious and quickly-tiresome antics held a candle to what Cage accomplished on the WTF front, as he seemed to be involved in new, uniquely-insane escapades both on and off the screen every single month of the year.

To salute Cage’s singularly insane 2011, and to give him some more memories to store in his pyramid tomb, here’s a list of the 8 Most Cage-tastic Nicolas Cage Moments Of 2011:

8. Cage Appears On Serbian Biology Textbook

In late November, the internet uncovered this Serbian Biology Textbook that featured on its cover a photo of Nicolas Cage and Holly Hunter from the highly educational Coen Brothers film Raising Arizona:

This wasn’t a random one-off book, either – it was a standard middle school biology textbook in Belgrade classrooms from 1993 to 2001. Random? Yes. But Nicolas Cagey? EXTREMELY.

As we said at the time, if we’re surprised by anything here, it’s that Nicolas Cage is standing in front of a rose garden and not somehow another picture of Nicolas Cage.

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The 30 Most Underratedly Cute Animals

We all know how cute dogs and cats are; any quick search on the ol’ Internet dot com can tell you that. But forget the pandas and otters and meerkats of the world for just one day – if you dig a little deeper, you can find adorable photos of almost any type of animal, including completely disgusting ones (sorry, those ones! But it’s true.)

In honor of these oft-overlooked internet outcasts, ranging from the forgotten to the mundane to the straight-up gross, here’s a collection of The 30 Most Underratedly Cute Animals:

30. Bats

29. Squid

28. Sloth

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National Geographic’s Most Amazing Photos Of 2011

National Geographic is holding their 2011 Photo Contest right now, and a bunch of the pictures are already online and surprise! They’re ridiculously amazing. As in, borderline ‘too good for a random internet post’ amazing. TGFI. But here’s one anyway!

Below, here’s a brief sampling of the phenomenal photos submitted so far – Click any for Full Size:

1. “New Orleans Streetcar”

New Orleans, Louisiana / Photo by Don Chamblee

2. “Is He Still There?!”

The Big Island, Hawaii / Photo by Lorenzo Menendez

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The 11 Greatest Elevens That Ever Elevened

Today is 11/11/11 you guys!!! And this is the internet! You know what that means: Time to MAKE A WISH for countless 11/11/11 themed list posts that don’t really make any sense but it’s the internet so NOT doing one actually makes less sense. Make sense? You better ELEVEN believe it!

Because we at BWE are absolutely no better than the rest of the internet, and are in fact quite a bit worse than a significant portion of it (like all the news parts), here is our contribution to the obligatory 11/11/11 list fray, ranking the 11 Best Elevens That Ever Elevened. Crack open some un-elevened bread and get ready to read the word ‘eleven’ a bunch more times:

11. The Eleventh Hour

How great was this book? So great that I never found a single hidden clue or figured out any part of any mystery, and I STILL loved it because there’s awesomely-drawn animals and cool rhymes. A true ambassador of elevenship.

10. Sesame Street “Eleven” Rap

“My name is Eleven and I’m here to say, I’m the Elevenest number in the U-S-A!” (not an actual line, but it should be). This rapping kid actually rules! He’s a veritable Light D.

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50 Suddenly Great Family Circus Cartoons

Cartoonist Bil Keane, creator of the comic strip “The Family Circus,” died today at the age of 89. Ordinarily, this is where we on the internet would pay tribute to Keane’s work, but unfortunately, no one actually likes The Family Circus, so we’re not entirely sure how to handle this.

Because we cannot in good conscience ridicule the work of someone who recently died, we will instead do the exact opposite and praise these comics which have suddenly become great today! So get ready to laugh and definitely not think to yourself ‘is a joke missing here?’ with this list of 50 Suddenly Great Family Circus Cartoons:

50.

49.

48.

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20 Possible Names For The Duggars’ 20th Child

The Duggar Family from TLC’s 19 And Counting just announced the impending arrival of a 20th child. Because they clearly have their hands full already (and have just about run out of ‘J’ names), we’ve offered to help them out with this handy list of 20 Possible Names For The Duggars’ 20th Child. Now they can just kick back and enjoy the glory of childbirth!

1. You

2. You There

3. Hey

4. Kid With The Thing

5. Jana Wait Sorry Josie

6. Whatzis…The…You!

7. TBD

8. Joe 2

9. Good Decision

10. 20th Time’s A Charm

11. Even Teams

12. Kid: The Squeakquel

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