Every Christmas, in countries around the world, small children wait eagerly in the hopes that on Christmas morning, their tree will be the crown on top of dozens of presents, all wrapped up and tagged with their names, just waiting to be torn open, played with for the day, and then forgotten about. But these children are warned: Act naughty, and you won’t be getting presents. Instead, your gift will be a visit from the famous Christmas monster so terrifying, so blood-curdling, that you’ll never behave badly again. And this monster’s name is Anthony Bourdain.
Well… close. It’s actually called a “Krampus” (also a brilliant Midol marketing campaign idea…), a mythical creature children raised in Alpine countries are told to believe in, who is part devil, part kidnapper, with splashes of Sandusky. Yes, the Krampus kidnaps children who behave badly before Christmas, and drags them off to his lair to do God knows what with them. (Honestly, I don’t understand how Swedish children make it past adolescence, this thing is f**king terrifying.)
And leave it to my favorite lung-rotted chef Anthony Bourdain to find a way to incorporate the Krampus into their No Reservations Christmas Special, in a segment called “A Krampus Carol” (aww). Turns out, Travel Channel executives thought the segment was “2Hot4TV.xxx“, and pulled it from the final edit.
This is a great video to show to your own children in order to deduce if they’re p*ssies or not. For the record: It scared me.
I, for one, say we don’t terrify our children enough. They’re too coddled!! I say we bring back the Krampus to remind kids of what Christmas is about!! (Which I think is about not acting like a spoiled little a-hole.)
Google Image Search a Krampus at your own risk. IT’S THE WORST.
Hello, everyone! My name’s Sarah Walker. I’m the new part time blogger here! So that means that if we were to meet at a party and you asked me what I did, I’d say, “I’m a part time blogger.” Then I’d slowly raise a revolver to my temple and you’d half heartedly be like, “No…stop.” That being said, I am SUPER psyched to be here! For realzies.
Some things about me: I really like, nay, love the movie Clue, especially this part:
My favorite food is cake.
I suffer from extreme second hand embarrassment, in that I feel other people’s embarrassment as acutely as if it were my own. This means that I find reality television extremely hard to watch. This affliction is maybe not ideal for a part time blogger, but that’s just my cross to bear.
That’s pretty much it.
See you sporadically for two days a week! Hooray!
Just a reminder, our Of The Day link roundup has moved to the mid-afternoon, and posts will continue as normal above it. So if you see Of The Day, don’t close your browser immediately, destroy your computer, then pee on the smoking remains, as I imagine you used to do when our regular posting days ended. Enjoy.
- INSIDE OF YOU: Russell Brand has been sleeping with Holly Madison, reports Inevitable Penetrations Quarterly. (Sun UK)
- AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE: Terry Gilliam will re-attempt a Don Quixote movie after failing to do one nine years ago and releasing a documentary about his failure. No word on whether or not Timothy “Grizzly Man” Treadwell will give bear-watching another crack. (Variety)
- HEALTHIER THAN DOMINO’S BREAD BOWLS: Paula Deen’s ButterWater surprisingly isn’t even one of her more fattening foods. It’s not even one of her more fattening flavored waters. (Youtube)
- SHARKS N BARKS: A sea lion escaped from an aquarium shark tank unscathed, and apparently without any adorable pictures of the two of them hanging out either. Lame. (Post-Gazette)
- LIZ’S CHOICE: Choosing between The Office and 30 Rock is like choosing between your children, if you actually didn’t have a clear favorite child. (X Versus Y)
Breaking with literally centuries of BWE.tv tradition, we will now be doing our evening “…OF THE DAY” link roundup in the mid-afternoon, and continue normal posting for the rest of the day. The reason for the change? So that on our daily BWE party invitations, we can say that this party goes from “9:30 til ??????”. Enjoy!
- WILLED INTO EXISTENCE: Barack Obama exists. Star Trek just came out. It will surprise you greatly to learn that the internet is full of ‘Barack Obama Photoshopped into Star Trek‘ pics. (Urlesque)
- NAUGHTO-EROTIC: Craigslist is dropping its controversial “Erotic Services” section. No word on what will happen to “Erotic Apartments,” “Erotic Furniture,” or “Erotic Sex Meetups.” (Consumerist)
- JON TOGETHER: 75% of People readers think that Jon and Kate should stay together. Guess the kids learned how to vote in internet polls. (People)
- BREAKING NEWS: This local news affiliate really pulls a hard-hitting piece of journalism about how Domino’s bread bowls are made and how delicious they are. Tune in tomorrow for their exclusive report on zooming into GE appliance logos. (Videogum)
- WINNING STREAK: The Mets’ new stadium gets its inaugural first streaker. He’s about to get totally naked then chokes at the last minute. (With Leather)